


A Tutor Called Life

by Ashala, NDainty



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, PTSD Levi, Past Kid!Eren being a cutie with Teen!Levi, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow build to Ereri, Student Eren, Tutor Levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-04 15:59:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 86,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashala/pseuds/Ashala, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NDainty/pseuds/NDainty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Eren and Levi met in the past when the first was a spoiled five years old brat and the former was a lonely teenager. Levi was Eren’s neighbor and baby-sitter for five years, but one day he disappeared without a word.</p><p>This story starts when they reunite around five years later after Levi’s mysterious disappearance.</p><p><b>1st Lesson (Chapters 1 to 9): Be careful what you wish for. </b>Maths, biology, history… Fifteen years old Eren was failing at everything but being a school thug. After amassing a notable quantity of misadventures from different tutors Carla doesn’t give up and finally finds the one Eren won’t be able to refuse.</p><p><b>2nd Lesson (Chapters 10 to 19): Some secrets are better buried: </b>With the noble wish of finding a way to help his tutor Eren will find the hell instead. Once all the barriers around Levi are gone Eren will understand that the hardest lesson of his life is about to start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PRELUDE: Five years later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware this was my first fic in English ever, I apologize in advance for any misuse in words and/or expressions and urge you to let me know anything wrong you can spot.
> 
> Thank you.

“No.”

Eren was repeating the same word again and again, unwilling to listen what his mother was trying to explain. He didn't want to talk about his failed test or about his bruised cheek. He didn't want to talk about his never-at-home father and let alone to think about someone baby-sitting him. And it was totally and absolutely a fact that he didn't want to hear about the new home tutor his mother had brought to home.

"You will like this one" Carla said.

"Allow me to doubt it, mum."

How many tutors had already run away from him? May be four, six? Eren couldn’t remember the exact number, but could indeed recall the way he had gotten the last three of them running for their lives. 

First, he could remember the day when he acquired a really nice and friendly spider for the old woman who feared some insects (actually it was a phobia, Eren realized that ‘minor’ detail after everything was said and done). 

He could recall too, the not so subtle—and gay—advances he made toward the eldest son of that boring religious family that lives at his neighborhood. 

And finally but not for that least stylish, Eren could remember the way he had slipped a bunch of photos, he had previously stolen from his best friend Armin, inside his last tutor’s suitcase. Eren made certain those photos would fell casually onto the ground while the man was talking with his mother Carla. 

There’s no need to mention this poor old man has been known as a pervert since then. 

"All I’m asking for you is to say hi to him" Carla spoke louder to ensure his son that was upstairs could hear her. "If you don’t like him as a tutor you can have him as a baby-sitter. I know you don’t like that word but listen to me for a moment Eren, mum really needs to get that nice job at the store." 

That was even worse. Eren was already fifteen years old. Why would he need a baby-sitter? One thing was his grades that were really awful. You could make a test just with your name written on it and get a better score than him.

Yes, Eren would admit that. 

He would admit too that he got in more fights that were really necessary at school, but he wasn’t the bad guy there. He was doing it to protect his friend and also to protect himself from those assholes who bullied them because of the sole reason that he and Armin were gay.

But his gayness had nothing to do with his skills of staying alone at home without setting the house on fire, thing that seemed to worry his mother lately (the fire part not the gay, which was pretty much accepted by her). Besides, the only baby-sitter he had ever had, had been back then when Eren was still six years old or so. 

He hadn’t even been a real baby-sitter, though.

He was simply the broody neighbor who lived at the house across the street in front of Eren’s home. Sadly, the boy left years ago and Eren has never got to know the real reason behind the boy’s departure.

In any case, he wasn’t going to let anyone else to be his baby-sitter. Even if Eren had few and confusing memories about that time he felt like having another baby-sitter wouldn’t be the right thing to do. He only had had one and Eren wanted it to stay like that.

"Eren Yeager. This is the last time I’m telling you to come down and say hi to him" Carla said with a mandatory voice. "Come here right now or I swear you are not to see those useless games you adore any time soon.”

Unfortunately for him, his mother knew how to lure him out of his bedroom in more than one way, being ‘Attack on Eren’s games’ her first course of action, grounding him at home without visits the second and the third was… getting rid of his pet, Antonia. Eren couldn’t think about the last one without shivering.

"Fine" Eren sighed in defeat. "Just a ‘hi’, nothing else” Eren started to go downstairs. He was pouting like a small child, with his hands inside the pockets of his blue jeans and his brow furrowed. Just a fucking ‘hi’ Eren chanted the word he was going to say inside of his mind. It was going to be a hell of a ‘hi’. The coldest hi that idiot had ever received from another human being. It was going to be a ‘hi’ that would make him fear raging teenagers from then on. It was going to be a “hi” that...

"It has been a long time"

At the sound of that long forgotten voice Eren almost slipped at the last stair. If the tutor his mother had looked for him would have resulted to be an elephant or some kind of alien Eren wouldn’t have been as astonished as he was with the actual tutor.

Suddenly Eren’s hands were out of his pockets and squeezing the stairs-railing hardly, so hard his knuckles went white in a second. The teen wasn’t sure if he was doing it to prevent his face from hitting the floor or because he needed to feel something solid to make sure he was awake and not dreaming.

Eren felt like the world was stopping for a moment. The stairs, his mother, the rest of the house disappeared as his eyes drank the image of the man in front of him.

Black silky hair, grey and blue steel eyes, a broody expression on a pale face, Eren already knew of all those traits, did he? Could it be? Could that person be the lonely boy who lived at the house across the street? His mind questioned all the possibilities while searching for the place where all the memories about that boy were once sealed.

Eren was confused. Minutes ago the only things he remembered were: a) to have a neighbor and b) that he had been his baby-sitter at some point. 

However, at that moment the faceless silhouette in his mind was starting to become the man that was standing at the entry way of his house. 

But the name… What was the name?

“Cat ate your tongue?” the young man said as he stared expressionless at Eren. 

Le…

“Got nothing to say, honey?” Carla asked with amusement.

Eren shuddered as the world started to move again revealing that his mother was still there. Indeed, Eren had a lot of things he wanted to say, but the word he really needed, the name, that name, he couldn’t find it.

Le…

The name he had been repeating so many times when he was a kid. How could he have forgotten about that? And why was he remembering it now?

Lev…

Under the stare of his mother and that man, Eren breathed in and out and then a tender smile adorned his mouth with the name he wanted to say.

“Levi!” He exclaimed jumping from the last stair. ”Levi” he repeated the name he didn’t know he had been waiting to say for so long. “Levi you’re back”

“Yes, he is” Carla announced cheerfully. “So, does this tutor suit your likings, son?”

Eren blinked before his eyes went wide open. “He? But is that okay? When did he come back? Is he staying for long? Does he know about…?”

“Oh God, Eren stop” his mother cut him off. She was barely holding back a laugh, Eren could tell that. “Levi, what do you think?” she asked giving a look to Levi.

Levi held her stare some seconds and then nodded to Carla. “I think Eren is still the same spoiled brat I knew” He answered without a clear expression on his face and looking at Eren.

Eren smiled far from being bothered and moved closer to Levi to grab one of his sleeves. “My room” he said as Levi raised an eyebrow. “We need to catch up” And just like that Eren dragged and pokerfaced Levi all the way to the stairs.

If Levi wanted to say something back, Eren would never know it. 

Each step they took came with a new question Eren wanted to ask. And each one of those questions came with a little piece of an unknown puzzle that was the key to unlock those memories from back then. Five years. It had been five long years since the last time Eren saw Levi; the teen hoped their catching up wouldn't be that long.

“Mum, we’ll be in my room” was the last thing he said before going into his room.

And it was at that moment, with the sound of Carla’s laugh at the background and an unreadable Levi following him, when Eren decided that having a baby-sitter and a new home tutor wasn’t a bad idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being correct. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	2. Catching up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi chat about past and present. Spiders are cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on October 29th, 2014

Five years old Eren had a lot of trouble with all those strangers who wanted to stay at his house while his parents were working. The kid didn’t understand why his mum or his dad couldn’t stay at home with him, and that saddened him. Even with all their good intentions those strangers could never replace Eren’s parents.

Little Eren was okay with Mikasa and Armin’s family. Mikasa’s parents were cool and Armin’s parents were really funny. But after three nights in a row away from his own parents, little Eren was always hard to calm down.

Eren didn’t understand why it wasn't possible for them to stay with him the whole time and that was causing a massive headache to his parents, because he didn't want to let go of them. Carla and Grisha needed to work to be able to live comfortably but they couldn’t figure out the right solution to end all the drama and make their son happy.

In the end, was Eren who found the solution all by himself.

If it was a lucky coincidence or a fated meeting, no one could tell.

The day this happened, little Eren was running after his Winnie the pooh balloon that had flown away because his grip on the string had been too weak. 

When he realized what had happened with his balloon he started to run after it. Tears were appearing in his turquoise eyes, his short legs were trembling as they tried to run faster and his poor little hand was stretched out but it wasn’t enough to catch the balloon.

Suddenly, Winnie the pooh stopped moving and Eren stopped himself too. The balloon was still there dancing with the wind but it wasn’t going away. After a while Eren realized the string was again in his trembling hand. 

But his hand wasn't the only one holding the balloon; a bigger—but still small—hand was holding it too. Eren stared at that hand with tears in his eyes and then looked up slowly. 

First he saw an arm and then there was a body. Eren lifted his gaze up a little more, but not too much. Blue. That was the first thing that came to Eren’s mind when he saw that a sad and gloomy face was there.

That stranger was sad, but why? His balloon was already safe so they didn’t have to worry about it anymore. 

He should be happy!

So why was he sad? Had he lost something he liked? Something that was important? Was he looking for his own balloon?

Could it be his balloon had flown away and that was why he was sad? That made sense to Eren and so the kid handed his precious Winnie the pooh balloon to the gloomy boy.

“For you” little Eren said.

“Why?” The blue boy asked with a low voice.

“Because I don’t need it, I’m not sad anymore.”

The boy took the balloon and Eren thought he would be happy then but the sadness was still there as it owned his pale face. Why did he look like that? Wasn’t Winnie the pooh enough for him? May be the boy really missed the thing he had lost and that thing wasn't a balloon. Could it be a toy he really liked, a broken toy?

Five years old Eren didn’t know why the boy was sad and blue but he knew he wanted to make that sadness disappear so it could never come back.

[X]

Neat and spider, those two words summed up Eren’s room with accurate perfection.

“What is that?” Levi asked marking his words and pointing at the spider that was inside a glass cage.

“She’s my spider pet, Antonia” Eren explained as if own a spider was the most normal thing between teenagers those days. The poor little creature had stayed with him since the day he used it to scare that old woman who wanted to tutor him.

“Antonia?” Levi’s low tone seemed to mask his incredulity. 

Eren simply shrugged “My Spanish teacher’s name is Antonia and I think they look alike”

“Whatever you say” Levi added rolling his eyes.

Since Eren’s hand was still hanging over Levi's sleeve, the teen used it to bring Levi closer to him until their tiptoes touched. Then, Eren looked down right into Levi’s eyes with a puzzled gaze.

“Did you get shorter?” He asked. Eren haven’t realized until that moment that Levi was shorter than him. And not only short, his body was clearly smaller too. For some unknown reason Eren liked it like that.

Levi grunted. “You are the one who got taller, you little shit” Levi head locked Eren and ruffled his messy hair. “I didn’t grow a single centimeter since I was sixteen” 

So apparently five years did nothing—physically speaking—to Levi, Eren on the other hand was already fifteen and 1.70 cm tall. His body wasn’t worked out but all those unnecessary fights and the occasional sports he practiced were enough to keep him in fit.

Levi released Eren and touched his bruised cheek with a quick movement of his finger. “Playing the bad boy at school?”

Eren sulked immediately “I’m the hero! I only fight back idiots” he claimed proudly.

When Levi didn’t say anything back the teen sat on his desk chair while looking at the way the young man was still checking the room, surely trying to spot anything that could be out of place. Eren found weird the way his mind went in a matter of seconds from not remembering a thing about Levi to remember that he was a clean freak. It was like the fact of have Levi back was enough to wake up Eren’s forgotten memories about him. 

It was an uncomfortable sensation; even if it felt natural the way he was standing at Eren’s room like he had never left in the first place, there was something quite off, something that Eren couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.

Eren felt like he was missing something important. But his thoughts got interrupted when Levi exclaimed louder than usual.

“Bloody hell, you’re really an ugly bitch!” Levi cursed Antonia and Eren couldn’t help but to laugh. There it was, another thing he had just remembered about him: Levi’s unique vocabulary. However, Eren had to disagree with him because Antonia was an awesome wolf spider, not an ugly bitch.

Eren had a hard time trying to put his thoughts in the correct place as infinite questions kept popping inside of his mind. Why did he leave the town? And why had he come back? What for? Where was he living? There was a new family living at that house across the street, Eren knew that.

“When did you come back?” Eren finally asked.

Levi turned his attention to him; he was still standing in the middle of the room. “A week ago or so”

“Have you got any place to stay? I mean, your house is...”

“I’m staying at the beach house”

Eren hummed, internally scratching his brain as he tried to remember if he knew something about that house.  
“You forgot about it, don’t you?” Levi’s voice wasn’t accusatory.

“I’ve been there, once? I think” Eren wasn’t sure. It was vague, but he could remember something blue and a lot of sea shells. A chimney? Yes, there was an old chimney inside of a stone wall.

“Twice and it was enough” Levi corrected him and then looked around searching for something. “Where do I sit?”

Eren shrugged. “On the bed?”

Levi’s forehead wrinkled in meditation. Finally he let out a loud sigh and sat on the bed.

“Why do you say it was enough going twice?”

“Because you almost drown”

A surprised ‘ah’ escaped Eren’s lips. “How was that so?”

“Hell if I know. You were crying over a sea shell the waves had taken away. I guess you wanted it back and your stupidity did the rest”

“And you saved me” It wasn’t a question.

“Like I had had a choice, you lousy brat” Levi sighed with irritation.

Eren smiled, if someone else called him lousy brat he would be mad, but somehow he couldn’t get to be angry with Levi. “So, are you planning to stay in the town or are you leaving soon again?”

“I’m staying”

Eren’s heart flinched. “How long?”

Levi hummed thoughtfully. “As long as I can, I suppose. I haven’t any intentions to leave actually.”

Unlimited time with Levi sounded extremely perfect to Eren. He felt like the thing he was missing was related to have enough time. An unfinished task, maybe? Something he couldn’t finish when he was a child? That made sense to Eren, but what was it? 

As Eren stared at Levi, his mind was working extra to find the answer. As far as Eren could tell Levi looked exactly the same way he did back then. His short black hair had the same weird undercut Eren remembered; his eyes were still as cold as the ice and the broody expression of his face was still there unaffected by the pass of the time.

“Blue” Eren muttered under his breath as something tried making click inside of his busy mind.

“Come again, kid?”

Eren averted his gaze when he realized he had been thinking aloud. He felt bothered without apparent reason. Levi was looking at him with a false bored expression but somehow Eren knew that wasn’t boredom that it was something else, it was… 

Finally his mind gave him the clues he needed. ‘I want it to disappear. Why is he so gloomy? Had he lost something important?’ That’s true! Eren thought inwardly. At some point he had said those words; he said them because Levi has always been…

“Sad. You are still sad” Eren said the revelation with shyness as if the words were some kind of hidden secret. 

Levi’s only reaction was to sigh. “Am I?”

Eren gulped and then nodded slowly.

“Well, I might be. Who knows?” Levi said and then scratched his undercut with one of his hands. “But tell me about you, brat. How are you dealing with school?”

Eren knew that Levi was totally changing the subject, but he didn’t mind it. Eren had been using that same technique to avoid unwanted speeches from his mother from time to time. And he understood better than anyone how it feels when you don’t want to talk about something and someone else forces you to do it. The teen decided to wait for the correct moment to ask Levi about everything, preferably when his memories were precise again and not the rubric cube they were at that moment.

Seemingly it was time for Eren to talk about the way he was dealing with school. The boy smiled at Levi’s choice of words ‘dealing’, yes that was what he was doing. Eren told Levi about his awful grades, ranted endlessly about lanky-bastard and his gang, the guys who harassed Armin and Eren and then, even if it had nothing to do with school, he brought out the news about his parent’s divorce.

Levi was listening through all of it in silence and when Eren finished, the teen was sure he saw something different inside of the man’s eyes.

Yes, it was true that only sadness was on his face, but Levi’s eyes on the other hand; there was something else there, another emotion that was fighting the sadness inside of them.

Eren smiled with hope. If it was true eyes mirrored your soul, Eren had just found what he couldn’t when he was a kid. A chance, maybe small but still a chance to fulfill the task he had left unfinished years ago. 

And that task, he was able to remember once again, was and had always been to make Levi happy.

In the end the catching up had been more significant between Eren and his own mind than between the two guys, but that was alright. If Levi’s words had been true, Eren had all the time to get to know him all over again.

And that was utterly exiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	3. Out of vector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren wants to nullify Levi's vector.  
> And Antonia wants to conquer the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on Octuber 31st, 2014

Six years old Eren couldn’t sleep and the reason behind it was unknown to the kid.

He was in Levi’s bed, under the soft covers, surrounded by the smell of oranges and feeling really warm and safe. He should try to sleep until his mum came to pick him up, just like every other night. He should, but still, he couldn’t. May be was because Levi wasn’t with him at that time. When Levi was by his side the warmness from the teen’s body always made Eren fall asleep in no time.

Little Eren climbed down of the bed and walked to the half opened door. He could hear Yayo’s (that was the way he called Levi's grandfather) snoring. Yayo was nice and he was always smiling, Eren liked him a lot because of that. 

Suddenly, Eren heard a weird noise coming from downstairs. Was it Levi? It should be him! He asked and answered to himself as he started to go downstairs.

When the light coming from the living-room touched the kid, he decided to walk with caution, without making unnecessary noises with his bare feet that were getting colder by the moment. 

Finally when he made it into the lounge, he saw him, Levi was there.

Sixteen years old Levi was kneeling near the chimney, staring at the fire and so Eren did it too imitating the teen. He stared for a while and saw the burning wood mixed with that black thing his dad used to make fire. He saw ashes too and something else burning along the wood, the kid didn’t know what it was but he kept looking at it as it became one with the ashes.

A blue Levi was kneeling near the chimney; he was still staring at the fire with his right hand wrapped around his left wrist that was bandaged and wearing a really pained expression on his face.

“Levi?”

Little Eren almost jumped out of his skin when Levi turned his gaze to look at him with a terrifying expression inside of his blue eyes. No. It wasn’t like that. In a matter of two seconds the kid understood that Levi wasn’t terrifying, that Levi was the one terrified. But why was he scared? Was there something strange behind Eren? 

Yes! That should be. Was it ghost, a monster? Whatever it was little Eren wasn’t afraid, he would yell to any weird creature that was making Levi sad and scared; he will yell and yell until the creatures were all gone.

Eren prepared himself and turned around to face the monsters. But much for the kid’s surprise there was nothing there just the always empty and tawny wall. 

Could it be the monsters were unexpectedly smart and knew that Eren was going to fight them and so they had run away to hide from him? If that was the case, Eren would look for them later. Yes that’s what he would do: find them and make them go away, that should be enough to make Levi feel better and safe again.

“Eren” Levi called the kid with a calm and husky voice. “Can’t sleep?”

Eren turned around and found out that Levi was standing near him. Eren stretched his arms out to Levi. “You weren’t with me and I couldn’t sleep” he said moving his little fingers in a funny way with the hope that Levi would understand what he wanted.

“How about you and I take a nap in the couch until your mum comes to pick you up?” Levi offered and then lifted the kid up from the floor to held him in his arms as an answer to Eren’s silent request of being hugged.

Eren nodded and surrounded Levi’s neck with his little arms. The kid hugged the teen with all his strength. Even after they were lying at the couch Eren didn’t release Levi from his bear hug.

He was hugging Levi the same way he hugged his mum when she was feeling down. His mum always smiled after he did that. When his mother was sad and Eren hugged her that way, mum would always kiss Eren’s forehead and tell him he was a good boy and that she was happy thanks to him and his hugs that were really comforting.

The monsters could wait afterall, because all Eren needed to do at that moment was to hold Levi, to hold him close until he was happy again. As they were falling asleep on the couch holding each other, Eren was sure that when the time for his mum to come and pick him up arrived, Levi wouldn’t be sad anymore.

[X]

Maths weren’t boring. They were frustrating and really infuriating. Eren knew the theory by heart. He had memorized and understood every word in his Maths’ textbook, but fuck his life when he was supposed to put that theory into practice.

_~Given points A = (0, a) and B = (1, 2), calculate the value of A if the magnitude of the vector AB is one._

_Calculate the head of the vector AB knowing that its components are (3, −1) and its tail is A = (−2, 4). ~_

And the list kept going and going... It looked endless.

“More like calculate my ass! How about that? “Eren not so mentally hissed.

“I swear the eight legged shitty face is up to something” Levi said insulting Antonia—again—.

“And I’m sure she won’t need coordinates to conquer the world; that’s it if she is planning to do it.” Eren replied.

“Stuck?”

The teen puffed. “More like hitting my face against a wall that theory can’t possibly defeat” He complained.

Levi moved closer to see what the problem Eren was trying to solve was. Trying being the key word. Position, unit, null and other vectors... Fuck them all and fuck coordinates too. 

Eren took the opportunity to check Levi more closely; he was wearing glasses at that moment. They were the same he had worn back then when he still read books for the little version of Eren. His sleeves were rolled up, exactly in the same way he always did when he was going to write. Then there was a leather bracelet placed around his left wrist, which Eren remembered Levi had always used. And finally that weird undercut he had got at some point during his adolescence. Eren has never understood why would Levi cut—or let someone else cut—his hair in that way.

Even so, Eren had to admit it looked great on Levi.

Yes, everything in Levi looked good and exactly the same. Everything but that silver hand-watch placed over the bracelet. Eren had never seen it before. Or hasn’t he? He knew for sure Levi had never used a watch but somehow that same watch seemed oddly familiar.

“What’s the thing you are stuck at? These exercises are exactly the same as the ones you solved a minute ago.”

Eren pointed at the book, “Can they use a null vector in an exercise? Aren't they like inexistent or something? Like no vector at all?”

“You are wrong, Eren. It is a vector.”

“No it isn’t.”

“The magnitude of a vector is always a positive number or zero. The value can be zero, but the vector is still there.”

“That makes no sense. If it has no value then it's like it doesn’t exist.”

Levi hummed looking at the book in a quizzical way. After some sconds he walked to the center of the room. “Stand up” Levi ordered Eren.

“What for?”

“Just do it, kid”

“Okay…” Eren hesitated but he did it anyways.

“I am A and you are B” Levi started and Eren tried not to laugh. “How would you call the imaginary line running from me to you?”

“Vector” Eren answered.

“Correct” Levi nodded. “Now walk towards me.”

And Eren did. He walked until he wasn't able to do it anymore because Levi’s body was blocking the way. “What now?” Eren asked looking down at Levi.

“What has happened with our vector?”

Eren smirked “It’s gone.” 

“Wrong again, brat. The vector is still here” Levi stepped back. “See?”

Eren's head tilted in confusion. “I think I’m not following you.”

Levi took a step forward pressing his body against Eren's. “Null vector. You can’t see it because you, B, and me, A, are sharing the same place, also known as the same value, magnitude zero. Zero value it’s not equal to inexistence, Eren. The vector it’s still here” Levi stepped back once more.

“See it now?”

“Oh! Got it” Eren nodded. “Next time I want to flirt with someone I will ask them to ‘nullify' my vector.”

Levi puffed and rolled his eyes “And if they fall for that, make sure you tell me so I can film you and send it to the National Geographic staff. I’m sure they will label you as new specie.”

Eren laughed and then tried to nullify—hug—Levi's vector, but Levi dodged it to the left at the last moment and soon after he was pointing at the chair.

“Haven’t you got something more useful to do?”

“Right. Homework.” Eren said drawling the words. With a dramatic sigh he sat again. “But still, I don’t see the point in doing this. Why can’t school teach us useful stuff like how to survive a zombie apocalypse?”

“You have TV and internet for that, brat.” Levi’s tiny eyebrows knitted together while he checked the time on his watch. “Come on, Eren, finish those goddam problems already. We are supposed to be competent and be done before your mums comes back from her work.”

That was right; Carla had finally accepted the work at the conveniences store and that left all the evenings totally free for Eren to be with Levi or with his friends. 

However and until his grades got any better the only option he had was to spend his evenings with Levi. Not that Eren was going to complain anyways. He wanted to know more about Levi; more about those five years he had been away. And it was worth of mention that Eren was really intrigued about the mysterious reason that made Levi leave five years ago.

“Hey Levi” Eren wrote (2,5) as the solution to the exercise he was solving. “Can I ask you something?”

Levi sat next to the teenager, on the chair Eren had took from the kitchen the day before.

“Is it about Maths?” Levi asked while crossing his arms.

“It's about you” Eren confessed.

“Then the answer is no. You can't”

“But…”

“I said no”

“The curiosity is killing me!”

“I don’t care”

“I’m not going to finish this, then” Eren said referring to his homework.

“That’s for sure. If you keep chatting or asking stupid questions you will need like two more lives to finish it”.

“Just one question” Eren begged. "Please"

“Is never just one question when it comes to you”

“That’s your fault, you are way too interesting”

“Oh-ho, and here I thought I was just the sad grumpy man.” Levi said with a hint of mockery and annoyance.

Eren tilted his head in meditation frowning at those words. “But sad is what you feel, not what you are”.

Levi's expression became even more unreadable as he remained silent for a large amount of seconds. Long enough to make Eren uncomfortable and regretful for what he had said. What if Levi was angry with him? An angry Levi not only meant that Eren wouldn't have his answers, but that he would end up polishing the bath tiles with a toothbrush.

Eren sighed and looked down to the book again. He felt mad with himself for ruining the first tutoring session, so he decided that to do his homework and to stop bothering Levi would be a wise decision. Perhaps that way the man's irritation would fade away.

Surely, that seemed like a good idea to Eren until Levi spoke again.

“For a brat that knows nothing, you sure can say such deep words sometimes.” Levi finally said, easing the weight inside Eren’s guilty heart.

Instantly, Eren looked at him and felt that was easier to breathe. Levi wasn’t mad with him, he was wearing his usual broody face, and that was more or less good. 

Gloomy Levi was better than angry Levi.

“I’m sorry” Eren apologized.

“Don’t be. You are just curious. I get it.”

“Still. You are here to help me with my grades, not to entertain me. I got carried away and I’m really sorry.”

Levi stretched out his hand to ruffle Eren's hair. “I have just told you not to be. Listen here. I might have found the way to get your questions and your homework all done at the same time.”

Eren's eyes shone with expectation. “I’m listening” 

“Sure you are. Okay. Here is the deal: for each problem you manage to solve correctly, you will get to ask one personal question that I will answer.” Levi took a quick glance at the textbook. “You still have nine exercises to do. If you do them right you can ask me up to nine questions” After setting the rules Levi offered his hand to Eren. “Deal?”

Eren shook Levi’s hand too much enthusiastically. “Deal!”

And then Eren was sure he had never smiled while doing Maths before. After he was finished Levi did a fast review: four of nine. That was better than his current zero of whatever number the teacher wanted to put down there. Levi spent around twenty minutes explaining to Eren all his doubts, until Eren understood everything. The teen reprehended himself mentally for being stupid and forgetting about the marvelous calculator he had—untouched—on his desk. That might had helped him to achieve more than four correct solved problems. 

It was too late for regrets, nonetheless. Four questions would have to be enough to satisfy Eren’s curiosity for a—short—while.

Eren stretched his arms and neck that felt numb after the study session and got ready for his reward. 

“The watch” Eren pointed at it “You have never had one.”

“And your question is?”

“Why, where, how, when did you get it?”

Levi’s eyebrows arched almost comically as his mouth opened a bit. “Well I’m pretty sure that counts as four questions. But since I'm feeling generous today I will count it as one.” Levi then cleared his throat and with his usual expression back again on his face he raised his left hand showing the watch to Eren.. “This was from my grandfather, he gave it to me.”

“Yayo!” Eren exclaimed. Yes, he remembered Yayo. The old man was always smiling. So that's why the watch seemed so familiar to him. “Now that you mention it, Where is him? Had he come back with you?"

Levi's expression darkened. “He” Levi paused. “Eren, my grandfather passed away”

Eren's breath got trapped in his throat. “But...” Eren gulped. “Ho... When did he...” Eren felt unable to finish any question. His tongue wasn't cooperating with his shocked mind. Wan't smiling Yayo alive anymore?

"One month ago. He died of old age " Levi said as if he could read Eren's thoughts.

“I'm sorry” Eren whimpered.

“Don't be. It's not your fault.”

It wasn't but that didn't make it hurt any less. Eren looked Levi in the eye. “Are you okay?”

“I am” Levi breathed out.

Eren couldn't tell if Levi was or wasn't alright, since his expresion was always blue Eren wasn't sure what was causing it anymore.

“No more questions?” Levi encouraged Eren.

“Yes. I just... never mind” Eren smiled soflty, he wasn't going to press Levi with Yayo's death just in case it was the reason behind his current sadness, he asked the question that haunted him the most instead.“Tell me. Why did you left the town five years ago?”

“I went overseas to finish my studies and work at the family business” Levi explained monotonically.

“That's all?” Eren didn't buy that—so—simple explantion.

“That's all. What were you expecting a fairy tale? There's no mistery behind my leaving, brat”

Totally not buying it. Eren thought. Because believing in that bland explanation would be the same as believing that Levi considered Eren not worth of saying good bye.

Uneasiness started to root inside Eren's heart against his will. He didn't want to distrust Levi. Eren really thought that it had to be something that explained why Levi left without a word. And it had to be a heavy reason. 

Totally not buying it. Eren repeated in his mind. The Levi he knew would have never left like that. The problem was that he did. Something was wrong. Something couldn't be true. Those two statements couldn't be real, not unless Levi was hiding something.

The uneasy sensation travelled all the way to his stomach and seeded there as well. Still, Eren wasn't going to give up.

Totally not buying it. He repeated inwardly yet again.

“Why didn't you say good bye to me?” Eren asked with his head bowed down, eyes fixed on his desk. He couldn't look at Levi, he felt like if he did he wouldn't be able to speak his mind. “One day you were here and the next you were gone. Why didn't you tell me, Levi?” Eren paused to breath in. “Was I that annoying that you had to run away without telling me?”

At that moment, Levi stood up abruptly with a plonk noise that made Eren flinch.

“You've run out of questions.”

“What?” Eren practically yelled the question with disbelief, turning his eyes to look at Levi. Or better said to look at Levi's magnificent back that in any other moment Eren wouldn't had mind to admire. But at that particular moment when he was staring at the way Levi was walking to the door to get out of the room as if Eren was on fire, the teen felt something that was painfully similar to betrayal. And the fact that he knew what it was and how it felt was enough reason for Eren to cry. Yet he didn't. 

A cynical smile appeared in the place where his always sincere smile should had been. 

“I really don't know you after all” Eren lamented. “I wonder if I ever did” His words weren't meant for Levi to hear, but they were too heavy for being held back and trapped inside of him.

Levi simply stood there by the door, with his back still turned to Eren. At least he had had the decency to stop and listen to the teen that was already counting in his mind the seconds that would pass until Levi would decide to leave the room behind and so to leave Eren behind with it.

“Eren” Levi said, his hand gripping the doorframe with strength. “You were never annoying”

“Levi?” Eren called for him, the uneasiness inside of him doubting on what to do next.

“Just remember what I've said before” Levi continued as he opened the door. “You are B where I am A” And with those words he left the room.

_Eleven. Yup. Totally not buying it after all_

Eren burst out laughing with the uneasy feeling finally going away only to be replaced with hope. Hope that succeed in making Eren cry.

“You better don't make me wait five more years to answer my questions!” He shouted and stood up to go after Levi. 

Eren understood it. He finally did. It didn't matter how far Levi decided to go or for how long. It didn't matter how many years he needed to chase after Levi. Because as long as Levi was A where he was B, Eren would never be out of Levi's vector.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by Ndainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	4. Biological rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi’s hands are gentle.  
> Antonia likes Eren’s warm body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on November 1st, 2014

“You meanie!”

Six years old Eren yelled before hurrying across the street, tears clouding his eyes and his breath out of control as he folded his arms over his chest.

Mum was being really mean and she was wrong that time. Unfortunately his dad wasn’t there to help little Eren to convince mum to keep the kitty Eren had saved from the bad guys.

However, the kid still had someone who could help him.

After the short race, Little Eren unfolded one of his arms to knock the door in front of him. He knocked and knocked, nonstop, until Levi finally opened.

Rushing his words out as soon as he saw the teen, Eren, half yelling—half crying told Levi what had happened.

“Kids were beating.” Eren said but it sounded like rambling, since the kid wasn’t even breathing between words “I wanted to save kitty—so I pushed them back—and took the kitty and—then ran home but mama...” he hiccupped “mum...” Eren sobbed and finally took a deep breath before continuing. “Mum scolded me for beating the bad guys and she doesn’t want to keep the kitty—Levi you have to talk to her—dad is not at home and I don´t know who else can help me—Levi you—I yelled to her and the kitty and she is mad with me and—and…”

Levi blinked repeatedly. The kid was talking too fast, too low and too high all at the same time, but somehow he managed to catch the basics. “Listen Eren” Levi bent down so he could be eye to eye with little Eren. “Did you know I have always wanted to have a cat?” Levi asked, petting Eren’s head.

Eren’s whimpering stopped immediately. “For real?”

Levi nodded. “Would I lie to you?”

Little Eren wiped the tears from his wet reddish face and handed the kitty—that seemed scared—to Levi.

Could it be that the thing Levi was missing was a cat? Had Eren found the thing that would finally make Levi happy?

When the black kitten was secured in Levi’s warm arms, Levi pulled out a handkerchief from one of his pockets to clean Eren’s messy face. “And now you and I” Levi paused to point at little Eren and to himself. “We both are going back to your house and you are going to apologize to your mum for yelling at her.”

What? Why? Why should he apologize to her? Mum had screamed too. She wanted the kitty to be gone and then she had told Eren not to fight with others kids ever again.

But how was he going to do that? How was he supposed to stay back and watch when other kids were being mean?

No, that wasn’t fair. Mama was wrong. Eren would never let people hurt innocent puppies!

[X]

“Eren Yeager, don’t you dare turn your back on me. We’re not done talking!”

Eren stepped upstairs furiously, leaving his mother yelling and talking to the air—or to Levi—if he was actually willing to listen to her. Carla might not be done, but Eren sure was.

He refused to hear the same old lecture all over again: “Stop fighting. Don´t get in trouble anymore. Why are you doing this? Do you want to be expelled from school?” Eren had more than enough of that.

He threw—to nowhere in particular—his schoolbag that landed near the bedpost and then he released Antonia from her cage so she could walk up and down Eren’s clothed arm.

His parted bottom lip itched and his whole body was aching all over. Fuck those bastards, they had fought five against one like the fucking cowards they were and they couldn’t even take Eren down.

He heard the door being opened and closed. Eren sighed out loud believing that his mother had come for another round of mother—like—speeches.

But the moment he glanced over his shoulder and saw that the one standing there was Levi, the tension left him immediately.

Eren mentally face palmed himself realizing his mother had to be going to work again. That pigheaded principal had dared to make Carla leave the store because Eren had been beating some idiots that totally deserved it.

As if that was going to stop him from doing it again; it wasn’t his fault if lanky-bastard and his minions were stupid enough to pick a fight with Eren.

Well, at least if he had to be scolded by Levi the lecture would be new. “Can you put back into the cage that creepy thing? I refuse to tutor you with that bitch walking free around the room and all over you.”

Eren looked at Levi with rage. “Fuck you Levi. Stop calling her names!” Under normal conditions he knew he wasn't supposed to talk back to Levi like that, but Eren’s anger was far from being tamed by rules and normativity.

“Are you sure you want to go that way with me, brat?” Levi asked coldly with a deadly stare that made Eren shiver.

Definitely, neither Eren or Eren’s rage didn't want to piss Levi off because: a) He wasn’t responsible for what had happened at school. And b) Eren didn’t want to end up doing the dusting of the whole neighborhood.

Levi sure was ingenious when it came to punishments.

Eren sighed again and did what he was told, placing Antonia back inside her cage. “What now?” He asked lifting his hands up in surrender and letting them go down two seconds later.

“Now you are going to wash your hands and arms three times. When you are done, bring me the first aid kit.”

The teenager complied in silence and five minutes later he was back in his room with the first aid kit, hands and arms smelling like that blueberry soap his mother loved.

Eren dropped the kit on the desk and sat on the chair. He crossed his arms over the table and hided his face within them, waiting and ready for whatever Levi had to say.

The teen felt and heard movements around him and supposed Levi had sat on his chair.

“Show me your face, Eren.”

Eren lifted up his head and moved it to the left to look at Levi. He thought not so many seconds ago that he was ready to whatever Levi wanted to say, but hell if he was ready for what Levi was actually doing.

First the teen saw something white, a white that soon turned into an itching yellow.

The white was from the gauze Levi was using on Eren’s bottom lip to apply some liquid on the wound and the yellow was because—holy mother of colors—that thing itched worse than a wool jersey in the middle of the summer.

Eren hissed and moved his head back, unconsciously getting away from the stinging sensation.

“Don’t be such a cry baby. It’s just saline” Levi commented as he finished his torture on Eren’s hurt lip.

“You don’t have to do that; I can take care of myself.” Eren grumbled, expecting to regain a bit of his pride.

“Where else were you hit?” Levi asked, not listening to Eren’s complains.

“I said I can do it by myself!” Eren repeated, raising his voice a little.

“Oh? It’s that so?” Levi handed the first aid kit to him. “Then do it. When you’re done we'll be start the tutoring.”

Eren mentally damned his big mouth. He looked inside the kit and remained silent while trying to figure out what to use to make the soreness go away. His father might be a doctor but Eren sure wasn't. Morphine? Yup, like that was going to be included in the kit.

Eren palmed himself across the chest, arms and abdomen to find what place hurt the most. It hurt everywhere? Although he was sure those idiots hadn’t broken anything, they weren't that strong. It had to be just little bruises and scratches, nothing to worry about. A pain killer like a paracetamol pill should be enough to get him back on his feet again and in perfect fit.

“Take off your shirt, Eren.”

“Ah?” Eren wasn’t sure he had heard that right.

“Take off your shirt so we can check if there’s any wound that you can’t notice.”

“Oh!” That made sense to Eren, but… “Now?”

Levi rolled his eyes dramatically and breathed out saying nothing.

“Okay, okay…” Eren said before getting Levi out of his nerves.

He removed the hoodie and the shirt he was wearing and placed them on the back of the chair. As he had thought red marks were all over his torso and upper arms.

“That looks awful” Levi said pointing at Eren’s waist. Eren followed Levi’s eyes to see what he was looking at and holy mother of colors—again—. Was that an hematoma over his hipbone? Forget about little that was the queen of all the bruises he had ever had and it was getting purple already.

“This has to be from Lanky’s kick. That fucking idiot! Next time I swear I’m going to kill him dead. I ‘m going to make him taste his own blood in a...”

“Easy there, brat” Levi stopped Eren’s raged rant; “and stand up.”

Eren did it without thinking, too busy cursing under his breath that lanky asshole and his fellows.

He was extremely furious and planning five murders. His teeth and his fits were clenched. Wrath was spreading like a fiery wave drowning Eren under his rage again until something cold brought him back to reality with a heavy chill.

“What the...?” His curse died as soon as he saw Levi applying some cream over the bruise above his hipbone.

“Are you going to fuss again?” Levi asked, moving his hand away from Eren's damaged skin.

The teen blinked uncertain about how to react to Levi attending his wounds with such naturalness. "No, I just.” Eren hesitated between talking big again about how he could do it alone and let Levi do what he was doing. “It's cold.” He simply said deciding to roll with the second.

“Well then” Levi rubbed his hands together to warm the cream and then went back to apply it on the wound.

Eren stayed still, watching in a trance how Levi moved his hand carefully. His fingers were unexpectedly gentle, not harming Eren but warming him up. The touch felt like butterfly kisses against his wounded skin and Eren couldn’t do anything but stare and feel how he loved the sensation of Levi’s hand on his body more and more as time passed by.

“Turn around; let me see if you are hurt anywhere else” Levi requested quietly.

Eren obliged without complaining as Levi's voice guided him through that sweet catalepsy he was deep immersed in. What had happened with the anger that was consuming him a minute ago? Where had the rage gone to?

Levi's gentle hands were then on his right shoulder blade caressing it slowly. Was there a bruise too? The teen didn't bother himself in asking it out loud, Levi could massage all his back for all Eren cared.

Eren closed his eyes and gave himself to the warm feeling Levi´s hands were gracefully spreading as they slided over his maltreated skin. Eren forgot everything about his sore body, about the murdering he was planning and about beating anyone down. Was Levi a magician? How could someone possibly make burning wrath become utterly serenity?

“Done” Levi said.

“Are you sure?” Eren felt like he was standing on a cloud. Why it had to end so soon?

A meaningful touch on Eren's nape was Levi's wordless response. The teen flinched, a sudden jolt of some unknown feeling traveling down his body and exploding into thousands of flits above his belly.

Levi hummed audibly at Eren's reaction and then left the room, carrying with him the first aid kit.

“ 'Mmm' what?” Eren quizzed. What was that for? Eren felt like he was missing something as he rubbed his hands over his cheeks that felt oddly warm and then pressed one of his hands against his nape; the teen was confused as hell. “What in the world has just happened?”

Minutes later with Levi back once more in the room and Eren wearing again his shirt—not his hoody—the teen felt restless as his attempts to memorize all the bones that formed the human skull failed one after another.

Levi didn't speak a word about the fight, not asking or scolding him. Not that Eren wanted to be reprimanded, but the lack of at least a little chat about it was making him nervous and unable to focus.

Unable to bear it anymore, Eren was the one bringing the topic onto the table. “Aren't you going to lecture me? You know, for getting in trouble and all of that.”

Levi put aside the book he was reading and looked at Eren from behind his glasses. “Do you really want to be lectured?”

Eren shrugged and sank down on the chair. “I don't know. It just feels weird because you are ignoring the subject.” Apparently ignoring subjects was a skill that Levi had mastered.

Levi nodded and crossed his arms. “Tell me what happened, then.”

Eren breathed in and out and then told Levi about everything related to lanky bastard and his gang. How that lanky idiot had started harassing Armin years ago. How he and his mates bullied Armin, all the names they called him, the way they made fun of him and how that had escalated to include Eren in their twisted game.

“Today they painted our lockers” Eren tsked. “Figures; 'Twink and faggot' they wrote; 'go and die'” Eren looked away, feeling a little embarrassed and tapping his fingers on his thighs. “I swear I wasn't going to do anything, Armin was clinging to my arm trying to drag me outside the school and begging me to ignore them, but... But then he, that lanky bastard opened his filthy mouth and said: 'How many dicks can you suck in one day, daisy?'” Eren scratched the back of his neck, his eyes everywhere but on Levi's. He felt like he would go silent if he actually looked at him. “The next thing I remember is see it all red. And then I was being knocked down by both P.E teachers and the principal himself.”

Eren lifted up his gaze tentatively only to avert it one second later. Still not certain about if he wanted to see Levi's face or not after all the things he had told him.

“Sometimes I forget school is part of this hell called life” Levi simply said.

From all the things Eren had expected to hear, that wasn't one of them.

“Do you enjoy hitting people, Eren?”

That wasn't on the list either. “That's a weird question” He stated. “But, no, of course I don’t enjoy it. But I don't know what else to do to defend myself or my friends.”

Levi hummed with a tone that resembled a question. “What would make you to stop getting into unnecessary fights?”

Eren's eyes opened with surprise. Levi was the first adult ever to ask him that. His mother, teachers, the principal, even his friends all of them just scolded him and demanded Eren to stop his intolerable behavior. They were never willing to listen to Eren's reasons as if the fact that he was being provoked didn’t matter.

Eren squirmed uneasily on the chair. “I don't know... Because expect for them to leave us alone is too much to ask, right?”

“If they don't stop, maybe you should learn how to ignore them.”

“That's not fair! That’s the same as let them win. Plus I don't know how to manage all this rage I have inside me.” Eren said with honesty.

Levi closed his eyes for a moment and Eren looked at him expectantly. “I see two problems here” Levi opened his eyes. “One being your ridiculous excess of energy and the other being the way those losers like to push your limits.”

Eren frowned but said nothing, waiting for Levi to explain himself.

“We need to find a way to put that energy of yours to a good use. I bet that will ease your anger at least a little” Levi looked at Eren in the eye. “Any ideas, kid?”

“Anything but cleaning, please...” Eren begged.

Levi rolled his eyes clearly offended. For a moment there Eren thought he would say something along the lines of ‘Cleaning is the best thing ever’ but the man said instead: “How about some sport? A real one, your games don't count.”

Relieved about the cleaning stuff, Eren crossed his arms and put his neurons to work. Some sport? The idea came almost instantly. “Basket!” Eren exclaimed. “I still have the basket in the garage and the ball too, of course.”

“That should work” Levi agreed. “It's settled then. After tutoring, we will go for it”

Eren was smiling happily when something crossed his mind. “But, wait. What happens with lanky bastard?” Eren couldn’t ignore the big problem there.

“That will take longer” Levi said and sighed. “Do you think you can get out of his way until I figure out how to pay him pack without using your fists?” Levi asked falsely punching Eren on his chest.

Eren shrugged. “Can't promise. I don't have that much self-retrain. I will try, though”

“Well then, now you can go back to the textbook and actually focus instead of pretending that you are studying.”

Eren nodded, feeling excited about playing basketball later with Levi. But for the meantime he should concentrate as Levi told him to...

“Hey!” Eren turned his attention to Levi once more. “How did you now I couldn't focus in the book earlier?”

“You weren't even looking at the book, brat.”

Eren couldn't help but wonder if he was really that obvious with his body language or if it simply was that Levi was good at reading other people. 

“Levi, mind helping me here? I really want to finish this quickly to play basket with you.” Eren tried pushing a little his lucky star.

Levi stood up and placed himself behind Eren. “Close your eyes” he ordered. As soon as Eren did it Levi laid his hands over Eren's forehead.

“What are you doing?” Eren asked with amusement.

Levi hissed him to shut up. “Just feel my hands and repeat after me.”

“ 'Kay.”

“Frontal.” Levi named the bone under his palms and Eren realized what he was up to.

“Frontal.” The teen repeated.

Levi's hands moved near Eren's hears, “Temporal” he said and then his hands were on top of Eren's head “Parietal” and then they were at the back “Occipital.”

“Mandible...” Eren murmured after Levi placed his gentle hands on his jaw.

They repeated the process three more times. Eren memorized each bone easily, drowning deeply into the holy sweetness of Levi's touch. At the final round Levi rested his hands over Eren's still closed eyes.

“Repeat after me, Eren.”

Whatever you say... Eren silently responded with an appreciative hum.

“I will apologize to mum.” Levi almost whispered near Eren's head, his breath causing a delicious tickling.

“I will apologize...” Eren hesitated and placed his hands on Levi's ones, moving them from his eyes to his forehead. “I know what you're doing” Eren grinned.

“Is that so?”

Eren smiled playfully “Yes. And I will absolutely, without fail, apologize to my mum when she comes back.”

Levi petted Eren's always messy hair, clearly satisfied. “Good boy.”

There were a lot of things Eren was still waiting to know about Levi, specially since yesterday's occurrence. But for the moment the teen was fine being truthful to himself and his decision of not pressuring Levi. As long as Levi was with him he didn't mind to wait.

Lanky's matter was another thing, though. Eren couldn't wait to know what Levi had on store for that idiot. Perhaps something less bloody than the murders Eren had planned and more stylish. That would totally suit Levi.

If Lanky bastard thought Eren was a scary beast, he would never see Levi coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	5. Language is not meant to be a barrier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to move (still unsure if up, down, left or right).  
> Antonia wonders how a spider can kill a zombie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision November 2nd, 2014

Seven years old Eren was drawing a cool picture of himself wearing a green cape, like the super heroes he loved. Beside his ‘self-portrait' he drew the black cat, Rivaille. Rivaille was the way he had named the kitten since Levi refused to call him nothing but cat, maybe because he wasn't good with names, Eren thought. But the kid wasn’t better with that, really; he just misspelled Levi’s name and liked it afterwards. Then, above the two of them, he drew Levi and he gave him wings too, so he could fly just like the birds did.

Eren knew that flying was impossible for humans. He had learned it by the hard way by climbing a tree and then jumping down expecting to fly or at least to float, but the only thing he got was a bump on his forehead that lasted for a good two weeks. That day Eren discovered that humans couldn’t fly because they had no wings, therefore he never tried it again.

He was almost done with the picture when he heard Levi yelling.

"J'ai dit non!"

Levi and Yayo were talking in the kitchen. Eren could overhear them but he didn’t understand a word because they were using an unknown language for the kid. 

However, that didn't stop Eren from giving his best shot and try to catch something. He caught some words that were similar to “mère”, “oublier”, “espoir”, “n'a pas”, “les besoins”... and Levi. Yes! He understood Levi’s name, but the others... He didn’t have a clue. After a while, Levi was back in the living room. He sat near Eren, with his elbows on the table and used his hands to cover his eyes.

“Look what I’ve drawn, Levi!” Eren proudly showed his picture to the teen.

Levi moved his hands away from his eyes and looked at the paper. "Ailes …" He murmured, but Eren didn’t understand it. Was he talking again in that weird language?

“What have you say?”

Levi winced as he had been awoken from a deep dream and straightaway turned his attetntion to Eren. “My bad…” He said with downcast eyes. “I was thinking, humans aren’t meant to fly.”

Eren knew humans couldn’t fly, but that wasn’t what Levi had said and that really confused him.

“Why?” Eren asked.

"Parce que nous ne sommes pas libres" Levi replied with his expression getting darker and his face becoming gloomier by the second.

Eren frowned at the unknown language he was hearing—once again—. Tears started to form on his teal eyes and then slid down his face. He didn't understand the words Levi had said, but he could notice how Levi had felt unhappier after seeing his picture.

“I’m sorry” Eren sobbed. “I know humans cannot fly. I’m stupid. I’m so—so stupid, I just wanted to do something good for you and now you are sad. And it’s all because of me… All…” Eren cried out loud, feeling less like a hero and more like the idiotic day-dreamer kid he was.

Levi hugged him and brought him onto his lap. “Don’t cry, Eren. Is not your drawing; I’m not sad because of it, neither because of you.”

Eren pressed himself against Levi's embrace, feeling how his tears were fading away slowly.

“Do you know why I could never be sad because of you, Eren?”

Eren shook his head no, his face hidden on Levi's chest.

"Parce que vous êtes le seul espoir à gauche dans ma vie."

Eren, regaining some of his lost confidence, lifted his gaze up to look at Levi. “What does it mean?”

Levi tenderly kissed the child's forehead. “It means: you are a good boy.”

[X]

Eren was studying Spanish that evening, while Levi wandered in the room looking at everything the same way he always did when he was searching for dust or something out of place—out of place—for his sick standards, that was it.

‘La silla, el escritorio, la cama, el armario…’ The vocabulary for the next test was bedroom furniture and stuff you can find inside the room. And even if he didn’t like Spanish that much, Eren was motivated to get at last a C, which should be good enough to shut up Jean’s mouth for a while. 

Eren grunted exhasperated and scratched his head with both hands in frustration “I fucking hate Spanish. Why in the world do they need to add gender to inanimate objects? Are the she-chair and the he-closet going to produce offspring together or what?”

“Maybe it’s the way Spanish people have fun when they’re constipated.”

Eren blew at the commentary. “That’s not even funny, Levi”

Levi shrugged and sat on the bed. “So why have you chosen Spanish if you don’t like it?”

Eren turned around in the chair to look at Levi and then rubbed the back of his neck slowly as he started to talk. “It's a bet I have with my horse-like friend. Long story short: it was about him picking my second optional class and me picking his. Whoever scores the best at finals, wins.”

Levi tsked shaking his head, the word ‘teenagers’ was all over his face. “And what did you chose for him?”  
Eren smiled mischievously. “German.”

“Well, fuck!”

Eren laughed “I know right! That’s exactly what he said” Eren exclaimed feeling less stressed. Eren himself knew a bit of German, courtesy of his stoic German father, but the teenager preferred English thousands times better. German did something weird to his voice that Eren didn’t come to like that much. “Speaking of which, are you good with other languages, Levi? I remember you talked French.”

“I still talk French, brat. It’s my first language. I also speak English, which should be obvious by now and then German and Spanish.”

“Wow, all of that?” Eren was amazed.

“I thought it would be useful for my work.” Levi, who was still sitting on the bed, commented while looking at the games that Eren had on the shelving near his bed.

“You said you work in the family business, but what is that exactly?

“An advertising agency: Trost Company.” Levi picked up one game from the shelving.

“Are you serious?” Eren exclaimed, his eyes wide open.Trost was the most famous advertising agency in the world: Sponsors, advertisements, commercials, posters, flyers... they did everything and they were extraordinarily good at it. “The one with the two crossed wings as signature, isn't it?”

“That one exactly” Levi confirmed, inserting the game in the console and grabbing the controller.

“And what do you do for them, or how are you even working for them if you are here now?”

“Laptop and internet, brat. Also, they have this building project here. Well, not here but in the capital. I’m supervising it.”

Eren nodded as he finally started to understand everything. “So that’s why you are back in town” Eren said, proud of himself for successfully counting two plus two.

Levi, whose attention was on the main screen of the game, frowned and slightly rubbed his earlobe with one finger. “Yeah. Yes, that’s exactly what has brought me back, kid.”

Eren stretched his arms over his head. He felt ready for the next Spanish round after knowing a bit more about Levi. Eren glanced at the TV where Levi had started a new game playing ‘Resident Evil 6’ and wondered why he wasn’t on the chair instead. Being that the TV was oriented to face the desk, wouldn't be more comfortable for him and also for his neck?

“Why aren’t you sitting on the chair, Levi?”

“It’s dirty” He asserted.

“No it isn’t. I cleaned the room this morning before leaving for school.”

“Tell that to the sticky spot on the leather. I’m not putting my ass there, kid.”

‘The hell is he talking about?’ Eren mentally questioned himself at the same time he turned his face to inspect the chair.

“I don’t care what you do or how you use the furniture as long as you clean your mess afterwards.”

‘What mess?!’ Eren’s nose was practically pressed onto the fabric of the chair, trying to figure out what was what Levi had seen. Oh man… was he speaking about the almost transparent white sticky stain? Don’t tell Eren that Levi thought…

“Oh my God, Levi, that’s not what you’re thinking!” Eren blurted out, all flustered. “It’s glue! It’s fucking glue from the biology project; I left it to dry on the chair this morning while I was cleaning!”

Levi was calm, kicking zombie asses and flipping Leon’s—one of the character from RE6—hair.

“Levi!” Eren shouted full of shame. Did he really believe that Eren would do ‘that’ to his chair?

“I’m telling you it’s not what you think. Jesus, say something!”

Eren couldn't bear the thought of Levi thinking that way about him. Was it because yesterday he had told him that Armin and he were both gays?

“I’m not thinking anything in particular, Eren.”

“The hell you’re not! You think I jerked off on the chair or something!” Eren reproached.

“Don’t be nasty and ridiculous. What would I think that, brat?”

“Because I’ve told you I’m gay, perhaps? So now you think I did that because it's your chair and I’m some kind of perverted homosexual”

Levi paused the game and looked at Eren straight in the eye, cutting in an instant Eren's failed logic. “Are you gay?”

“I…” Eren’s jaw dropped. The teen was utterly perplexed .Was Levi fucking serious? “I told you yesterday!” Eren yelled.

Levi looked somehow confused and that was weird. Up until that moment Eren had been sure Levi’s face only knew how to express sadness, irritation or nothing at all. “No, you have just told me that some idiots were calling you and your friend twink and faggot; not that you were actually gay.”

“I thought it was implied…” Eren’s voice was lowering more and more and even more by the second.

“You thought wrong” Levi said like he was reporting the weather and then turned his attention to the game once more.

Eren face palmed himself, repressing his growing desire to scream due his endless stupidity. The idea of digging a hole where to hide his sorrowful ass for the meantime was highly tempting. If someone could die of shame Eren had no doubst he would be traveling to the beyond at that very second.

“Levi… Does it bother you the fact that I’m gay?” Eren was still ashamed, but the need to know if Levi felt actually disgusted because of Eren’s sexuality was stronger than his need to hide.

“I couldn't care less” Levi finally said after what it felt like an eternity. “You still are the same kid I met back then. You could grow feathers or sunflowers on your head and I would still l…” Levi trailed off and killed a zombie with the combat knife before reloading the gun “… Tolerate you.”

Eren exhaled in relief.

“By the way” Levi spoke again changing the topic quickly. Apparently that was another of his mastered skills and something that Eren really appreciated at that moment where he was feeling like climbing out from that hole of shame. “I need the full name, full address and pictures of those idiots you have beaten up.”

“Sure. What for?”  
“Not telling, brat.”

“Oh, come on. Have you figured out how to pay them back?” Eren tried.

“Maybe I did. But” Levi paused the game again and moved his head to face Eren. “I’m not telling you a thing. You will have to trust me on this, Eren”

“And I do Levi, I just feel curious.”

“Have they done another move on you or on that little mushroom you are friends with?”

“Little mushroom?” Eren quizzed and then laughed. “His name is Armin. God, you are terrible with names.”

Levi waved his hand. “Whatever.”

“No, they haven’t do or said anything; they are still recovering from the last beating up”

“Good, then” Levi nodded. “And what about that casa girl? Is she still your friend?”

“Yes! Sure she is” Eren smiled. “She usually helps me when I get in trouble. Unluckily, yesterday she left earlier for her karate lessons.”

“Karate?” Levi puffed. “How can those idiots mess with little mushroom when he has you and karate casa girl as friends? Are they masochistic for real?”

“Who knows” Eren wondered. That was actually a good point. Eren was a beast when it came to protect his dearest people, but Mikasa was a strong force to have in count too. Maybe she didn't get infuriated as easily as Eren yet she could be more lethal than him. “For your information, is Mikasa, not casa girl.”

“Were her parents high or something when they chose the name?”

“I think it’s because her mother is Japanese.” Eren muttered, not positive about if that really explained his friend's odd name. Maybe for Japanese people Mikasa was the equivalent to Mary.

“Well wow! I guess I should be grateful with my father for not naming me Madeleine just because we are French” Levi said, being clearly sarcastic.

Eren rolled his eyes and chuckled. Sometimes it was hard to remember that Levi was actually French, he didn’t have any weird accent when he was speaking English. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go back to study” he commanded. “We have chatted plenty already.”

“I just want to ask you for your phone number. If that's okay...?”

“You know, your mum has my number; why haven’t you asked her?”

Eren squirmed and reluctantly said: “I guess you would rather give it to me freely...”

Levi heaved a sigh and took out his phone from his back pocket throwing it to Eren who barely caught it. “Register your number.”

The teen complied and gave the phone back to Levi. The young man immediately did a missed call to Eren.

“There you go. Just watch out for the time before you dare to bother me.”

With renewed enthusiasm, Eren went back to his Spanish textbook. ‘La ventana, el libro, la mesita de noche…’ he reread every word until he learned by heart each one of them and how they were written. After the study Eren jumped out of the chair and stretched his whole body.

“Finished!”

“Any doubts?” Levi wanted to know.

“Zero.”

“I’m feeling pretty useful today.”

Eren chuckled. “Your moral support is irreplaceable, Levi.”

“Let’s review, I want to be sure that you are ready for that test” Levi waved his hand. “Give me the textbook.”

Eren nodded in agreement. He picked the book and before going to sit with Levi the teen moved the TV until it fully faced the bed.

“I didn’t picture you as a gamer.” Eren confessed, sitting on his bed and tending the textbook to Levi.

“I’m not.” Levi dropped the controller on the teal comforter and glanced at the vocabulary pages Eren was supposed to memorize. “I just feel like playing apocalyptic games with twisted and tormented main characters that die at the end saving the world.”

Eren mumbled a little perplexed. “I do like those games too but I would rather choose a happy ending. Everyone deserves one, right?”

“Even a murderer?”

Eren opened his mount, but he was unable to say nothing. Just a hesitant ‘ah’made it out of his lips.

“My bad” Levi ruffled the teen’s brown hair as soon as he saw Eren’s reaction. “I was kidding, brat. You can quit the struggling now.”

Eren gestured a yes moving his chin down, still doubtful about Levi and what he had said. However the feeling faded away soon as it was replaced with Eren’s will to play games with Levi. Maybe the teen was just reading into it too much; Levi had never been good with words, let alone with jokes, to begin with. That’s why Eren would choose the easy way for now, which was approaching Levi as far as he was allowed to.

“Can we play and review at the same time, Levi?” Eren asked with a bit of hope.

Levi blinked at the request. “Will your brain be able to manage it?”

Eren rolled his eyes but said nothing. Instead, he leaned to the shelving, picked another game and played it in the console. Levi followed with his eyes the teen movements all along.

'Left for dead 2' main screen was now displayed at the TV. Eren undid his shoelaces to remove the sneakers and then sat with his legs crossed on the bed.

“Don’t slow me, brat” Levi said as he picked Nick as player.

“I won’t” Eren replied selecting Rochelle.

Both of them were focused on the game, running, dodging, shooting, punching and cooperating with each other as if they were playing together since forever instead of being their first time kicking zombies’ asses together.

“Desk” Levi said suddenly.  
“What desk?” Eren asked. There weren’t desks at the campaign.

“The review” Levi explained. “Translate into Spanish what I say and try not to get eaten.”

“Bring it!” Eren exclaimed in a rush.

“Desk” Levi repeated, pushing away the zombie behind Eren’s character.

“El escritorio” Eren answered.

“Shelving”

“La estanteria”

“Door”

“La porta”

“Puerta…”

“La pue… OH SHIT-SHIT-SHIT! A BOOMER! KILL-KILL-KILL-KILL IT!!

“You realize that it’s not going to come out from the TV, don’t you?” Levi looked at Eren with his usual serene stare, but Eren felt like those blue-grey eyes were judging severely his mental state.

“Sorry I… I really feel it when I’m playing.” Eren’s shoulders sank with a bit of embarrassment.

“You are the enthusiastic type after all.”

Eren smiled at the observation and the embarrassment was soon forgotten.

They kept reviewing and playing. The first duty ended first and five minutes later, the 'Swamp Fever' campaign shared the same fate; with a sparkly and bloody punctuation of Eren and Levi’s performance, that was the highest score Eren had ever reached in ‘Left for dead 2’.

Eren let his upper body fall onto the bed, resting his back on the comforter and stretching his arms over his head, happily humming for the double victory: His study was done and he had fun playing with Levi.

The teen squirmed lightly when he felt a delicious tickle on his hipbone. Levi’s fingertips were gently tracing the purple mark that had been exposed unintentionally when Eren had lain back on the bed. “I’m fine” He said as if his words could ease the imperceptible upsetting behind Levi’s eyes. 

Eren words might have or might have not reach Levi. The man was still caressing the harmed skin in complete silence and Eren wasn’t going to complain. The day before he had discovered he liked the slow way Levi’s hands touched his body. So he stayed still, lying on the bed, smiling at Levi and enjoying the warmness and sweetness that came from Levi’s fingers until the man decided on his own that it was enough and stopped.

Then Eren checked the time on the alarm clock on his nightstand. “I think its basketball time!” Eren said and sat up to put on his sneakers.

“Eren” Levi called his name in a hush.

“Yeah?”

“I’m gay too”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	6. The lonely-chemical-reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi spends his Saturday alone with his loyal lover.  
> Rivaille knows what to do…
> 
> Alternative summary: Levi NO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on 4th November, 2014 
> 
> **Warning for this chapter:** Self-harm. I’m not tagging the fic as such, because it won’t be a recurrent theme and it’s not self-harm in its proper meaning, at least not in the way we are accustomed to see/read it.

_March 30th near sixteen years ago:_

Nine years old Levi was a happy and smiling kid, very lively and full of dreams. Levi was waiting for his father to come and pick him up from the music academy where he took piano lessons every Monday and Thursday. The kid was exited with the promise of a funny night. His parents were going to take him to a new cartoon themed restaurant to celebrate that he had been chosen to play in the next music recital from the academy.

His dad arrived in a little while, driving his radiant black Lexus, Levi ran to hop into the car as soon as he saw it. He sat on the back seat, placing himself behind the co-pilot place before putting the seat belt on.

“Where's mum?” Levi asked. 

“She said she would need around forty minutes more to get ready. She was cleaning the house when I left; specially your room that was a complete disaster, kido” His dad explained. “You know how she is, she just wants to show off in front of those relatives that are coming tomorrow; I wanted to help her but she said I would make the mess worse”

Levi nodded, knowing the insane need his mother had for the house to be always unpolluted with every inch shinning like diamonds.

“So” His father continued, “where do you want to go to kill time in the meanwhile, kid?

Levi shrugged; he didn’t really care where to go. “The park?”

His dad agreed with a smile and began to drive to the nearest park. That was the last thing Levi remembered with clarity: the smile of his father. Everything after that happened too fast for the kid to even register it as real. 

If Levi had to explain it he would say it was a confusing dream when it lasted and a nightmare after everything was over. 

Did it happen after the first semaphore?

Perhaps it was after the second? 

Did his dad turn to the left?

Or it was to the right?

Was the car in movement or not? 

His dad was smiling, he was alive and smiling when a sudden deafening sound made everything blurrier and Levi blacked out.

Dizziness. 

His mind was dizzy and it hurt. Levi fluttered his eyes but he wasn’t able to keep them open. Spinning red lights were haunting him and hurting his eyes. Or were they orange? 

His eyes couldn’t help him at that moment but he still had his mouth. He tried to call for his father but no sound left his lips.

His ears whistled badly and all of a sudden he felt like something or someone was dragging him by the arm to somewhere.

It wouldn't be until later, until Levi's senses came back, that he would start to understand what had happened.

He didn't cry or even move a muscle as he stared at the unknown people walking around him, around the street, around the two cars that had crashed together. The police, an ambulance, someone asking for his name… All of it was surreal and he refused to believe that he was awake. 

He was sure he was sleeping on the back seat while his dad was driving to the restaurant. They were going to have his happy night, the three of them. Because mum was also with them; she had never stayed back cleaning Levi's room.

He fantasized in his own denial. It had to be a bad dream; it had to be a nightmare, because there was no way the man who had died in the car accident was his father.

That day was the last day Levi smiled. 

It was the day his personal nightmare started. 

The day when sadness and loneliness began to claim his soul, thoroughly, slowly, with no intention to stop until nothing else remained.

[X]

_At the present time:_

Levi didn’t know what invisible force had possessed him to tell Eren that he was gay too. It wasn’t like it was a lie but it wasn’t true either. Levi had never been interested in any kind of human interaction—with women or men alike—far from a handshake or the obligatory talk when he was trying to gain more clients for his company. 

Was Levi trying to make the brat comfortable picturing himself as an understanding adult in front of the teen? Or was he, unconsciously, pushing Eren to be more careful around him?

Eren was without a doubt gorgeous and dangerous. When Levi had accepted to meet him again he hadn’t expected that turn of events. With kid Eren things were easier, it was impossible to cross any moral line with him. Levi could be a lot of things, but a pervert wasn’t one of them. Teen Eren on the other side was tempting in any possible way and acting all natural around him was a terrible mistake. It made all the morality limits to get blurry and hard to recognize.

For all the things he had expected, fighting against his new discovered sexuality wasn’t one of them. Given he hated when people touched him, the interest in any kind of intercourse with another human being had never crossed his mind.

Or so he thought until the new Eren came into scene. 

It wasn’t like Eren was a magical exception. The brat needed almost one year when he was a kid to be able to touch Levi without making him wince and look for the nearest sink. 

It was really bad back then. Thankfully, as the years passed Levi had learnt how to control it. However that didn’t mean he was okay with people touching him. Most of them thought he was a germaphobe, that wasn’t really it, but it was better than the real reason. Reason that he wasn’t going to share with anyone.

Yes, Levi thought he had made peace with his no—touching—allowed life style, when Eren appeared in his life again all grow up and beautiful, with a smile that could conquer nations and those impossible stunning eyes and of course, he had to be totally and absolutely gay.

“I thought it was implied” That was what he had said. Implied? Good Lord, not implied, it was painfully obvious. All of it was in his body language and Levi had a master reading those signals, but he had chosen to refuse them. There was no way in hell Eren Yeager was gay. Be it fate, destiny, universe, it didn’t matter; all of them were whores with a dense sense of humor, a twisted one. Tempting him with the only person he would never allow himself to have, the only one he would never ruin: Eren.

Eren was pure, innocent and full of dreams, with an indestructible hope, untainted; he was everything Levi wasn’t. Eren was that little star that had guided him when he had been at his worst. And even as broken as he was, Levi would do anything to keep Eren’s shining sparks in perfect harmony.

“I’m not sad anymore” Those words changed everything. Spoken by the voice of an oblivious child; a child who knew nothing. Was in his ignorance the key of his happiness? Was inside of his dreamer mind the source of his bravery? Levi was a coward who feared happiness and every feeling that wasn’t sadness. Living with sadness was the easy way for him. Sadness was the shield that protected him from regret, blame, pain, rejection, desolation… Nevertheless, his armor was imperfect and it had a crack. A fissure he kept hidden from the others under his self-sufficient mask.

Levi controlled sadness and with it any other emotion. But just like his armor that control wasn’t absolute. It was wrecked by an old scar that was always knew, open and bleeding. Red skin patched over white skin, dead cells keeping the mark of his crime alive. A mark that didn’t belong to him, that wasn’t controlled by him. The stigma of his disgrace, the memento of his weakness that made him remember day after day the hated and undesired child that he was.

It was a lonely Saturday, the perfect companion for his loyal lover, the sadness. Levi was at his beach house, sitting on the rug near the chimney. He was surrounded by two couches. A black piano was in the right corner of the room with an old music box on top of it. The American style kitchen was in the other corner, sharing the same spacious room.

A picture of a woman in his left hand and a razor blade in the other one.

People kept saying this thing about fighting fire with fire. However, Levi had been doing it for years and the result was always the same: that mark still belonged to her, defiant of his control. 

Levi closed his fist with the picture and fast, skilled with the accuracy gained over all that time, he reopened the scar. There was no pain, there was no burn or itch; he barely felt the cut on his dead skin. The velvet crimson veil covering the stigma that should had never belonged to her and temporally washing the shame off from his soul.

Levi threw the picture into the flames, watching how easily it burned to ashes, erased from existence. Why couldn’t it be that easy with the mark? How was he supposed to eliminate it? No matter how many times he tried to make his the scar, by the time it was healed the wound would always belong to her.

On the solitude of his domains, Levi wondered if a deeper attempt would make any difference. Profound enough to reach where she had never did.

He took a deep breath and then moved again the razor over his wrist. The silver edge touched him, slowly sliding inside the bleeding opening.

Another deep breath and he was ready to erase her mark. He grabbed the razor with all his strength and pressed the squared edge deep into his wound, but he didn't move it. He could feel the vertigo in his stomach, the agonic taste at the back of his throat, and then… Rivaille made the old music box to fall down onto the floor; a lullaby melody filled the whole room as an unvoiced song echoed inside of Levi’s mind.

He stopped before hurting himself any further. His hand was trembling at the sudden memory the lullaby had brought with its sound. Levi shut his eyes closed. His heart beat was speeding up the same way his breathing did: fast and uncontrolled.

“Sorry…” He muttered after seconds of struggle. If it was an apologize to someone else or to himself, that was uncertain. He was sorry for not being able to find another solution, but he had to try it, he had to… The phone of his home rang.

And rang.

And rang.

Only two people knew that number and the repeater revealed the voice of the culprit.

“I know you are there; so pick it up already!”

Levi cursed, standing up and dropping the razor in the process of picking up the phone. “You have the worst timing ever. The hell do you want, Erwin?”

A chuckle was heard through the other side of the line. “Sorry to bother you while you are on your throne, but after two hours of missed calls to your cell number and being unable to find you online I was starting to feel ignored”

“I have no time for your seek of attention; that said and for your own sake, I hope you are calling me for a good reason”

“I didn't know I needed a reason to chat with you for a bit” Erwin said calmly.

Levi hissed, sharply aware of the blood covering his left forearm and the trail it had left on the floor, making a fucking disgusting mess.

“You okay?” Erwin asked.

No. He wasn't; Levi had been up to break himself to a point of no return. “Yes, I just run out of toilet paper” He lied, going to the bathroom near his bedroom to get a towel so he could wrap it around his wounded wrist.

If Erwin had caught the lie behind Levi’s words, he didn't say it. The man's authority could be annoying sometimes but he was honorable and Levi tolerated him for that. Erwin had been in charge of Trost Company for fifteen years; years that had made the company achieve the place where it was currently standing at, like the best advertisement agency in the world.

“So why have you exactly called?” Levi held his left arm pressed against his abdomen and placed the phone between his neck and shoulder, freeing that way his right hand so he could pick his cellphone from the bed before returning to the living room.

Twenty-four missed calls from Erwin and one message from Eren.

“Since you are the boss I thought you would gladly help me with the challenge Sina Books has sent to our agency” Erwin explained.

“Drop the boss thing, we both know you are the one with the authority kink, commander” Levi sat again near the chimney, placing his cellular on his thigh.

Erwin laughed. “I wonder what will you do when the branch office at Shiganshina gets finally finished. I can’t be in two places at the same time. So will you leave the shadows and do your work?”

“Nah. I will just get you cloned”

“Or you can take the company lead as your father wanted”

Levi sighed. “And you can tell me about how Sina Books did challenge us”

Erwin smirked, clearly amused and aware of Levi’s change of topic. “Sina books is looking for a new face and slogan for his upcoming campaign”

“And the problem is…”

“They have strictly specified a certain kind of person they would like to be his new image and I can’t find it anywhere”

“I know is a stupid question, but have you already contact the modeling agencies?”

“Actually, I was waiting for the perfect creature to fall from the moon into in my arms” Erwin joked with a serious voice.

“What’s wrong with Riko?”

“Too old for their needs”

Levi tsked. “Petra?”

“Too feminine”

“Farlan?” Levi tried again.

“Too masculine”

“Well, fuck them. Good luck hiring Andrej Pejic, old man.”

“Not joking there, Levi. I’m sure they are looking for someone similar but younger; more childish” Erwin explained. “I have sent you all the information you need to your mail. Check it later and tell me what you think. The time limit is two weeks.”

Levi grunted, rubbing his forehead. “Fine. I will take a look. But no promises; I can’t do miracles”

“Allow me to differ” Erwin chuckled. “By the way, Hange is begging me every day to convince you to validate her transfer application to the new branch office once it’s built and ready to function”

“That’s not going to happen. I have plans for the new branch already. I only need two or three people from the current workforce, and how unfortunate, she isn’t in the list.”

“Careful, your control freakiness is showing up” Erwin teased.

“Kiss my ass, Erwin”

“Don’t get my hopes up; I would do it if you really mean it”

Levi didn’t waste a second getting surprised for Erwin’s lusted counter attacks. He was more than used to him already, though the first time he heard Erwin's suggestion about how perfectly they would physically fit together made him question his father’s mental state the day he had chosen Erwin to be his vice president.

“Just tell her I will consider it so she will stop bothering you”

“Oh! Are you worried for me, Levi? How unlike you”

“Don’t get me wrong, shitty old man. If something happens to you I should take the company and, believe me, that would be a terrible thing to see” Levi picked the razor blade he had discarded minutes ago and played with it sliding it between his fingers as if it was a coin.

Both of them kept talking for some minutes, about trivialities most of the time, when Erwin wasn’t casting between lunch and new shops he liked, how Levi’s companions missed him, especially Hange, that treated Levi like he was some kind of nature miracle waiting to be decrypt.

During the conversation Levi ended up throwing the blade into the flames in an unconscious movement after he had got his middle finger lightly cut.

“Someone is ringing the doorbell; I think it’s my date for today” Erwin said.

“Go ahead; I was tempted to hang up the moment you talked about the flower pattern for your bedroom curtains” Levi confessed.

“Talk to you in another time, then. Take care and don’t forget to check out the mail with all the information about Sina books”

“Bla-bla-bla…” Levi was almost ending the call when he heard Erwin calling his name.

“Levi!”

“Yes?”

“Next time you need to talk to someone, don’t wait for them to call you” With that said, the line died awarding the last word to Erwin.

Levi frowned looking at the phone with exasperation before throwing it to the couch and picking his cellular to read Eren’s message: 

[Good evening, Levi!!! I’ve got the pictures of those losers, thx to my horse-like friend. Here you go.] 

Received two hours and twenty-three minutes ago.

Levi simply replied with: “Got them” He didn’t have the chance to leave his phone when another message from Eren came in, almost instantly. Was that speed even possible? A smiling emoticon followed by: 

[Cool. See you next Tuesday? Remember this Monday is Mikasa’s B-day. No tutoring.] Sad emoticon. 

Levi rolled his eyes and stood up ready to clean all the mess he had done, starting with the lounge floor and ending with him in the bathroom, taking a warm and comforting shower. When everything, including himself, was neat again, he bandaged his left wrist that was no longer bleeding, hiding from the others the crack of his imperfect armor.

It was surprising for Levi how people were always looking for a sign, something to tell them if they had to stop or to keep going. Should he thank Erwin for calling? Thank the cat for dropping the box and make Levi hesitant enough to give time for Erwin to call? Levi wondered what would happen if sometimes the answer was not answer at all. What if the signal was to not have a signal?

Levi lay on the couch, picking his phone one more time and messaged Eren back: “See you this Tuesday, Lil’ star. Have fun.”

Eren’s speed was, one again, worth of admiration: Surprise emoticon [Did you just…]

One minute later, Eren sent another message: [See you, traveller in the dark; I will be waiting here shinning for you] star icon.

“Sure you will” Levi muttered.

Levi stood up only to sit again, this time on the piano-bench. He opened de music box, which fortunately wasn’t broken after Rivaille had dropped it. He let the lullaby fill the house yet again and fill Levi’s soul too.

“...why didn't you say good bye to me?” Eren's question was haunting him even before the teen asked it out loud.

“Because I couldn't...”

Maybe there wasn’t a happy ending waiting for Levi in the future, no one could be certain about things that were yet to be seen, but one thing was absolute and he didn’t need a signal to know it: He had to do something about his awakening feelings for the brat.

Eren deserved much better than a broken man by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala
> 
> ~The lullaby from the music box is 'Twinkle twinkle little star'~


	7. Friendship is a science

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adding new components to the sample, the result is always the same, though.
> 
> Antonia wants to knit a basket with her spider-web.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on November 5th, 2014

It was Mikasa's 8th birthday. The sun was long gone and only Eren remained at Mikasa's house. The kid was waiting for his mum, where the other kids had been already picked up by his respective parents.

Someone rang the doorbell and Mikasa's dad opened it, gently greeting the person standing there.

“Levi!” Eren dashed to the teen. “I wasn't expecting you”

Levi petted Eren's hair. “Your dad has told me to come for you. Seems he needed to talk about something with your mum”

“What thing?”

“None of my business, kid; neither yours. Let's go, shall we?”

“Wait!” Eren begged. “Let me show Mikasa how strong you are”

Levi frowned when he saw the kid walking towards him with a weirdly and exited look in his eyes. “What did you tell her, Eren?”

“Nothing bad...” Eren grabbed one of Levi's arms and stretched it. Then he held it over his head and raised himself up using both hands, lifting up his legs and hanging from Levi’s arm like a monkey. 

“See? He can lift my weight without blinking!” Eren said euphorically.

Mikasa stretched his arms forming a cross. “I can do it too. Eren come” she demanded.

Eren laughed, not believing a word, but he went closer to his friend anyways. “You sure?”

Mikasa nodded. “Do it”

Eren's attempt was doomed to fail from the start. The height difference between them was so ridiculous that he couldn't raise his legs enough to hang from Mikasa's tiny arm.

“You tried” Eren smiled and kissed her on the cheek. “See you, Mikasa!” The kid said, going back to Levi.

“Just wait, Eren. One day I will be able do it!” That was the last thing Eren heard from Mikasa, before the door closed.

[X]

Eren was in a good mood that evening; he ended up having more fun at Mikasa’s birthday than he had anticipated and all was thanks to Jean. The guy was irritating and had a weird way to show his friendship towards everyone, especially to Eren, but in some unknown way he had managed to get the pictures from lanky bastard and his stinky gang. Eren thought he was in debt with Jean for that, but the guy had said: “I’m doing it for Armin; whatever you are planning to do, you'd better don’t screw it up”

Little did he known that the one with a plan was Levi, not Eren, who had zero idea about Levi’s payback method.

By the time Eren arrived to his home from school, Levi was already waiting for him at the front door. Eren’s heart beat speeded up upon the sight of the man. The teen was still wondering if there was a hidden meaning behind Levi’s confession about him being gay too, or if it had been just a modest declaration. 

It was almost ridiculous the way Eren’s mind had been wandering between countless possible implications during all the weekend, Monday and still at that moment on Tuesday, just because those inoffensive words.

Could it be that Levi had been bullied too back then in his school days? Maybe Levi liked someone and he was rejected? Maybe the other guy wasn’t gay? Those were some of the questions Eren had been asking himself during the weekend, but the one that had been repeating itself more than any other in Eren’s thoughts was if Levi found him attractive or not. 

The simple idea of the answer being yes made him smile and squeal like an idiot, until the little common sense he had remembered him that it was nearly impossible to be real.

Eren’s inner monologue went on lines of: “Why in the world would you want him to find you attractive? Are you intending to flirt with him? No…! Yes? Fuck!” Eren was confused, incapable to understand himself; he never had thought in Levi that way before, so, why now? What was different? May be nothing and he was just overreacting and daydreaming, trying to find some impossible fire on a sea of cold water.

But what about Levi remembering the Little star nickname? Eren had really forgotten about it until Levi messaged him last Saturday and everything came to his mind in a breath, from the first time he had heard the lullaby to all the times he had sung it for Levi when he was a child.

He greeted Levi the more natural he could and then both went into the house and upstairs, to Eren’s room. The first thing the teen did after discarding his schoolbag was to open Antonia’s cage and deposit inside a pot that he kept hidden there the money he had saved from lunch.

“Are you making some kind of offering to the ugly bitch?” Levi asked skeptically.

“It’s my Dream’s pot” Eren said with a condescend tone and rolling his eyes. “Dreams that can be a new game, a ticket for a concert, a new mystery book for Armin, a present for my mum…”

“It’s your piggy bank” Levi summed up.

In fact, was a little more complicate than that; if Eren wanted money for something he could just ask his father to give it to him, was the only use as father the old man had. The pot hided an especial meaning for Eren because he only used that money to make himself or the people he cared happy. He even had an angel’s bell wrapped around it as a talisman, plus Antonia as knight. In case some thief broke into the house he was sure his dream pot would be safe and sound.

“Do you still have the angel’s caller I gave to you?” Eren wanted to know. He remembered when he was a kid her mum bought an angel’s caller at the medieval fair for him and said that it was a guardian token that will protect him from the bad things. With that said, kid Eren wanted another one to keep Levi protected too, so his mum bought a bell identical to Eren’s own.

“I must have it somewhere”

“Somewhere?” Eren smirked. “That doesn’t sound pretty confident”

After two hours during which they eat some cookies with tea and both did the tutoring session, Eren had been more focused on how wonderful Levi smelled instead in his textbook. He also didn’t fail to notice the man was more pale than usual. 

Eren was about to scream “Basket time!” when someone knocked the main door using the shackle on it.

Levi smelled as good as always, yes, but for some unknown reason for Eren, the man’s fragrance was making him all warm and dizzy. Thankfully, or not—since Eren wasn’t sure if that unidentified feeling was good or bad—; he wouldn’t have worry about it while playing basket.

“Coming!” Eren yelled rushing to the door. As he opened it he saw his friends, Armin and Mikasa, standing there and smiling at him. “Guys!” Eren happily exclaimed.

“Hope we aren’t interrupting you tutoring” Armin chanted.

Eren shook his head. “We have just finished; it's basket time now” Eren pointed his thumb to the garage. “Wanna join us?”

“Can we? We actually passed by to say hi, we don’t want to be a bother” Armin said, looking at Levi who just made it downstairs.

Eren turned around to see him. He was wearing his usual expression that for anyone who didn’t know him, it would look like he was extremely bored.

“Do you remember them, Levi?” Eren asked him.

Levi nodded. “Little mushroom and casa girl, I presume”

Eren’s jaw dropped mouth open and barely controlling himself from laughing. How could Levi be that bad with names? Or was he doing it on purpose?

“So? You and me versus Armin and Mikasa?” Eren accentuated his friends’ names and Levi just shrugged. “I’ll take that as a yes!” Eren said and ran to the garage. “Old creepy bug the last one!”

“I’ve been called worse, you can start without me, lousy brats” Levi said going inside the house instead of going to the garage.

Armin and Mikasa approached Eren, one on each side of him and started to talk within whispers near Eren’s ears as if they were scared of Levi to hear them.

“Holy Molly, you were right; he looks exactly like back then” Armin muttered.

“And he is still a shorty” Mikasa added.

“He is just frozen in time” Eren proudly smiled.

“Perhaps he found the secret for the eternal youth” Armin fantasized.

“I didn’t like him when we were kids and I still don’t like him” and Mikasa emotionlessly ended the magic. 

Well, I do. Eren told to himself picking the ball to play. “You don’t know him”

“Oh, but do you?” Mikasa crossed her arms. “Has he told you why did he disappear or why has he came back? Because I remember that we were the ones who comforted you when you cried rivers because of him”

Eren breathed out, rolling his eyes. “I was a kid! Don’t treat him like a monster just because he followed his life” Far away from me… Eren finished in his mind.

“I’m not, I just… Look, he is weird, you’ve gotta be with me in that. He left you once and he can leave again so don’t make him your first priority like you did seven years ago”

“Mikasa, I know you are worried, but everything it’s perfectly fine. My mum knows him better than you and she is thrilled to have him back. Actually it was her idea to have him as my tutor. Don’t you trust my mother?”

Mikasa grimaced and averted her eyes from Eren’s. “I do…”

Eren passed his arm over Mikasa’s shoulders and brought her near him. “Will you give him a chance? I promise I will let you chop him with your cooking skills if he ends up being Darth Vader”

“That’s tempting” Mikasa said under her breath and then tsked. “Fine”

Eren hugged Mikasa before releasing her and looked at Armin. “What about you?”

“Me?” Armin pointed at himself with his fore finger.

“What do you think about Levi?”

“I agree with Mikasa that he is a little odd, but I like him”

Mikasa and Armin were like water and oil, opposites in nature, but Eren couldn’t think in himself without them. Both of his friends complemented Eren’s stubbornness, helping him to be more flexible most of the time, but encouraging his determination in some other circumstances when they thought Eren was right.

“I thought I made myself clear when I said you could start without me” Levi’s voice came from the side door that leaded to the kitchen.

“We were just…” Eren hesitated. “Chatting…?”

“About you” Mikasa finished the sentence for Eren with a cold tone.

Levi arched his eyebrows faking surprise. “Whatever he has told you, make it thousand times worse”

Eren mentally visualized himself grabbing Levi by the shoulders and shaking him senseless. That bad—with—words idiot. That wasn’t going to help in changing the way Mikasa looked at him like he was some kind of criminal.

“Your mum called” Levi said walking towards the trio. “She will stay until the store closes; seems they’re busy because this Friday its Valentine’s Day”

Oh, well, Eren felt bad for his mum working more hours; however, that meant he had more time to spend with Levi.

“Mind if I take you a pic with your friends for her?” Levi asked raising his phone. “That may boost her humor up” 

“Sure!” That was a great idea, Eren thought as he placed his arms around Mikasa and Armin moving them closer to him. Armin was smiling cheerfully where Mikasa seemed like she wanted to kill someone.

“Say shit” Levi joked—or may be not—. “Done and sent” Levi put his phone back inside his trousers’ back pocket. “Who wants to be humiliated first, shitty brats?” Levi asked, stealing the ball from Eren’s hands.

“You” was the short answer Mikasa gave before rushing against Levi, engaging him in some kind of unspoken duel they had previously agreed on.

“I thought this was going to be two versus two” Armin commented to Eren, not really complaining; he didn’t like sports in any of its forms, but sometimes he gave in for his friends.

“I have another ball if you want” Eren said, yet he knew what Armin would reply before he did.

“I’m more than fine just watching”

“Wanna bet?”

“I’m not Jean, you moron. Leave that for him”

“Speaking of the devil, where is he?”

“Essaying with Marco”

“Are they really serious about starting a rock band?” Eren asked incredulously, while following Mikasa and Levi’s play with his eyes.

“Totally serious” Armin confirmed.

Eren still wondered how was possible for Marco, a really nice and kind person, to stand the stupid and pretentious Jean. Eren and that horse-faced guy were unable to be nearby more than five minutes without fighting, betting or trying to show off in front of each other.

If love at first sight existed, Eren was sure rivalry at first sight did too. Not that they were enemies, in fact they were friends. Maybe it was an odd friendship they had there, but under all their competitiveness they knew they got each other’s back.

Armin had the theory that Jean and Eren were so similar that they had to clash in some or other way.

Yet, Eren failed to see how they were alike. Eren didn’t consider himself neither good-looking or attractive, but fuck, he wasn’t a horse related teenager like Jean with that long face. Even if he was the ugliest guy in the universe he would be still handsomer than Jean.

Mikasa made a three points shot and Levi jumped, successfully blocking it, but cursing at the same second he did it, grabbing his left bandaged wrist with his free hand. “Holy shit, girl, are you on steroids?”

Even with all the aversion she had for him she looked somehow guilty for hurting him. “It wasn’t that hard… I didn’t throw it with all my strength” Mikasa stuttered.

“You okay?” Eren hurried to Levi, looking hard to Mikasa.

“Fuck. Yes, I’m alright, I’m not made of crystal, kid. I’m just playing with tendinitis. That’s all” Levi grimaced holding his hurt wrist near his torso. “Guess I’m out of the game for today” He sighed. “I’ll be inside. Have fun brats” Levi disappeared, walking into the house as the three teenagers looked at him with a puzzled gaze.

“I swear I wasn’t playing rough” Mikasa declared, searching for Eren’s support.

“I will check on him. Be right back, guys” Eren followed Levi’s steps into the kitchen, but he wasn’t there. “Levi?” He summoned his name.

“In the restroom” Levi answered.

Eren walked there and stopped before the closed door. “Are you visible?”

“I’m not taking a shit if that’s what you asking” Levi sounded irritated.

“I just want to know if I can come in”

“Do as you want; I’m only washing my hands clean from the ball and wetting my face”

Eren opened the door and took a tentative step inside the restroom. As Levi had said, he was cleaning his hands, face and his neck too. Eren finally entered, closing the door behind him. “Are you sure is just tendinitis? You look really pale today, even for you” Eren was genuinely worried; it wasn’t just his skin tone, the circles under Levi’s eyes were darker than usual.

“Why would I lie to you?” Levi ask-answered, drying himself. Eren crossed his arms not giving in and Levi sighed deeply. “Okay, let’s say I haven’t got much sleep these days. So stop wasting your time on me and go have fun with your friends”

“You are my friend too, you know?”

Levi tilted his head furrowing his brow. “Am I?”

Eren uncrossed his arms at the same time his mouth fell open and unwilling to believe that Levi had actually asked that. “Of course you are. What kind of question is that?” What were they if not friends? Just acquaintances? Tutor and student? Former neighbors? Did Levi really think of Eren as nothing else than the kid he just has to take care of because it was his work? That possibility made Eren sick.

“Sorry, brat. I don’t know what friendship is” Levi leaned his back against the counter for support, grabbing the edge with his hands.

“You are not joking” It was a statement, not a question. Eren chose to trust that Levi was being honest, which made his heart crack a little. “What about your school days?”  
Levi slowly shook his head no. “My school, high school, college, all of it was a mix between them ignoring me and I cursing them to stay the hell out of my way”

“That’s lonely. Haven’t you got someone close to you?”

Levi looked at Eren in the eye. “You, I suppose”

And another crack to Eren’s heart as he recalled that he had never seen anyone but Yayo and himself near Levi. Eren understood the importance of having friends. God, he would kill for them if he had to. True friends were always there, standing at your side when the rest of the world fell apart. How could be possible for Levi not to have friends. Just Eren wasn’t enough. What with all the years when Eren hadn’t been even born to the world yet. And what with those years they had been apart? What if Eren’s friendship wasn’t what Levi needed at some point? 

“And what about those five years you have been on Trost?” It had to be someone, Eren thought. Only Eren didn’t seem right, it was lonely, too lonely. Why would Levi isolate himself from everyone?

“I admit I had no other choice than socialize a little with my co-workers, but I’m not sure if that makes them my friends” Levi tilted his head again. “Tell me. How would you describe friendship, Eren?”

Eren took a deep breath. He knew Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Marco, Levi, even his mum, they were all his friends. But putting into words how he knew it or how friendship was supposed to feel like was a different thing. “I don’t know how it works for other people” Eren started. “But for me friendship is fifty percent understanding, comfort and trust, also joy and fun; and the other fifty percent reality slaps” Eren said and smiled softly. “I know that you all are my friends because I would die for each one of you” Levi’s eyes twitched with that statement, Eren noticed it and quickly finished what he was trying to say. “But this works the other way too. Friends push you to live, to keep going when you can’t even see the path you are walking on, but they do, they see it; they teach you to never lose your hope, to fight for what you love and care…” Eren wasn’t sure if his words were reaching Levi, given that the young man was staring blankly at him after the eye’s twitching thing. “Maybe friendship is something else, I don’t know, this is just my opinion”

Levi closed his eyes and bowed down his head before saying: “Well, I guess some of those coworkers from Trost could be considered half friends of mine”

Eren didn’t understand why something that simple as that sentence made his heart lighter, healing the previous cracks. “That’s good to hear”

“If you say so” Levi sighed, opening his eyes.

“I do say so” Eren grinned feeling that Levi’s mood was better. And making profit of it and of Levi bringing his co-workers topic onto the table; Eren, once again, pushed his lucky star to get some answers to his endless questions. “So, now that you have realized you’ve got half friends…” Eren let the question on the air smiling playfully. “Any of them has touching rights?”

Levi’s eyebrows knitted together. “Touching?” He sounded offended. “You should know better than anyone how I feel about other people touching me”

Eren rubbed the back of his neck trying to find the words. God, why was so hard asking him straight? “I didn’t mean touching like ‘touching’ ” He pressed his fingers on Levi’s shoulder. “I’m asking you if you have a friend with benefits; like a boyfriend. Sort of.”

“Fuck, that’s even worse” Levi snorted, his face twisting in a disgusted grimace.

“How is that worse?” Eren failed to understand it.

“Okay, kid, I will put it simple. Sexual matters aren’t easy for me”

“Why not? There are no guys on Trost?”

“On the contrary, there are plenty of them”

“I don’t see the problem”

Levi puffed. “Firstly, I've never been interested in any kind of sexual intercourse, but let's assume for a moment I were interested. The obvious problem is that men are like public toilets, kid; either they are occupied or full of shit. Most of the time both.”

Wait. What? Eren blinked, eyes fluttering repeatedly, uncertain about if he should laugh or feel offended. But on a second thought, he wasn’t occupied and sure he was cleaner than any other teen his age. And why in the world are you mentally evaluating yourself in front of him, Eren? Fuck his inner soliloquies! But the subject was interesting. Even after all this time, Levi didn’t allow others to touch him further than handshakes. Eren was sure Levi wasn’t a germaphobe; indeed, he hated the dirty in all its forms, but he was capable of touching doorknobs without hyperventilating, he just freaked out a little when he got himself or his surroundings unclean. So what about the people? Why was he so reluctant to let other humans get near him? Wait, wait, wait; hold the horse, Eren. The teen’s mind took the wheel again. The real question here is. If he doesn’t allow anyone but you to touch him… Does that mean Levi is still…? Is he…? Could it be? Why are you suddenly so pleased about that possibility?

“That grin on your face is making me feel uncomfortable, brat”

Eren cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks getting warmer by the second. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What in the world were you thinking about, idiot? “I… Em…” Eren mumbled. Focus, Eren. FOCUS. “I’ll go tell Armin and Mikasa to leave, so you can get some rest” Eren finally accomplished to say, waving away those uncalled and also inappropriate thoughts about Levi from his mind.

“Don’t have to do that. Just go have fun with them; meanwhile I will relax a little on the couch” Levi stretched his body and then walked to the door, stopping few inches from Eren, that was blocking the way out. “May I?” Levi asked beckoning to the door.

“Sorry!” Eren opened the door so the both of them could get out from the tiny restroom.

The teen saw Levi going to the living room and sitting on one of the couches; then, Eren leaded his steps outside, where Armin and Mikasa were waiting for him. Both gave Eren an intrigued gaze, seemingly expecting from him to tell them what was wrong with Levi.

“It seems he is really tired, Levi said he hasn’t had much sleep these days” Eren explained.

“If that’s the case, we should leave” Armin said.

“Shall we?” apparently, Mikasa didn’t approve.

“Yes, Mik” Armin sighed. “We are leaving”

“Levi said it was okay for you to stay, though” Eren confessed.

“See? The shorty agreed”

“I’m not going to disturb anyone’s rest time, also, if he isn’t feeling well, Eren should be with him, I refuse to be responsible of finding a corpse later”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Armin” Eren laughed. “Unless there’s something you’re not telling us”

Armin flustered under the intense look in Eren’s eyes and in Mikasa’s grey eyes too. 

“I…” The blond breathed deeply. “Geez. Ok, I’m supposed to meet someone in like twenty minutes. So can we go already, Mik?”

Eren opened his mouth with surprise. “Who is that someone?”

“Not telling”

“Oh, come on, Armin. I have told you my entire life”

“Still, not telling” Armin was bright red, averting his gaze from Eren. “Mikasa, please, let’s go” He begged, grabbing the girl’s arm. 

For Eren, there were just two possible options to explain Armin’s sudden shy behavior: a) Armin was lying, trying to get Mikasa out of there so Eren could watch for Levi and b) Armin thought that that someone he was going to see wouldn’t be accepted by Eren.

The teen would go with the first possibility for the moment. He really wanted to be with Levi, it seemed the right thing to do, after all, the man had taken care of Eren countless times when he was a kid and Eren wanted to give back at least a little of all that thoughtful attention.

“ ’Kay” Eren lifted his hands up in surrender. “I give up for today, but tomorrow you’re going to tell me everything, Armin”

The blond teen nodded repeatedly. “Sure, whatever…”

Eren smiled and leaned forward to hug both of his friends. “See you in class tomorrow, guys”

Mikasa wasn’t so sure yet, but she let Armin drag her outside the Yeager’s property without more complains.

Eren walked inside the house again. He went to his room to pick his 3DS and stepped out of his sneakers before going back to the living room to sit on the same couch Levi was lying.

“What are you doing, brat?” He asked without opening his eyes. Meanwhile Eren was making himself confortable on the sofa, crossing his legs on it whilst holding Levi’s legs over his own. “Where are your friends?”

“They left” Eren patted one of Levi’s legs to indicate him that he could rest them already.

“Why? I told you to...”

Eren didn’t let him finish. “Fifty percent understanding, trust, comfort, joy; remember?” Levi tsked at him. “They have agreed with me that I should be here with you” More or less…

“You are all so weird”

Look who’s talking! Eren though, rolling his eyes. “I will be here playing in silence, you won’t notice me, I swear. But if you need something, just tell me.”

Levi switched a little to his left, facing the back of the couch, trying to find a nice position to sleep or so Eren supposed. After a while, Eren dared to look at Levi, averting his eyes from the game he was playing. And, God, even with his tired face Levi was a beautiful sight to contemplate. No one should be allowed to be that attractive, Eren expressed to himself, starting a new inner monologue.

His right hand moved closer to Levi’s face to slide one black lock of hair away from the man’s stunning appearance. He caressed and traced with his fingertips Levi’s face. The man purred something unintelligible in his rest, yet Eren didn’t stop his tender touch. He wasn’t scared of waking up Levi with his light strokes, or being caught caressing him, because he had gained his right to touch the man years ago. 

Eren was overwhelmed with emotions he had to decrypt yet and some questions that made it hard to breath. Levi was so serene and vulnerable in his sleep that it made difficult to believe that once he was awake the sadness and bitterness would take over him again.

But why? Why? Why? Eren cupped Levi’s face, tracing the man’s chin and lips tenderly with his thumb when a painful question suddenly broke into his soul.

“What had happened to you to make you the way you are?”

[X]

OMAKE:

That same day, late, late, really late at night, Levi’s phone vibrated with an incoming message from Erwin in reference to the picture Levi had sent him in the evening: 

[Talking about perfect creatures falling from the moon. Who is that angel?]

Levi was working from his bed with his laptop when he answered to his co-worker: “I knew you would like him, but he is off limits you pervert. He is too young for you. Hell! Even I’m too young for you” 

[Why hello there, Levi! You’re hurting my forty years old heart]

“Sure thing. You have been forty since the day I met you, shitty old man”

[What can I say? Genetics love me! Now tell me. Who is he?]

Levi rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue, quickly typing his response: “Say hi to Sina Books’ new face”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala
> 
> Hi there!! I think is about time to leave here Riruka's Tumblr and mine too:
> 
> Ashala http://ashala85.tumblr.com/  
> NDainty (Riruka) http://n-dainty.tumblr.com/
> 
> Later~~


	8. A story about us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems that lanky bastard finally gets his payback and Eren wants to thank the person behind that marvelous display.
> 
> Antonia thinks she would do it fine as a stripper.
> 
> Alternative summary: a story about an awkward hug and broken rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on 6th November, 2014

Little Eren and Levi were lying on the teen’s bed, both of them were contemplating in the soft darkness the shining stars stickers that Levi had displayed on the ceiling that same morning.

“How’s that called?” Eren pointed at one of the many constellations that were represented by the stickers.

“Ursa major” Levi said, with his hands crossed under his head.

“And that?” Eren pointed at another.

“Andromeda”

Eren hummed in appreciation before crossing his hands under his head too, imitating Levi’s cool gesture. “Awesome...” the kid yawned. “It reminds me about that lullaby mum sings to me some nights. Do you know any lullaby, Levi?”

“I’m afraid not”

“Is it because you have no mum?”

Levi’s eyes opened with astonishment and for a second Eren was scared he had said something wrong, again. But Levi moved to his side, facing Eren and changed his expression to another less shocked. “Maybe you are right. I’ve never had a mum who sang for me.”

Eren lifted his body up until he was sitting on the bed and looked at Levi with determination flickering on his eyes. “Want me to sign one for you? I’m not a mum, but I can sing my mother’s lullaby. Although, it is supposed to be sung before going to sleep and…”

“That’s alright” Levi cut Eren’s self-deliberation that wasn’t going anywhere. “You can sing it and then we can rest for a while, kid”

“Yes!” The child agreed instantly. “You should lie like this” Eren pushed Levi to lie on his back and covered him with the sheets and the blanket, just the way his mum always did with him.

The teen observed Eren’s actions with a bit of hidden amusement, admiring how the brat acted all grow up and serious just for a lullaby. Eren placed his hand over the sheets, near Levi’s collarbone and softly taped with his little fingers before starting the chant.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star,  
How I wonder what you are.  
Up above the world so high,  
Like a diamond in the sky”

The rhythm was messed up and some words were misspelled but Levi would be lying if he denied that Eren was really cute every time he tried so hard to make Levi feel better. Certainly, the kid was a blessing he had never asked for.

“Then the traveller in the dark,  
Thanks you for your tiny spark,  
He could not see which way to go,  
If you did not twinkle so”

Eren yawned and rested his head on Levi’s shoulder and then he proceeded with the lullaby, but with a very sleepy voice.

“As your bright and tiny spark,  
Lights the traveller in the dark.  
Though I know not what you are,  
Twinkle, twinkle, little star”

The kid wasn’t sure in which moment his eyes closed, or if he had finished the song aloud or within his mind. “How I wonder what you are...” All he knew was that Levi was petting his head, touching his messy hair with caring fingers, sliding them to rub the back of his neck and going up to his head again, then his nape one more time, his hair, his neck again, hair, neck, head, nape… It was a marvelous never-ending loop.

The last thought in Eren’s mind, before falling into the sleep spell he had casted upon himself, was for Levi. This time, yes; this time for sure, he was positive he had found the thing Levi was missing: A lullaby.

[X]

Eren was euphoric, pumped up with ecstasy, feeling the energy of his body becoming electrifying bliss and overjoy. He was unable to stop himself from laughing each time he thought about the face of that lanky bastard, the mortification in those stupid fish-like eyes, the angriness that idiot couldn’t direct to anyone but to himself and his gang.

“That was fucking awesome!” Eren bursted out as he stepped inside his room. “Man! You’ve gotta see their faces. It was epic. Splendid. Amazing. You are a fucking genius, Levi!”

The man entered the room behind the teen with his usual calm mood, which was a remarkable contrast with Eren’s evident enjoyment. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, brat”

“What?” Eren laughed with disbelief, placing his hands on his hips. “Leave the back door open. The booty hunters are coming this Valentine’s night to steal all your jewels” Eren repeated with a funny voice the words in the flyers everyone in his High School had found inside their lockers in the morning. “God, how did you do it? Photoshop? The faces just matched perfectly with those strippers’ bodies!”

“And again, I’m telling you neither me nor someone from Trost has nothing to do with that. Do you understand?”

Of course Eren understood it. If someone related those flyers to Trost, the company would suffer serious consequences. But hell! He wasn’t going to tell anyone that Levi did it, why wasn’t he acting more cheerfully? ‘And yet again your stupidity amazes yourself. When did you see Levi acting like that, Eren?’

Eren exhaled, barely controlling his boosted emotions. “I just want to thank the person who did it”

Levi was acting indifferently, inspecting the games on the shelving. “And how exactly would you thank that person, Eren?” he asked, turning his gaze to face the teen when he said Eren’s name.

“I would...” Eren breathed in. “First, I would say ‘thanks’ to him”

“Him?” Levi arched his eyebrows. “Do you picture that person as a man?”

“As a fine man, indeed...” Eren sucked his bottom lip in, a little nervous for the hidden confession and focusing his eyes on Levi. 'No, Eren. No. No. No. You are not trying to flirt with him, are you?’

“Oh! I see. So what after the thank you, Eren?” Levi voice was huskier as he tilted his head, looking with renewed curiosity at Eren. His dark fringe fell over the edge of his sharp eyes making him a hundred million times more attractive.

That wasn't fair for the rest of the normal mortals guys left in the world.

Eren breathed in and out, slowly regaining the control over the disparity of his emotions—or at least trying it—. The flirtation’s games weren’t new for Eren, he and Jean were always fooling around each other, but that’s all there was to it, just fooling around. There was nothing serious there, just a teasing competition that was over at the very second they walked off.

One thing was scaring shitless that guy from the religious family—who wanted to tutor Eren—'Yah, in his fucking dreams'. Pinning him onto the door, one knee here, one hand there, Eren's face too close to his. But this was Levi he was talking about. 'What the hell are you going to do, Eren? What if he is testing you?'

Trying those flirtations tricks with Levi didn’t look like a fair game to Eren. Playing with Jean was easy, he knew when to stop. However, with Levi he was afraid he didn’t know when to stop; or more like he wouldn’t be able to stop once it was started. Walking in a flirtation game with Levi would be the same as entering a competition without knowing the rules. What was he allowed to do? Where were the limits? What if he messed it up and there wasn’t a second chance?

No. It was too early to let his body take the wheel for him with sentiments he didn’t fully understand yet. He had other non-expressed feelings he did comprehend, though. 'Sorry for disappoint you if you were testing my flirting skills, Levi, but I just... I need to tell you this, I really…' “I would tell him I’m thankful for he is back in my life, but still how scared I am of the thought of him disappearing again.” 

Levi's factions relaxed in a nearly tender expression. Wow. Wow. And wow again. That wasn’t disappointment on his face, that was… What was that? Eren couldn’t tell. Eren couldn’t say. He had never seen that look on Levi before.

“You shouldn’t be afraid of a man like him walking away from you.” Levi said with sudden bitterness in his voice.

“Yet I am.”

Eren took one slow step closer to Levi.

“Then I must tell you he is too greedy to disappear again from your life.”

“Good.”

Another step.

“You don’t know what you are saying, do you?” Levi was still standing beside the game's shelving near the bed, his eyes were fixed on the measured movements coming from Eren.

“I know that my life is better when he is in it.”

Step.

Levi’s eyes flinched, yet he didn’t move.

“Levi...”

One last step and Eren’s body was just a breath away of distance from Levi’s own.

“Yes?”

“Can I hug you?”

“Why?” Levi asked, an enigmatic and intense stare radiating from his eyes.

“Because I'm dying to hold you since you came back and I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't do it any time soon” Eren finally confessed.

“I don't think that's physically possible, brat.”

“Which one; hugging you or me combusting?” Eren chuckled, raising his hands and moving them tentatively closer to Levi’s shoulders.

“Both?” Levi tried, but Eren wasn't going to accept a no as a final answer. And that hadn't been a real ‘no’, in its proper meaning in any case. Besides, Levi wasn’t moving away. If it was some kind of invitation despite his words, Eren was more than willing to figure it out.

He let his hands land on Levi’s shoulders and little by little, with an agonic pace, he traced with his right hand fingers a warm path up to Levi’s neck, sliding them to his jaw, then his cheek, feeling the silky pale skin there under his innocent touch.

Levi blinked in what it looked like a slow motion under the teen’s gaze and Eren was suddenly aware of every detail on Levi’s face. A gorgeous face with long and dark eyelashes. Thin lips, lightly parted at that moment, which Eren was sure, were meant to taste like heaven. A silent message was hidden behind those distinctive eyes that sometimes were cold blue like the ice, sometimes grey like a clouded sky and almost fused with the black on their pupils at that very moment with Eren so close to them. So close that the teen could almost see himself reflected on those eyes, like a mirror of unspoken promises, undisclosed desires and unrevealed dreams.

“Levi…” He whispered the man’s name and leaned forward, his fingers combed Levi’s hair as he moved his hand to the back of Levi’s head; his chin rested on top of it as his other hand descended and trapped Levi in a tight embrace. 

Pressing the little man against his body, Eren felt the air inside his lungs becoming lighter, making it easier to breath. Levi’s essence and warmness overwhelmed all his senses in a delightful way.

Eren found out that he loved the feeling of Levi being smaller than him; it melted his heart the realization that Levi’s petite body fitted perfectly in his arms. He was so used to be the one being fully embraced by Levi when he was a kid, that at that moment where he was the one holding Levi, the teen wasn’t able to find the proper word to express how wonderful it felt. Maybe the word was yet to be invented.

Eren wasn’t sure if his heartbeat was louder or if he was hearing Levi’s beat syncing with his own. ‘I missed you so much… I know it now… I missed you. Every day… every night…I missed you. I missed you… Why did you leave? Why didn’t you call? I missed you all this time…’

Levi’s arms closed on Eren’s back with strength, and the teen wasn’t certain anymore if he was repeating the mantra in his mind or if somehow it had left his lips.

“I really missed you”

“I’m here now” Levi muffled against Eren’s shoulder.

Now? Just now? Levi had said he was a greedy man, but so was Eren. He didn’t want just ‘now’, he wanted always, he wanted forever; he wanted Levi with him for eternity, like the idiot dreamer kid—now teen—he still was, refusing to see the impossibility of being with someone everlastingly.

“Eren?”

The teen heard his name, but it was too late to stop what he was doing. Eren pushed Levi onto the bed with his body, falling on top on him that was still holding his arms around Eren’s back. How convenient that Levi had been standing near the bed all the time.

“What are you…?” Levi puffed. “Why have you thought doing this was a good idea, brat?”

“I just…”

“Move away” Levi demanded.

“No”

“Eren, get away” The man repeated with a dangerous tone, still, the teen shook his head. “Eren, I’m not joking”

“Neither do I!” Eren winced at his own high tone and immediately tried to apologize. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell”

“And what exactly are you ‘meaning’ to do?” Levi sighed.

Good question, because pinning someone down onto the bed had a lot of possibilities. And Eren didn’t know what the answer was, because he didn’t know why he had done what he has just done. He hadn’t been even aware of it until he had heard Levi calling his name. If he could tell he would swear his body had moved all on his own. But why? Ah, yes. There had always had to be a why, yes? Too bad for Eren who failed to realize what that ‘why’ was. 

“I don’t know. May be I’ve just lost my balance”

“And your mind in the process” the man replied a little less irritated—but still lying on the bed under Eren—“Will you move away already?”

“No”

“I’m not known as a patient man, Eren”

“And yet you are.”

“And you are testing me like the little shit you are. Brat, aren’t you aware of the compromising situation we are in?”

Eren frowned. “It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before”

“Are you being fucking serious, now?” Levi asked with his eyes wide open in astonishment. “You were a kid then. But of course you can’t see the difference!” the man growled and palmed Eren’s shoulders with frustration.

“So I’m not supposed to be in the same bed as you because I’m not a kid anymore?” Eren asked, uncertain about the hypothetical problem of him and Levi sharing the bed. Uncertain, yes. Blind, not. He could be young and sometimes exasperatedly idiot, but he knew exactly what it would look like to anyone who walked into the room and found them lying like that. He didn't care, though.

“Eren, just get away. You don't even know what you’re doing” Levi tried pushing Eren back.

“I know exactly what I'm doing” Even if they had fallen on the bed by some marvelous and unexpected miracle. 

With Levi's confused gaze following him, Eren moved to find a more comfortable position. Still over Levi, he supported part of his weight on his left forearm, leaving his right hand free to tease the man. Yes, tease. He hadn’t had the intention to play with Levi in the first place; honestly, he just wanted to hug the man, but his teen pride was claiming for revenge for those words Levi had said, implying he was a kid that knew fucking nothing.

'I’ll give you nothing' Eren thought as he moved his hand to Levi's chest, his fingers caressing the exposed skin on his collarbone. Eren fixed his eyes on Levi’s own, not willing to lose any second of his beautiful face, while his hand crawled down to stroke his torso, feeling the muscles hidden beneath the fabric of the black shirt. 'Oh God! Has Levi been always that toned?' Eren couldn't help to think when his hand reached his tutor's abs, deliberating feeling one by one each crest and each depression on that perfect body.

Levi was looking at him with a mix of disbelief and expectation that made Eren eager to explore even more of Levi's frame. The teen trailed his hand to Levi's waist and gripped the man's side. Levi flinched and swallowed, the movement on his Adam's apple hypnotized Eren that leaned his head forward. He wanted to nibble that neck, taste it, lick it... He wanted to...

“Eren!”

The man's voice broke the lustful trance and Eren found himself being stopped by Levi. His palm on Eren's forehead and his other hand firmly grabbing the teen's explorer hand that was dangerously near Levi's crotch. When did he move it to there?

“Oh... Fuck” Eren muttered feeling embarrassed all of a sudden “I just. I didn't. I wanted to. I’m not...” 

“Shit, Eren. Just fucking breath!” Levi released Eren's hand to tap his back. The teen inhaled, closing his eyes and burying his face in Levi's neck curve. “Ah no. You’re not allowed to feel shy now!” Levi teased him.

“Levi...” he whined, curling himself against Levi's body.

The man tsked. “It serves you right. Next time don't play with fire, brat”

“I just wanted to hug you...” Eren said with honestly.

“You accomplished more than that, don’t you think?”

“I'm not sorry...”

“Shitty brat” Levi grunted and ruffled Eren’s messy hair to a messier state. “I don't care if you are sorry or not, just don't fucking do it again”

“I can't promise that...”

“Eren...” There was a threating note behind Levi's voice. “Don't play with me again like that.”

Play? Oh, fuck. That was one of the reasons why Eren didn't want to flirt or tease Levi to begin with: He wasn't taking Eren seriously. And the teen was ninety percent sure he was just a hormonated brat on Levi's eyes. Eren felt weak at that moment, almost all of his initial excitement was fading away and leaving him boneless.

“Are you planning on moving off from me?” Levi asked with irritation.

Eren hummed too weak to talk properly. “Just five minutes...” He managed to say.

“Fucking perfect” Levi grumbled. “Don't you dare fall sleep on me, Eren.”

“I won't” He muttered, not sounding very reliable. And Levi's hand on his head, still petting him, wasn't helping at all. Man, did Levi realize his words and actions didn't match?

“Hey, Levi”

“What now?” He asked huffily.

“Do you remember how it all started? You and me...?”

[X]

_The day when may be all started:_

Levi couldn’t believe his grandfather was actually talking with that woman who lived in that house across the street, and what was even worse, he was being fucking serious about taking care of her kid.

The teen was observing the situation from the corridor, keeping a safe distance from his neighbors and regretting helping that crybaby and his stupid balloon. Levi was tempted to go and pick that bloody helium pooh—he had kept in his room for some fucking unknown reason—and make it go ‘boom’ on that kido’s face. ‘Too late, genius. You should have done that from the beginning’.

Who cared if that woman and her husband had bought a house they couldn’t afford and both of them needed to work to pay it? Who cared if they had a spoiled child that needed someone to take care of him? Who cared if the kid had got infatuated and wanted Levi as his baby sitter? Neither of it was Levi’s problem but, of course, his voice wasn’t going to get heard ‘What a new thing!’ and his grandpa would end up doing what he fucking wanted to do.

“We’ll take care of Eren. It would be nice to have a lively child like him in this house.”

There it was, that creepy old man just accepted to… Wait! Had he said we? Who were we? He and… No. No. No. No fucking way Levi was going to play the big brother with that naïve kid.

Levi grunted and stomped one foot onto the ground before turning on his heels, furiously walking to his room. Or so he planned to do so until he felt the edge of his shirt stretching at his back.

“What the hell?” He cursed aloud. That shitty baby was behind him, grabbing his shirt. “Don’t touch me with your dirty hands, you pi--- brat!” ‘The hell should I bite my tongue for that kid? Fuck!’

“Sorry” The brat apologized, bowing his head down, but fixing his damned puppy eyes on Levi through his eyelashes.

“What do you want?” Levi crossed his arms, his foot tapping repeatedly against the floor.

“I’m Eren” the kid smiled.

‘Good for you’ “So what?”

“You are going to be my baby sitter.”

‘Thank you for the memento, brat’ Levi sighed intensely . “This isn’t going to work…” He said under his breath.

“What? I didn’t hear you”

“What was your name, again?”

“Eren.”

“Right. Listen to me, brat. My grandfather has just decided you are not going anywhere and doesn’t matter if I get angry, if I yell or if I throw myself off the balcony, so…”

The kid opened his eyes sinking into fear. “You want to jump off?”

“What? No! Is just a way to talk.”

“Oh…” the brat sighed in relief.

“Just hear me, damn. Don’t interrupt me” Levi kept on. “If you want us to get along there are two simple rules you must always follow. Other way, I swear I will kick you out from this house”

Levi stopped to look at the kid and see if he had understood his words. “First rule: You must be always clean. Everywhere. Always. Immaculate. I don’t care if you still use dippers or not. At the slight smell of shit or piss coming from you, this is over”

The kid, Eren, frowned; it seemed he was assimilating Levi’s words. After a while, he nodded.

“Second rule: You won’t break or dirty a thing from this house. And if you do, you better pick a god and pray I don’t find out. Are we clear, brat?” 

Eren tilted his head with confusion, opening and closing his mouth now and then, but saying nothing intelligible. Just some “amms” and “eeehs.” Finally, the kid clapped his hands together one time and smiling proudly to himself he said: “All clear. I got it”

“You better do…”

The kid leaned forward, arms wide open and Levi almost panicked. With one fingertip on the brat’s forehead he stopped the kid from hugging him.

“Ok. One last and final rule” Levi improvised, clearing his throat. “No touching allowed.”

[X]

Eren purred, feeling Levi’s heavenly touch still on his head.

“Your five minutes are over, Eren” the man breathed onto his hair.

The teen’s only answer was to hold Levi tightly, moving his leg over him and trapping Levi even more.

“Qu'est-ce que tu me fais, mon petite star?” Levi’s voice was hoarse, embracing the teen against him, and Eren realized that he fucking loved it. The warmth, the closeness, hearing Levi’s beat and breathe, his citric yet sweet smell, the way their bodies felt pressed together, everything. The whole thing about them holding each other was perfect and Eren couldn’t have enough of it.

“You didn't tell me if you remember...”

“I remember I tamed a shitty crybaby into an immaculate and tolerable kid”

Eren puffed his cheeks, not feeling offended, but still, that wasn’t the response he wanted to hear.

“Levi...” he protested, pinching Levi on the neck with the hand that wasn’t trapped between their bodies and shaking the leg he had over Levi's hips, urging him to answer.

"I can tell you are breaking the third rule...” Levi said with an alluring deep voice.

Founding his answer in those words, Eren smiled. That rule was never meant to succeed, albeit back then he needed around one year to get simple hug from Levi.

Eren moved his body, rubbing the tip of his nose on the crook of Levi’s neck and inhaling the man’s essence; his hand on Levi’s chest was caressing him with innocence and his leg over Levi’s lap was closing Levi even more and more to him, blowing away like dust that meaningless rule.

“Eren, stop” Levi suddenly warned.

The teen crooned not willing to cease with his touches. Why should he? His wandering hand stroking Levi’s body was the divine confirmation that he was there, that he was real.

“Eren!” Levi held Eren's nape forcefully, avoiding him to keep nuzzling his face against his skin. “I said stop” His other hand was on Eren’s thigh then, squeezing the muscle to refrain the moves over his lap.

Eren hummed a question mark, still not aware of what was the problem in showing to Levi some lovely care. He tried to move, but Levi’s strength was outstanding and all Eren could do was hearing Levi’s beat speeding up as his breath became irregular.

“Shit!” the man cursed, then he lifted his body up, taking Eren with him and both ended up standing on their knees on the bed. 

Eren didn’t have the chance to ask what was going on, before Levi slanted his mouth forward, to Eren’s ear, and hotly whispered words that made the teen became a flushing mess. At the very same instant, Levi grabbed Eren’s hips, keeping them on place, and thrust the result of ‘what was the problem of Eren showing to Levi some lovely care’ against the teen's own raising arousal.

Eren gasped upon the realization but without the time to assimilate it all at once. One second Levi’s hard body was pressed against him, one second later Levi was standing on his feet walking to the door and maniacally rubbing his undercut.

“I will go down. To make some coffee or tea, may be both. Or vodka. Why not?” Levi clicked his tongue clearly agitated. “I don’t even know anymore.”

Levi disappeared from the room, leaving Eren like a confused tomato. The teen smashed the heel of his hand on his wet and hot ear as his body fell back to sit on the bed. Then he lifted his knees up to his torso. ‘That’s what I’ve said: don’t play with me again’ Levi’s whispered words echoed in Eren’s mind as the teen contemplated the emptiness of the room that was blurrier all of a sudden. 

Eren grunted full of frustration, groaning to his own stupidity. Levi had been right all along, he was still a kid that knew fucking nothing and that had been left in his room embracing himself and wondering why. With his belly burning up, his face boiling, his stomach roasting butterflies, his heart out of control, his lungs working extra hard for oxygen—to keep the flame of the shame alive—and his jeans feeling incredibly tight.

In the end, it seemed that hugging Levi and combusting were both equally and physically possible for Eren.

“Fuck” Eren groaned full of shame. “All I wanted was to hug him…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala
> 
> But the way, if you are curious (if not its ok, I’ll write it anyways), I’m following the 2014 calendar for this fic.
> 
> Also, in my country the age of consent is 16 (it doesn’t matter if the couple is heterosexual or homosexual) and gay marriage is legal. Just throwing the hot potato here because whatever happens in the story I’m rolling with my country laws!


	9. Literal Liaison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren realizes is never too soon nor too late to wonder how is love (and other _things_ ) supposed to feel.
> 
> Antonia wants to know more about that blue _papillon_ on the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on November 12th, 2014

_February 14th 10 years ago:_

Red, blue and green were the colors wrapping the bonbons in the box of chocolates Eren had bought with his mother’s money. The kid reordered each one of them until he got a heart shaped with the red ones, placing the green ones inside of that heart and the blue ones around it, inside the rest of the spots for the bonbons. Once he was finished, he closed the red carton and used a golden ribbon to wrap it.

Smiling proudly to himself Eren picked the box and sighed, being fully content with his good work, before running to that house across the street.

After two knocks on the door, Levi opened, looking blankly at the kid.

Eren took a breath and bowing his head down he handed the box to the teen. “I will be your Valentine!” he yelled out loud, and one second later the door was closed, leaving him alone with his chocolates.

Little Eren blinked not being able to understand why Levi didn’t take the bonbons before closing the door. The kid sniffed himself. Nothing wrong, just the scent of the bath soap, he was clean and sweet-smelling everywhere. Why hadn’t Levi let him go inside the house, then?

Well, that was okay, Eren thought. He went back to his house and with his mother’s puzzled gaze upon him he wrote a note for Levi:

_“Do you like chocolate, Levi? Try the red ones, they are my favorites. Mum says they are really simple but I like the way they melt on the tongue; so sweet!_

_Have a happy Valentine’s Day, Levi._

_Eren, Your neighbor!”_

Then he drew a happy face; his mother helped him to correct his misspelled words and finally his note was ready. 

“Are you coming back right away or are you staying at Levi’s?” asked his mother.

“Coming back in two minutes, mum. I’m just going to give him the chocolates.”

“Okay! Watch carefully before crossing the street, sweet-heart.”

Eren did as he was told by his mum and, once again, he was in front of Levi’s house door. That time the kid didn’t knock. He left the box at the entryway instead and rang the bell. Without waiting for Levi to open the kid returned to his home.

He would try to be Levi’s Valentines next year.

_February 14th 9 years ago:_

“I will be your Valentine!” Eren shouted handing the chocolate box he had previously arranged to Levi. And just the same way he did last year the teen’s answer was closing the door without taking the red box with him.

Eren wondered if may be Levi didn’t know it was Valentine’s Day, the day when people gave chocolates to the ones they loved. But again, that was okay. Eren had written a note in advance so he just needed to leave the box there for Levi.

_“Hey, Levi! Have you noticed what I did with the bonbons? I’ve taken out the blue from the heart and filled it with green! I don’t know why people use the blue to say someone is sad. But I wonder, are you sad because your eyes are blue sometimes? If is so, don’t be. I like your eyes! And also I find out the blue bonbons are good too! Yet my favorites are still the red ones. Which are yours?_

Have a happy Valentine’s Day

Eren, Your brat!”

_February 14th 8 years ago:_

Five minutes knocking and ringing the doorbell and still no answer. Could it be Levi and Yayo were out somewhere?

Repeating the ritual from the past two years, Eren left the box with a note for Levi, but that time he slided both through Rivaille’s pet door so Levi would be able to see the bonbons as soon as he was back. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, Levi; the kid thought. Apparently that year he wasn’t going to be Levi’s Valentine either.

_February 14th 7 years ago:_

“I will be your Valentine!” Eren said full of confidence. Recapping the same scenario he had been playing for three years.

“And I will take your chocolates” Levi replied, taking the box from Eren’s hands before closing the door.

Eren first reaction was cussing, for not being fast enough to see Levi’s face when he accepted the bonbons. But when the realization about Levi finally taking his chocolates hit him, Eren bursted out, yelling and jumping, celebrating his little victory.

Yes! One step closer to be Levi’s Valentine.

_February 14th 6 years ago:_

That time Eren was calmer than the other years, he was certain Levi would accept his box again and that sureness made everything easier.

He knocked the door and patiently waited for Levi to open it.

He bent his head down, as always, leaned the box to the teen and keeping his voice loud enough to be heard without the need of yelling, he started: “I will be your…”

All of a sudden something pulled him forwards from his collar shirt, not letting him finish his sentence. And an imperceptible second later a wet and warm kiss was touching his forehead.

“Valentine!” Levi finished Eren’s words for him with his lips still close to the child's face and then he closed the door. But that time, that time Eren was inside the house.

The kid squealed in rising happiness for his triumph. Finally, he was Levi’s Valentine! All that was left at that moment was to wish for the next year to be equally happy.

[X]

Eren was using the table at the kitchen as a support for his lazy ass while watching how his mum stepped in circles around him like a hyperactive hamster.

“Mum, you need to calm down” He said.

“I’m trying, sunshine” She breathed in. “But it has been too long since the last date” and then she breathed out.

“I don’t get it, it's just dad. You both have gone to tons of dates already”

“And right exactly because is your dad I’m the way I am” She gasped, not willing to stop his looping walk.

Eren sneered, rubbing the tip of his nose. The hell could freeze before he understood how adult’s relationships were supposed to work. All he knew was that after Levi’s disappearance from town, everything in Yeager’s family went down to the hill. First, his rare-to-be at home father became a stranger in his own home. Using his work as an excuse he was never with his family, and when he was, he only knew how to lose his cool blaming Eren for things the kid couldn’t understand and fighting with Carla about matters that were even more foreign to Eren.

A year later, his parents got separated and he was living alone with his mother—not that it was a big difference from the previous situation, nevertheless.

“Are you two getting together again?” asked Eren. It was a possibility that had been wandering on Eren’s mind for the last months, when his parent’s dates exponentially grew in number in comparison to other years.

“Maybe?” Carla stopped his useless march to look at his son in the eye. “Would you be mad if he comes back to us, to this house, Eren?”

Eren shrugged. “It’s your call, not mine. Is not like I need a father anymore”

“You do need a father, Eren. Don’t say that again. And I can tell you he is trying; he has changed more than you think”

“Sure thing…” Eren said and tsked sarcastically at his mother’s commentary.

“Don’t tsk at me, young boy! Who has taught you that disrespectful way to talk to your mother?” Carla narrowed her frown and placed her hands on her hips.

“Sorry” Eren sighed, using his puppy eyes on his mother until she was serene again. “Do you still love him, mum?”

Carla tenderly smiled. “I’ve never stopped to Love him, Eren”

“Then why did you get separated? Aren’t lovers supposed to stick together no matter what?”

“Maybe in the movies, honey” laughed Carla before getting a bit melancholic. “Things between us were tense and we were hurting each other day by day. We both agreed in giving us some time to figure out how to save our relationship, Eren. Sticking together wasn’t working. He as a father for you or me as a wife wasn’t working either” Carla cupped Eren’s cheek. “We didn’t get separated because we lacked love, sweet-heart; we separated because of the lack of understanding, cooperation, communication and I’m ashamed that the list goes on and on” Carla kissed her son’s forehead. “Someday you will understand that only love is not enough to keep a healthy and lasting relationship. But for now” Carla kissed him again on the same spot and then pinched Eren’s cheek “For now you can stay happy and oblivious as my sunshine”

Eren rubbed his now red cheek and frowned. “Are you saying being with the same person forever is impossible, mum?”

“Not impossible, honey; unlikely, maybe. But every person, every couple and their circumstances are different. I’m sure there must be out there some happy old couples that have been always together. Others may keep bouncing from lover to lover. Love is not an exact science, Eren, is different for everyone. But what is the same, no matter how hard you try to deny it, is that only with love a couple can’t last. You need a good bunch of trust’s bricks to make a wall strong enough to keep your love safe and sound from jealousy and other demons that are always haunting and waiting to destroy the relationship.”

Eren smiled “You’ve never talked about these things with me before, mum.”

Carla tilted her head, smiling as well. “And you have never asked me about love before, son.”

Eren exhaled and stroked the back of his neck, averting his eyes from his mum and feeling a little shy but not knowing exactly why. “So, summing up” Eren cleared his throat and with it his shyness went away. “My dad is the love of your life and you want to get back together again”

“Oh, no! He isn’t the love of my live” said Carla with amusement.

“Oh, please, mum. This is getting harder to follow by the moment” Eren nervously laughed. “So what is he?”

Carle winked playfully. “My soul mate, of course”

“I know I’m not in the age, but I have this urgent need to get drunk right now…”

Carla giggled. “You’re the one to blame. You asked me!”

“And I’m already regretting it, but anyways, enlighten me, mum. What is a soul mate?”

His mother joined Eren’s side, using the table as a support. “A soul mate may be or may not be a lover; sometimes is a friend; sometimes a mother or a father, they may be a brother or may be a sister”

“I’m already lost” Eren rolled his eyes.

Carla elbowed her son's side carefully—where she knew he was ticklish— and made him laugh with success. “A soul mate can shake your entire world in the blink of an eye” She suddenly said. “Crack your masks to show to you who you really are; smash your barriers down and let you exposed. Everything about you, about your dreams, your secrets, your sins... Your soul mate can see all of it. And they can do it sometimes without you noticing it and once you are already aware of it, it's too late. The soul mate is already deep inside of you and the better part is that you don’t even care anymore. You don’t care because your soul mate has seen everything about you and yet they are still there, staying by your side; one way or another, physically or emotionally, your soul mate is still with you.”

Eren puffed, leaning his head to rest on his mother’s shoulder. “You should write me a walkthrough; I don’t think I can assimilate it all at once”

Carla's tender answer was to hug her son. “I’m afraid there’s no guide to live, honey. And if it existed, I’m sure it would tell you to give your dad another chance.”

Eren laughed at his not subtle mum. “I’ve given him plenty and he never listens to me.”

“Maybe he wasn’t ready to hear you yet, Eren.”

“And now he is?”

“Only one way to know it. Give him a call and meet him, go and eat your favorite ice cream with him. B-but not today; today he’s only mine” Carla said, moving her hips in a seductive way.

“Oh, please mum!” Eren covered his eyes with the heels of both hands, full of embarrassment that was over soon thanks to the sound of a claxon.

“It’s him!” screamed Carla, almost jumping in excitement. “See you later, hun’! If you are planning to stay over at some friend’s place, text me first or I will be worried not knowing where you are, okay?”

“’Kay, mum. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day with your soul mate” grinned Eren.

“Oh thank you, sure I will!” Carla threw some kisses at the air before picking her purse and coat. “You can do it, Carla” She said to herself looking at her reflection in the mirror on the hallway, then she waved her hand to Eren and left the house to meet with Grisha, her soul mate and—at that moment separated—husband.

Definitely, the hell would freeze before Eren had a chance to understand a word from his mother's speech; however, that thing about smashing barriers would be cool to master it, that way he could use it to reveal the enigma that Levi was. He stretched his body and walked through the inexistent door between the kitchen and the living room; picked up his phone and struggled some seconds about texting Armin or not; not sure if he should go to that Valentine’s party at 'Blouserey', the cafeteria-bakery owned by Sasha's parents (a girl from his high school and Mikasa’s friend).

The other choice was staying alone at home, watching some typical—for him—Valentine’s movies like: Nightmare at Elm Street, Saw, Friday 13, Chucky…

Eren sighed, knowing that at that very moment and for the first time in years there was another option. An option that had been taken away from him long time ago and unfortunately, was a non-viable one after what had happened the day before...

The rest of the yesterday-evening was just a parade; with Eren pretending to study and Levi pretending to tutor him, when in point of fact he was more focused in keeping an unnecessary distance between him and the teen, as if Eren was some kind of walking contagious disease.

Dang! He cussed in his mind as his thumb started to slide over the phone. He would go to that pompous party after all; anything was better than staying alone with his impossible dreamer mind longing for things that could never be real.

Seconds before he could actually finish the message for Armin, his doorbell rang. Eren thought it was Armin and Mikasa, anticipating his choice, so the teen opened the door with a really bored expression, resigned to spend the day in a way that he didn’t fully want. 

Unexpectedly a red box appeared in front of his eyes instead of his friends, not letting him see anything else as his mind got blank for a moment.

“What...?” the teen started to wonder putting his brain to work again. He moved his hands to get away the red carton from his gaze in a futile movement, for the box hit him on the top of his head all of a sudden.

“I will be your Valentine, brat.”

Eren blinked at the deep familiar voice, taking the box before it fell down from his head. Then he focused his eyes and thoughts to finally unravel what was happening. “Levi?”

“Who were you expecting?” Levi asked, slightly offended. He hanged the jacket on the perch at the hallway and turned around, walking to the living room to sit on the couch.

“No one, really” muttered Eren. _And anyone but you at the same time._ Had the non-viable option just became real? How? Eren sat at the same sofa as Levi, but on the opposite side, leaving the box on the coffee table and forgetting everything about that silly party.

Levi being there as if nothing had occurred was ridiculous and surrealist and Eren didn’t know how he should feel about it. He was excited and at the same time, terrified. 

Undeniably, the best way to spend that day for Eren was being with Levi, but he had been hesitant about assuming that he could do it just because Levi was back. Only because the man was again in his life, it didn't mean things between them were going to be the same way as when he was a kid and Levi was a troubled teenager.

There was no actual reason for Levi to be there replaying the scene of those far away Valentines—with inverse roles at that moment—; unless he was pitying Eren after his confession of missing Levi for the past five years. The teen shook his head at his own thinking. No. That couldn’t be, Levi wasn‘t like that. Levi never did anything he didn’t want to do. So the logical conclusion—for Eren—was to believe Levi was in the teen’s house by his own choice.

The air between them had been tense and awkward since the past day and it irked Eren not being able to act naturally around Levi. He didn’t need that frustrating sentiment, he didn’t like it; he wanted to be near Levi fully in control with his emotions. 

The fear of losing Levi because of that disconcerting—albeit pleasant—experience was consuming Eren little by little.

Thinking twice about the events from the day before, Levi hadn’t said if he had missed Eren back. And the poor confused teen was too busy and ashamed wondering about his body reactions to question himself about any other event form the past evening.

Finding new courage inside of him to manage the situation and sick of waiting for Levi to always take the lead, Eren refused to let the discomfort reign over them. A little feverish moment wasn’t going to take Levi away from him. Not if Eren had the last word in the matter.

Tired of the noisy silence and tired of his mind soliloquies as well, Eren sighed deeply. Levi was there because he decided so, and Eren was planning to enjoy the company as far as he was allowed to.

“Levi” Eren called him with a serene voice masking the chaotic whirls that were indeed his feelings.

The man raised his head and focused his eyes on the teen, not before blinking countless times. Seemingly, he had been lost in his mind the same way Eren had been. His frown was slightly narrowed, inviting Eren to continue with whatever he was going to say.

“I will be your Valentine” Eren said with a warm smile and his cheeks going shallow pink. He knew the correct way was to ask ‘Will you be my Valentine?’ But oh, well, He had a reputation to keep and he couldn’t let the kid version of himself to win.

“For a moment I thought you had found a replacement.”

Eren waved his head dismissing that ridiculous idea. “I was just a little socked to properly react. Also, I have been a little scared since yesterday” Levi’s expression darkened with what Eren supposed was guilt. “Not because of that! I’m not afraid of-of it, maybe embarrassed, but definitely not scared.”

“I won’t touch again, Eren. I’m aware I over did it.”

“No you didn't! It’s okay. You can touch me-I mean hug me, whatever” Eren rubbed his flushed cheeks under his palms. “What I’m trying to say is that I was scared of losing you because of what happened, not scared of what happened.” The teen groaned frustrated with his lack of eloquence “Fuck my life, I don’t even know if I’m making any sense here” Eren leaned his body to the back of the couch muttering curses. The words sounded smoother in his mind than once they were told. “All I want is to be good with you again” Eren curled his body on the sofa, directing his worried teal eyes to Levi. “So are we-are we good? Please say we’re good”

Levi exhaled and hesitated some seconds “Are you sure you’re not alarmed for what I did yesterday?”

“I’m not” Honestly, Eren was more than content with the fact that his touches could make Levi lose his cold mind; not that he was going to try that again without Levi’s permission, nonetheless.

Levi nodded. “Then I suppose we’re good again.”

“Yes; thank you!” Eren breathed out and then giggled. “I couldn’t stand this tenseness anymore.” 

“To be honest, I prefer diarrhea over this.”

Eren wrinkled his nose at the so charming comment. One problem solved, Eren was relieved and performing a happy dance inside his head. From that instant and until the day his body and mind would lose their senses again—heaven knew when—he could go back to be just the enthusiastic Eren with endless questions for Levi. “Okay!” Eren bounced a little on the couch, getting a bit closer to Levi. “Now that we are good again, I need to ask you something; it's not that I’m complaining, but why are you here? I mean this was supposed to be your free day.”

Levi snorted. “I didn’t come to work, you dumbass.”

“So?”

“Sooo?” Levi repeated as a mock, then shifted on the couch to press his elbow on the back of the couch and rest his chin over his hand. “Why do you think I am here, Eren?”

Eren sank into the sofa “Because you have no other friends in the town?”

Levi tsked. “Try again.”

“Because you feel guilty for disappearing without giving me a reason and you want to give me back some of the things I missed during all this time?” Eren knew he was testing his luck there.

Levi’s grimaced, knitting his eyebrows together. “Wrong again; that wasn’t even close.”

“It would be if you simply tell me; I’m not the greatest guesser here, am I?”

“No, you’re not” Levi said annoyed. He lifted his body up to sit properly on the sofa. Then he removed the transparent plastic cover from the red box and took out the bonbons, dropping them over the coffee table.

‘Third time's the charm’ Eren said under his breath. “You missed me” He stated.

“What?” Levi asked with his eyes fixed on the wrapped chocolates.

“You are here because you missed me” Eren elaborated his affirmation, this time with a louder voice.

“Who knows?” was Levi's response, still focused on the bonbons, picking them by colors and starting to put them again in the box.

“You should know” Eren pushed, trying to get some kind of confession from the man.

Levi took a heavy breath. “What is the answer you would really like to hear, Eren?”

“The truth” The teenager simply answered.

“The truth is I don’t know” Levi said as his hand kept putting the chocolates into the box. “When I left, all I wished for was to forget everything; everything about my years at Shiganshina and my years here in this town. Once I was overseas I wanted to start all over, leaving the past behind.”

“Including me?” Eren couldn’t stop himself from asking it with a wrecked voice. His heart was aching, but not for the possibility of Levi trying to forget him. The reason behind the sudden awaking pain in his soul was wondering why. Why would Levi sacrifice the happy memories they had built together to forget everything about those years? What kind of disaster happened to make him so determined to erase every single thing about it? Levi didn’t answer; he didn’t look at the teen him either. If it wasn’t for his hand working on the box, Eren would have sworn Levi had just become a stone statue.

The box.

Eren smiled. It was a broken and painful smile, yet full of hope. 

“Looks like you haven’t worked hard enough in forgetting everything” Eren pointed at the box with his chin.

Levi froze at the same exact second the last bonbon fell in its place. 

A heart made by red wrapped chocolates, with the green ones inside of it and the blue ones outside, covering the rest of the box. Levi’s eyes were wide open, unable to move them from the sight of what he had done.

“Looks as if you have seen a ghost or something like that” Eren expression twisted with concern.

The man winced, looking at his hand and then moved his head tossing the stoniness away from his now stressed face. His lips were moving, drawing imperceptibly words Eren couldn’t read.

Words the teen supposed were meant to Levi himself. Why was he so riddle up for arranging the box the same way Eren always did back then? Or maybe he wasn't expecting Eren to be clever for once is his life. Well, forgive him for using his only one functional neuron to notice the box was the same label he had bought for Levi not one, but five times when he was still a growing kid.

“I'll make the coffee, today” Yes. He would do it. He needed a moment alone to fathom Levi’s bizarre reaction. Eren stood up and walked the six steps required to enter the kitchen. Living in a small house was nice and it had its advantages; like cleaning in record time with his mum.

Eren didn’t switch the lights on. With the brightness coming in from the living room and the last sun-rays of the day sliding through the kitchen window, he had more than enough illumination to get the coffee-maker ready. He filled it with the required water and the decaffeinated mix and then placed it on the stove without making a mess.

The teen stayed still in front of the cooktop; usually the coffee was ready in around five to seven minutes so he decided to wait there rather than go back to the miniature lounge.

Eren was still in his first minute of the waiting when and with no prior notice a couple of arms surrounded him; one by the waist and the other over his right shoulder, reaching for his eyes to cover them with a gracious hand-move.

“Levi?” Eren mumbled a stupid question, he knew it was Levi, what he really had meant to ask was ‘what are you doing, Levi?’ but unknowably the only word he could articulate was the man’s name.

Levi hissed a shut up. “Just stay like this for a while, Eren” The man whispered against the teen’s back.

Eren relaxed into the peculiar embrace, tilting his head to rub Levi’s hair. He placed one hand on Levi’s forearm that was holding him by the belly, and used his free fingers to stroke the hand Levi still had on his eyes. Levi tightened the hug to the perfect pressure. Not too heavy to be suffocating and not too light to be labeled as a trivial cuddle.

And that was what Eren was referring to when he stated Levi could still touch—hug him. He wanted that, that closeness to Levi without their bodies going wild and messing everything up.

Eren wasn’t alarmed by a bit about letting the man explore his body and/or to experiment new and unknown sensations with him, unless that was equal to Levi running away from Eren or keeping an hectic distant with him like the yesterday-evening. Therefore the teen thought it would be better to rule over his physical reactions for the moment.

Taking the whistling from the coffee-maker as a signal, Levi withdrew his arms, leaving Eren alone in the kitchen. The teen forced himself to preserve his eyes closed a little more and restrained the impulse to turn around to see if Levi was walking to the living room. 

One lesser part of him was fearful of not seeing Levi if he turned his eyes. But the majority inside his mind was pretty sure he didn’t dream about that moment and was damn sure he didn’t need his eyes to confirm it. He had Levi’s undeniable essence all over himself: sweet oranges mingled with sandalwood. And moreover, the places Levi had touched were warmer than the rest of his body. Even Eren’s palms were itching, protesting for the loss of Levi’s silky skin under them.

When he returned to the lounge with the two cups of coffee, Levi was sitting casually on his—now usual—spot on the couch. 

Eren joined him and fidgeted a little, not knowing what to talk about—or if to talk at all—or if it was better to just put a movie on the DVD.

Thankfully, Levi broke the silence.

“I was meaning to ask you something, but I kept forgetting” Levi said. “That friend of yours, the one with the bowl cut, would he be interested in modeling?”

“Armin?”

“Yes, him; for Sina books. Do you know about Sina Books, Eren?”

“I do, the editorial with some big libraries around the world, isn’t it?”

“Correct. They have this incoming shitty big campaign and have asked us for a very specific—and fucking nearly impossible to find—new image. But screw them, man. Your friend fits perfectly”

Eren shrugged. “I don’t know what would Armin say, but some cash entering his house would be highly welcomed.”

“Are they having money problems?”

“I’m not supposed to talk about it, no one else knows, but” Eren wavered, “his dad was fired from work and his mother’s part-time job isn’t enough to pay everything; they’re even using the money they had been saving for Armin’s college.”

“Fuck!”

“Yeah. Fuck!” Eren agreed.

“It’s settled then. I will talk to him and his parents. Can you give me their address?”

“Sure. Remind me later, before you leave.”

Levi nodded, taking a sip from his cup.

“I have always wondered how you can drink grabbing the cup like that” Eren asked with amusement. Levi used to grip the cups and glasses placing his fingers all over them from above and Eren would be lying if he said he didn’t try at last once to imitate Levi. He was doing it at that moment, but his fore finger kept getting in the way of his mouth and nose.

“Your hands are too big to do it, brat.”

“That’s not true” Eren said looking at his hands. “They are average. Yours are the ones that are little”

“Mines are perfectly fine for my height. It would be rare for me to have big-ass Yeti hands, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re just little everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” Levi asked raising an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that, Eren?”

“Well I…” Oh crap… Nope. Definitely; and if Eren could recall with exactitude what he felt yesterday, Levi wasn’t little everywhere. Eren knew the heat on his face meant his cheeks were red and surely his ears too. “I’ll be right back” Eren said, standing up and running to the restroom.

He needed cold water on his face as soon as possible and the colder the better.

He washed his hands as well and took his time to calm himself down. “You can do it, Eren. You can do this” He encouraged himself looking at the mirror. “Handle your fucking hormones, com’on.”

Fuck his life. Since his sexual awakening he had never gotten out of control like that. Why had he to react in that way to Levi? And fuck Levi too. Fuck him for being so damn attractive and fuck him again for teasing Eren just for fun.

“Okay!” Eren exclaimed. It was time to play on the DVD some gore movie, which should kill the libido. Or so Eren expected, otherwise things would get extremely awkward.

Eren stepped out of the restroom and the first thing he noticed after reaching the living room’s entrance, was that Levi wasn’t there.

“Levi?” Eren asked. “Leee~vi?” Eren repeated; this time screaming the name and going to the kitchen, only to came back again to the lounge when he found out Levi wasn’t there either.

“Levi!”

“I swear the aliens in Uranus must have heard you screaming like a dying whale” Levi’s voice came from the stairs. “What do you want, brat?”

“Nothing, I just—I didn’t know where you were.”

“Obviously, I was taking a shit. I didn’t know how much time you would need to take yours, so I just went upstairs to the other bathroom” Levi said, reaching downstairs.

“Oh…” Eren muttered feeling like an idiot for thinking for a second Levi had magically disappeared. _Sure thing, smart-ass! Didn't you see the jacket still on the perch?_ “But I wasn’t… Never mind; I will pick a movie to watch.” He was going to say he hadn’t been taking a shit but somehow he supposed Levi hadn’t either, and it was simply his usual lovely way to talk.

“Stop it. Your mind is humming!” Levi warned, approaching Eren from the stairs to pet the teen’s head. Eren smiled, focusing his gaze on the tittles of the DVD’s to figure out what to see and feeling how the previous uneasiness was vanishing in the air. Before he could finally decide which movie to watch, something soft and warm touched his nape, sending a pleasant chill running through his spine.

The teen mumbled something close to a ‘ha?’ while turning around to look at Levi that was already sitting on the couch. “What was that?”

“What was what?” Levi challenged him.

Oh he wasn’t going to get away from that. Has Levi just kissed his nape? Yes, Eren was sure about it. Forgetting that he was trying to pick a movie, Eren hurried, almost stumbling with the coffee table to sit next to Levi. “Do it again!” He required. 

“Nope”

“Please?” Eren begged using his puppy eyes on Levi.

“That’s not going to work on me, idiot.”

“But I barely noticed it; you did it so fast…”

“That was the point.”

“I don’t get it.”

Levi blew. “Can you promise you won’t get all worked up if I do it?”

“I can try.”

“Then forget about it and just put a damn movie, already.”

“I promise I won’t move!” Eren blurted out not willing to give up and he could see then, the hesitation on Levi’s face.

The man sighed. “Turn around, but if you move by an inch, I swear, I’m leaving.”

Eren clapped his hands once, celebrating his victory in advance, before switching on the couch to turn his back to Levi. He stilled himself, resting his hands over his thighs and waited what it seemed an eternity for Levi to get closer.

The couch’s pillows sank as Levi moved to place himself behind Eren. The teen soon felt the warmth from Levi’s body along with his scent. The man’s hands camped one each side of Eren, temptingly near his legs and Eren took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

The first touch from Levi on Eren’s neck was nearly imperceptible, like a little ant running over the skin. The teen wondered what was doing Levi or with which part of his face was he touching him. He didn’t need to wonder, though, when warm and soft lips were placed on his neck, making him gasp as the familiar electric chill traveled down his spine and enfolded him by the waist to explode near his belly.

Levi’s lips kept the sweet torture on Eren’s nape, leaving countless pecks without missing a single spot of the sensitive skin. The teen clenched his jaw to shut close his mouth and prevent a moan that was urging him to let it free. 

Squeezing his own thighs, he opened his eyes and noticed that Levi’s hands were fighting a lost battle against the leather of the couch, trying to grip it.

Feeling confident seeing that Levi was struggling too to stay as calm as possible, Eren parted his lips when a certain kiss remained over his nape more seconds than the others and finally moaned something close to Levi’s name.

Levi hummed behind him and kissed Eren’s neck once again, that time with his mouth open to suck pleasantly on the flesh.

“Oh my God, Levi” Eren whined, having serious difficulties in remembering how to breath properly. If Levi’s mouth felt that great on his nape, he could only start to imagine how it would feel on the rest of his body.

Levi dragged his teeth to tease the worshipped skin and Eren couldn’t help but shiver, letting out a wailed gasp. The burning butterflies in his stomach were as unbearable as his need to move his hands and grab Levi’s own that were sliding on the couch, surely itching to hold onto Eren’s hips.

And when Levi decided to nibble his nape, Eren almost lost himself. He cried too loud—and girlish too, fact that he would deny later—by the sudden and overwhelming feeling, his hands moved instinctively to cover his mouth, but it was too late, the high pitch moan was already out, making Levi to end with his affectionate kisses.

“I would take that as my signal to stop” Levi’s breathe was irregular and hot-wet near Eren's nape, who nodded in agreement with his hands still on his mouth.

It wasn’t like Eren wanted to really stop, but if the deal for Levi to stay was Eren keeping his control, well, fuck him; because his control was hanging on a single slim string, threatened by the flame of his rising and maddening desire, which wanted to explore every possible meaning for that feeling known as pleasure with Levi.

“The movie, Eren.” Levi’s voice worked once again to bring him back from his lustful trance.

“Yes! The movie, movie-movie~!” Eren jumped out from the couch. “How about a ‘Saw’ marathon? It sounds good for you? Because for me it sounds perfect!” 

From moaning like a whale to mumbling like an idiot. Thanks God you are not trying to flirt with Levi… His now functioning mind scolded him and Eren tried to compose himself. He sighed deeply and stilled his trembling hand to set on the DVD player. Walking back his steps like a crab, he let his body fall onto the couch and subtly glanced at Levi to see how well he was doing.

And he was doing it better than Eren, or so the teen thought. The only visible differences on Levi were his cheeks, now lightly inked with an alluring pink and his lips, red and slightly swollen, inviting him to taste them.

Like he needs to be more attractive… Fuck him…Hard…And twice!

Eren grunted and sank his body on the sofa, wishing for the awful corpses and morbid games to start to play in the movie and kill his fucking libido good death.

“An interesting choice of movie for a Valentine’s Day” Levi calmly said.

Calmly… Burning hell, with no doubts, Eren admired Levi’s self-refrain more than ever. “I’ve been watching this kind of movies every Valentine since you… you know…vanished” Eren discarded his sneakers by stepping the back of the fabric with his toes and put his legs on the coach again in a more confortable position.

“I had my reasons to leave” Levi snapped, looking at the TV.

“And I'm sure they are pretty good reasons but they are also unknown to me...” Eren crossed his arms, embracing himself. “There is so much I don't know about you and I don't want to sound ungrateful because I'm really thankful for having you back, but...” Eren trailed off feeling an uncalled lump rising to his throat and tears suddenly forming on the corners of his eyes. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. The litany kept repeating in his mind. He knew how it felt to lose Levi once and the idea of him going away again was terrifying. 

With Levi back in his life, something inside of Eren switched on, something that Eren didn't knew it was there before. The memories of all their time together, each one of his failed attempts to make Levi smile, every toy, every picture, every song, every hug he gifted to him, every tear, even the countless times he checked his hands to see if they were clean enough to be near Levi, every single memory that he suppressed back then to make bearable the loss of Levi, sealing them under few distant and trivial memories. All of it was now haunting him, hurting him, warning him to not fall for Levi in any existent way. 

“I can't tell you my reasons, Eren. I'm not ready to let anyone know that part about me.” Eren lazily moved his head to look at Levi that was speaking with his eyes fixed on the movie. “But I can assure to you; the thing that made me leave fails the power to make it happen again” Levi picked one bonbon and threw it to Eren, that was too perplexed to react, hence the chocolate landed on his lap. “The red ones were your favorite, weren't they?”

A sudden deaf laugh got Eren trembling with the previous restrained tears travelling down his face, his heart dancing on a limbo of mixed feelings where anxiety was winning the bet.

“Did I get that shit wrong?” Levi's frowned and threw another bonbon to Eren that hit him on the head. “Taking out the blue from the heart, was this?”

Eren shook his head with a true smile slowly curving up his lips, stepping little by little away of that limbo.

“And the green for...” Levi picked one more bonbon. “I can't believe I'm going to say such a corny cliché that I’m sure you have listen to it already. Are you certain you haven’t drugged me with the coffee?”

Eren puffed and bursted out laughing. “You're such a silly ass!”

“An ass I am, uh?” Levi arched his eyebrows, faking surprise. “Guess you’re right; and like the goddam ass I am; now I'm not tellin' you what I was going to say about the green one.”

Eren exhaled and wiped his tears. “I can imagine what it was.”

“I thought you’ve said you weren't the greatest guesser here.”

Eren giggled, tearing open the red bonbon. “I'm not a total inept either.”

“No one said you were” Levi reposed his back against the sofa, and ate the green bonbon.

Eren wanted to say ‘sorry for the breakdown just after you set my body on fire with your kisses; but I really have a hard time here trying to figure out how to deal with this crazy yo-yo inside of me that comes and goes with sentiments I didn't ask for. And finding the strength to trust that you won't leave again, despite your words, is making everything harder’. Yet, he said nothing.

Eren played with the bonbon inside his mouth, tasting it as it melted, filling his palate with sweetness and forced his mind, his heart and his soul to push his worries away, at least for the rest of the evening. He couldn't recall being so emotionally scratched before; whatever Levi's return had start within him was a real messing menace. His self-imposed and delayed task about finding the way to get rid of the sadness that followed Levi and make him happy had just switched to nightmare mode.

Both of them kept eating the bonbons and drinking the decaffeinated almost in silence. Neither bringing nor subtly hinting anything about the kisses or Eren's tears after them. And like that, around twenty something deaths and about ten mutilated people later, Eren's eyes were fluttering and defying the sleep, his mind not able to catch up with Jigsaw's cunning designs anymore and getting tired by the moment of that cop with megalomaniac desires that was fucking everything up.

“Shall we call it a day?” Levi asked when Eren's head fell on his shoulder.

Eren crooned a no, whilst mildly shaking his head. “I can stay awake a little more...” 

“No. You can't. I should take my leave and you should go to bed already.”

The word ‘leave’ brought some momentary clarity into Eren's mind, who opened his eyes clinging to Levi. “I don't want you to leave!” he confessed with downcast eyes, too embarrassed to talk his thinking and facing Levi at the same time. “Please stay” he muttered, leaning his head to Levi's chest.

“Eren...” Levi started just to be cut off by Eren.

“Just stay!” The teen repeated in a desperate whisper. He felt Levi's chest going up and down with each respiration, a regular and tranquil rhythm that contradictorily was making Eren nervous waiting for Levi's response.

Levi moved on the couch, shifting his position and pulling Eren with him so the both of them could lie on the sofa; Levi on his back and Eren partially upon him using the man's chest as a pillow.

“Are you comfortable like that?” Levi's voice vibrated through his body and Eren relaxed at the feeling.

The teen hummed something, trying to articulate “I'm in heaven” but he wasn't sure what that sound that escaped his lips really was.

“You are a hopeless idiot” Levi tsked and started to pet Eren's always messy hair.

“Levi” Eren murmured, somehow finding the way to connect his mind with his mouth “You haven’t tell me why you came here today.”

Levi stroked Eren's hand that was lying on his chest near the teen's sleepy face. 

“You can’t be without asking me something, can you?” Levi said with a husky voice, lacing his fingers with Eren's own and using his thumb to keep rubbing the skin. “I came here today for the most simple reason you can imagine, Eren” his voice was getting deeper as he kept talking and caressing his ‘little star’. Then, Levi bent down his chin to kiss Eren on the forehead. “I'm here because you are my Valentine, brat.”

Eren couldn't find the energy to keep his body and mind working together anymore. Using his last bit of strength he answered to the man’s affection by pressing his body against him, entangling his legs with Levi’s. 

Giving into the warmness, his worries easily faded away in the distance; enfolded by Levi's embrace his butterflies tickled him in the belly trying to tell him something. With Levi's hand on his hair he let his heart beat to lullaby him into sleep. And with the last source of light inside his mind, he remembered his mother words and wished he could be Levi's soul mate to break all his walls and find the way to help him. 

Even if that was a foolish thing to wish for, Eren smiled anyways, finally realizing that even five years later, there was one thing no one could take away from him:

He was Levi's Valentine.

[X]

**OMAKE:**

Had to be around four in the morning when Carla arrived home. A melodic sound and a flashing light coming from the living room caught her attention immediately. 

Eren must be snoozing while watching some show, or so she thought until she walked into the lounge and a very different picture was displayed in front of her eyes.

Eren and Levi were huddling against each other in their sleep and Carla had to suppress a laugh looking at the funny way her son's legs twisted to be kept from getting out of the couch.

“Some things never change” She muttered to herself and turned the TV and the DVD player off. Then she picked the perfectly folded blanket resting on the other couch's arm and used it to tuck Eren and Levi in, as quiet as she could, worried to wake them up.

Carla leaned forward to kiss her son on the temple and there, she also kissed Levi on the forehead.

“Good night, my dears.”

No wonder why she felt like she had always had not one, but two sons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala
> 
>  
> 
> 1st arc ends here. Thank you for reading so far :D


	10. One rhythm for two hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Valentine’s Day, Eren seals one of the better deals in his life. However, it comes with three simple rules that are not so _simple_ to follow.
> 
> Antonia can’t get out of her mind that wonderful blue _papillon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on Novemeber 13th, 2014

_I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!_

“This book is bullshit” Levi said, letting out a frustrated grunt. “Who gives this crap as a gift for a nine years old brat?”

“Armin did” Eren, the nine years old brat, retorted. “And I like it! That’s why I asked you to read it for me; just keep going. You’ll see Alice and the mad hatter are really hip.”

“Kids those days are really weird and your mushroom friend is the epitome of weirdness” Levi dramatized.

“Maybe, but at least he doesn’t miss by birthdays.” Eren crossed his arms and pouted with his small mouth. The kid was quiet discontented and intrigued at his adored neighbor because he was never present in his birthdays.

“I’ve told you already, I had a meeting” Levi snapped, moving his fingers across the pages of ‘Alice's adventures in wonderland.’

“That’s the same thing you said last year and the year before and the year before the year before. If you don’t like birthdays just say it.”

“I don’t dislike them, but as I’ve already said, I had a meeting that just happened to be the same day as your birthday and sorry kid, but it’s going to be always like that” 

“So you’re saying you’re not going to be in my birthdays ever” The kid tried with his frown narrowed in confusion.

“Never.”

Eren closed his hands in fits and bent his head down, trying to hide the wild tears that suddenly were running all over his face.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me, Eren” Levi discarded the book to pet the kid’s head. “What’s the deal with your birthday, anyway? It’s just a day; we are together the rest of the year. Is not enough for you, greedy brat?”

The kid shrugged. “I thought I was important to you” he said with downcast eyes.  
“So failing to be with you one day in a year means you are not important to me? Eren, I know you’re just a kid but even you must admit that logic is shit.”

Eren sank his shoulders and chin, leaning forward to hide his embarrassment on Levi’s chest. “But is not just a simple day; is the day I was born” he muffled.

The teen sighed with exasperation. “For me that day means a different thing, Eren.”

“And what is it?” the kid asked, drowning inside the sweet scent from Levi who was surrounding him now with his arms.

“I’ll tell you next year.”

[X]

Eren was sitting at the stairs. He was looking at the main door of his house, nervously tapping one foot against the floor and recalling the weekend events while waiting for Levi to arrive.

When he woke up on Saturday morning he found himself alone on the couch with Levi’s warmth long gone, his mother cleaning the house and a hickey on his nape that he spotted in the mirror thanks to his mother commentary: 'Eren maybe you want to use a scarf today if you are planning to go out'.

His mind traveled over countless excuses to tell his mum but in the end he needed no one, since Carla didn’t ask for any kind of explanation.

The only contact he had with Levi through the weekend was a simple and short message where Levi asked him for Armin’s address and an icy “See you this Monday, lil’ star” Oh, well; at least he remembered the caring nickname.

Eren had been asking himself the whole weekend about Levi and about his yo-yo feelings, finally understanding some of them and considering what to do with it. He also learned some interesting things he wanted to try with his tutor. But the first thing in his to do list was to know how Levi really felt about him. And with the apathetic predisposition Levi had always had to talk about himself, Eren was certain it would be the hell of a quest to complete.

When the doorbell rang Eren rushed to greet Levi. The man barely had the time to react before being dragged inside the house and consequently upstairs, to Eren’s room.

“What’s with the hurry?” Levi asked almost stumbling behind Eren. 

“I have something to show you” Eren was shining, revolving some papers on his desktop.

“Here” He said, handing to Levi the two last tests from school.

Levi glanced over them, humming a question mark. “Not bad”

“Not bad? Levi, it has been ages since the last time I passed a test, not to mention two.”

“Still, that ‘C’ in Maths must be improved. The ‘B’ at Spanish is good, tough.”

“Is it, right?”

Levi stretched his hand to pet Eren’s head the same way he always did. “Good job, brat.”

Eren couldn’t tell if he was possessed by the excitement of the moment or if he was trapped in some kind of enchantment by Levi’s touch along his encouraging words. His eyes narrowed, hopelessly fixated on Levi’s tin lips and longing for kissing the man. 

Eren’s body leaned forward with all the intention to finally taste the forbidden fruit; but Levi’s fast reaction stopping the teen by moving quickly the hand he had on Eren’s head to place his index finger on Eren’s mouth, killed in the spot any chance the teen could have had to kiss his tutor.

“Wo~Oops! What are you doing?” Levi questioned.

“Oh, oh…” was the only thing Eren was able to articulate before stepping away from Levi. His body fell on the chair and then Eren crossed his arms over the table to bury his face within them as fast as it was humanly possible.

“Oh, oh; that’s all the shit you’ve got to say?”

“It wasn’t on purpose…” He muttered.

“You know what?” Levi sighed loudly. “Let’s forget about it. I’m not even mad” the man moved closer to Eren, who supposed Levi was now sitting on the chair next to him.

“You will be if I tell you that even if it was on reflect, I really wanted—want—to kiss you”

“Well, you’ve just told me and I’m still not mad” Levi said and then Eren heard a rustled sound.

“Eren, look at me”

Reluctantly, the teen moved his head to face Levi and noted the man had removed his jacket and placed it on the back of the chair. “Are you sure you really want to kiss me and this isn’t one of that heat of the moment things?”

Eren frowned and sucked his bottom lip in. To be honest, he had been the past two days thinking about Levi and about everything he felt when they were together; every desire he had been suppressing to touch and to be touched by Levi. So it wasn’t a surprise at all for him the way his body automatically reacted to the excitement of being praised by Levi. 

“It’s not just to kiss you. I want to feel your lips on my body again too” Eren confessed with a puppy face besieged between embarrassment and fear to be rejected.

Levi inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, adopting some kind of brooding stance. Eren mulled inwardly if the context was positive since Levi was still there, or negative because Levi could be trying to find the correct words to cast Eren’s advances off.

“This is a bad idea” Levi finally said.

“What is it?”

“This. You and me.”

“Why? Am I not attractive enough? Do you dislike me?”

“How could I, brat? Don’t you use mirrors or what?”

“That’s what I’m asking, because I see nothing special in my looks”

“Well, look twice or go to the oculist, you blind-ass” Levi said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

“Do you find me attractive, then?” Eren asked mischievously.

“Eren…”

“Because I think you are gorgeous.”

Eren lifted his body up, sitting correctly on the chair with his back straight and looking at Levi right in the eye. “Let me kiss you.” He requested.

Levi snorted. “No.”

“Why? Do you still see me as a kid? Because I’m totally not. Unlike you, ‘Mister Dorian Gray’, I did grow up.”

“You say that and yet not so many days ago you were a mortified tomato when you saw what you could ignite in me, Eren.”

“Because it was the first time I felt something like that. No one else has ever made my body react the way you do.” It was disconcerting in some manner, but Eren loved it. “I promise that it will be just a kiss, Levi; I need to confirm something.” Yes. He needed to confirm if he could make Levi, the control freak, to lose it.

“What thing is that, exactly?”

“Let me kiss you and I will tell you.”

“Just a kiss is all you ask for?”

“Yeah…” Eren answered full of hope until Levi snapped him out of his confidence.

“You will have to earn it, then.”

Eren mumbled a questioning ‘ah’, suddenly confused. “I don’t get it.”

“It’s easy. You want a kiss and I want you to keep passing your tests.” Levi rested his elbow on the desk, relaxing his previous stance. “Think about this: each test you score B or more it will be a free kiss ticket.”

“What kind of kiss?” Eren wanted to know, more than interested in the offer that was filling his hopes again.

“A peck.”

“Wherever I want it?”

Levi nodded and Eren felt his heart skipping a beat.

“The kiss would be from you to me or can I be the one kissing you?” the teen asked, leaning his body towards Levi. His arms were resting then on his own knees trying not to break the eye contact with the young man.

“Anyway you want it; you chose” Levi answered. “But of course there are two rules: if at some point you want to end the deal, you can do it. Same way, if you find another guy you want to kiss more than me, the deal will be off, too.”

Eren laughed, shaking his head. “That’s not gonna happen. There’s no other boy I want to kiss.” The teen beckoned with his eyes to the desk, where his most recent B scored test was lying at the moment. “Do I get a free peck ticket for that?”

Levi dismissed the question waving his hand. “That happened before the deal, so it’s not valid; you must work for the next tests you have.”

“Is that so?” Eren sulked, with a weird appealing voice that he barely recognized as his own, but it managed to get Levi perplexed for few seconds. Enough time for the teen to place his hands on Levi’s knees and spread his legs open. Then he dragged the chair forward whit his body and linked the edges from both seats. 

Unfortunately, the movement wasn’t as perfect as he intended and instead on trapping Levi’s legs with his own, it was Eren who ended up with his thighs stuck between Levi ones and the sides of the chairs.

“Really a bad move” Levi warned.

“But I want my reward.” Eren's voice was deeper than usual and since his hands were still on Levi’s knees, he decided to give them a cautious squeeze, searching for some kind of reaction from Levi. (Hot and sexy reaction as preferred if Eren had to choose.)

“The kiss deal wasn’t about rewards, Eren. Good scores is what you are supposed to get, you pretentious brat. The deal is about giving you an incentive to do so.”

Eren licked his lips lazily. “Then what about giving me an incentive now, Levi?”

“You’re not playing fair, aren’t you?” Levi said in a sigh.

“How’s that? I didn’t even know we were playing” Eren purred, inclining his body towards Levi with all the intention of getting his kiss. From where it came all his sudden boldness, Eren didn’t know. But poor him, little star, that forgot about Levi’s supreme strength.

The man cupped with his right hand Eren’s cheek, keeping him on place, not letting him close the ridiculous gap between them. 

Feeling impatient, Eren bit his bottom lip and squeezed again Levi’s knees, that time a little higher, practically on the thighs and with more eagerness.

Seeing the perceptible fire on Levi’s eyes, Eren wondered why. Why in the world was Levi stopping him? The teen had already told him on Valentine’s Day that he wasn’t scared of warming up the ambient, plus he had just admitted that he found Eren attractive, more or less. So what was taking Levi aback?

“I think we need a third rule” Levi said seriously.

Eren smirked in disbelief, but not surprised for Levi’s reaction. “’Kay; Humor me”

“If you kiss me without free peck tickets, the deal will be automatically off.”

Eren grinned with malice. “Last time you made a third rule I was able to make you invalidate it.” 

Levi tilted his head, crooning in agreement. “It took you one year, though.”

“This one will take me less time” Eren said, using all the sensuality he didn’t know he had in him.

“What makes you think that?” Levi pushed Eren’s face a little away with the hand he still had on his cheek.

Instead of using words, Eren decided to use his mouth in another way to weaken Levi’s resistance. The teen parted his lips and hesitantly pressed the tip of his tongue on Levi’s thumb that was dangerously near the teen willing mouth.

The reaction from Levi was instant; his eyes flinched and darkened as his expression narrowed looking at Eren with intensity.

“I don’t know what has got into you today, horny brat, but you should stop now” Levi said, yet his thumb was tracing Eren’s bottom lip.

And it wasn’t what has got into Eren that day; it was what has got into Eren since Levi came back. 

One of the things the teen had learned during the weekend was that he needed to kiss Levi more that he needed the next breath. Another thing he had also acknowledged was that he needed to affect Levi the same way he was affecting the teen.

Boosted up by Levi’s actions that, once again, differed with his words, Eren trapped Levi’s thumb between his lips and sucked it in half way inside his mouth, circling his tongue around the salty digit, waiting to see more of Levi’s reactions. 

Eren didn’t know what the hell he was doing, and hoped the safety of the world didn’t depend on that fact or the sky would drop itself on the earth before Eren could figure out if he was doing something sexy or weird.

However if Levi’s heavier breathing, dilated pupils following Eren lips, clenched jaw, and nostrils beating hard at each respiration were an indication, Eren was pretty sure he was doing something right. 

That, or Levi was about to kill him.

Eren continued his ministrations with his wet tongue, playing with Levi’s finger in his mouth. And soon Levi’s forgotten hand landed on Eren’s thigh, squeezing it and making the teen moan around the digit. Levi took a deep breath and got closer to Eren, deliberately slow, his hand traveling up Eren’s thigh at the same time, pressing and scratching the thumb on the inner side.

Thousands of chills were torturing the sensitive boy that Eren was, who couldn’t help but whine and fight with his lungs for air. 

Levi’s face was almost touching his own and his hand was few inches away from his manhood when it stopped its advance.

“Levi…” Eren whimpered, surrendering to the heat. 

Levi joined his cheek with Eren’s free cheek, where the man hadn't the hand holding the teen on place, and rubbed the warm skin with his own. Nearing his mouth to Eren’s earlobe he gave him a testing nibbling.

“Quit tempting me, brat. You don’t know what you’re doing to me” Levi whispered with a hoarse voice, withdrawing his thumb from the inside of Eren’s inviting mouth.

“Tell me” Eren gasped. “Tell me what I’m doing to you” he begged.

Levi nuzzled a path to Eren’s neck with the tip of his nose and sucked the pulsating skin without hesitation, massaging the teen’s thigh at the same time, tantalizing, not moving it near Eren’s now noticeable arousal.

“Levi, Levi, Levi…” The teen chanted between moans, feeling each cell of his body hot, alive and hungry for his tutor. It was overwhelming to keep it all inside and so Eren cried out, glorifying Levi’s name, cursing in his barely functioning mind Levi’s hand that was torturing him exasperatedly near to his virility; wondering why it wasn’t already on his throbbing need giving him the relieve he was waiting for.

Levi nipped with his teeth Eren’s chin and, taking advantage of the teen lightheaded state, he shoved the chair back to stand up and walk away from Eren and his dangerous and tempting predisposition to drive him crazy.

Panting hard he ventured himself to speak. “Today I’m going to take my time to make the tea and prepare some snacks. Use this time-break wisely, you horny brat.”

And with that said, the man left the room and left as well Eren with a severe insufficiency of oxygen in his brain.

Wisely? Had he just say wisely? How was going Eren to think something wisely to do when he was unable to think to begin with?

Eren grunted, utterly frustrated, enfolding himself and bending his body down. 

Why had Levi thought it would be a good idea to leave him like that to go and make the fucking tea? There was no way Eren could calm down, not without a miracle; he was painfully hard and the worst was that he couldn’t blame Levi, because he was, Eren himself, who started it by trying to provoke the man with his clumsy seduction skills.

“Fuck!” Eren snarled, standing up. He would use the time-out the only way he could think of at that moment where almost all his blood was focused in the same spot; leaving his brain far for being able to think properly. 

Without a second thought he grabbed Levi’s jacket—the one the man had placed on the back of the chair—and leaded his feet to the bathroom where he locked himself in to take care of his hard problem.

He might be a virgin, but he wasn't anywhere near to be a prude guy. With his back pressed against the locked door, he let his body slowly fall onto the floor. 

Jacket hanging of his shoulder, full of Levi’s aphrodisiac—for him—scent; eyes closed to make easier to cast Levi’s image on his mind and his legs slightly parted waiting for his hand to release the tension inside his pants.

That moment would be better with the real Levi there, but Eren wasn’t going to be picky. Inside his melted brain he knew he was pushing Levi too much, he said and hinted all he could, if the man didn’t give in, he sure had his reasons and they weren’t lack of attraction. 

Levi himself could be hard to read, but his eyes spoke countless stories for him. 

And Eren was starting to place together the pieces and reading the signals the best he could do. And without a doubt, Levi wanted him. Or so the teen hoped.

Eren unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans with a trembling movement, divided between doing it fast and quietly, so he wouldn’t be caught; or slowly and loudly to let Levi hear him. 

But the moment he slided his hand inside his underwear and put his fingers around his hot member, Eren was unable to coordinate with his reason anymore. He hadn’t been doing a great job thinking since he had left his room, anyways.

He started to pump slowly and leaded his free hand to his mouth to lick and wet a little his fingers. 

He fantasied with Levi gently drawing on his body with his hot tongue, soft lips marking his art easily yet with passion until he got full of himself contemplating his shameless masterpiece that was crawling for him, inked with red desire.

Eren moved his wet fingers under his sweater; he pinched and tormented his own left nipple, imagining that it was Levi’s mouth teasing him. The hand on his throbbing arousal stopped to play with the oozing head. Pressing his thumb on the slit and spreading the precum all over for better friction, Eren moaned Levi’s name as he started to move his hand again. 

His whole body was on fire, jolting and shuddering, with his face buried on Levi’s jacket, sniffing the man’s scent that was driving him insane. His hand ended the torture on his left nipple only to travel to the other yearning nipple to repeat the sweet torment. His other hand moved faster and harder by the moment.

It wasn’t the first time Eren pleasured himself, but it was the first time he was doing it with the vivid image of Levi. Until that moment, every wet dream or fantasy had been filled by an unknown figure. A man with no real face, but with visible black hair and piercing blue-steel eyes.

Eren cried out, feeling the bottom of his belly tensing up, realizing that the unknown man in his dreams had always been Levi, or so he wanted to believe. 

‘Fuck! What a way to learn that’ He groaned not too inwardly.

Recalling the sensation of Levi's attentions on his nape, his mind trailed that feeling to the rest of his body, dreaming about Levi’s lips and hands caressing his whole body, not missing an inch of skin, loving the knowledge that he was the man reducing Eren to a trembling mess, craving to be pleasured only by him.

Eren was aware that he was close, so close that when he imagined that Levi’s fingers were the ones stroking his length with a steady and demanding pace, watching him with eyes clouded by lust and urging Eren to come for him, his back arched defenselessly as his other hand moved by instinct to cover the mess he was about to make. 

A cry got trapped in his throat as his voice tried to call for Levi once again, when all the heat exploded granting the teen the release he needed so desperately.

The ghostly pleasure traveled over his numb body, fading away oddly slow. The hammer that was his heart was returning to normality at the same time his breathe was doing so. And regaining the vital oxygen supply for his brain, Eren noticed there were uncried tears on the corners of his wet eyes.

Taking a deep breath, and feeling pretty satisfied too, he looked down to his now soft member and thanked every possible god he didn’t make a mess out of his hands.

The teen stood up, holding Levi’s jacket between his cheek and shoulder, and washed his hands thoughtfully three times with the blueberry soap. With his hands clean he hung the jacket on the doorknob to clean his crotch and after that he washed one more time his hands.

Eren looked at the mirror to make sure he was impeccable and couldn’t help but remember what Levi had said about ‘looking twice or to go to the oculist’ so the teen watched with attention the guy in the mirror. 

A boy with messy—common—brown hair was there. A boy more thin that fat, with slightly toned muscles thanks to all the fights he was always involved in and thanks to Mikasa and her katas, which Eren always loved to imitate. 

And in addition he had now another hickey to pair up with the one on his nape. Levi sure loved to mark him and Eren couldn't care less. 

The only noticeable thing in his looks he could think of were his eyes, but he was just too used to look at them that they were nothing special anymore. Just green-blue eyes that someone else in the world must have too.

On the other side, Levi, Oh! The man was made to be worshipped. Everything in him was alluring. His deep voice; his intense eyes; his silky hair; his pale and soft skin; his perfect fitted body. Eren had a hard time trying to understand how Levi had been able to stay five years in Trost without having some kind of relationship. Were the guys there blind assholes or what?

Even with Levi’s aversion to be touched, it was uncompressible for Eren. Unless Levi was lying or he simply had been ignoring any poor bastard that tried to seduce him.

Eren returned to his room and placed the jacket the same way it was before he used it to take care of his debauched needs. 

He was checking then how much homework he had for that day when Levi entered the room holding a tray with two mugs and a plate full of cookies.

Eren stared at him and smiled happily when Levi sat on the chair more near than far from him.

“What are we studying today?” Levi asked picking a mug of tea.

“Some History and more Maths problems” Eren moved away the books so they wouldn’t get dirty and took the other mug and a cookie.

Both of them stayed placidly quiet for a good five minutes, enjoying the afternoon-snack and the ambient that wasn’t awkward and tense as Eren had feared, on the contrary, it was full of playful gazes and childish movements. 

Eren rubbed the tip of his bared toes on Levi’s leg now and then and the man answered pinching Eren on the waist, making him laugh for the ticklish sensation.

Eren knew they were acting like two complete idiots and he loved it. Seeing Levi relaxed and full of fun was one of the best sights Eren could ask for. Except that Levi wasn't smiling, not by a bit.

Would be Eren able to get to see Levi smile at least once in his life?

“You smell now like that blueberry soap your mother buys” Levi commented.

Something in Eren’s mind made 'click', associating that smell to what he had done inside the bathroom not too many minutes ago. “Well I washed my hands to be clean before you came back with the cookies and all” Eren half lied, averting his eyes from Levi’s face and traveling his gaze down to the man’s body. The teen noticed Levi’s sleeves were now rolled up and surely a tad wet. “Your shirt is humid”

Levi cleared his throat after choking with the sip of tea he was taking. “Not my fault I’ve got to wash the mugs twice. They were fucking dirty” He said, annoyed.  
“Really? That’s odd, I’m sure I know how to wash mugs properly.”

“Clearly not” Levi retorted, cheeks faintly pink, winning an arrogant smile from the teen. “Shut the fuck up already and eat your damn cookies, brat, we got some tutoring to do.”

Eren bit his lip, killing a laugh, not willing to break Levi’s good mood that was obviously bothered by Eren’s cunning readings. ‘I’ve got a nice tutor after all’ the teen thought amused and content with himself as he was able to see Levi opening more to him. 

It wasn't going to be Eren who ruined the moment saying aloud why and how he really believed Levi had gotten his sleeves wet. So he let it slide.

The rest of the evening was as normal as any other tutoring. When Carla arrived home Levi left and Eren and his mother had their dinner together and shared some words, as usual.

After that, Eren sat on the couch and played with his 3DS, keeping his mum in company while she watched some idiotic shows about supposed celebrities and their affairs.

Around ten in the evening, Eren wished good night to his mum and walked to his room.

He was getting ready his schoolbag for the next day when he noticed Levi's jacket was still on the chair. Had he forget it?

The teen picked his phone and texted Levi.

"Levi, you forgot your jacket here."

The man answered rather fast. [I didn't forget it; I left it there, it's different]

Eren frowned, falling onto the bed and praying Levi didn't know for what purpose he had used the cloth. "Why?" 

[Take it as an early incentive]

"For what?"

[For the things that can come and will come]

Eren felt his cheeks warmer. "That sounds promising. Is it a promise, Levi?"

[A life-time promise, indeed] Levi's message made Eren's heart skip a beat. [But I need to ask you something in return, Eren]

"Whatever you want" He rushed to tap.

"Don't push it, brat. Wait for it."

Eren was now confused. “I'm not trying to push anything. I just can't stop feeling the way I feel about you."

[I know]

"Do you?"

[I do, since I feel the same. That's why I'm asking you to give me time, this is going way too fast and I don't want to ruin a thing with you making a wrong move]

Eren wasn't sure what could Levi possible do wrong with him. Also the teen didn't thought his feelings were going too fast. "Is not too sudden if you count we knew each other since I was five."

[See? You’re pushing it now, you little shit]

"Sorry I just..." Eren puffed with anxiety. Fuck! Was he really that desperate? "I really want you, Levi." Yes, he was.

[I know. See you tomorrow lil' star]

Eren rolled to his side, curling under the covers and feeling the familiar electricity in his tummy.

Reading all over again Levi's last message: 'I know' Eren wondered if Levi had just confirmed he wanted Eren back. The teen let out a loud sigh, feeling uneasy and calm all at the same time.

That night was likely to have the insomnia as a partner. But how was Eren supposed to sleep easily now that his reality had suddenly become better than his dreams?

'Wait for it, brat.' Eren would, he just hoped he didn't have to wait for it too long. Otherwise, his world would become hell instead of the promised heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	11. Dead tempo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi might not be the kind of person Eren thinks he is.
> 
> Rivaille misses Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on Novemember 16th, 2014
> 
>  **Warning for this chapter:** This chapter is rather introspective.  
>  Be aware: past abuse implied (nothing explicit, but still…); fairly manipulation as a meaning of protection; grey moralities.

The first time he felt real pain he didn’t know what its name was. That feeling was different to those other times when he had cut with a paper or a toy, bruised because of a fall, hit his knees or head with some furniture he didn’t see in his way or burned his tongue with hot cocoa. 

It was also different from the ache he felt when he was ill; but yet he learned it was called pain too.

Pain comes in many forms; he supposed; in many states that could be physical or mental, sometimes both. At some point during the time in which he had experienced many of its sides, he came to realize he hated pain over everything else in the world.

Screaming didn’t save him; so he stopped doing it.

Crying didn’t save him; therefore, he stopped doing it too.

Running neither saved him, only made it worse.

The ability to feel was his worst enemy. Feeling was the source of the most unbearable agony he could have ever imagined. Blame, regret, hate and desperation were daggers piercing him from the inside every time he heard her wrecked voice accusing him day after day, echoing with the exhaustion that owned his little body: “You killed him; he is dead because of you. You monster; you hadn’t enough taking him away from me that you needed to look at me with his eyes, with his face. Do you enjoy torturing me? Do you rejoice in my torment? You little bastard, you should have died instead of him. You are nothing but scum.”

Screaming didn’t help him, because no one was willing to listen.

Hiding his shame under layers of clothes wasn’t a sign, because no one was willing to look at him.

Escaping was impossible, when he had nowhere to run.

Crying was not an option, because he wasn’t willing to trust in humans anymore to let them comfort him.

Confusing the sadness of the kid was easy attaching it to the loss of his father. No one cared to look twice at him, to think twice of him. People simply didn’t care that time wasn’t healing him, but doing him worse. 

If you can’t control it; stop it.

Finally, the kid gave up and accepted his burden. He accepted that all was because of him. He was responsible for what happened to his father and, consequently, he deserved to be hated by his mother.

If you can’t stop it; control it.

He accepted the blame and with it he embraced the sadness, the only thing that made endurable the pain inside his resigned soul and the ache on his maltreated body.

He deserved it, he deserved it, he deserved it and because he deserved it he didn’t run anymore from her, he didn’t resist to her anymore. Not even when the silver edge was looking right at his eyes; the eyes that tormented her.

“You won’t look at me with his eyes again.”

A true menace swung with the knife of hate. A lonely tear kissed the kid and then, the slow tempo of death threatened to take finally over his misery.

[X]

Levi woke up with a silent gasp and a single tear running down his face. He breathed slowly in and out, covering his eyes with a trembling forearm. ‘It's just a dream. It's just a dream. It's just a dream’. He repeated it as a charm to calm himself down and right away he tried to stand up, only to realize that he couldn’t.

Eren was sleeping peacefully using Levi’s body as the best pillow he had ever had. 

Foreign to the nightmare that awaked his tutor, Eren was snoring with a smile that cracked something inside the man, who couldn’t help himself but grip tightly the teen and inhale near that messy hair he adored.

It had to be early in the morning, soft light entering the living room; when a noise coming from the kitchen that was instantly followed by a whispered curse, surprised Levi.

The man dragged his body out of the couch as carefully as he could trying not to wake up Eren and walked to the kitchen, stretching his whole body while doing so.

“Carla?” He said finding the woman, her body slightly bent over the counter and calling funny names to the kettle.

“Levi!” She yelled turning around and grabbing the cloth over her surprised beating heart.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you” the man apologized.

“It’s okay, I was trying to not wake you up guys, but the kettle didn’t want to cooperate” she sighed her explanation. “Is Eren still asleep?”

“Deep and loudly.”

“Thanks God” Carla finished to get ready the kettle. “Levi, you’re staying for breakfast.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’m not sure, shouldn’t I leave? I believe I’ve prolonged my staying a bit longer than it was intended” 

“Don’t say nonsenses, Levi. This is your house too, you are welcomed here” Carla smiled. “Now go to the bathroom and take care of yourself, your sleepy hair and face are worse than I’ve imagined.”

Levi’s lips were slightly parted and ready to say something, but nothing came to them and so Levi did as he was told by Carla. He thought the woman would be mad at him for falling asleep on the coach with her son, but she was acting rather natural. Was that the storm before the calm? 

How could’ve he let that mistake happen, falling asleep embracing Eren? The brat was not that kid anymore, the kid that shook Levi emotionally years ago; now he was a teen shaking the man both ways, mentally and physically, and for the live of him Levi was unable to understand why that was happening.

Why Eren? Are you a masochist, Levi? Is there out there no other boy you can manipulate to resolve your new discovered sexual frustration? Or is it that you are looking for something else?

He shouldn’t encourage Eren to want him. He couldn’t do this to him and definitely he shouldn’t do that to Carla. The woman believed in him, she trusted her son to Levi and he was nothing but a failure. 

First, he disappeared without explanation and then when he was finally back, no matter how hard he tried to deny it, the—now—teen Eren was burning him under the skin, in a place he couldn't touch. An unreachable itch spreading and getting worse day after day.

If you can’t control it; stop it.

But he was a greedy man. It would be easy for everyone if he just refused the tutor job and moved to the capital, to Shiganshina. Far from Eren, far from the temptation the teen was. And yet he was still there, feeding Eren’s hopes up, because he wasn’t only greedy, in secret he was also weak to the teen.

Every time he was about to end that maddening liaison, it took only one look at Eren’s eyes and Levi’s determination was broken irremissibly. He was weak, defenseless against that majestic witness in front of him: universe colliding with the vast ocean; immeasurable stars reflecting on the serene surface that hided the most impressive whirling of honest emotions within.

If you can’t stop it; control it.

Just one glance at those mesmerizing eyes and he was lost, entirely left at Eren’s mercy. It wouldn’t be too long until the teen came to realize the power he actually had over Levi, it was a matter of time until he—Levi—finally fell and the man knew it. For that reason he was expecting to be able to extend that time to the maximum in order to have a chance to control it.

There was something annoying and appealing at the same time in the way Eren clung to him. The teen was the final test to Levi’s control and being unable to predict the result was kind of exciting for the greedy man.

Once he was back in the kitchen, the tea was already served and a plate full of toast was in the middle of the squared table, with butter and different marmalade flavor pots around it.

Carla gestured to Levi, waving her hand up down, beckoning him to sit. “Levi” she said the name with a serious and cold voice. “I can’t believe what you’ve done.”

Levi froze on the spot. There it was, the storm after the calm he foresighted. A storm he totally deserved. “Carla I can explain.”

“Oh really?” She asked skeptically. “Can you explain to me why have you let my son to fall asleep without having a proper dinner?” 

“I didn’t mean to…” Levi started and cut himself off when the real words that Carla had spoken came to him. “Wait, what? Dinner?”

“Yes. Dinner.” She confirmed knitting her eyebrows together. “In which family are bonbons accepted as a proper dinner, uh? Just because you gave up on getting taller doesn’t mean my son is stuck already. He is still growing and he needs to eat.”

There were few people that were able to leave Levi speechless and Carla was, without a doubt, one of them, she might even be at the top rank of the short list.

“You know what? You’re right, Carla, my apologies. It’s not an excuse but we were watching some movies and time and sleep got over us; I’ll be more careful next time.”

Carla nodded, humming in agreement. “Good. Now eat some toasts, young man, you must be starving” she urged him. “I usually let Eren sleep all what he wants on Saturdays, so let’s try not to wake him up, okay?”

That was fine with Levi. Not that he knew what to talk about in that moment, nonetheless. He still felt like a failure that deserved Carla’s rage, not acceptance. Why wasn’t she alarmed after finding them hugging each other in their sleep? Did she really trust Levi that much? Of course she did.  
Levi thought. 'You have her dancing at your tune, like everyone else, like everything else.’

“Is Eren causing you any trouble?”

“Not really. He is easy to order around.”

“Easy for you, I see. I think there’s not a single teacher in the school that can stand my son. He can be really stubborn and reckless sometimes. I wish he could stop fighting those kids back, I don’t want him to grow up believing that punching someone that annoys you is the best way to solve problems.”

“I agree that violence shouldn’t be the chosen way to solve everything. But sometimes you have no other choice.”

Carla sighed heavily. “This society is messed up, isn’t it?”

“The whole world is, Carla”

“But there are beautiful things in it, too.”

“Right now, you just sounded like Eren saying that.”

Carla smiled with melancholia. “My precious baby. He never fails in showing me the bright side of life when I feel like breaking. I don’t know how he does it, but sometimes I feel like he is more than a regular kid; I've never met someone with such a hope inside, with such a generous kindness and yet he is able to become a fearful beast to protect his friends. Did you know Eren sent to the hospital one of these guys once, the ones bullying Armin?”

Levi just shook his head no in response.

Carla heaved a sigh. “Yes, he did. And he got expelled, too. Fortunately, the parents of the kid didn’t report him to the police, but they made clear that if a next time happened they wouldn't go easy on Eren.”

It wasn’t needed to have Erwin’s IQ to deduce that Carla wanted Levi to be more conscious about Eren and his circumstances.

“Do you remember the first day he ran into you?” She asked.

“Yes, he was crying because of that ugly balloon” Levi took a sip of tea.

“Oh yes, that balloon” Carla giggled. “I remember I was hanging the laundry out when he handed the balloon to you. I watched the scene from the backyard, wondering why that boy was taking my son’s toy off him” she smiled, surely picturing the image in his mind. “A couple of minutes later he was back and asked me: who was that gloomy boy, mum?”

Crack.

“I said: ‘I think he is the neighbor who lives in that house across the street. Why do you ask, sunshine? Has he tricked you to steal your balloon? Has he asked you to do something or to give him anything else?’” Carla stopped to look apologetically at Levi. “Sorry about that, I didn’t know who you were at that time.”

“I get it. You don’t need to be sorry, you were being a mum” a good mum.

“The thing is I told him that: ‘Has he asked you to do something or to give him anything else?’ and I don’t think I could have been ready for the answer he gave me even if I had lived three lives, before” Carla folded her arms over the table. “He looked at me, confused by my accusations and with clear concern flickering in his eyes he said: ‘You are wrong mum; he hasn’t asked me anything, but I want to give him everything.’”

Crack.

“I thought 'what a thing to say for a five years old kid. He must’ve heard it on TV'. But moth after moth he proved me wrong again. The name that was always in his lips was Levi. ‘I did this on class; I want to show it to Levi.”

Crack.

“Are you buying me that, mum? I want another for Levi.”

Crack.

“I learned a new song; I’m going to sing it for Levi.”

Crack.

“Look at this new book Armin gave me; I want Levi to read it’.”

Crack.

“I believe you are like the big brother he never had.”

Crack.

 _How wrong you are, woman_ “Maybe that was true back then, Carla. But I’m afraid this time he sees me as something different from a brother.”

“What do you mean?”

Was it really a smart move to tell Carla about the obvious crush Eren had on Levi? Tell her that even after five years of separation Eren’s infatuation was stronger than before and far from being a platonic and harmless brother complex?

“Carla I…”

The simple melody from Levi’s phone vibrating in the back pocket of his trousers prevented him from continuing,

He answered the call, averting his eyes from Carla that was still looking at him with a puzzled gaze. 

From all the people who could have called him… The dial conversation started with “Levi” and finished with “I'll be there in a couple of hours.”

Levi stomped the phone against the table, feeling sick of all of a sudden.

“It was them?” The woman asked.

The question spoken by the voice of Carla brought another 'Crack' inside of Levi. He simply nodded, not willing to talk about 'that'. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” She smiled.

“Have you ever told Eren about...?” Levi couldn't finish the question; unconsciously fearing that the teen, who was sleeping not so far from them, could hear the conversation.

“No, I didn't. I just happened to know it because of your Grandfather, but is not in my hands to tell Eren.”

Levi inwardly thanked Carla's nobility “I mean to tell him; eventually, when the right time comes” If there existed a right time for something like that. “I have to go. Thanks for the breakfast, Carla.”

The man excused himself and went to the entry hall to pick his jacket. He put it on deliberately slow; using all those seconds to contemplate Eren’s sleeping face. A nearly imperceptible sound escaped the teen’s mouth, but for Levi, who had all his attention on him, was easy to hear it by reading Eren’s lips: ‘Levi’

Crack.

Levi swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, a grimace on his face twisted in alarm upon the realization of something changing inside of him.

I can’t stop it and I don’t want to control it.

Eren was dangerous, a seriously addictive threat. It was as a lethal gamble keeping the balance over the edge of a board with a starving shark under it.  
Not knowing if you wanted to trip and fall to make his job easy or if it was best to resist and wait to see what he will finally do to get you.

What would come first, Levi giving in or Eren giving up? 

Do you really want him to give up?

Levi shook his head, waving away his line of thinking—an inappropriate one—and left the house.

He’s fifteen, you idiot.

A twenty minutes ride to the beach awaited for him, before going to the capital, Shiganshina. He had the urgent need to stop by his house to have a shower and change his clothes. He was still wearing yesterday's outfit and that was a totally no for him, even if he smelled like Eren. And that without mention his teeth that were urging him to be brushed. 

[X]

One hour and around forty minutes later, an unpolluted Levi was buying a bouquet of white chrysanthemum with mallows as an expression of the feelings he had for the woman that was unwillingly waiting for his visit.

The interior of the building was as depressing as he remembered. For Levi, the mental institution at Shiganshina, along with some of the workers there, needed more help than their patients. The white and the smell of bleach were nearly infuriating; enough to make sane people to become mad; was it some kind of stratagem to get more clients or to keep the ones they already had as crazy as the first day?

The security was heavier than before, fact that he really thanked. Levi was still wondering how the hell had that woman been able to escape five years ago in order to finish her ‘uncompleted job’.

He followed a doctor through five different locked doors with those electronic panels by its side, before reaching the corridor that leaded him to the south area, where the mental institution was more like a hospital plant for critical patients than an asylum. 

As soon as he entered the—now unlocked—room behind the so mentioned doctor (who was in charge of his mother) Levi felt like vomiting. Was that hard to keep a room in order and clean? The former flowers that he had brought with him the last time he visited her, were now rotten and tainting the night stand and the chess-like floor.

“Mister Levi…” The doctor started and Levi hissed him to shut up.

Levi threw the withered bouquet and replaced it with the new one. After that, he made sure everything was in its place. Why couldn't people understand that all needed to be neat? Order the chaos, clean the mess and keep it all in place to avoid accidents. Control your surroundings the same way you control yourself and nothing bad will happen.

“Is she unconscious?” Levi asked, finally paying attention to the woman that was dormant on the white bed and connected to an annoying machine that kept singing a rhythmic ‘beep’ after ‘beep’.

“We had to sedate her in order to give her some rest. When she is awake the pain is mostly unbearable.”

“How much time has she got left?” Levi stayed near the bottom of the bed with no intention of getting closer.

“The same we’ve told you last time; she won’t make it for the summer.”

“If that is the case, why have you summoned me here?” Levi turned over his heels to face the doctor with annoyance. “If I recall correctly, which I am, I told you not to call me unless she was about to die.”

“Technically she is already dead.”

“Oh, really? Because I can hear her breathing.”

“Mister Levi, The machine is the only thing keeping her alive. She’s sleeping most of the time; we can’t let her awake to suffer.”

“So?”

“I want you to reconsider the idea of freeing your mother now, rather than leaving her in agony until she dies in the next moths.” 

Levi snorted taking those words as a bad joke. “You’re asking me to pull out the cable. To disconnect her. Is that so, or have I got something wrong?”

“Look, I know how it sounds, but as the reasonable humans we are, we believe is the best thing we can do for her. She is not living, Levi, keeping her like this is no making her any good.”

Dragging himself back to Shiganshina wasn’t good for him either and no one asked him for his opinion. He only returned because of the promise of his mother being half way to hell. The branch office for Trost had been just an excuse, he could have sent Mike to supervise the project, but Levi needed to supervise another thing aside from the construction. 

As macabre as it may sound, he needed to be there at the exact second his mother exhaled her last breath. He believed firmly that doing that he would regain the control she wrecked on him.

“Listen to me, bastard” Levi grunted, grabbing the old doctor by the collar of his fucking white coat. “Forget about pushing the off-button, I’m not playing God here. You’re going to do your job and the next time you phone me, it will be to tell me she is going to die in few hours. Don’t ever bother calling me for any other reason or I will get your lazy ass kicked out of this place. Are we clear, you piece of shit?”

Maybe it wasn’t the best way to remind the man from who came the majority of the money keeping the institution on business, but it did the trick.

“I understand, Mister Levi” the doctor stammered.

“Good” Levi nodded, releasing the man. “Now, you’re going to keep being the obedient doctor for a chance of getting bigger funding from the content and generous benefactors, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir” It wasn’t a resigned agreement and Levi knew it. The promise of green faces on a paper filling their pockets was the only way to treat with those leeches. Working for humanity; helping people moved by altruism? Sure, in a faraway utopia where money didn’t exist, or better said, where the power latent in money didn’t exist.

Levi dedicated a last glance to the unusually decrepit woman, for her age she should look better, but sickness and death didn’t care about looks, did they? 

‘Soon, mother’ just pronouncing the word in his mind filled his palate with bitterness. ‘Soon, you will be the one falling in front of me.’

[X]

With the address of the Arlert family in his possession thanks to Eren via text message, Levi drove to the place. 

Since Saturday started with business, he would end it the same way.

People used to confuse his reluctance to touch or to be touched with his cleaning obsession.

However, they couldn’t be more wrong (unless the person was actually fucking dirty and bathed in shit).

Touching leaded to attachment. Touching leaded to a misperception of trust. And Levi needed neither of it. As the attachment grows, so does the pain of being deceived later on. As the trust grows stronger, stronger will be the agony from betrayal when it comes.

And it always came. Sooner or later, everyone deceived him.

Sadly, the people with the power to hurt him the most, was the people nearest to him. And so, he learned the hard way to never trust people, to rejected them and make them easier to reject him.

On the other hand, he had to learn how to live in society avoiding the useless bonds than coexistence created and using them for his own profit with two simple rules. 

First one: avoid the unnecessary touch. Handshake with his presentation card between palm and palm, looking right in the eye of the person he was trying to make business with. Eye contact as his ace rather than physical contact. Everyone would assign eye contact to the false security that he was paying attention to them. Fact that would make them bound of him, whereas for Levi they just mean business or persons he would forget as soon as they were out of his sight.

Because, contrary of them, he had learned not to be involved with anyone.

It was a simple act; and with it Levi was sure he had them half path closer to dancing at his tune.

Second rule: just a name. Levi was it. He repeated it. Levi from Trost, They didn’t need to know anything else. Just Levi. His last name was crap, associating him to the family he had ruined. He would let them abuse the name during the conversation; making sure they would remember who he was, Levi, Levi from Trost Company.

They told him their names and he remembered them, but he won’t ever use those names again once and after the deal had been closed. Because calling some else's name would create an invisible, but firm bond that would get stronger each time Levi will summon them by their names. 

They might exploit his, but despite of them, Levi had learned not to trust anyone. So the fair manipulation won’t work on him, but on them; because each time they had said his name, the false illusion of getting closer to him had got tougher on them.

With this, they had easily walked the second half of the path. And by the time Levi would stand up to say a polite ‘good bye, it was a pleasure to make business with you, Miss and Mister Arlert.’ The couple would have been already trapped, believing that they had trapped Levi too in a mutual bond.

But once Levi had walked through the door to the empty and grey street, he won’t be able to use the name of those persons anymore, because his brain had automatically renamed Mister and Miss Arlert with some idiotic nickname that would detach him from the family's futile attempt to link with him.

But every rule has its exception.

And Levi’s exclusion to the refusal to trust in and to get attached to someone was and had always been, indisputably and without doubts, him:

The kid that never accepted those unspoken rules. The kid that never gave up on him. The kid that showed Levi that there were things in this world worth to save and worth to fight for. The kid that was no longer a kid, but a teenager. A teenager with renewed hope and infinite brightness. A teenager that deserved better than Levi. 

And yet, Levi was unable to abandon him again.

The sound of something cracking inside of him was overwhelming since the moment he had awoken that morning. How was that even possible? How was something left inside of him biased to be broken, deep in, where sadness had ruled with him over all those years?

It was warm.

It was anxiety.

It was sharp hate.

It was ghostly pain.

It was loads of unlabeled emotions threatening his imperfect armor.

Indeed. Feeling was for far, the scariest part of being human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	12. The born connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is out from town some days and Eren uses the time to reinforce (accidentally) his bonds with his friends and his mother.  
> Antonia has never seen Eren’s room so lively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on Novemeber 19th, 2014

_March 30th sixteen years ago:_

Carla was doing everything in her hand to keep the calm. She was breathing the way she was supposed to do while her husband leaded the wheelchair. 

Grisha should move like fish in the water at Trost Memorial Hospital, even if it wasn't his usual place of work, it was still the Hospital his father leaded. However and since the moment they had left home, he had been a desperate mess. He had run at full speed across the hospital parking and he was still running recklessly through the white corridor to get as soon as possible inside the main building and sign his wife in.

“Oh my God, Grisha, stop!” Carla shouted suddenly when a kid appeared out of nowhere in front of her.

The wheelchair stopped abruptly with a cursed yelp from Grisha and the kid landed irremissibly on Carla’s lap, one hand on her thigh another on her distended and pregnant tummy.

“Are you alright, have we hurt you?” Carla touched the kid’s head and caressed his black raven hair. “Are you lost, sweetheart?”

The child lifted his head and looked at Carla with grey-empty eyes that made her heart ache.

“Baby, are you…?”

An uncalled movement from her son kicked her belly from the inside, startling both of them. The kid withdrew his hand from Carla’s abdomen with a shocked expression.

“Sorry, dear; did he scare you?” she smiled, rubbing her stomach. “Is my son, Eren and it seems he is impatient to get out and see the world” 

The kid frowned; looking more confused than before and hesitantly moved his hand to Carla’s belly, touching her with the tips of his little fingers. “E-eren…?” the child muttered with curiosity and Carla nodded with a smile on her face. 

“There you are!” yelled an unknown and strident voice that belonged to a skinny woman who was walking fast to them. She grabbed the kid by his tiny arm and dragged him away from Carla with ferocity.

“What’s wrong with her?” Carla wondered under her breath when the woman started to scold the child in a foreign language.

“Maybe she is mad because her son was missing” Grisha offered.

“I don’t know, I feel like something isn’t right, she…” Carla cut herself off gasping and folding her arms around her abdomen. “No-no-no-no-no-no!” She repeated in pain. Her son was moving too sharply inside.

“Carla?”

“Not again…” She whined, feeling something wet on her inner thighs that she recognized as blood without the need of looking at it. “Please no…God, don’t let it happen again… I can’t lose Eren too… I can’t lose him…”

[X]

_Now:_

It was Wednesday night and Eren was at home having fun playing Dota 2 with his friends.

“Bot MIA” Jean announced in the voice chat.

“I think they’re going mid. Marco, can you spot them?” Armin requested.

“Right away” Marco threw Clockwerk's (his character) rocket flare skill on the line that Eren’s character was defending, successfully detecting the enemy’s position.

“There they are! Eren, I have the feeling they want to bang on you, buddy. Get your ass ready!” Connie (the most recent addition to Eren’s friends from school and Sasha’s boyfriend) cackled.

“The hell they’ll do that! Armin?”

“Everyone mid, Marco stay on top” Armin commanded while using a magic scroll to port himself to Eren’s location. “Eren, use the ‘ulti’ when we reach their tower. Connie, use yours as soon as you see them and Jean…”

“Yes?”

“Kill them all”

“Ha! You can bet your sweet-ass, ‘little blondie’”

“I’m going to assume you’re calling him ‘little blondie’ because of the frozen maiden, Jean” Connie’s character started to dance his _ulti_ skill making the other team to disperse, or at last they tried to do so. Armin froze one of them and slowed another, making it easy for Connie and Eren to kill them and for Jean too, who made a combo killing the other three.

“So fucking easy!” Eren beamed, unleashing ‘Death prophet’s’ ghosts to take down the first tower and there upon the second. “Oh-oh! They’re coming back and I think they’re angry”

“First tower of the top line down guys, want me to go and help mid?” Marco suggested. 

“Come ASAP. Fuck you ‘Jugger’, run prophet run, run, run, run! I’m dead, I mean really dead, fucking ghosts come and heal me already! Why aren’t this bloody boots running faster?” Eren ranted trying to run away from the enemy.

“Saved you!” Armin managed to freeze again ‘Jugger’ when he stopped his fatal and annoying spinning. “Dang, now I’m the one who’s going to die”

“Not on my watch!” A red version of Sven, Jean’s hero, saved Armin’s maiden. And Connie plus Marco finished the rest of the rival team, sending them again to their base.

“Push-push-push now, before they come again. The hell are you doing, Connie? Stay close, I need healing” Jean complained.

“Oouuu stop being a cry baby, here I come to heal your sore ass. Who loves the doctor? I love the doctor, kneel before the doctor, bitches!”

Three minutes later they were practically seconds away from the victory.

“Are you finish yet?” A female voice coming from Connie’s microphone asked.

“Two minutes, babe”

“Is that Sasha?” Jean asked.

“Sure she is” Connie confirmed.

“Lucky bastard, what’s she doing in your room?”

“Things you will never know, Jean” Sasha was the one who answered.

“Fuck! Is she hearing us?”

Connie was laughing screamingly. “Of course mate, I’m playing with the speakers on and she finds lovely the way you protect our strategist”

“Fuck off, it's called team work!”

“I’m not biting your half-baked excuse, Jean” Sasha giggled.

“Guys, please…” Armin sounded ashamed and Eren jumped into action to defend his friend.

“Stop implying there’s something going on between Armin and that horse like face. Armin has better taste in men.”

“Want me to show you what else I have like a horse, you idiot?” Jean snapped.

“Your brain?”

“Fuck you, Yeager; you’re lucky I’m not there to shut you up!” Jean grunted.

“Oh, really? Eren provoked him. “And how exactly will you do that, uh?”

“You don’t want me to say it here with all the audience” Jean countered.

“Sure thing, you don’t even know what to do, just shut up, loser” 

“Make me, Yeager”

“You know” Connie interrupted them both. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only straight guy in this group”

“Marco is straight too” Sasha said.

Connie snorted. “Sure, when he’s not flirting with Jean”

“I don’t flirt with…” Marco stammered without finishing the sentence.

“Stop it, Connie” Jean warned him.

“And here I thought you had sense of humor. You are not fun, guys. Witch doctor out! See you tomorrow in class, whinnies”

Connie disconnected and Armin did it too without a goodbye word.

Jean sighed aloud. “Look what you did! This is all your fault, Eren”

“Whatever, cry me a river, Jean. Bye, Marco, it was nice to play with you”

 _Sappy_. Eren thought picturing Jean in his mind before turning off his computer and picking his phone up to call Armin. 

‘The phone you are trying to reach…’

Perfect.

Eren heaved a sigh and let his body fall onto his bed, hoping Armin wasn’t upset with him… _Nah, he hasn’t any reason to be._

Eren sighed again; Levi was in the capital since yesterday-morning and he wouldn’t return until Friday. There were just three days, but for Eren seemed three months instead. 

He preferred Levi near and theoretically unreachable, rather than far and physically untouchable.

Two weeks had already passed since he had made the kiss deal with Levi and things seemed like they weren’t moving at all. He had said he would wait for it, but waiting was starting to be frustrating.

Eren tried his best not to jump on Levi’s fucking flawless body each time he had the chance, thinking about the kiss deal to stay strong and don’t fall into temptation.

And to be completely honest, he also relieved himself, practically every night at the thought of Levi to keep his hormones at bay.

Oh! How many times he has fantasied with those lips kissing him with passion, those hands with slender fingers stroking his sensitive skin, those eyes drinking avidly his body up and down.

…Eren…

How many times he has teased his own nipples thinking of Levi.

…Eren…

The teen had even started to touch himself in places he had never thought before. He wanted to know everything about his own body; he wanted to be prepared for Levi for when he finally decided to cross that line with him.

…Eren…

Eren moaned reaching his half erection through the fabric of his pants and…

“Eren!” His mother opened the door, shouting his name.

“What the fuck Mum!” The teen jumped out of the bed like a startled cat.

“Are you deaf? I’ve called you like ten times! Armin is here”

Eren blinked mumbling a “What?”

“Armin is here” she repeated. “Now go, he is waiting in the living room”

Had Armin rush from his house to Eren’s? Even if they didn’t live that far from each other they had just had a Dota 2 together. Or might be Eren had really spaced out too much thinking of Levi.

“Hey Armin!” Eren greeted him. Armin had his head down, his eyes directed to the floor of the living room. “Armin?” Eren moved closer to his friend. “Everything okay?”

The blond stretched his arms out to surround Eren with them. He buried his face on Eren’s chest letting out a soft whimper. “Can I stay here tonight, please?” Armin asked with a raspy voice that made Eren think his friend had been crying.

“Sure, but can I know what happened?” Eren closed his arms around his petite friend and stroked Armin’s back, trying to comfort him.

“I’ve had an argument with my parents and ran away. Well, not running, like they don’t know where I am. I yelled as loud as I could that I was coming here” Armin explained against Eren’s body. “Sorry, I really didn’t know where else to go and I don’t want to face them right now”

“Don’t apologize. You can come here whenever you want” Eren gently pulled Armin away and grabbed his hand. “Do you want something from the kitchen, water, juice, anything?”

Armin shook his head. “I’m fine”

“Let’s go to my room, then. We can talk there, okay?” Eren guided Armin upstairs and before entering his room he screamed: ‘Mum, Armin is staying here tonight!’ to Carla that was in her own room and answered in the same way (screaming): ‘Okay, sunshine; I’ll call his parents to tell them!’

Once inside his room, Eren sat on the edge of his bed, with Armin next to him, and turned the lamp at the nightstand on. The mild light revealed Eren’s suspicions about Armin crying. His eyes were reddish and wet and Eren couldn’t help himself but cradle his friend’s face between his hands wiping the remaining tears off.

Closing his eyes and smiling softly, Armin leaned his head to the touch instinctively, brushing his cheeks on Eren’s warm palms.

Eren returned the smile to the blond and withdrew just one hand, leaving the other lazily caressing Armin’s soft skin.

“Better now?” 

Eren wanted to know if his friend was more relaxed and Armin answered with soft “Yes, thank you” and then he started to tell Eren what had happened.

Seemingly, Sina Books had liked Trost presentation using some spontaneous shots Levi had taken from Armin. The job was his, that was good, but a man called Erwin had phoned his parents in name of Trost offering them—to Armin and his parents—a high sum of money if they allowed Armin to travel overseas during the summer to work for Trost for two months. His parents had just agreed without asking for his opinion and that leaded to the great fight with them, given that Armin wasn’t sure if he wanted to go, or not, to Trost.

“And just in case that wasn’t enough I’m still dealing with that other thing…” Armin muttered the end of the sentence looking away from Eren’s eyes.

“What thing?” Eren was genuinely confused.

“That thing I had with that guy I was seeing, sort of dating…”

Eren hummed in interest. “Does that guy have a name?”

“Yeah…” Armin blushed. “But I won’t tell you”

“Then you can tell me the thing. Tell the deed, not the doer?”

Armin giggled. “Fair enough. Okay; the thing is that I tried to kiss him this Saturday and I was rejected”

“No way”

“I thought we were dating but it seems it wasn’t really dating for him. I feel like I’ve been toyed with”

“What an ass”

“Yeah…” Armin sighed looking at the ceiling. “He has a nice ass”

“You dummy, I didn’t mean it like that”

Armin let his body fall onto de bed before continuing. “He has been trying to talk to me about it and also acting ridiculously sweet with me since then. I think maybe he wants to apologize, but my head keeps telling me he just wants to play with me, and my heart is scared of being hurt… and I just don’t know anymore. I’m confused…”

Eren rested on the bed too rolling to his side to keep watching Armin. “I know this is an odd thing for me to say, but talk to him and let him explain himself” Armin opened his mouth to say something, but Eren kept talking to avoid being cut off. “And now the thing you sure were expecting from me: if what he says is bullshit I promise to kick him out of the galaxy” Eren stroked Armin’s cheek with his knuckles. “No one messes with my Armin and walks away in one piece”

Armin shifted to his side too and laced his fingers with Eren’s. “You know… I was going to give him my first kiss”

“You’ve never kissed before?”

Armin shook his head. “Have you?”

“Not really” because Levi is making me wait for it… his resigned mind sighed in for him.  
Armin dragged himself a bit closer to Eren, to press their foreheads together. “Do you think I’m worth to kiss?”

“Of course you are. What a weird thing to ask”

Armin smiled, tracing Eren's lips outline with the fingertips of his free hand. “Have you ever wondered why we aren’t a thing?”

Eren just mumbled a confused ‘ah?’ to the sudden question.

“Or how it would be like to kiss me” Armin said, nuzzling Eren’s nose with the tip of his little nose.

Eren’s heart beat hard at the insinuation. That outcome was unexpected to the teen. Armin was his best friend, they had known each other since ‘forever’, since they both were crawling babies. Even if they had shared a strong bond of friendship from the beginning, it never crossed Eren’s mind to be something else with Armin. 

Why not? After all those years the logical conclusion to their relationship was screaming boyfriends and yet Eren had never thought of it. 

Armin was cute in a boyish way. Intelligent, kind, calm, cheerful and he was always there when Eren needed him.

“Armin you..? You want to kiss me?” He asked the evident. Eren wasn’t always that oblivious, but somehow he managed all the time to ask unnecessary questions.

Armin bitted his bottom lip. “Can I?”

Was Armin really serious or just asking out of curiosity because he had been dumped? The words brushed Eren’s lips, so close they were from Armin’s own, yet Armin wasn’t moving them near. He stayed with Eren just like that, foreheads and noses in touch, one hand holding Eren’s hand with laced fingers and the other still drawing on Eren’s appealing lips.

For a moment, a positive answer crossed Eren’s mind. For a moment, he could see himself kissing Armin and liking it. For a moment, the curiosity was pulling him to do it. For a moment, he hesitated and Armin’s lips were just a breath away from his own lips. For a moment, he just wanted to…

Indeed, Armin was cute in a boyish way. Intelligent, kind, calm, cheerful and he was always there when Eren needed him. However, he wasn’t Levi. In fact he was the opposite of Levi.

 _‘...if you find another guy you want to kiss more than me, the deal will be off’_ Suddenly, Eren’s phone played a song from 'Fall out boy' out loud at the same exact moment he was pushing Armin away, rejecting the kiss.

“It’s Jean” Eren said with a puzzled look, checking the phone.

Armin’s eyes went wide open. “What?”

“I’ll see what he wants”

“No, Eren don’t…” Armin’s unfinished request died as Eren picked up.

“What’s up horse-face? Can’t sleep without hearing my manly voice?”

“Cut the crap, Yeager. The one I want to talk with is Armin”

“Hey! Are you a stalker or what? How do you know he is here?”

“His father told me, you moron. I was in his house just now looking for him”

“Really?”

“Yes!” Jean grunted. “Are you done with the stupid questions?”

“Hardly, but since you seem desperate I will allow you to talk to Armin” Eren handed the phone to his friend, hearing various curses from Jean that got silenced as soon as Armin spoke.

Eren used the time to look for a pair of pajamas for Armin and mentally reprehended himself for what almost happened with his best friend. He was feeling guilty, like a traitor. He assured Levi he didn’t want to kiss any other guy and yet he had seen himself kissing Armin so easily in his unfaithful mind.

“Eren, Jean says he is outside, in front of your house”

“Ah? Has he really followed you here?”

Armin shrugged giving Eren his phone back. “Shouldn’t we go to open the door?”

“We should… or we could just let him outside until his ass gets cold and sneezing”

“It’s tempting, but I think I will go to talk to him face to face” Armin said and then grabbed Eren for the arm. “Come with me, just in case you need to kick him out of the galaxy”

Eren frowned “Why would I…?” he stopped the question as Armin started to drag him downstairs and his mind made him remember the chat he had with Armin just few minutes ago, before everything got blurry with the almost kiss. “Wait! Jean is the guy you were dating?”

Armin tilted his head, crooning something that resembled a positive answer and opened the main door. As expected, Jean was there, already shaking because of the cold night.

“Hey” Jean smiled at Armin, entering the house. “Eren”

Eren just lifted a hand up returning the salute, still too shocked too articulate words. Jean and Armin? His best friend was seeing that horse-face idiot? Why? Armin and Jean strolled into the living room and Eren stayed at the entry, watching—more like peeking—at them from the stairs.

“Can you stop running from me, Armin? I know I owe you an explanation for what happened this Saturday, but every time I try to talk to you about that you just make excuses, suddenly having a lot of work to do. And honestly, is starting to be frustrating” That was Jean.

“There’s nothing to explain. You rejected me and I don’t really want to know why”

“You’re wrong! I know what it looks like. But I wasn’t rejecting you?”

“Oh really? So how is called nowadays when someone is trying to kiss you and you just shove him away like he is on fire?”

“Fear” Jean answered with a broken voice.

“What?”

“I was fucking scared, okay? I’ve been scared since we started to date; I keep thinking I’m going to mess it all up sooner or later, that you are too good for me and at some point you will realize that you’re dating a loser, that you deserve better than a band boy; I just…” Jean breathed deeply, rubbing his hair with both hands. “Fuck Armin, I really like you, okay? I still don’t know what the hell you’ve seen in me and I’m terrified of not being what you expected me to be”

“Jean…” Armin sounded really touched. “I didn’t know you felt like that”

“Now you do”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? We could’ve avoided all this misunderstanding” 

“I guess I didn’t want to look like an insecure coward in front of you” Jean sighed. “In the end I fucked it up anyways”

“Jean I don’t know why you think so low of yourself, because you really make me happy when we are together. You’re funny, kind, smart…”

“Smart, sure. You are fucking brilliant, Armin”

“So what?”

“You will get bored of me. I have nothing else to offer, just what you see, what you had already seen”

“I like what I see. I like you Jean. Look, if I wanted some Einstein I would be dating that arrogant kid from the C group that always scores 1st, but I don’t want that. I want you. I want my Kirstein. I want my hot and attractive Jean Kirstein. Do you get it?” Armin said, moving closer to Jean to cup his face.

“Are you sure, bookworm?”

“Totally. And if you let me prove it I will show you how worthy you are of me” Armin purred surrounding Jean’s neck.

Jean hummed happily holding Armin close. “Does this mean you forgive me for being an asshole?”

“We’ll see” Armin offered a smug smile to Jean and then Eren was sure he wasn’t supposed to have heard half of the things those two had said to each other.

“Cheesy~” Eren chanted from the stairs.

“Can you get lost or something?” Jean barked.

“In my own house? Nah!”

“Then shut up, we are having a moment here, you moron”

Eren tsked, feeling really jealous, something he would never admit to Jean. He wanted to be like that with Levi, all lovey-dovey. _Sure thing genius!_ Apparently Eren’s new hobby was to dream with the impossible.

“Honey” Carla sneaked her head out from the upstairs railing. “Is your other friend staying over too?”

“No!” Eren shouted.

“Yes!” Armin and Jean said at unison.

“What? No!” Eren exclaimed, looking with narrowed eyes at his best friend.

“Why not? Carla, can he stay?” Armin asked to Eren’s mother.

“Sure, I don’t mind as long as his parents are fine with that”

“But mum, my bed is not that big”

“You can sleep in my room, sweet-heart”

“Yeah, you can sleep with her, mama’s boy” Jean mocked him. 

“I so hate you…” Eren grunted, leaving the stairs to go and punch that idiot (with a trimmed mop as hair) on the face, but his mother moved fast and stopped him by pulling him by his ear.

“Time for you all to sleep. It's school night, boys”

Eren tried to protest but all the excuses he made up in his mind died before being pronounced. With his mother dragging him like he was five years old all over again and Jean behind him, laughing without hiding how amused he was, Eren felt like dying out of embarrassment.

His mother called Jean’s parents to make sure everything was okay before returning to her room, and then Eren looked for another pair of pajamas for Jean; no way was he going to use his day clothes to sleep in his bed. Somewhere in his mind the teen wondered if he had always had so many pajamas to spare.

“Jean, I swear you’re going to pay for this” Eren said, throwing him the nighties. “Oh and you and your angelic face too. You will pay me twice, Armin. This is ridiculous exiled from my own room”

Armin clapped his hands together, bending his body a little down as a way to make an apology. “I’m sorry, Eren. But I’m sure the three of us can fit in your bed. I’m really skinny I can accommodate between you and Jean”  
“  
Nop!” Jean rushed to say, surrounding Armin’s waist from behind. “I don’t want Eren that close to you”

Eren snorted. _If only you knew moron…_ “Now you’re going to act all jealous? You idiot, Armin and I are already close”

“But not close in that way” Armin added, remarking ‘that way’.

Eren puffed, lifting his hands up in surrender. Armin didn't need to mention that. Eren wasn’t that stupid to tell Jean that they had almost kissed. Eren liked Jean, deep, deep, deep, like really deep inside, somewhere; maybe. And if Armin had chosen him, well, Eren would respect his friend’s judgment. “Just don’t do things I wouldn’t do, okay? This is my fucking room and for God’s sake that’s my bed!”

Jean smiled mischievously. “Things you wouldn’t do? You’ve just given me permission to do whatever I want”

“Jean!” Eren clenched his fists, tapping a furious foot against the floor.

“It’s okay, Eren. Really. We’re just going to sleep. I promise” Armin said, stretching his hand with the little finger out to Eren that took it with his own.

“I’m not going to forget this so easily; I won’t…” Eren muttered to himself walking to the door and before actually leaving he picked his phone and looked at his spider. “Antonia, keep all your eyes on that horse-face for me, okay?”

Jean gave him a puzzled gaze. “Anto-what?”

Eren grinned and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Five, four, three, two, one… He counted the seconds as he walked to his mother room.

“What the hell is that?” Jean shouted, freaking out, and Eren sighed with a smile, feeling proud of himself. _Eat that, macho. Let’s see if you are able to get some sleep with Antonia near you._

No way in hell someone was going to use his bed to have sexy times before him. The only sex that bed was going to see would be Eren with Levi. Or so the teen wished.

His mother was reading some book, resting on the bed when Eren entered her room. Dropping the phone on the nightstand, he climbed on the other side of the bed and crossed his arms behind his head, looking at the ceiling.

“I can’t remember the last time I slept here”

"Want me to sing for you, hun, for the old times?”

“I’m too grown up for that, mum”

“You always liked when I sang that lullaby. Even when you were still here” Carla placed one hand on her abdomen, smiling kindly to her son.

“Mum…” Eren whined, covering his eyes with the heels of both hands, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star…” his mother started to sing making Eren laugh. 

“How I wonder what you are” she kept the chant poking at Eren’s waist and didn’t stop until her son uncovered his eyes. Moment she used to hit (lightly) her son’s forehead with her forefinger, using the ancestral technique of launching it with the thumb. “You know, the day you were born you wouldn’t stop crying. You scared me to death, Eren. I thought it was because the part had been complicated, but the doctor said you were perfectly fine and healthy. He said there was no physical reason for you to cry and if he had to guess he would say you were simply sad”

Eren frowned in confusion. “Why was I sad? Is even possible for a newborn to be sad?”

“I don’t know, honey. All I know is that I held you close and then I sang that lullaby, rocking you slowly and eventually you calmed down” Carla kissed Eren’s temple.

“Have I ever cried like dying again after that?”

“Just once” Carla nodded. “When…”

'Fall out boy' sounded on Eren’s phone for the second time at that night, startling Carla that couldn't finish what she was going to say.

“It’s Levi” Carla said, giving a look at Eren’s phone and then she frowned. “Does he always call you this late?”

"No, he doesn’t"

They usually texted each other, but Levi was calling him and Eren really wanted to hear the man’s voice. Just one day and he already missed him. The teen took his phone and rushed to the door.

“I’m going downstairs”

“You can talk here” Carla offered, raising an eyebrow being highly suspicious.

“No I can’t, I…” _Come on, Eren, think fast._ He urged himself. “I don’t want you to know about my grades yet”

“Grades?” 

“Exactly, I’m sure Levi is calling me to ask about my tests so I’ll be right back in some minutes, mum” he said, not really in a convincing way, before leaving the room.

Eren answered the call as soon as he was out; how much could Levi wait for him to pick up without getting mad anyway?

“Levi” Eren said in a low voice, walking downstairs.

“Why are you whispering, brat?”

“Everyone is sleeping already and I’m trying to reach the living room without tripping with my own feet” He half lied.

“Everyone?”

“Jean and Armin are staying over, long story I will tell you another day”

“Alright. I’ve just arrived to the hotel and didn’t realize it was this late. Did I wake you up, Eren?”

“No. I’m wide awake” Eren curled on the couch, hugging a pillow in the same spot he and Levi fell asleep together on Valentine’s Day. “How was your day?”

Levi grumbled as an answer. “Too many people to interact with for my taste”

Eren laughed. “They must’ve really exhausted you if you’re calling me. This is the very first time you actually phone me”

“Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice, brat, now I’m not so sure”

“Why not?” Eren wavered.

The man sighed. “You really need to pay attention to what you say”

“Sorry”

“You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for, do you?”

“No, but it seems that I managed to upset you”

“Not really. But I did something genuine and you ruined it by thinking I did it for the wrong reason”

Eren bit his tongue before he could say anything more without thinking first and recapitulated in his mind the short conversation. He fidgeted a while on the couch with the pillow. Sometimes it was really hard to talk with Levi, one could never be sure if he was going to make the man mad or not. But at that precise moment, Eren realized that he had really missed a point. “You really wanted to hear my voice and your crappy day has nothing to do with it…”

“One moth in town and I can’t take a weekday without you in it. How’s that, brat?”

Eren was happier all of a sudden. “I’m glad I’m not the only one missing you”

Levi hummed. “Who says I miss you?”

“Oww, admit it. You can’t properly function as human anymore if you don’t know about me”

“I had never functioned as a proper human, anyways. Did you manage to get your schoolwork done?”

“Yup and just so you know this Friday comes with a huge probability of knowing my scores on the last tests I did”

“Oh; is that so, Eren?”

“Yes! And you’re not allowed to back off from our deal”

“Someone is pretty confident about his grades” Levi chanted.

Eren huffed. “I wish. I’m only sure about two of them. Better than nothing, though”

“Are you sure you still want to kiss me?”

“Don’t tell me you’re just making me wait expecting I’ll forget about it, because that’s not gonna happen, Levi”

“I just don’t understand why you would waste your time or your kisses on me”

“I don’t consider the time we spent together as a waste; do you?”

“No, Eren, I don’t”

“Then why did you ask something like that?” Eren asked, feeling a bit uneasy.  
Levi remained silent some seconds, making Eren’s nervousness even worse. 

“Look, Eren, maybe I give the impression of someone who knows what he is doing, but you really have a gift pushing me out of my comfort zone and kissing someone is not even by a chance near that comfort zone”

“But you already did…” kiss me, he meant to say, well sort of. A kiss on the neck was still a kiss, wasn’t it?

“I know what I did and it troubles me, you’re just fifteen”

“Almost sixteen”

“That’s not even the main shit here. Look, I don’t know what you’re expecting from me, or what you want to do with me, Eren, but if you’re just looking for someone to mark with your horny hormones because you're just curious about it, maybe you should search for someone else near your age and less complicated than I am”

Eren felt an uncalled lump in his throat, not understanding why Levi was acting like that. How many times Eren needed to say he wasn’t playing with him? Why couldn’t Levi understand the only one Eren wanted to kiss was him? 

“But I don’t want someone else, Levi, and I’m not doing any of this out of curiosity. If that was the case I would’ve just kissed Armin” Eren blurted out without thinking —how new of him—and then he covered his mouth at the same second his words were out, inwardly cursing himself for a thousand years. Stupid, stupid, stupid! “I swear nothing happened, Levi. We were talking about kisses and we almost, but we didn’t and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Levi.”

Eren hold his breath, waiting for Levi to say something and begging in his mind he didn’t screw up his chance to be with the man.

“You don’t need to apologize, is not like we’re dating” Levi said coldly and Eren felt like those emotionless words didn’t belong to Levi, or more like he didn’t wanted to believe they belonged to Levi.

“Your right, we’re not, we just…” Eren mumbled not finding the way to order his thoughts and emotions. He just felt like crying and so he did, ending the call so Levi couldn’t hear him whining.

Levi didn’t waste a second and called him again, but Eren embraced himself and muted the call. However, Levi was a persistent man and he texted instead of calling. After a moment Eren dared to look at the message with his wet eyes.

[Answer. You’ve gotten it all wrong, brat]

Eren sobbed, cleaning a little his face and texted Levi back. ‘No calls. I’m not confident in my ability to talk coherently right now’

[Eren, I’m not an expert in relationships but we’re doing this shit the wrong way]

‘You’ve just said we are nothing!’

[Oh no, don’t mistreat my words. I’ve said we are not dating. Don’t go and make false assumptions. And also, didn’t you say we were friends? What is that bullshit about being nothing?]

‘Sorry, I think I’m confused’

[Welcome to the poop club, brat. I will be there tomorrow let’s talk this face to face]

‘Tomorrow? Didn’t you come back on Friday?’

[In theory, yes. But I have to pick little mushroom up and give him a ride to Shiganshina for a photography session. Hasn’t he told you yet?]

‘I don’t know, maybe he has, maybe he hasn’t. My head hurts’

[Take it easy. Eren, let’s talk about this tomorrow, okay? Now rest, you need it]

‘Tomorrow?’

[Yes]

‘Okay, I’ll go to sleep now, but answer something first’

[What is it?]

‘If I tell you I want to be more than friends with you, what would you say, Levi?’

Eren waited one minute, five minutes, ten minutes, but the answer to his question didn’t come and so like that: waiting, feeling more tired than ever, with his head spinning and the butterflies inside his stomach becoming knots, he fell asleep on the couch silently crying and wishing for tomorrow to come fast.

[X]

**OMAKE:**

Around thirty minutes later and noticing her son wasn’t back, Carla decided to go and check on him. She found Eren sleeping in fetal position on the couch, strangling one of the pillows and next to his wet-reddish face it was his phone, which was sparking intermittently.

Normally, she wouldn’t stick her nose into Eren's business, but curiosity always got the best from the Yeagers and therefore she couldn’t help but unlock the phone and see what was making it flash. 

She only needed to read the last two messages to feel her knees go weak. Carla sat on the coffee table and covering her mouth, to suffocate a surprised gasp, she shuttered her eyes. She inhaled deeply, trying to wave away some nervous tears that wanted to come out.

So this is how is going to be? Carla wondered as she stroked her son’s hair with Levi’s words coming to her mind. _‘…I’m afraid this time he sees me as something different from a brother…’_ And then, she did something she hoped she wouldn't regret later. 

Carla kissed Eren on the forehead and shook him to wake him up. “Honey, let’s move to the bed you will catch a cold sleeping here”

Eren mumbled something unintelligible, not fully awake, but enough to let his mother guide him to the bedroom.

“Eren” Carla said, walking upstairs with her son. “I love you”

The teen smiled with a hum, leaning his head down to rest it on his mother’s shoulder. “I love you too, mum”

Carla felt her heart heavier, wishing for her son to still love her once he realized what she had done.

‘If I tell you I want to be more than friends with you, what would you say, Levi?’

[If that’s what you really want, I would like to try being more than friends with you, Lil’ star]

_ >Delete selected message?_

_[Yes] [No]_

_[Yes]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	13. At the rainbow’s end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a _nice_ evening with Armin and Mikasa at Shiganshina and finally Eren and Levi being honest with each other. 
> 
> Antonia has nightmares involving that horse-faced guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on Novemebr 20th, 2014

His lungs were burning, his throat itched and his eyes were watering. His body felt heavy and at the same time like it wasn’t his. 

“Eren!” A distant voice was calling him, but he couldn’t tell who it was. 

“Eren!” the blurry voice was yelling now and the kid tried to open his eyes; a kaleidoscope of unclear images and colors appeared before him.

Color! That was it. Eren had found the perfect sea shell for Levi. The shell! Where was it?

“I’m begging you, whatever you do, Eren. Wake the fuck up!” The same voice was now on him, shaking him, breathing on him. But it wasn’t any random voice, it was Levi. Levi was calling for him.

“Eren!”

The kid coughed and finally came back to reality with thousands chills running through his body.

“Were you trying to kill yourself, stupid brat?” Levi roared, red with angriness. Yet Eren didn’t know why Levi was mad at him. The kid blinked and embraced himself, looking around a little confused. He would swear he was on the seashore cleaning the shell the last time he had checked it, but now he was in the back porch of Yayo’s beach house. 

He was soaked, with pasted sand all over his petite body and Levi’s hands on his shoulders, grabbing him almost painfully.

Eren gasped in shock. 

Levi was touching him! 

The kid trembled with a mix of cold and fear and then he dared to look at his neighbor that was as soaked as Eren was and full of sand as well.

Coming to a quick conclusion, the kid stood up immediately and ran to the bathroom with tears in his eyes. Of course Levi was angry, he had just broken not one, but all the three rules and Levi was going to kick him out of his life. Meaning, Eren won’t see him again. The kid didn’t want that to happen and so he moved frantically around the room trying to fix the mess.

He peeled the dripping shirt off and when he was about to do the same with his trunks, Levi broke into the bathroom behind him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Levi asked with a weird face that Eren had never seen before. 

“I’m sorry, Levi. I’m really sorry” The kid muttered. “Don’t be upset with me please I’m going to clean myself and then I will clean everything I had dirtied and I then I promise I will more careful I don’t I am…” Eren spoke really fast, practically without breathing while moving around the bathroom and turning the shower on. “Just please don’t be angry. Please I don’t want you to throw me away” Eren sobbed, averting his tearful eyes from Levi.

“Angry?” Levi furrowed and then kneeled down to grab one of Eren’s wrists. “You don’t want me to be angry? You idiot you could have died. You almost drowned in the sea!”

Eren looked at Levi with a puzzled expression, he didn’t remember that part. “I was just cleaning a seashell for you” Eren said under his breath, the words were directed more to himself than to Levi. The kid was trying to understand what had happened. “It matched the color of your eyes but then…” Eren winced opening his eyes. “The sea stole it!”

“The sea stole it” Levi spat the words annoyed and incredulous all together. “The sea stole it so you just sank yourself in the middle of the fucking ocean like the careless idiot you are”

“I’m sorry?” Eren offered a weak apologize, he wasn’t sure what to say, he had never seen Levi acting like that before.

Levi released the kid’s wrist and dropped his own body on the floor, covering his face with both hands.

“Le-levi?” Eren asked tentatively, but Levi didn’t move or made any kind of sound. “Levi…” Eren tried again, poking Levi’s forearm with one trembling finger. “Are you okay; do you need som…?”

Eren was cut off suddenly, stumbling as he was being dragged forward. After some confusing seconds he ended up landing awkwardly on top of Levi.

“Don’t ever do that again” Levi said with a broken voice, squeezing the kid against his body. “Lousy brat, don’t you dare go and die”

“Levi, please. Let me go” Eren was crying now. “I’m breaking the third rule again and I don’t want to trouble you more”

Levi tightened the embrace. “No”

Eren froze at the demanding voice. “Levi you’re confusing me” he breathed on Levi’s chest, trapped as he was between Levi’s arms and thighs. “Are you mad or not? Can I touch you or not?”

The kid felt one of Levi’s hands on his hair, which pressed his face near the line of Levi’s neck. “Just promise me you won’t do something as stupid again, Eren. You’re not allowed to die, I don’t want you to leave me” the teen wavered as he spoke in a very low voice. Like he was confessing some unspoken secret that no one was allowed to hear.

Eren didn’t know what to think or what to say. After almost one year knowing Levi, he was already accustomed to keep his distance with the teenager. However, with the initial panic of annoying Levi—for he was breaking all the rules—fading away; Eren realized he liked how Levi’s arms felt around him. 

Even with the sand and the salty water still covering them, he felt unbelievable warm, safe, happy and somehow invincible. Eren smiled and returned the hug.

If what Levi said was true, if that was all he had to do to feel always like that, the kid would happily comply. 

“I won’t ever die” The kid promised innocently. “I will be with you forever”

[X]

A black Lexus with tinted glass picked Eren up that evening. 

The teen didn’t want to be ungrateful, he didn’t want to jump into early conclusions either, but he would be lying if the fact of finding that Armin and Mikasa were already in the car driven by Levi didn’t bother him by a bit.

He was still waiting for Levi’s answer. Naïve of him, the teenager thought maybe Levi preferred to tell him face to face, yet if that was the case; why was he the last stop in the pick-up schedule?

Albeit someone considered leaving the shot gun ride for Eren, which was a good and a bad thing at the same time, since he couldn’t really enjoy having Levi so close with all the uncertainness surrounding them both.

After thirty minutes of relative and tense silence that was only broken by a few times with Armin's futile attempts to lighten up the dreadful ambient, Mikasa and her death stares at Levi's back, Eren's unusual quietness and Levi not giving a fuck or just too concentrate in driving; they arrived to Shiganshina, or more concretely, to the studio.

Levi and Armin soon disappeared to do their business, leaving Eren and Mikasa wandering around the entryway of the building.

“So how was that you joined us, Mikasa?” Eren asked trying to start a conversation with his friend.

“I didn’t want to leave Armin alone with that shorty”

“But I was coming too”

“I didn’t know that”

And with that, the brief banter died. Eren sighed. That wasn’t going anywhere and it wasn’t Mikasa’s fault. Eren was feeling uneasy and weird and a bit angry as well. The silence just took the reign over them as they simply stood there waiting for the other two.

Armin was the first to appear from some random door, dressed with a new attire and his hair combed backward. Eren got to blink twice, processing the new image of his friend tucked in a dark shirt and jeans that adjusted perfectly over his tiny and hot shape. Had he thought hot?

“Eren, you’re drooling” Mikasa stated like she was reporting the weather.

The above-mentioned cleared his throat. “Has he always had that nice ass?” Eren asked tilting his head in a better angle to contemplate Armin’s body. Jean was a lucky bastard.

“How do I look?” The blond approached them with a smile.

“Good” Mikasa gave him a thumb’s up.

“Fucking good” Eren agreed, winking at him.

“You, mushroom brat, stop bouncing around the photographer is waiting for you” That was Levi yelling from the corridor.

Armin sighed and rolled his eyes “Coming!”

“And you two, what the hell are you doing?” Levi asked to Eren and Mikasa that shared a confused look.

“What do you mean? We’re doing nothing, just waiting until you and Armin are done with the job” Eren said.

“I didn’t bring you both as luggage, do something useful and go in there to choose some outfits. You’re going to model today.”

“No way” was Mikasa’s answer.

“No way what, girl?”

“You’re not taking pics of me”

Levi crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “You can keep the clothes you choose for the session”

“Are you trying to buy me with fancy clothes, hobbit?”

“I don’t need to buy you, girl. It was your friend’s idea to have a group pic with you and Eren. I will tell him you’re not in the mood, china doll”

“Japanese” Mikasa said under her breath.

“Have you muttered something?” Levi asked with disdain.

“I’m Japanese”

“Good for you” Levi pointed at the door on his left, ignoring Mikasa. “Eren, the dresser room is that way. Be ready in ten minutes”

Eren didn’t have the chance to agree or to reject the invitation as Levi vanished after Armin’s steps. Accepting, he heaved a sigh “Guess we’ll be joining Armin. Let’s go Mik” Eren tried to pull Mikasa with him, but failed miserably, since the girl was a dead fixed weight. Was she even breathing? “If you don’t want to do it it’s ok, but help me to pick my clothes, okay? Or better, just choose them for me”

Eren smiled seeing a little spark in her eyes. “Whatever I want you to wear?”

Eren nodded. He usually dressed with hoodies, jeans or sweatpants, changing the hoodies for simple shirts in summer. “Whatever. As long as you don’t rip my pride off”

“I won’t” She smiled so fast and briefly that Eren almost missed it.

Once in the specified room, Eren’s head started to spin. That was a hell of a lot of clothes everywhere. He was thankful for letting Mikasa to choose for him, how convenient.

“Oh my God” Mikasa drawled and then rushed to the south of the room, which was full of dresses. 

Eren frowned, trusting she wouldn't want him to wear one of those. He opened his mouth to ask, but colors and more colors of different fabric and materials happened to land on his arms, shoulders and head. 

Eren fought his head out of the dresses to breath. “Mikasa?”

“Just one more” She said picking one dress with silver details and pushed Eren around the room to the endorser. “You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you?” Eren didn’t bother in hiding his amusement.

Mikasa looked away “I just want to try them on” She said “On me” She released Eren from three of the many dresses that were hanging on him. “Stay like that. I’ll be fast”

And she was. Ten minutes later, Mikasa was almost done. Just two dresses remained on Eren’s hands. One was one of those red Chinese’s clothes with the long-leg opening cut and the other a maid’s outfit that Eren had seen thousands of times in animes and mangas.

“Are you ready yet?”

Eren turned around to find Levi, whose gaze instantly dropped to the outfits Eren was holding.

“You’re going to wear one of those?” The man asked such ridiculous question with a deadpan face.

Eren blushed. “What are you saying, Levi? These are for Mikasa, she is still deciding.”

“Is that so?” Levi said seeming somehow disappointed. “What a shame.”

And with that, he disappeared again, leaving Eren more confuse than ever. Few words had they shared in the evening and they couldn’t be more bizarre. Eren looked at the dresses with Levi’s words ‘What a same’ on repeat in his mind and his thoughts went wild for a second as he imagined himself first, wearing the red dress and then, the maid one. 

A guttural sound escaped his throat as he fell down kneeling on the floor, dying out of embarrassment. “What in the world I’m thinking about?” The teen shook his head tossing away those images. Why would Levi want him in a dress anyway? He sure was teasing him, as always. And as always too, Eren just fell in the man’s game. _Levi would be cute in a maid’s outfit though…_ “Stop! Fucking stop!”

In the end, Mikasa selected that one with the silver details, long enough to reach her knees and Eren drooled again. He could be gay but he wasn't blind and Mikasa was an attractive woman no mattered how you looked at her. 

Eren ended up wearing a brown leather jacket which hem was just above Eren’s perfect—or that was what Mikasa said—buttocks, with a pair of black fitting trousers and boots. Boots! Eren had never used that before, his feet felt heavier in those.

The trio spent most of the time doing stupid poses, but the photographer had said ‘Be natural’ and so they were. After his patience run out, Armin, Mikasa and Eren changed back into their daily clothes and just as Levi promised, they could take the outfit from the session with them.

They dropped it in the trunk of the Lexus and Levi treated them to ice-cream on the way back from Shiganshina to the town. That time the ambient was more relaxed, Eren would say even cheerful for Mikasa and Armin that were even singing—more like Armin was singing (pretty well actually) and Mikasa just taping the rhythm with her fingers of—the songs that popped on the radio, but for him—Eren—it lacked something to be perfect: his time to speak with Levi.

As they entered Shiganshina, lazy rain started to drop on them. A huge mass of clouds was covering the area but that didn’t ruin the evening for Eren’s friends. 

Levi drove them to their respective homes and after that Eren was finally alone with him. The car was in movement again and Eren wondered if Levi would drive him to some place to have their talk. But the more the black car with tinted windows moved, the more Eren could see where they were going to and with that his hopes started to die slowly.

Levi was rejecting him. And he was doing it without answering Eren’s question and without talking him about it.

Some minutes later the Lexus stopped near the Yeager’s house, soft rain still falling over the town. Levi switched the motor off and removed the seatbelt to sit in a more comfortable position as Eren freed himself from the belt too.

“Levi, have you changed your mind about us talking?” Eren asked. He had to try it at least. He just wanted an answer, even if it was a negative one. Anything was better that not knowing a fucking thing about what Levi thought about Eren or about them together.

“Why; because I’ve driven you home?”

Eren shrugged. “Sorry, I know you don’t like it when I assume things.”

“You only worry yourself needlessly doing that, brat. Didn't I say we would talk?”

He did but…

“You also said 'things' will be coming” Eren said, sounding a bit accusatory and sinking on the seat.

Levi sighed deeply. “And I want them to come, Eren, but at the same time I'm terrified of them, that's what I was asking you for time. I need to figure this out.”

Eren tilted his head, frowning. “Figure out what?”

“How to make it work. You and me.”

Eren offered a half smile. “There's nothing to figure out. I like you and if you like me we just can move from there and see where we get. Step by step.”

Levi shook his head. “No, I don't think that will do it. I need to have everything tied up; I don't like walking on uncertain paths, not knowing what’s at the end.”

“Us” Eren simply said. “At the end it will be us, Levi.”

Eren locked his eyes on Levi's clouded gaze. He didn’t understand Levi’s hesitation or his fears. Of course no one could guarantee what would happen tomorrow, but for Eren as long as Levi was with him, he didn’t care, he wasn’t scared; if Levi wanted him back, Eren was convinced they could be always together. He just wanted to live his present with Levi fearless of tomorrow, because every time tomorrow will come it would become his present. 

A present with Levi. And for Eren, that was more than enough.

“You haven’t even the slight idea, have you?” Levi exhaled heavily and rubbed his face using both palms. “This isn’t the first time I’ve thought I could be with someone, but I made a mistake back then that almost destroyed me. I don’t know if I’m ready to try it a second time, Eren. I don’t trust people, I never did; or care for them for all that matters. When you met me ten years ago, I wasn’t alive, I was just an emotionless something that breathed and walked because it was supposed to do that.”

Eren remained silent on his seat. Just looking at Levi and feeling each word he said as a needle directed to his heart. Levi had never talked about his past; about how he felt. So Eren stilled himself and tried to be quiet, fearing any sound could make Levi change his mind and stop talking.

Levi fixed his eyes on the wheel. “I don’t know why or how you did it, but at some point you became a constant in my life, a good one. Maybe it was because you were a kid, or maybe it has nothing to do with it and it's just because it’s you. Somehow you never gave up on me, you never got mad at me, you never thought I was odd because of my paranoid about cleaning and ordering everything. You were simply there, day after day, until I grew used to your presence. Or addicted you could say” Levi sighed and rested his weight on the back of the seat. “The day I took you to the beach house with my grandpa, was the day I realized I needed you more than you needed me. And it was the day I felt true fear for the first time in a very long time. You almost passed out, you could have died. And that possibility shook my entire own world, I didn’t want to believe the only good thing I had in my life could disappear that easily. You were my fucking constant, my anchor, the only one who had never deceived me and I liked it that way. Unconsciously, I trusted in that kid—in you—while I hated the rest of the world.”

Eren fidgeted on the seat feeling a little guilty for not being able to remember that moment on the beach. “It's the second time you tell me about that day, but I can’t remember it” Eren lamented.

Levi stretched out his hand to touch Eren’s cheek gently with his knuckles. “It’s a shame. It was the first time we actually touched. I couldn’t let go of you after I almost lose you and you were just too happy I was letting you hug me to care about my weird way to hold you. You became really clingy after that, though.”

Eren smiled. “I can imagine. Hugging you must be one of the best feelings in this life.”

Levi snorted. “If you say so. After that I must admit I really enjoyed myself taking care of you. You made me feel alive again. You warmed something inside of me I didn’t know it was there. You made me believe I was able to feel good things again, not just sadness or pain. I even dared to look at the world, the world I hated. I looked at it through the safety of your eyes. As lame as it sounds I used you as a shield, brat. But I couldn’t help myself not to do it, the way you have to see this fucked up world is really unique” Levi paused. “I could see nothing but shadows. And you were the only light in it.”

Eren felt like he was on the verge of tears. Since Levi was talking in past, the teen wondered if he wasn’t a light in Levi’s life anymore. He swallowed the need to cry trying not to make premature assumptions. Levi seemed far for being done talking and the fact that he was talking about himself so openly made Eren hopeful about being able to finally understand Levi.

“But I made a mistake. It never crossed my mind that what we had could end. And eventually my past came back to bite me in the ass” Levi said, his face twisting like he was in pain.

“Was then when you left the town?”

Levi nodded. “You may not believe me, but I had to leave, I had to do it to protect you. I couldn’t take the risk to let her to know about you, Eren. Leaving you was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. But I can’t regret it. What I did kept you safe and sound, even if it destroyed our little world.”

Her; who’s her? Eren wanted to ask, yet he didn’t. He chose to keep listening to Levi than was struggling with himself. It wasn’t clear if he wanted to look at Eren’s face or not after all he had said. The teen placed one hand on Levi’s knee and when the man turned his gaze on him, Eren smiled gently, bowing his chin down as a wordless way to tell Levi to keep going. 

_I’m here, I’m listening and I’m not going anywhere._

Levi took Eren’s hand with his own. “The only excuse I have for what I did, for what happened once I was in Trost is that I thought I would never see you again” Levi said, squeezing Eren’s hand. “All the years you spent bringing me back to life were lost in less than a month. Everything you accomplished died with me as I was back again to being a shadow in this dark world. Only that time it was worse. That time I learned how to use the world I hated so much, the world I feared, to my own convenience and I became this” Levi sighed deeply, pointing at himself with his free hand. “This Levi that forgot everything about you. Or so I thought. When I came back to town I hadn’t you in my mind, I was too invested in my own business to care about anything else, until I met your mother. I ran into her at the market, she recognized me instantly and greeted me with a smile. If I knew more about happiness I would say she was happy to see me, but I didn’t want to chat with her, I just wanted to go back to my house and right there, when I was ready to excuse myself she said your name and it was like someone just stabbed me in the chest.  
And I don’t know why, but after years of knowing nothing about you, years where I didn’t even think about you, suddenly I hear your name and all I want to do is to see your face. And then she says something about you being in trouble at school and all I can think is 'who the fuck I need to kill?’”

Eren laughed and with it he earned another squeeze on his hand. “You little shit, don’t laugh, this is serious” Levi protested.

“Sorry, I’m just happy you’re telling me all this.”

“Whatever it is what you did to me in the past is still affecting me now. You always make me do these things so unlike me and the worst is I’m not even aware of it until all is said and done. I’m telling you it’s driving me crazy, I don’t know who I am anymore: the control freak that hates and uses the rest of the world or that man who is scared of making a mistake and losing you again.”

“You say unlike, but maybe that is the real you” Eren offered with a smug smile. “The real you that can’t live without me”

“Don’t get cocky, brat” Levi squeezed Eren’s hand, again. “You know, the day I was walking to your home to finally see you after all those years. I had this image of the kid-you stuck in my mind, so can you imagine my surprise when instead of that kid you appeared, walking downstairs with your fucking ridiculous eyes looking at me like I was some kind of ghost?”

“Well, part of that kid is still in me, you know? And of course I looked at you like you were a ghost; you are exactly as I remember you, you haven’t aged!”

Levi just shrugged. “We are digressing, aren’t we?” He said “Let’s get back to the topic. The first time I was with you the mistake of not seeing that it could end almost destroyed me, as I already said. So this time, and I don’t think I’m being wrong assuming that by being together in a more than a friendly way you mean it like in a romantic way, thing that for obvious reasons it had never crossed my mind when you were a kid and I was a teenager with the sexuality of a chard. But this time, Eren, I’m really afraid of feeling alive again. I don’t think I could take a second time losing you if I let you in” Levi averted his eyes and combed his hair back with his fingers. “I know people usually can change their partner as easily as they change their shirts, but I never thought of romance before. I never needed it in order to walk over this ruined world. But again, I hate almost everyone and I can’t stand the thought of someone else touching me; so can you see how this, all of this is new to me? Maybe for you is normal, you’re not fucked up, up here like me, but for me is so goddam creepy.”

An honest and sincere Levi was a rare thing to see and Eren knew it. Maybe it would never happen again so it came to him that being honest himself would be fair. Since Levi had spoken his mind, helping Eren to realize the dark way in which he sees the world, fact that Eren related to Levi’s deliberately omitted past; the teen was willing to be sincere too.

“I need to confess you something, Levi” Eren said, retrieving his hand that until that moment had been gifted by Levi’s touch and letting it rest on his own lap with his other hand. “I can’t remember most of the things from back then. I can’t even remember what happened or what I did the day you disappeared. The psychologist says is a defense mechanism, that sometimes the brain blocks traumatic events and...”

“Wait, wait, wait” Levi cut Eren off. “You are seeing a psychologist?”

“Yeah. Once a month, after I almost killed that bastard when I was thirteen.”

“Lanky bastard?”

Eren hummed a positive answer. “Maybe you want to think twice that thing about me not being fucked up, up here” Eren grinned tapping two fingers on his temple. “Anyway, that's not what I was trying to say. You’ve told me you forgot about me those five years you were away and well is not like I did the same, but something close. I thought of you every day, I really missed you every day, but I locked most of the time we spent together. I remembered you, yes, but like a distant memory, like I was unconsciously trying to take away how vital you were for me, to dismiss the importance of us together” Eren paused to look at Levi that was wearing an unreadable expression. “And then you were back. And that lock started to get weaker at the very second I saw you at the entryway. Little by little some memories have started to come back to me, I can even remember my frustrating task to find the thing that would make you happy and freed you from the sadness. I was—I am—genuinely excited to have you back; it feels natural to be with you again, like you have never left in the first place. It’s like those five years have been just a bad dream. I don't know if this is making any sense, is hard to explain” Eren exhaled sharply, trying to find the words. “And then there is this feeling, this warmness here in my chest, every time I see you or I think about you and...” Eren inhaled, scaring a wild lump that wanted to camp in his throat. “And I don’t know how, but the moment I was aware of all these unknown feelings growing inside of me is was too late to stop it. I can't get you out of my mind; I don't want to get you out of my mind. It has never happened to me before so I don't know how to call it but if I have to guess I would say I'm falling for you, Levi. And truly hard.”

The moment the words were out, Eren felt relieved and stressed all at the same time. Speaking his mind, opening his heart was the easy part; on the other hand, convincing Levi to start a relationship with him was kind of tricky. 

However, Eren wasn't the kind of person who gives up before trying his best.

“Levi, you’ve admitted you were scared of losing me again, and believe me, I'm scared of losing you too. Fuck, I even erased from my brain the day you vanished five years ago because I couldn't bear with it and I was just a kid. But because of that, because I don't want to lose you, I'm not going to give up on you. I'm not a child anymore, this time I can fight for myself, for both of us if I have to. You told me the thing that made you leave lacks the power to do it again and you also told me you like to have it all in control; so do it. Just do it, Levi. Control the fear and let us be together again, I promise this time it will be better. Just let me be your good constant again.” At that point, Eren couldn't control his emotions anymore and tears dropped gently down his face, tears he didn't bother to hide or wipe.

Levi closed his eyes some agonic seconds. “Are you sure about this?” He asked with his eyes still closed. “Once we start walking that path there's no turning back. If I let you in, I'm going to use you again, Eren. There's no other way I can face feeling and keeping my sanity at the same time. I'm sorry I'm broken, brat, but this is the best I can offer to you.”

“Levi, open your eyes, please.” Eren requested and Levi obliged. “You're not broken, okay? Stop saying that.”

“I am, Eren.”

“No you're not.” Eren insisted, cradling Levi's face. “You're not a fucking toy or a machine to be broken. I don't know what happened to you to make you the way you are, but the word you should use is hurt. You're human Levi, and humans get hurt.” Eren could see something in Levi's eyes but he wasn't sure what it was. “And it's okay if you use me. I would love to be your light again. So look at me. You just need to look at me, Levi, and I promise I will shine the world on in the perfect light for you to see it.”

Levi shook his head mildly, his movement a little restricted having Eren's hands still cupping his face. And a heartbeat later, Levi’s arms were surrounding Eren and hugging him with strength, practically dragging him to Levi's own seat.

“Levi?” Eren asked at the same time he was trying to fit his body on Levi's lap, trapped inside that bear hug. “Ouch~” Eren whimpered when his hip hit the wheel and Levi was fast at pulling the handle by his side shoving the seat backwards, all without letting Eren go. “Better now. Thank you.”

Levi hissed a shut up. “Just shut up for a while and stop being so nice with me, brat.”

Eren didn't think that was possible, but he said nothing as Levi requested and he just rested there, returning the embrace and removing his sneakers to place his feet on the co-pilot seat that was now empty.

Somehow he managed to find a really nice position with his butt between Levi's thighs, his torso glued to Levi's own, his face buried on the curve of Levi's neck smelling his unique scent, his arms closed on Levi's back and his legs bent using the other seat as support.

Eren could feel Levi's heart beat and the rain's sound. Both created a singular and pleasant melody that was acting like a charm making Eren relaxed and feeling warm and safe. And right there, without words, without a verbal confirmation, he knew, he just knew Levi had given in.

“So are we more than friends now?” Levi asked, almost—almost—in an innocent way.

Eren chuckled. “You have the weirdest ways to ask me out” he said cheerfully on Levi's neck crook. “How about boyfriends?” He offered.

Levi's chest vibrated with a thoughtful hum. “I don't like that word, it has friends in it.”

Eren laughed again. “No labels then, I'm not a fan of them anyway. So how about just Eren and Levi. Just you and I together.”

“That sounds perfect to me” Levi said and tightened his embrace to emphasize how much he liked the idea.

“But I have a doubt. Is the kiss deal still going on?”

“Sure. Why not?”

Levi's hug softened in pro to stroke Eren's back with one hand as the other entangled itself in Eren's always messy hair.

“But one of the rules was I couldn't kiss you without free peck tickets” Eren drawled.

“Indeed.”

“Can we break that rule?”

“Not yet.”

Eren whined his discontent. “Can I know why?” 

“I’ve already told you this is the first time I venture myself into a romantic relationship and I don't know how I'm going to react to everything it entails. So don't push it, let me lead the pace, Eren”

“Okay, but I still don't understand why you would react in a bad way to me, to us.”

“Fine. Let me tell you another thing about me and let's hope by doing it so you won't go and run from me.”

“I won't” Eren assured.

Levi pressed his hand on Eren's nape. “Hear me first, decide later, you idiot.”

“I may be an idiot. But I know nothing you can tell me would make me run away from you.”

“If you say so” Levi sighed. “Well then. Around the ninety percent of the time I'm over my past, but sometimes I had my breakdowns and when this happens I can either just space out and stand there like a fucking statue or run away from everyone to the nearest sink or shower to rub my skin like a mad man. And when I'm like that I'm not in control of myself. Usually I don't even remember what I’ve done during that time.”

“I'm still here” Eren chanted not even alarmed for a second of Levi’s confession. Worried, yes. But no matter what, he was going to stand by Levi’s side.

“And you're still an idiot” Levi snapped.

Eren smiled. “Are you going to tell me what happened in your past?”

“Eventually. When I feel ready.”

Eren heaved a sigh. “Fine, but shouldn't I know what kind of things can trigger you?”

“No need. You’ve never triggered me in the past. Just don't do unexpected things and be sure to ask me when you want to do something with me that you haven’t done before” Levi said, nuzzling his cheek on the top of Eren's head. “And needless to say you need to be always immaculate; you can touch my things, but never misplaced them...”

“Yaaa~” Eren interrupted Levi. “I do remember that from back then, don't worry.”

“Very well, then. I think I’ve said everything I could say for now. Have you got any more 'but' questions?”

Eren waved his head as a no and wondered how much time he had with Levi before going back to home. Now that they were finally together he didn't want to let go of Levi, fearing that he could be just dreaming all of that and at the moment he left the car he would wake up alone and cold in his bed.

“Hey, Levi” Eren lifted his body up a little to look at his now partner in the eye. “Can you give me a hickey? The last one has already faded away.”

Levi blinked. Apparently, the question had got him down guard. “Where; on the neck?”

Eren shook his head no with a mischievous smile. “Here” he said, tapping his fingers over the left side of his chest. “Above my heart”

Levi cleared his throat, narrowing his eyes. “Fine.”

Eren bounced on Levi's lap out of excitement. “Really?” 

Levi tsked as response. “Why do you always have to ask unnecessary questions? I’ve already agreed, kid.”

Eren gave him a big smile and then changed his position to straddle Levi, slowly removing his left arm from the hoodie and the shirt he was wearing. His upper body was partially exposed to Levi's gaze that got darker all of a sudden as he looked up and down repeatedly at Eren’s tanned skin. 

After some awkward seconds Levi locked his eyes on Eren's own as he started to trace the teen's bared chest with his fingertips. “Here?” he asked, holding his fingers near Eren's left nipple.

Eren just nodded, not feeling confident about his ability to use words. The man leaned forward, but not before closing his hands in a tight grip on Eren's hips. Then, Eren felt Levi’s breathe over the skin of his chest, which soon was being replaced by a gentle press of his lips.

Levi used his time to tease Eren, giving him fast and ghostly licks with the tip of his tongue that mostly landed over his nipple. But Eren couldn't protest—not like he wanted—he was too busy sucking his bottom lip in and biting it to control the sounds he knew would come. Levi kissed him few inches away from the erect nipple with his mouth open and sucked at the skin to mark it with purpose. 

Eren grabbed Levi's shoulders to still himself, feeling how the familiar electricity that always accompanied Levi's touches and kisses was filling his body.

When Levi decided to end the sweet torture, he licked over the reddish mark once more and pecked it few times before moving back to contemplate his master piece.

“Done” he said in a husky voice.

A light-headed Eren needed some seconds to properly function again. When he did, he traced his new throbbing hickey smiling like he was in a trance.

“Fix your goddam clothes already” Levi snapped trying to avert his gaze from Eren's semi exposed body. His hands were stealing caresses on Eren’s hipbones as if they were unaware of the command coming from the man.

The teen couldn’t help himself but cup Levi's cheeks and smiling playfully at him he dared to provoke him. “Why; don't you like what you see?”

“I like it very much. Now get dressed.” Levi said really quickly.

Eren chuckled and fixed his clothes slowly, enjoying the slight blush on Levi’s grumpy face. 

The moment he put his shirt and hoodie back on its place, Eren couldn’t resist the urge to kiss Levi’s cheek and so he gave a fast peck on the rosy skin, regretting it almost immediately. “Oh-oh” He froze realizing what he had done.

For Levi, that usually was hard to read, his face was clearly tinted in surprise. Eren couldn’t tell if it was for the kiss per se, or because that time Levi hadn’t seen it coming to stop it.

“Sorry Levi. It was a reflex” Eren apologized.

Levi waved his head recovering his common unaffected expression. “It’s ok. You can kiss me on the cheek for the rest of the evening if you want.”

Eren didn’t have to be told twice. The teen practically assaulted Levi’s face with kisses and smooches, eliciting complaining noises from the man.

“God damn it, Eren” Levi grunted. “I said you could kiss me, not drool on me you dog” The man pushed Eren back and rubbed his cheeks. “Jesus.”

Eren was giggling hysterically, not looking sorry at all and clumsily trying to wipe Levi’s face. “I got carried away.”

“You don’t say!”

Eren moved on Levi’s lap to sit in the same position he was before he asked for the hickey. That way he could get shorter than Levi and rest his head on the line between Levi’s neck and shoulder.

Levi checked the hour on his hand watch and Eren felt a little anxious all of a sudden, he didn’t want the evening to end. So far was being so perfect.

“You can lose it” Eren said, referring to the watch that was hanging loosely around Levi’s wrist. To prove his point, the teen grabbed Levi’s forearm and shook it, as a result the watch slid across Levi’s hand and fell onto Eren’s lap. “Oops”

Levi rested his chin on top of Eren’s head and cuddled the teen with one arm around his waist, picking the watch with his free hand only to drop it on the co-pilot seat. “You should be going, Eren. It’s getting late.”

Eren curled and pressed his body against Levi. “Let me be like this a little more” He pleaded.

“Spoiled brat” Levi tsked, then grabbed Eren’s hand and placed a soft kiss on the knuckles. The teen smiled and closed his eyes while Levi trailed more tender kisses on his hand until Eren felt his fingertips a little wet. He opened then his eyes to look at Levi and see what he was doing.

The man was licking his lips before kissing Eren’s fingers.

The teen got trapped on a spell unable to avert his gaze from Levi’s mouth. Following his own desires, Eren traced those tiny lips marking with fire on his mind how they felt. He locked his eyes on Levi’s and slowly moved his wet fingertips to his own lips and kissed them. “Indirect kiss” He said blushing.  
Levi narrowed his eyes, but didn’t seem disgusted. He took Eren’s hand and kissed it again. “Tell me, Eren” Another kiss. “What do couples do normally?”

“Kiss?” Eren pecked Levi on his jaw.

“What else?” Another kiss on Eren’s hand.

Eren hummed thinking another response. “They go on dates?”

“Dates?” Levi repeated like he was digesting the word. “Well then. How about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?”

“For our first date.”

Eren winced, suddenly lifting his body up. “We’re going on a date?” He asked eyes wide open. “Fuck. That was an unnecessary question, wasn’t it?” he giggled nervously, quickly hugging Levi and pressing his forehead on the man’s shoulder. “Tomorrow…” Eren breathed, trying to imprint the idea in his mind.

“Tomorrow” Levi confirmed.

Eren was starting to understand Levi’s contradictions saying no when his hands did otherwise—like caressing the teen’s skin while telling him to dress—. Because right there Eren wanted to be both, the shy teenager that would wait patiently for everything Levi was willing to give him and at the same time he wanted to be the one leading the way to the nearest bed—or wall, or backseat, why not?—and mess with him until the man decided to speed up the pace he wanted to lead.

Eren concealed his wild desires pressing his body all the physically possible against Levi who willingly returned the embrace. Being hugged like that by Levi made him felt warm, safe, happy and somehow invincible. 

It was the best day ever and tomorrow had never seemed so promising before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala
> 
> *The title refers to the tale/myth/legend about a pot full of gold that lies at the end of the rainbow, which is guarded by and belongs to a leprechaun.
> 
> I’m not saying Levi is that grumpy leprechaun waiting at the rainbow's end— **ordeal—** with a pot full of gold— **good things—** to share with Eren, but I’m totally saying it X’D


	14. A matter of ethics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a date, a date minutely planned by Levi, but accidents are called accidents for a reason, aren’t they?  
> As Levi would say: “Shit happens”
> 
> Antonia doesn’t know who her parents were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on November 24th, 2014
> 
>  **Warning for this chapter:** threats of rape, (obviously not between Eren and Levi).

Eren was at the park, inside of one of his favorite hideouts: the little wooden hut with a toboggan.

He was practically ten years old; his birthday would be in a couple of days and so he should start being more responsible and stop running away every time he disagreed with his parents. But he just couldn’t help it. Why waste his breath and words with them if they would never accept he was right?

“Look what I found!” Levi’s voice made him smile almost instantly. His neighbor climbed the ladder and joined Eren inside his hideout.

Eren looked at him with a funny face. “You fit!” the kid exclaimed clearly amused.

Yes, Levi was small for a guy his age—nineteen already—and yes, he fit, if for fit Eren meant Levi’s neck essentially glued to his shoulders and his legs highly bent, one each side of Eren.

“Tell me the same tomorrow if my ass doesn’t hurt” Levi tsked.

The kid laughed cheerfully at Levi’s reaction. “What are you doing here, Levi?”

“You mother told me some little star was in a rebel runaway”

“And you were searching for me” Eren finished for him and Levi just nodded. “You always find me” 

“Well it’s not that hard. You always chose the same shitty places, brat” Levi said, ruffing Eren’s hair. “Are you going to tell me why have you run?”

The kid shrugged. “Hasn’t my mum already told you?”

“She has, but I would like to hear your side of the story”

Eren sighed and giving in he explained what had happened with a monotone voice. “Today the teacher told us to give her the attendance signed by our parents to know if they were going to come, or not, to the next representation from the School and I…” Eren wavered, bowing his head down. “Since my dad hadn’t signed it, I crossed the father’s word out to write your name instead” The kid rubbed his hands together feeling a little nervous.

 

“Do you understand why your father is mad, Eren?”

Eren shook his head. “He has no right to be mad. He’s never with me and I don’t even remember the last time he came to my school’s celebrations, he doesn’t even ask how I’m doing. He doesn’t care, so who cares if I wrote your name instead of his. It’s not like he’s going to come, anyway”

“But he is still your father”

“I know that, but you are the one who’s with me, not him”

“And I’m totally not your father, Eren” Levi deadpanned.

The kid snorted. “God, I hope not. I don’t want you to be my father” Eren said and then chuckled.

“That’s good, because I’m your neighbor”

“You’re more than just that, Levi” Eren assured with conviction.

“Am I?”

Eren smiled and leaned forward to hug Levi, who returned the embrace. “Yes, you are more, more, more and so much more than just my neighbor” the kid said with his cheeks flushing at the thought of what Levi really meant to him. Indeed, he was almost ten years old and the way in which he saw the world had been expanding since the day he had met Levi and with it so had done his dreams.

Levi hummed in interest. “And what is that exactly?”

Eren fidgeted nervously, burying his face on Levi’s chest. “You’re my…” the kid hesitated some seconds; it was going to be the first time he will tell Levi about that precise dream he had and he didn’t want to sound weird thinking—saying—that Levi was… “My future wife”

[X]

That Friday evening the same black Lexus from the previous day picked Eren up, but at that time the car was only for Levi and Eren.

“Hey Lil’ star” was Levi’s salute as Eren got into the car.

The teen answered with a happy ‘hey’ and unable to hide his excitement—not that he wanted to—and as soon as he was settled on the seat, he handed to Levi the three tests he had scored B, B+ and A in Biology, History and English respectively.

“Do you want to start the date with free kisses?” Levi asked like he was judging the teen.

Eren smiled playfully at him. He just wanted to show to Levi how much his grades had improved, but he wasn’t going to lie denying he wasn’t thinking about the kisses. “These are three kisses I totally deserve”

“Totally, indeed” Levi agreed shoving the tests inside the glove compartment. “But save them for later, brat. I have plans for today” The man observed with hidden amusement how Eren was bouncing on the seat. “Have you told your mother we’re going out?”

“Yes, but I’ve told her it was to celebrate my good grades. She doesn’t know that we are” Eren paused and inhaled, one part of him still thought that all of that was a dream. “Dating”

“We must tell her”

“I must tell her and I will, but not today” Eren took Levi’s hand with his own. “Today is for us” He said with puppy eyes.

Levi placed a soft kiss on Eren’s hand before releasing it to turn on the car's ignition. “Fine” he sighed. “We will have your way. For now”

As the Lexus started to move Eren had a pleasant déjà vu of the events from the day before that had happened inside that same car. He placed his palm over the white hoodie he was wearing above his most recent hickey and smiled happily.

It wasn’t too much later when he found himself glancing at Levi from the corner of his eye. He was dressed in his usually business man, elegant—classy—outfit and Eren regretted a little his poor—and reused—choice of hoodie, sneakers and jeans. Maybe he should have worn the clothes he had got from the studio. What if Levi took him to some sophisticated place?

His line of thinking got his curiosity to flourish. “Where are you taking me, Levi?”

“Where do you think I’m taking you?”

“The cinema” Eren tried to guess.

“Too cliché. And, why would I take you to someplace where I can’t see you properly and where you’re not allowed to talk? You will piss your pants trying to be quiet, brat”

“You got me there” Eren nodded. “To drink something, then; a cafeteria?”

“There’s plenty food and drinks where we’re going, but no, it’s not a cafeteria”

Eren hummed thoughtfully, drumming his chin with two fingers. “Your house!” He almost yelled it out of eagerness. Levi’s house would be the best place to go if Eren could choose.

Levi snorted. “I asked you where you think we’re going, not where you want to go”

“Hey” Eren complained pretending to be offended. “It would be a good date; we could stroll near the seashore”

“You are such a romantic, aren’t you?”

Eren shrugged whilst snickering. “Is that bad?”

Levi didn’t answer, he just frowned as he continued to drive only he knew where to. Some minutes later Eren didn’t have to guess anymore. Levi was entering one of the parking near the central square of the town, and that, gave Eren the final hint.

“The Medieval market” He muttered the sudden revelation. The street market would be in town for the weekend. He turned on the seat to look at Levi a bit concerned. “Are you sure we can be here? Is full of people”

The man narrowed his eyes and tilted his head looking like he was troubled. “Are you afraid someone can see us together?”

Eren’s mouth fell open at the odd question “What? No!” he asserted. “Why would I? Don’t be ridiculous, Levi. I’m asking it for you. Would you be okay in the middle of so many people?”

Levi blinked and his face returned to normality with a soft ‘oh’ escaping his lips. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. It’s not like I’m going to interact with them, anyway”

Eren was never the kind of guy who thinks twice before acting, neither the one who has second thoughts about people and their circumstances; essentially he wasn’t the kind of guy who thinks too much about anything. It wasn’t like he didn’t care, because he did, but he was too impetuous, so he usually followed his instinct wherever it took him. But with Levi, his mind worked practically on his own, analyzing and decrypting every single thing Levi did or said. And at that very moment it was full of plausible reasons of why would Levi even contemplate the idea of Eren possibly being ashamed of being with him in public.

Once they were out the car his hand acted by reflex and searched for Levi’s own to hold it tightly. “Afraid of someone can see you frequenting my company? Because if that's the case, you just need to free my hand and let me go” Eren expected his harmless challenge served to ease Levi’s doubts, since Eren would never feel ashamed of being with him. Homophobic people could go and sit their intolerant asses on cactuses for all he cared.

Levi stared inexpressively at his linked hands and then at Eren before saying something. “Well, I’m not taking any chances of losing you in the multitude, so no; I’m not letting you go, brat”

That was a good excuse as any other for Eren but... “I’m going to be busy with my eyes on you, so I don’t think I will get lost in the crowd easily”

“Then I expect you to be able to look at me and where you are stepping on”

“Well, if I trip and fall I will take you with me, so it’s okay” Eren retorted picturing the image in his mind.

Levi’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “If you make me fall on the fucking dirty floor, you’re a dead man, Eren”

Eren grinned with malice finding Levi’s reaction expected and cute at the same time. “I will make you fall on top of me, don’t you worry”

“You’re the one who should be worried about me falling on you. I’m heavier than I look” Levi dramatized.

“I’m sure I can take it” Eren nodded and to emphasize it, he palmed his chest once with his free hand.

“You can take it” Levi repeated Eren’s words not buying them “Are you sure?”

“Totally. No matter how hard you do it, I’ll be able to take it”

Levi grimaced and hesitated few seconds before speaking again. “Are we still talking about falling?” 

Eren shrugged. “I am; are you?”

“Seriously, you…” Levi shook his head mildly like he had a second thought about what he was going to say. “You’re so fucking weird, kid” Levi said, squeezing Eren’s hand. “Let’s go, Lil’ star, you won’t like running out of time. You’re the one who likes this medieval shit, after all”

They wandered across the market not missing a stand, but only stopping in the ones with weapons, armors and medieval tokens for sell and also in those with handmade soaps, fragrances and incenses because, seemingly, were the only ones awakening any kind of interest in Levi.

They freed their hands only when it was absolutely necessary for bigger reasons. Reasons like: Eren eating the sweets Levi bought for him, Eren being a nerd touching everything that wasn’t supposed to be touched, Eren rushing to the meat roaster to drool like a dog with the smell of the sauced meat, or Levi enjoying his coffee. 

At the second walking for the entire market, Eren insisted in paying with his money two new angel’s callers with the same blue colored bell. One was for him and the other for Levi; since his old one was now guarding his dream’s pot and Levi’s… well Eren didn’t know where it was the one he gave to Levi when he was a kid. Maybe it was missed after all those years? That made Eren wonder what had happened with everything he had given to Levi back then, but he didn’t ask the man, he just kept his thoughts as thoughts, instead. There were going to be a lot of days to ask Levi about it, anyways, for the moment he just wanted to enjoy the date.

Their date.

Before leaving, Levi bought a tapestry that he wanted to put on the chimney wall. The man let Eren choose it for him and the teen picked one that represented a night sky full of stars.

Needless to say Levi didn’t look dissatisfied with the selection.

After almost two hours enjoying themselves and memorizing practically the whole market setting, Eren was ready to assure it had been a perfect date. The teen requested to spend the rest of the time they had, before he should return to home, in another and more intimate surrounding, which Levi agreed. 

And like that, Eren found himself in the street waiting outside the parking for Levi to retrieve his car. He was playing with his new bell, rolling it between his fingers with a permanent happy smile plastered on his young face, when a voice called for him.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the voice he was waiting for.

“Fancy meeting you here all on your own, Yeager”

Eren lifted his gaze up and the illusion of the perfect evening vanished in a second. Lanky bastard and his fellows were there, and the look in their faces was screaming problems. Those four puppets followed that long-legged guy everywhere; Eren wouldn’t be surprised if he discovered they even followed him into the bathroom.

For all the days they could have crossed paths with each other it got to be in his first fucking—not so perfect now—date.

Ignore them, Eren. Armin’s voice echoed in his mind as Eren breathed in and out crushing the bell in his hand. Count to ten. Don’t let them get into you.

“Where is the blondie slut?” Lanky spat, referring to Armin, with a repugnant smirk on his egg-like-face.

One. Eren counted mentally.

“Sucking some cocks in the parking while you’re watching out the street?” Lanky answered to his own question, walking cautiously closer to Eren.

Two

“How is that you didn’t join them, uh? I bet you can take two dicks up your ass, faggot” The idiot said taking another step.

Three

“Where is your comeback, daisy? Are you too wasted to fight back today?” Lanky was pressing all the right buttons to get an answer from Eren, yet Eren was resisting the rising urge to kill him as the bastard continued to move near, while his fellows stood back saying nothing, just watching the humiliating show.

Four

“I wonder if your blondie bitch is really a guy” Lanky incited, planting one hand on the wall behind Eren.

Five

“Maybe we should check it, uh? The five of us” He threatened with his repulsive breath too close to Eren.

Six. 

Eren gritted his teeth and clenched his fists.

“We will let you watch, would you like that, disgusting piece of shit? I bet he screams like a whore in heat” The bastard dared to say, sliding one finger across Eren’s cheek.

Seven.

And TEN. Fuck control. Screw it all. Eren would work on it any other day, but for now he would kill that lanky-scum.

Eren connected his fit with lanky bastard’s face, an accurate punch that shoved back that idiot who soon was choking with his own screams. “Get him!” the coward ordered to his fellow mates, holding his bleeding nose in place with one hand.

The four puppets advanced towards Eren and the teen just kept the position adopting his usual fighting stance. He didn’t have to run, it wasn’t the first time he had fought them and he already knew that he could beat them up easily. Eren was aware he would end up with some bruises, though, but those idiots will have it worst.

He was feeling already the adrenaline rushing inside of him along with the waves of rage, all of it sharping his senses: two on the left, two on the right, as expected they would try to surround him, yet like many other times they will fail miserably.

Eren prepared both of his fists and waited for the perfect moment to broke into those marionettes and get his prey: Lanky bastard. However, things rarely went as Eren planed them, and where he envisioned himself beating the living-shit out of that idiot, his back was pushed with extreme force against the nearest wall, instead.

A strong hand, that Eren hadn’t seen coming, was gripping the front of his white hoodie, keeping him pinned onto the wall and holding him away from Lanky and his fellows. 

If Eren hadn’t been so focused in his rage, in getting that trash of guy dead, he would have noticed sooner that the one stilling him in place wasn’t any other than Levi.

“Who are you, midget?” Lanky smirked. “His protector?” He asked, clearly mocking the young man. At the question, Eren’s mind reacted, but not his body. His body was paralyzed against his own will and so was his voice. The grip from Levi was strong but not deathly, neither painful, yet Eren found out he couldn’t make his body move for the live of him. His heart was hammering all his rage and frustration, his eyes traveling from the back of Levi to the reunited—again—group of idiots, but his voice couldn’t express his thoughts.

“If you must call me protector, I guess I’m your protector then” Levi said, sounding steady and colder than ever.

Lanky and his fellows laughed at Levi. “How’s that?” the bastard asked, blood still dripping from his nose due to Eren’s early punch.

“Well, I’m going to count to five; if when I’m done with it you still haven't flown away I will release this monster behind me and I will let him finish you off” Levi explained casually. “Unless you are a masochist who enjoys having his bones screwed beyond repair I don’t think you would be pleased with that result”

Oh, yes! Eren thought. Let me go and finish this bastard off.

“You’re bluffing” Lanky tried to look amused, but he only seemed ridiculous scared.

“Am I?” Levi drawled, lifting Eren up until the teen was scratching the floor with his tiptoes.

“Correct me if I wrong, but this angry guy almost killed you once, is that right?”

Damn right. Eren answered in his mind. He was feeling something else along the rage and the adrenaline, something he didn’t know what it was but it was pumping his energy up to unexpected limits.

“Tell me. Why did he fail; why couldn’t he end you?” Levi asked with a treacherous tone. “Did the chickens that follow you stop him? No?”

As if they could do that. Armin and Mikasa were the ones who prevent him from killing that idiot back then.

“I bet he is the first in shitting his pants when things get scary, isn’t he?”

Eren didn’t need to see who Levi was looking at to know he was referring to that coward marionette whose knees were shaking already.

“I wonder if someone will hear you screaming when the fireworks start” Was Levi's last threat, before starting to count.

Lanky bastard’s eyes widened almost to a comical point.

“One”

And there it was, the chicken with shaking knees flew away immediately.

“Two”

And two more were running for their lives.

“Three”

The fourth puppet stumbled with his own feet looking for the nearest crossroad. And with that, Lanky bastard was left behind and alone. Eren licked his teeth with anticipation, expecting that idiot had no sense of self-preservation so he could beat him into oblivion.

“Four”

Lanky grimaced and muttered a ‘fuck’ before running away like the coward he was.

“And five” Levi finished, releasing Eren at the same exact moment the fireworks started. Fact that should have impressed the teen, because man, how had Levi timed his words and actions so accurately? But Eren was long lost in his wrath, yet again his prey was taken away from him and his right fist trembled in frustration. Before Eren himself or Levi were aware of the teen’s action, Eren punched the wall with everything he had.

“What the hell, brat; are you really that desperate to fuck up your hand?” Levi shouted his question unbelieving what he had just seen from the teen.

Eren inhaled deeply, feeling his anger easing a bit (just a bit) after finally hitting something the way he wanted—hard and deadly.

“You should have let me beat him” He said in a hoarse voice, his eyes looking at nothing.

“Are you nuts?” The man asked rhetorically as he approached him taking out from his pocket a clean handkerchief, which used to wrap Eren’s—now bleeding—knuckles. “Get into the car” he commanded, pushing the teen forward with one hand on his back.

The teen did as he was told, but clearly displeased; paying his irritation with the seatbelt that didn’t want to cooperate.

“I could have f…” Eren started to talk trough gritted teeth, but Levi cut him off.

“You could have ended in a fucking mental institution for minors!” Levi spat turning on the motor of the Lexus. “Is that what you want? Do you want to be high with all that shit they would dope you with? Do you want to be treated like a psychotic teenager that kills anyone who annoys him? Can you think for once what will happen to you, or do you think this is a fucking fairy tale where the hero always wins no matter what? God damn it! Your actions have consequences. Face it already, Eren. You’re not a child anymore!”

Eren sank on the seat wishing he could make himself smaller or invisible, so that way he could hide his face from Levi. It wasn’t like what the man had said was new to him, he had heard it from many others before, but for some reason being pronounced by Levi’s voice had a different effect upon him. 

Unstoppably, his rage was becoming shame for the pathetic show he had displayed in front of Levi. After everything he had said to Levi the day before, after promising the man he could rely on him to see this world, the world that troubled him, in a new different way. After all of that he had to go and set his rage, his urge to beat that loser, before his first date with Levi.

Man, I fucked it up badly. Eren regretted, sighing deeply as he let his eyes see the scenery outside the car. “We’re not going to my home” Eren commented with a neutral tone, looking through the window, but not really expecting to engage any sort of conversation; he was just expressing his thoughts.

“Wow, looks like you can finally see what’s happening around you, congrats” was Levi’s sarcastic observation.

“Are we heading to your house?” Eren wondered, since Levi was driving to the beach. He could tell just that much. 

“Hey, you’re on a roll, Eren. Keep it up”

Normally, Levi’s sarcasm didn’t bother him, but feeling guilty and already mortifying himself for ruining the date, Levi attacking him too wasn’t very welcomed. “Stop treating me like I’m an idiot” Eren complained.

“Stop acting like one” Levi snapped.

“I like you better when you’re not an asshole with me, you know?” Eren said, removing the handkerchief to see how bad his knuckles were. Now that he had cooled off he was aware of the itch and throb along with an annoying cramp that was traveling up to his elbow. And that without counting his nape and side of the neck that were also burning. Maybe the cord from the angel’s bell had bruised him when Levi had griped it with the front of his hoodie.

“Good, since I prefer you when you’re not in a fucking killing rampage spree” Levi grunted shutting Eren up. “And stop moving the cloth on your hand. If you get my car dirty I swear I will make you clean it with your tongue, you little shit”

Eren growled and huffed out of exasperation, but said nothing for the rest of the travel. Even if his requests weren’t meant to upset Levi, seemingly was the only thing he was doing since they left the market.

The car stopped on a side road, partly covered by sand (wind took it there from the beach) and adjacent to Levi’s house.

Eren followed Levi inside with his eyes downcast, but stealing glances to his surroundings. Maybe something in the house could ring a bell inside his mind and finally remember about that day Levi mentioned twice. 

The main-double door was made of glass with blue curtains blocking the inside to curious eyes and the walls were made by stone full of incrusted shells there and then following a random design. The squared main-room had a black piano on the right corner, the kitchen at the left—at the same room—a chimney (not the classy one, but the bioethanol chimney, that sure was a cleaner choice) in the front wall with a rug; and near to it there were two couches, a coffee table, a TV on a simple wooden piece of furniture and a standard lamp besides it. 

That same wall, the one with the chimney, had two openings: one on its left side, the other on its right, which leaded to two corridors that were in the dark. 

And finally a door left ajar on the right wall, near the piano. Minimalist and at the same time inviting. That would be how Eren would describe the simple decoration.

The man laid the tapestry and his coat over one of the couches and motioned Eren to sit on the other.

The teen complied, placing his troublesome ass on the armrest. Levi went to the kitchen and came back in a breath carrying the first aid kit with him; he sat on the coffee table and started to nurse Eren’s hand in silence. 

He wasn’t being rude, but definitely rougher than the last time he treated Eren’s wounds, and if that and his silence were something to go by, then Levi was annoyed with him for real.

Eren was still fighting inwardly with the fact that he was who had ruined the date with his wild temper and not Lanky bastard. If only he could ignore being provoked, Eren supposed it was just his weakness not being able to control his rage. Maybe Levi could teach him how to be more composed, like him. That or appear magically every time Eren was about to kill someone, to reduce him against a wall with one fucking hand.

One hand. 

Eren’s frown narrowed at the thought. Levi had controlled him with one lone hand. A wild and fast smile curved Eren’s lips as he snorted at the thought.

“Do you find this situation amusing?” Levi asked with bitterness, still focused on Eren’s maltreated knuckles.

Eren cleared his throat, waving his head. “No, of course not” He said apologetically. “I’m just thinking you’re right treating me like an idiot, because I am” Eren breathed in and out searching for Levi’s eyes. “Levi I’m sorry I disappointed you in our first date”

The man looked up at him. “I’m not disappointed, kid. I simply can’t understand your need to hurt yourself without a reason”

“I was mad, I just needed to hit something to let my anger go” Eren exhaled. “I swear I tried to ignore them, I even did that dumb thing about counting to ten Armin taught me”

“Counting?” Levi asked with slight surprise. “How far did you get?” his tone was normal again.

“Seven”

“Not bad” Levi was done cleaning the wound and then proceeded to bandage it. “But you need to understand these guys are cowards who rejoice in provoking you, Eren. They know you can beat them in a blink, but the control they have over you, infuriating you so easily, that satisfy them enough to bear with your punches. Every time you gave in, they win; no matter if they are the ones bleeding, Eren. You are the one who loses”

Eren smiled weakly. “Now you’re talking like the adult you are. This is so frustrating”

“Why so?”

Because Eren felt like he was going to be left behind again, like when he was a kid. “It’s like I’m not growing fast enough. I feel like you would slide through my fingers if I’m not careful and I really don’t want to lose you, but I don’t know how to become an adult, how to reach up to you” Eren grimaced. “If you think about it we are almost ten years apart and I just hate it” he paused. “I would hate if our age gap screwed this—what we have…”

Levi listened to Eren in silence as he finished bandaging the teen’s wounded hand. “Age doesn’t screw things, Eren; people do”

Eren took some seconds to think through what Levi had said finding hope in them. “And have I screwed something today with my behavior?” He asked unsure and fearful of the answer.

“Just your hand” Levi simply said and for some reason such a short answer made Eren smile in relief.

“I’ll try harder next time” The teen promised.

“Sure, you can try to count to eight”

Eren laughed. “Yes, I can try” the teen looked at Levi tenderly. “Hey Levi. Can you promise me you will wait for me until I reach up to you?”

Levi sighed. “To tell you the truth I don’t even know what you mean by that. As far as I know you did reach me at the very second you met me” he said putting everything back into the aid kit.

Eren’s breath got trapped in his throat at those words as he barely tried to articulate the man’s name in a whisper. 

“What?” Levi asked a bit annoyed since Eren just kept staring at him unable to speak. Apparently, the man ignored the effect his words had on the teen.

“Thank you” Eren finally managed to say.

Levi rolled his eyes. “Whatever”

Eren lifted his hand up contemplating Levi’s work and couldn’t help but ask “Kiss it better?” in a very childish voice and an innocent smile.

Levi raised one surprised eyebrow saying “Nope” and then sat up to put the first aid kit back in its place.

“And if I use my free kiss tickets?” Eren tried again with a playful tone, making Levi to exhale as he rubbed his undercut. “A deal it’s a deal, Levi and you said you won’t back off” the teen reminded him.

Levi came back from the kitchen and stood in front of Eren again. Crossing his arms he asked “Where do you want them, brat?” seemingly indifferent.

He is faking. Eren thought, and if he wasn’t, the teen would make sure to catch Levi’s interest.

“The first here” Eren stroked with his fingertips the bruise on his neck, where the cord of the angel caller had hurt him.

Levi rolled his eyes as if he had expected it and uncrossed his arms, placing one hand on each of Eren’s shoulders. With the teen sat on the armrest and Levi standing up, the man was slightly taller and he seemed to enjoy looking down on Eren a bit too much. He slid his fingers to move away the cordon from the angel bell and slanted his mouth to Eren’s bruised neck, pressing his lips over the reddish skin.

Eren’s hands moved instantly and instinctually to grip Levi’s shirt as if they feared the man could disappear at any second. Levi’s lips were soft, wet and warm and Eren was sure the man was taking more time than it was needed in kissing his wounds; not that he minded, though.

“Where do you want the next?” Levi breathed near Eren’s earlobe, making the teen shiver.

Eren gulped before speaking, quivering the first words. “I, ah, here; the hipbone” Eren answered, placing his hand on his left hipbone over the clothes, the one that Levi had nursed almost one month ago.

Levi hummed in agreement and dropped himself on his knees. “Confess you just wanted to see me on my knees”

Eren giggled. “Maybe” the teen half-confessed, moving to the edge of the armrest and lifting up his hoodie and shirt to expose the hidden skin there, where he wanted the kiss.

With one hand on Eren’s waist, Levi tugged down the hem of the jeans Eren was wearing with his other hand to have better access and leaned his head forward, but deliberately slow, obviously to tease Eren that puffed his disapproval.

Puff that soon was a soft moan as Levi’s lips were on him again. Eren would admit having Levi like that, on his knees with his face dangerously near his—Eren’s—manhood, was a totally turn on for him. Yet he bit his bottom lip to refrain himself since those kisses weren’t supposed to have any sexual connotation. Eren wanted to fix the date, the evening, and make all the tension his stupidity had caused to fall into oblivion. Levi was a person carrying a lot of worries and Eren didn’t want to be one of them. The teen wanted to be like that saving point in videogames where you can relax, but for Levi.

When the kiss was done—done for Levi—Levi moved his hands to Eren’s thighs and remaining on his knees, he looked up at Eren. “Enjoying yourself?

Eren smiled “A lot indeed; thank you” he purred, surrounding Levi’s neck with his arms.

“And what will you want for the third kiss, Eren?” Levi asked in an unusual sultry voice which Eren more than welcomed.

The teen locked his gaze on Levi’s eyes trying to read what he was expecting for the third kiss to be. His wounded hand that he had said to kiss it better? No, that dark look in his clouded eyes couldn’t be for a kiss on his knuckles. Maybe he was waiting for Eren to ask for _the kiss._

Eren smiled softly before cradling Levi’s face and leaned his head down to press his lips tenderly on the man’s forehead. “My third kiss is for you” he breathed near Levi’s stunned face. Or was it disappointment? No, it wasn’t. Levi didn’t look displeased; just speechless. Maybe it was fascination for Eren’s choice? “Confess that you expected I would ask you to kiss me on my lips” he said resting his hands on Levi’s shoulders.

“Maybe” was Levi’s copied—from Eren—answer.

“Well, that’s not going to happen” Eren said and Levi furrowed. God, he was so cute when his face tried to show emotions. “I want our first kiss to be real. I mean these kisses are real, but I don’t want the kiss—kiss—to be part of a deal” he explained.

“Interesting” Levi simply said.

Eren chuckled. “Which one; me or my decision?”

“Both; but mainly you”

Still on his knees, Levi cupped Eren’s cheek and drew the teen’s soft skin with the thumb, looking with fascination how Eren rubbed his face on his palm in such devoted gesture. “I like when you touch me like this” the teen purred.

Levi stood up. Then he moved his body closer to the teen without stopping the caressing on Eren’s face. Soon after, he used the other hand to play with Eren’s messy hair, rubbing the teen’s nape then and there.

Eren appreciated the touches but he wanted Levi nearer and so, he surrounded the man’s waist with his arms to bring him even closer and buried his face on his chest, humming his content when Levi didn’t stop stroking his hair, nape and face.

Levi was tracing circular touches on Eren’s cheek when he called the teen’s name. “Eren, look up”

The teen obliged and found Levi’s forehead pressed against his own, the man’s nose tip softly nuzzling his. “Levi?” Eren breathed irregularly turning his gaze between Levi’s stormy eyes and his pinky lips that were just an inch away from his expecting mouth.

Levi teased slowly with his nose, leading his lips nearer, almost bruising Eren’s own only to move them away slightly, never closing the ridiculous gap between them. Eren was growing impatient hearing Levi’s heartbeat speeding up, yet not as much as Eren’s rhythm that was frenetic, hammering wildly, as the thought of Levi finally kissing him. 

Forgetting about the deal, Eren whimpered gripping Levi’s shirt harder and tried to search for the man’s lips on his own, but and since their foreheads were still pressed together, he couldn’t fulfill his wish, for Levi was using that and his standing position to control Eren restricted movements.

Eren decided then to fix his eyes on Levi’s, looking at him pleadingly, the most pleading he could and when Levi nodded with a calculated and slow gesture, Eren knew the man wasn’t just teasing him; he really wanted to kiss him.

Levi angled his face, hesitantly, and so did Eren, both not really sure what to do with their noses that seemed to agree in getting on their way each time. Until Eren titled to the right and Levi did to the left—that was his right—their breath already mixing together, the warm from each other lips hotly ghosting their skin; Eren stilled himself, waiting for Levi to do the final step and when he could practically savor the man’s mouth… a beep sound from Levi’s phone interrupted them at the very last moment. Levi grunted sliding his cheek on Eren’s one, only to rest his head on the teen’s shoulder.

Levi hissed a curse and moved away from Eren answering his cell. “What?!” he brawled like a mad dog. “Carla…?” Levi’s tone softened at the realization that Eren’s mother was the one who had phoned him.

But what for? Eren wondered.

Eren inhaled deeply and smiled trying to catch his breath to be regular again and feeling more happy than frustrated for the almost—and interrupted—first kiss. Because that meant Levi liked the idea of them kissing and consequently, he could try it again any other time, preferably sooner than later.

The teen stood on his feet and slapped his face with both palms as if the gest could get rid of his blushing with such a counterproductive act. 

Eren’s eyes followed Levi when he walked to the kitchen’s counter still speaking with Carla by phone, his gaze never leaving Eren and the wink was so fast, so natural, so unexpected, that Eren wasn’t sure if Levi did actually wink at him or if he was imagining things. Levi waved his hand beckoning to something but Eren wasn’t sure what Levi was trying to tell him. The man insisted and Eren finally turned around, instantly spotting a black fur that belonged to a fluffy animal playing near the half closed door.

“Rivaille?” Eren murmured with astonishment. Could it be the cat was still alive; that Levi had taken care of him all those years?

The teen looked at Levi again searching for some kind of confirmation and the man nodded, answering the hush question that he shouldn’t have been able to hear. 

Maybe he had just read it on Eren’s face.

Eren moved—possibly—too fast to the cat that disappeared through the half open door. The teen followed him inside the dark room and palmed with his hand the wall until he found the switch to turn the light on.

The light not only revealed where the cat was but the ‘secret’ of how was possibly for Levi to be that toned. The room was a gym, well not a real gym but with enough “machines” to work one’s body and a big mirror on the wall reflecting the whole room.

Eren looked around with a surprised expression as he slowly walked to Rivaille. Bending his body down, he finally reached for the black cat. The teen stroked him behind his ears and around his neck, making the little animal purr. Then he lifted him up and held him in his arms; the cat seemed pleased with the attention, rubbing himself on Eren’s body with closed eyes. Eren giggled, feeling ticklish and sighed content with nostalgia, remembering how many times he had played with that same cat. 

With only some few steps Eren had found out that Levi had been keeping Rivaille all those years and that he had a personal gym. And that, just knowing more little things about Levi was enough for Eren to be a happy man.

“Who gave you permission to wander around the house?” Levi’s husky voice surrounded him along with the man’s arms that closed themselves over his waist.

Eren let Rivaille jump down to the floor and turned around, inside Levi’s embrace, to face the man. “So here is where you work this biceps, uh?” he said gripping so called muscles.

“It started as a way to get rid of the stress” Levi commented. “I feel better after working myself out”

Eren hummed with a smug smile “I know other ways to work you out…” he drawled pressing his body against the shorter man.

“I’m sure you do, horny brat, but we haven’t the time for that. Your mother wants us to be in your house ASAP”

Eren looked confused. “Why? I still have time. We didn't even go to the sea to have our walk”

“Your mother has invited your father to dinner and she wants us to arrive sooner”

“Us?”

“She invited me too” Levi explained. “She thinks you might be more comfortable with your father if I’m around”

“She thinks right” Eren exhaled. “My father is a douche”

“He can’t be that bad”

“Oh he is. When I came out my mother accepted it easily but when I told him he just asked: ‘Have you talked about this with your psychologist?’” Eren puffed. “Yes dad, I will talk with her and she will use her magical powers to blow up minds to cure my homosexuality” The teen mocked dramatically.

“You’re right, he’s a douche” Levi agreed petting Eren’s head. “Let’s get going you can tell me more in the way back to your home”

“Sure, you need to be prepared for him!” Eren assured leading his way to Levi’s car once more.

In the drive back to Eren’s house the teen couldn’t stop talking about his father and about the psychologist. Levi listened to him in silence just humming occasionally without cutting Eren off or adding anything to the younger boy’s speech.

Once they arrived to their destination, Levi reminded Eren to take his test from the glove compartment and also to grab the envelope with the pictures from the studio inside. Eren found two envelopes: one big and white and another that seemed to hide a letter.

“It’s the white one. Don’t touch the other” Levi said, practically tearing the letter off from Eren’s hands and shoving it into the glove compartment again.

Eren found the act highly suspicious. “What’s the matter with that packet; is a love letter?” The teen joked.

“That's exactly what it is” Levi answered leaving the car. Eren just rolled his eyes and sighed not taking seriously Levi’s actions. He got out of the car as well and followed Levi to his house wishing inwardly that his father wasn’t there yet.

But God or whoever was up there (if there’s something), didn’t listen to his plea: Grisha Yeager was already in the house.

“Eren!” his father said with enthusiasm as he approached Eren to hug him.

“Dad” Eren said less enthusiastically breaking free from his father’s bear hug. 

The old man had a light blush on his cheeks and Eren looked around with suspicion. Suspicion that became a fact when he spotted two glasses on the kitchen’s table filled with a red liquid. And unless his parents were suddenly vampires, he was sure that drink was wine.

“You’re drinking again, dad?” Eren asked in a judging tone.

“What?” Grisha furrowed and turned around to see what his son was witnessing. “No, that’s just wine for the dinner”

“But you haven’t waited for the dinner to be ready” Carla commented from the kitchen.

“God, woman, don’t say it like that. You know better than anyone that I spend more time sober now”

Eren could hear his mother giggling in the distance. “I just like to tease you, old man”

Grisha grunted with resignation at his ex-wife before returning his attention to Eren. “Who’s your companion, son?”

“And just now you realize there’s someone else with me?”

“Give me a break, Eren, I’m trying”

Eren sighed. “He’s Levi. Don’t you remember him?”

At the mention of the name of Levi, Grisha’s face became pallid. A really impressive task given the previous redness the wine had left there. “Levi” The man said between gritted teeth.

Levi took a cautious step forward. “I use to live in the house across the street, Mister Yeager”

“I know” Grisha looked hard at the young man. “And I know, too, how you left without a word”

“Dad! That’s none of your business” Eren rushed to said.

“My family’s welfare is my goddamn business. And this man here, because of him…” Grisha trailed off, ogling at Levi with a deathly stare.

“Dear, you promised me you will give him a chance” Carla said walking to the three men. “You knew he was back, I told you”

“I know, Carla. Is just… He ruined our son back then and I…”

“Dad!” Eren yelled full of indignation. “He took care of me, what even are you talking about?”

“Yes, he did, but he over did it. You were more concerned about him than about your own parents”

“Because you were never with me!” Eren defended himself and Levi. “I was a kid and Levi was the one raising me; of course I liked to be with him more than with you. You neither asked me about my school nor my friends, you knew nothing about me and you still know nothing, dad. Stop excusing the shitty father you are by blaming Levi.”

“Can’t you see it, Eren” Grisha raised his voice. “Even after what he did, you still defend him just because he is back”

“He did nothing!”

“He ruined you and then left you, Eren. Can’t you remember what happened when he was gone? Don’t you really remember why your mother and I got separated?”

Eren waved his head with confusion, remembering things about the past was a really hard task for him, especially when it was related to Levi’s departure.

“Grisha, please. Let’s have a peaceful evening. We can make things to go different now”

“I know you’re right, Carla, but I just can’t stand to look at him. Just see” Grisha pointed at Levi, “He’s not even saying a word, he just lets our son shield him”

At his father’s words Eren turned his gaze to look at Levi, and indeed, he was rigid like a statue, with downcast eyes that were looking at nothing. Something in Eren’s mind made click as he recalled what Levi had say the day before about what used to happen when he got triggered: _'...sometimes I had my breakdowns and when this happens I can either just space out and stand there like a fucking statue or run away from everyone to the nearest sink or shower to rub my skin like a mad man...'_

“Levi” Eren’s voice was a broken whisper as he stretched his hand out to grip Levi’s shoulder.

“Enough” was Grisha’s authoritarian command raising his hand as he stomped his feet on the floor walking towards Levi.

“Dad?” Eren warned. “Dad, what are you…?” Eren couldn’t finish his question. Moving by reflex he positioned himself between his father and Levi, protecting the young man from Grisha’s hand that was descending with force and haste searching for Levi’s face but finding Eren’s instead.

The sound from the slap filled the Yeagers residence. A sharp pain made its way to Eren’s head and to his ear that suddenly was deaf with a noisy whistle.

The act threw him back and onto the floor. The tests and pics he had been holding until that moment fell randomly and slowly with him. And the powerful hammer that was his heart rushed all his emotions with wildness, overtaking everything else.

Suddenly, there was no room, no Levi, no Carla. Only Grisha and the rejection he was starting to feel for the old man.

“Eren, my son” Grisha stammered. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…” his father looked genuinely concerned as he moved closer to Eren, offering his guilty hand to his son so he could stand up, but Eren slapped it away fast and rude.

“Don’t touch me” Eren growled with disgust and anger. “Don’t ever touch me again” he spat the words as if they were fire on his tongue.

“Eren, please, listen…” Grisha said in a weak voice.

Eren shook his head standing up.

“Eren” Carla called her son with concern, trying to reach Eren. 

However the teen was looking at Levi, who was still frozen in place foreign and unalarmed by what was happening. Eren’s face twisted like he was about to cry before rushing to the main door and running away from home.

He ran and ran under the night sky. He ran without destination; without knowing what he was trying to achieve with doing that.

He simply ran far away from his problems without looking back.

Leaving everything behind.

Losing himself in the cold starless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being perfect. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	15. Collateral damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confession from the past and another for the present will collide at this clouded night.  
> Antonia thinks she needs to go out and make more friends. But not under the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last revision on December 24th, 2014
> 
>  **Warning for this chapter:** Mentions of past abuse.

_Five years ago:_

“Are you sure?”

Twenty years old Levi answered the question with a firm nod, his eyes still focused on his bandaged wrist where thescar had been opened recently by her again.

Yayo sighed. “We’ll leave in a couple of hours, then” the old man decided. “Stay here at the motel; I will go and getour stuff”

Once his grandfather left closing the door behind him, Levi let his body fall onto the mattress. 

Keeping his eyes closedwas a difficult task. Every time he did so, the vivid image of the nightmarish event from theevening came back to life. Levi was just thankful that day Eren hadn’tbeen with him, or else, he was sure that woman would have hurt him without hesitation.

How naïve of him, after years of calmness he believed he could stay like that forever, neverexpecting what the madness of that woman could achieve. But who would have imagined she wouldfind the way to get back to him to finish what she couldn’t do when Leviwas younger?

Levi wasn’t afraidof what she could do to him,he was a strong grew up young man by now; he was terrified of what she would do to Eren if she found out abouthim instead.

He didn’t care if the security would be stronger for now on making practically impossible for her to escape. He wasn’t going to risk Eren’s safety and as long that woman was still alive, as long as that woman wanted to kill Levi, Eren would be in danger.

For that reason he had to leave, he had to do it to prevent that woman could knew about Eren. His mother’s only purpose in her life was to damage Levi to the maxim possible degree, and by any doubts if she found out what Eren meant to Levi, she wouldn’t even blink before killing the kid.

And that would be by far, the worst way ever to break Levi to a point of no return.

To a point where death wouldn’t be necessary for him to be a dead man. 

That was why the only solution was to leave; to surrender to sadness and loneliness again, to become the only thing that could protect him without Eren by his side.

Summoning all his strength, Levi stood up and searched for some paper and something he could use to write—possibly—the last words he would ever say to the kid that once saved Levi from himself: Eren.

[X]

_Nowadays:_

Eren was calmer after some minutes wandering around the city. He was curled inside the wooden hut of the park that by the years had become small for him. He was bracing himself, using his knees to support his head and thinking about nothing in particular, just staying there; not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say if he came backto home, not knowing if he really wanted to go back or if it was better to keep running somewhere far from there.

“Look what I’ve found”

A dazed Eren needed some seconds to register the voice that broke into the silence of that cold night and a few more seconds to spot out to who belonged to. 

“Levi!” he exclaimed softly, hitting his head with the ceiling of the hut for the surprise.

“I’m telling you; your hideouts are really shitty places, brat” The man complained as he climbed the ladder to get into the small cabin. He—somehow—managed to fit there, siting Indian stile and sharing the tiny space with Eren. “You better pray I don’t get any gum stuck on my coat”

Eren placed his legs bent one each side of Levi to be more comfortable and to leave more space to the man in front of him. The night wasn’t only cold, it was dark as well and the nearest—from them—lamppost in the park wasn’t a great help for the vision of both guys as it was sparking shamefully and intermittently, getting closer to its dead.

“How are you feeling?” the teen asked with the image of a frozen Levi at the entryway of his house still fresh inside his mind.

“Good enough, I visit the toilet with regularity”

Eren looked confused, for he wasn’t asking about that. “I’m not…I didn’t…” He wavered, not sure about what to think or what to say. Was Levi avoiding the subject on purpose?

“Carla had to tell your father everything about me, so he could stop misinterpreting me” Maybe pitying the teen, Levi explained the situation.Still, he seemed not very pleased about the idea of anyone else knowing about his ‘issues’.“He still hates me, but a little less now. Or so I think”

“My mother did what?” Eren was yet more confused.

Levi sighed “Right, you don’t know about that. My grandfather and your mother used to talk alot back then. Mainly about me”

“So you’re saying my mother knows everything about you?” Eren tried to follow Levi’swords.

“I wouldn’t say everything, but related to my past, yes, she does” Levi said. “And before you develop hard feelings towards your mum because she never told you; I must say she decided it was my place to actually explain it to you” The man paused and then added. “After all, it's my life”

Eren furrowed his brows letting the new information sink into him; he had no time to judge his mother for whatever she had been hiding from him. Eren just wanted Levi to tell him everything. “She knows about your triggers too?”

Levi nodded.

“Does she know what caused them?”

Levi nodded again.

“You were frozen in place” Eren whispered with concern. Even if he knew it could happen, witnessing Levi in such vulnerable state had shocked him utterly.

“Yes…” Levi hesitated, averting his eyes from Eren and sighing deeply. “I guess there’s no point in hiding it from you anymore, since both of your parents know already. Although, you might laugh about it. It was because a fucking word. Just one word” Levi snorted with a painful expression. “I’m pathetic”

“Levi…” Eren called the man’s name but Levi was looking everywhere but Eren’s eyes when he spoke again in a very low and wrecked voice.

“I was an abused child”

Eren’s heart stopped for a second. His stomach twisted in thousand knots of agony at the revelation. His ability to speak died at the spot as his body went frozen.

“I killed my father and ruined my family” Levi continued, still not looking at Eren. 

Shocked as he was, the teen wasn’t sure what Levi had really meant when he had said ‘killed’ and even if Eren wanted to ask something, his voice wasn’t agreeing with him. Luckily for him, Levi didn’t cut his explanation there. 

“I think I was nine or ten when it happened. I… We were inside the car, we should have been driving to the restaurant, but we were going to the park instead, to the exact opposite direction from the restaurant. My mother stayed at home cleaning my room; the room I was supposed to have cleaned myself in the morning” Levi took his time to inhale deeply, covering his eyes with both his palms fora moment. He sounded broken when he tried to keep going with his story. “I remember that my father was smiling. He was smiling when the other car crashed into us.”

A deaf ‘ah’ escaped Eren’s lips. Suddenly his heartbeat felt painful and his mouth dry, making difficult the task to breath.

“Life has a twisted sense of humor” Levi said with cynicism. “If that ten years old kid had cleaned his room when he was told… My father… He would be alive”

He blames himself. Eren realized in his stunned mind. Levi had blamed himself for his father’s death all the time. Why? Who placed such a burden on a ten years old kid?

The teen reached for Levi’s hands that were cold and resting uneasily on his crossed legs. “Levi, it was an accident. It wasn’t your fault” he said, recovering his voice with the will of ease Levi’s pain.

“It was, Eren. If I had followed the plan, the accident would had never happened” 

“Or maybe yes, maybe the car would have crashed while you were going to the restaurant”

Levi clicked his tongue, clearly irritated. “So you’re telling me it was inevitable?”

“I… No I just…” Eren bit his tongue; he needed to make his mind work faster than his big mouth if he really wanted to help Levi. “I’m making it worst. Fuck”

“Look, I don’t want you to comfort me and hell I don’t want you to pity me. I’m just telling you what happened, nothing else, so keep your sweet words for yourself. I don’t need them” Levi said full of rudeness, which Eren hoped he didn’t mean.

“I’m sorry. It’s just... I can’t leave you like that, blaming yourself. Because no one can predict an accident, no matter how hard you control yourself or your surroundings you would never be able to control what the other people is going to do. If they’re gonna crash into you, they will do it.” Eren tried to explain his logic again. “It wasn’t your fault. Blame the other driver; blame the devil if you must, but not yourself” Eren breathed in and out, looking at Levi right in the eye. “You’re not a killer. You didn’t kill your father and I don’t care if you don’t believe it. I will do it for you. I will believe inyou. I will always believe in you.”

“Fuck you, brat” Levi spat, Eren could see his face twisting before the man covered it again with both of his palms. “Where were you when I needed to hear that…?” Levi muttered the words practically inaudible, but Eren managed to catch them. Shrugging with a soft smile curving his pinky lips, he let Levi believe he hadn’t heard it.

Don’t need my sweet words my ass. The teen thought proud of himself.

Levi huffed hardly, revealing his face and finally looking at Eren. His eyes were red but there wasn’t any trail of tears. “It doesn’t matter whose fault it was anymore. The damage has been already done”

Eren placed once more his hands over Levi’s own; caressing slowly Levi’s cold skin. He didn’t stop until he felt the man getting calmer, warmer and ready to tell him more about his past. 

“You said you were abused” The teen quivered the last word, refusing the idea of someone hurting Levi. “It… it was your mother?”

Levi nodded, his expression turning agonic probably because of the memories that still haunted him.

“The bitch was clever, she never left permanents marks on me or touched my face. The face that remind her of him: of my father”

A chill travelled through Eren’s body. “How...” The teen gulped, he wasn’t sure if he could take the answer to the question he wanted to ask. “How long did you have to suffer your mother’s…?”

Eren was saved of the agony to finish his question by Levi, who answered fast as if he knew already what the teen wanted to know. “Nearly five years”

Eren’s lungs let the air out with a quavering painful sob. Definitely, he wasn’t ready for the answer. He could never be ready to hear about anyone hurting Levi. Ever.

“In those years no one, not even once, suspected anything” Levi lamented. “At some point I understood the world didn’t care about a lonely and sad child, so I repaid the world with my apathy, with my rejection to any human being. The world didn’t help me, the world didn’t save me. I saved myself. If by save I mean the thing I became” Levi paused to take a deep breath. “One day she reached the epitome of madness and tried to kill me, a shitty move if you ask me, she ended up at Shiganshina mental institution and after that the man everyone knows as my grandfather took care of me. You know the rest” he said the last words with a dismissive gesture of his hand.

“Wait, Yayo wasn’t you real grandpa?”

“He was real to me. No one asked him to raise me yet he did” Levi said a bit melancholic. “But as I said, it doesn’t matter anymore, the past is in the past and even if the damage is already done she can’t hurt me any further. Or again”

“It can be in the past, but it's affecting you” Eren pointed out.

“It’s not often, but yes, sometimes I just…” Levi puffed. “Well, you’ve just seen it”

Yes, Eren had seen it. And he didn’t want to see Levi like that ever again. “It was terrifying. I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know if it was because of me, if I’ve done something to…”

“No” Levi cut Eren suddenly. “No, it wasn’t because of you. Your father said something my mother used to repeat day after day back then” Levi rubbed maniacally his undercut, a motion Eren was starting to realize he did every time he was bothered by something. “She always said I ruined everything and when you father said I ruined you I simply…” Levi’s voice trembled.

“Levi” Eren tried to calm him down, but his voice wasn’t reaching the young man.

“After I came back, after I met you again, I promised myself that I wouldn’t ruin you. That I couldn’t do that to you; your innocence, your dreams, your hope, you are everything I’m not. How was even possible that you wanted to be with me again? You should have hated me for using you, for ruining you, for leaving you, yet you were thrilled to see me. And that didn’t make any sense to me”

Levi’s guilt was hurting Eren deeply, burning him with frustration, so once again Eren tried to ease Levi’s distress. “Please, Levi, stop. Just stop. Don’t go that way; don’t follow that line of thoughts because you’re wrong. You didn’t ruin me and I’m fucking sure you won’t ever ruin me, okay?”

“How are you so sure? I can’t possibly be good for you. I’m not good for anyone, Eren. Not even for myself”

Eren’s mouth fell open, how could Levi think so low of himself? “Levi, since you’re back I’m trying my best every day. My grades have improved and even if is difficult for me, and you may not believe me, I’m getting into less fights. You motivate me, Levi. I want you to be proud of me. Can you see how far you from are ruin me?”

“I just don’t know. Your father’s told me what happened when I was gone and I don’t want you to…”

“Let me guess. He has told you I went wild and oh poor him he couldn’t do anything as father but drink his ass off and leave my mother alone with a rebel child, because all of it is was affecting his precious and important job and his mental stability as well”

Levi blinked with astonishment and Eren then was sure he had nailed—sort of— his father’s reused excuse.

At that moment Eren was truly mad with Grisha for using Levi’s very obvious predisposition to take all the blame against him. Hoping his words had more value for Levi than Grisha’s own, the teen continued. “Even if I can’t remember that much about what happened I’ve heard like thousands times how everything was your fault, but it wasn’t. My father was the first one living without caring about his son” Eren said, having no more of his father’s pretexts. “How easy it was for him to leave me with the neighbor forgetting he had a son. How convenient for him, too in love with his work, that I was instantly attracted to you, don’t you think?”

Levi tilted his head agreeing partly with Eren. “Still, I had to see it coming, but I couldn’t. I thought that once I was gone, you would forget me easily. I didn’t mean to hurt you”

Eren bowed his head down, fixing his eyes on his hands where he was fidgeting with the bandage. “Of course you hurt me, Levi. I don’t need all my memories to know it. Just the thought of you leaving me is painful enough” he confessed.

“I’m sorry, Eren”

Eren shrugged lowering importance to the past. “It’s ok now. I don’t resent you. I believe you when you say you had your reasons to go, but a call, a note, just something, just a ‘see you later, Eren’; I don’t know, just something to know it wasn’t my fault you were gone it would had been nice”

“I fucked it up” Levi regretted, the guilt covering his beautiful face.

Eren shook his head. “What’s done it’s done. You are with me now, so let’s just move on, okay?” the teen offered smiling softly.

After some seconds of contemplation and silence Levi nodded relaxing his expression. Eren didn’t add anything else; any other word referring to the past wasn’t needed anymore. The teen still had some doubts and plot holes that wanted to fill but Levi’s comfort was more important than his avid curiosity.

Soon after Levi was hissing a curse as he cupped Eren’s cheeks, breaking the false silence of the night. “Fuck this darkness; I can’t see your eyes the way I want to”

Eren laughed at Levi’s frustration. “There’s a lamppost over there”

Levi tsked. “Yes and it's having a fucking schizo attack”

Eren covered Levi’s hands with his own and guided one to his lips where he warmed it using his breath. “Your hands are still cold”

“My tolerance to the cold has always been shit, brat”

Eren took Levi’s other hand and repeated the same attention he had just given to his right hand as an attempt to warm Levi up a little.

Levi just stayed immobile contemplating the action with enthrallment. “Eren, why are you always so nice to me?”

“It comes natural to me I guess. I really care about you”

Even inside the mild darkness Eren could see Levi gazing at him with a look lost between fascination and uncertainness. “No one ever cared. Not truly”

“Well, I do”

Levi cradled Eren’s face with his hands that were finally warmer and the teen just enjoyed the feeling of Levi stroking his skin, don’t daring to move, don’t daring to do anything that could end with the sweet touches.

I wanna show you how loved you are. Eren thought. I wanna kiss you so badly.

“Then do it” Levi said making Eren to realize that maybe he hadn’t been just thinking the words.

“Sorry” Eren apologized; a wild flush appearing on the teen’s cheeks, but his shyness was soon forgotten as he registered properly Levi’s words. “Wait, have you said…?”

“Do it” Levi repeated and Eren’s heart flinched with hope.

“Are you sure? What about the deal?” Eren worried.

“We can make a new one if you want”

“Oh, I want”

Humming thoughtfully, Levi traveled his hands from Eren’s face to the back of his neck. “How about I give you a permanent free kiss ticket”

Eren smiled openly with excitement. “Permanent like it has no expiration date?”

Levi knitted his tiny brows together, waving his head. “More or less. It will be valid as long as youwant me”

The teen bit his bottom lip out of excitement, Levi had no idea what he had get himself into. Erensurrounded Levi’s waist and brought him as close as he could, trapping the smaller man inside hisembrace. “Forever sounds good then” Eren said smugly, pressing their foreheads together.

Much for Eren’s surprise, Levi didn’t look pleased with those words. “Don’t make such promisesbrat. You don’t know what you will want tomorrow. You can change”

Eren shook his head with conviction. “No. I won’t change” he assured. “People don’t change,they change just their masks and I’m not wearing any right now, Levi” Eren promised. “I’ve wanted you for a long time, I want you now and I will still want you tomorrow. And tomorrowafter, and the day after tomorrow after and…”

Levi hissed him shut. “So I won’t ever change, then?”

Eren furrowed. “You don’t have to change.You just need to find the happiness inside of you”

Levi sighed at the unexpected answer. “Cheesy brat, who taught you to talk like that?”

“My psychologist” Eren simply said with frank innocence.

Levi rolled his eyes at Eren’s honesty. “Do you really mean your words, Eren, or you are just being polite because of what I told you?”

“I mean it, Levi. I will be with you forever” somehow he felt a déjà vu as he said those words. Forever wasn’t an exact measure of time and Eren knew it, but for him it meant everything. He wanted to be with Levi forever, whatever forever could meant for them: some years, a lot of them, one life—supposing reincarnation existed—two lives; being with Levi as long as he was able to be with him. That was Eren’s kind of forever. 

“Then you better realize I’ll believe anything you say, brat” Levi said stroking Eren’s messy hair.“You’re the only one I trust”

“I know. That’s why I won’t fail you. I won’t ever forgive myself if I do it”

“What a terrible adult I am, placing such a weight on you” Levi grimaced.

“Weight?” Eren laughed a bit. “It’s hope, Levi. You’re placing your hope on me”

Levi seemed confused when he spoke again. “I didn’t know I had any hope left in me”

Eren’s eyes reflected all the affection he felt. “Now you know you do” he said, his voice practically trembling with emotion. The teen was feeling his eyes get blurrier and cursed inwardly. He didn’t want to cry like a baby, but his heart was full with warm feelings for Levi, so full he thought he was going to explode at any moment. “Fuck, I love you” He stammered in a whisper, arebel tear making his way down on Eren's cheek. 

“What?” Levi moved his head away from Eren’s.

The teen couldn’t tell who was more perplexed, if himself or Levi. But Eren wasn’t surprised because he didn’t mean the words; he was amazed with his own stupidity for not being able to realize it sooner. His heart was starting to melt, to drown within all the affection he had for the young man. “I love you” He repeated in a breath, just to make sure he could say it again, just to make sure his heart was feeling, indeed, lighter after saying it. “I love you” he repeated yet again, laughing hysterically with his eyes full of uncried tears of joy. Eren buried his face on Levi’s neck line, holding him tightly, chanting a mantra of “I love you” followed by feather like kisses he placed tenderly on Levi’s skin until the man shivered. Yet Eren wasn’t sure if it was because the confession per se, the nonstop light kisses, or the place they were stuck in.

“Ok. Stop. Stop it, this is awkward. Stop saying it” Levi complained tugging at Eren’s brown locks.

“Fine” Eren complied. “I won’t say it. I will show it to you”

Levi’s breath hitched as Eren pressed their foreheads together again. The teen tilted mildly his head so he could bruise the man’s lips with his own, feeling on his skin the way Levi was breathing, unable to close his eyes, to avert his gaze from Levi’s amazing and expectant expression.

“Close your eyes, Levi” Eren requested, smiling over Levi’s lips.

“You first” the man retorted with a malice spark in his steel eyes; his arms surrounding the teen’s neck, holding to him.

Eren had never kissed before, so he wasn’t sure if there was any kind of ceremony—or things to do—before, during or after it. He just prayed not to suck at it or else he feared Levi would kick him fast to a game over screen without a try again button.

Hugging Levi even tightly, Eren leaned all the way in. He refused to close his eyes until the very last moment when he finally joined their lips together in aninnocent lasting kiss. A kiss filled with all the teen’s emotions that were ready to reach Levi; to make him melt within them, to show him how truthful Eren’s feelings were for him. 

The butterflies in his stomach became wild at the touch of their lips, making his body shiver in pleasure. The first kiss leaded to a second chaste peck, and the second to a third, and so on, till Eren’s mind lost the ability to keep counting them. 

Infinite times had Eren imagined that moment, the moment they will finally kiss for the first time, but neither of those times made any kind of justice to the reality of kissing Levi. And definitely neither of those times he had imagined it will happen inside the park’s wooden cabin.

Every time their lips found each other a warm feeling traveled with the haste of a lighting trough Eren’s body, waking up with need every single part inside of him. An urging need that was far different from his fantasies with Levi.

His need for the real Levi was stronger, it was powerful, demanding and it had its own will. The will to touch him, to keep kissing him, to get him closer, to never let him go.His heart rushed his heated blood with renewed sensations and a single tear dropped itself with the weight of so many emotions Eren couldn’t conceal them anymore. 

Embracing Levi, kissing Levi, loving Levi felt so damn right, the more rightness thing Eren had ever done in his entire life. The feeling was so overwhelming his whole being made a silent promise that came from his soul itself. 

A promise that will last forever, as in Eren’s kind of forever.The promise to love Levi unconditionally through everything, no matter what the future would be holding for them. He would always stand by Levi.

Eager for more, he ventured to use his tongue to trace experimentally Levi’s bottom lip and when the man didn’t make anything to stop Eren, the teen sucked the delicious and swollen delicacy, leaving Levi’s month slightly open. Then he did the same with the upper lip and happily allowed Levi to do the same to him.

Countless kisses and smooches later, Eren couldn’t have enough of Levi. 

Sliding his hands from Levi’s back to his thighs, he uncrossed Levi’s legs and used them to surround his own waist with them.

Levi stopped kissing him in order to use his mouth to speak. “What are you doing?” he asked, gasping out of breath.

“Feeling you closer” was everything Eren needed to say before shutting Levi up with an open mouth kiss. He forced unceremoniously his tongue inside Levi’s mouth, earning with the rough act a smack on the back of his head.

“Clumsy horny brat, careful with your saliva” Levi grunted, wrinkling his nose as he wiped his chin and Eren’s own.

“Sorry” Eren apologized fast, placing soft kisses on the man’s cheek. “It’s my first time kissing anyone. Just let me practice, I’ll get better at it”

Levi tsked. “Shit, it’s my first time too and I’m not spiting my saliva all over your face”

Eren crooned a question mark with a puzzled expression. “You have never kissed before?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed “Who was I supposed to kiss, you idiot? You were five when I first met you”

“You’ve been waiting for me?” Eren asked, lecturing inwardly himself for the twitch he felt insidehis pants.

“I wasn’t” Levi blushed. “I didn’t meant it that way”

Confident—too much—Eren smiled playfully as he leaned to whisper near Levi’s ear. “How did you mean itthen?” He asked, poking the man’s neck with the tip of his nose.

“You know I don’t like…” Levi hissed when Eren closed his lips on the sensitive skin of his neckwith the firm purpose of leaving a hickey. “I don’t like it when other people touch me” he managedto finish through gritted teeth.

“But you don’t mind if I touch you” Eren said, kissing his way up to Levi’s mouth. “Do you?”

“I don’t mind it at all” Levi breathed over Eren’s content face before kissing him again.

This time, Eren let Levi initiate an open mouth kiss, fervent to touch Levi’s tongue with his own. But waiting patiently as the man slowly abused his lips with his kisses and his teasing sucksand nibbles until he allowed himself to explore Eren’s expecting mouth.He tasted the teen lazily, letting Eren to taste him too.

Eren welcomed the new sensation of having Levi’s tongue inside his mouth and as much as hewanted to keep under control his saliva, his ability to do anything but kissing and being kissed byLevi fell in a lethargic state. Somewhere is his mind the wet sounds of their kisses echoed withpassion, melting with the warmness of the moment they were sharing. Somewhere, in his mind too,he made a fast annotation directed to his enthusiastic dick that was ready for some action. This is not theplace for that, get down… God, Levi is so going to kill me…

But having Levi kissing him so passionately made Eren’s self-control fall apart—not like the teen had that much to begin with anyway—soon he was rubbing himself against Levi, subtly, just a bit to ease the uncomfortable tension of his boner. 

The slight friction was good enough to make him forget how to breath properly and as a result, he got to move away to catch his breath within foolish smiles.

“Your nose, you helpless brat, use your nose” Levi reprimanded him without seriousness.

Eren laughed, still trying to breathe normally and surprised that Levi wasn’t commenting a thing about the teen’s dick poking at his buttocks. “Fuck I know. But I can’t help it. You’re delicious”

Levi snorted. “Perfect. That’s what I always wanted to be. Delicious” the man said, obviously mocking the teen.

“Not kidding. You’re my new favorite taste in this world” to prove his point, Eren bit lightly Levion his neck, surely leaving another mark to match the previous he had left on the other side. 

He trailed more kisses and sucked on the skin, pleased when he felt that Levi was breathing heavier and trembling in his arms.

The man rested the upper side of his back on the wooden wall of the cabin, bringing Eren, who was practically on top of Levi now, with him. The man was still holding him; arms around his neck, legs around his waist, just as Eren had placed them few minutes ago, when the teen kissed him softly once more before saying. “We’ve got a problem, Levi”

“Have we?” Levi purred.

Oh my God. He purred. Eren thought, juggling with his hormones that were assaulting him restlessly with images of everything he wanted to do with Levi.  
“Yes, because I can’t stop kissing you” the teen exhaled near the man’s face.

Levi grazed his teeth over his own bottom lip in a seductive way. Then he said “No one asked you to stop”

Eren moaned at the words, leaning in one more time, joining their lips with intention, with hunger, with need, and for Eren’s pleasure, Levi responded the same way.

Their bodies were pressed everywhere they could be pressed, giving Eren the final hint about why Levi wasn’t complaining about the teen’s erection. He was hard too and guessing by the sounds he was making, he was enjoying the sweet torture of the mild friction as much as Eren was. Eren’s hands traveled all the way up and down over Levi’s back repeatedly, as Levi never stopped stroking the teen’s hair and nape, knowing already how stimulating the touches on the back of his neck could be for Eren.

Eren would never be able to tell how much time they spent making out inside that ridiculous space, with the dark night as the only witness and the cold that accompanied it long forgotten. All the teen knew was that at some point between sloppy kisses, teasing flicks of their tongues and occasional rolls from their hips, Levi pulled back cradling Eren’s face.

“Eren, enough. We should be going back to your house”

Eren made a complaining sound. “But I’m feeling so good right now” he said, resting his head on Levi’s shoulder and inhaling deeply the unique scent of Levi. Smells lovely and tastes even better. Eren snickered at his childish thought.

“You can feel good later, too” the sultry voice sounded like a worthy promise.

Eren hummed thoughtfully with a bold idea suddenly shining inside his mind. “You mean todayyou’re going to be my dessert?” He teased, tracing lazy touches over Levi’s chest with his fingertips. Eren could hear Levi exhaling and shaking his head, surely having enough of Eren’s insatiable hormones. He muttered something about a shark that made no sense to Eren.

“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do” Levi tried again, stroking the side of Eren’s face with his knuckles. “You’re going to be a good boy and let me walk you to home where your mother is waiting for you”

“And then…?” Eren trailed off, smiling mischievously.

“And then we’ll see what happens”

Eren snorted. “Come on, Levi, you can do it better”

“Yup. I can kick you out from this bloody cabin and drag your lazy ass back to your parents”

“Check mate” Eren pouted his defeat. “Okay, just give me a minute. It really feels nice to be like this with you” Eren said lazily, hugging Levi again. Taking his moment to remember every single detail, he marked with fire a memory that would last forever inside his mind. The memory of the first time he kissed Levi.

One minute later, not more and not less, Levi was urging him to move away so both of them could get out of the ridiculous petite hut. The man clicked his tongue, irritated, fixing his clothes and shaking meticulously his coat.

Eren smiled with amusement. “You’re clean, Levi” he said, but that didn’t stop Levi until the man though he was spotless himself.

“Okay, Let’s…” Levi cut himself off raising his head up and looking at the dark sky. Eren needed just three seconds and three wet drops on his face to realize what was happening. “No-no-no-no!”Levi grabbed Eren’s hand at the same moment the rain started to fall merciless on them. “Eren, run!”

And Eren did. Both did. One with more joy than the other, but Eren couldn’t stop laughing while he followed Levi under the rain.

“What’s so funny, kid? I’m soaked to the bones here” Levi grunted, still running.

“I was having a silly thought, that’s all”

“What kind of…?” Levi started only to be cut by Eren. The teen dragged him to the nearest wall with a balcony on their heads that they could use as a temporary shelter. “I was thinking…” Eren trapped Levi against the wall, pressing their bodies together. “That heaven must be really jealous if it needed to fall all over us with its rain” the teen breathed the words near Levi’s face.  
“You’re mine, so fuck the sky” he said with a raising possessiveness growing inside of him, one he didn't know it was there before.

Levi snorted. “You got jealous over this?” the man pointed at himself, more like pointing at all the water soaking him.

“I’m jealous even of your clothes” Eren confessed in a husky voice. Fast and unannounced, notletting Levi the time to react, Eren grabbed Levi by the ass and lifted the smaller man up. He used the wall to help him to keep Levi where he belonged, inside his arms and then leaded Levi’s legs around his waist, so once more they were closed at his back.

“Fuck, Eren” was the only thing Levi could manage to whine before his lips were busy kissing Eren again as his hands clung onto him with desperation.

Levi’s scent mixed with the fresh humidity of the ambient was intoxicating and was driving Eren crazy.

All his senses were awake and full of Levi, yet for Eren it wasn’t enough. The citric and addictive taste of his mouth, the sandalwood smell from his skin, the erotic noises Eren had never imagined the object of his fantasies could moan,the wet gorgeousness of Levi’s face and the warmness from his narrow body. All of it was seducing Eren with success to a maddening point.

“So perfect” Eren whispered between kisses. “You’re so fucking perfect, Levi”

Levi moaned. “Shut up, idiot” he said, making his work to shut Eren up with his mouth.

They kissed, and kissed, and kissed even more, challenging the rain to stop before they did. Eren held Levi tightly greedy to feel all the weight of the man, greedy to be the one holding him, feeling him, jealous even of the wall behind Levi.

After a while, Eren smiled smugly “I told you I could take it” he muttered, leaning to Levi’s neck to inhale his sweet smell.

Levi blinked, perplexed, and Eren made him bounce on his lap to realize there was no more wall at his back. Levi let an amazed ‘oh’ escape through his abused lips. “It seems you’re stronger than you look, cocky brat” he said, playing with Eren’s wet locks.

Eren expression turned even prouder. Giving a final and soft kiss to Levi, He let the man on the floor. Slowly, slower, there was no need to rush it; he wanted to enjoy the feeling of Levi’s frame sliding all the way down over his body.

And the universe had mercy on him, because Eren didn’t know how he was going to survive if the only thing Levi was going to allow between them would be kisses.

Holding hands and accepting that the rain wasn’t going to stop any time soon, they ran again to make his way home as fast as they could.  
The moment Eren stepped one foot inside the house everything seemed to go too fast for the teen to catch up. A pair of strong arms was surrounding him with a litany of ‘I’m sorry’ spoken by the voice of his father as his mother yelled to the gods because Eren and Levi were soaked to the bones.

“Dad” he muttered with his face buried on his father chest due to the man’s bear hug. “Dad, can you let me go already? I swear I’m not mad anymore. Just let me breathe”

His father obliged and Eren found out a towel landing on his head. “You’re going to catch a pneumonia, you'll see” his mother dramatized. Eren looked at Levi with the corner of his eye to see he was already drying his hair with another towel.

“I’m fine, mum. I will go change in a minute”

“You both” His mother pointed at Levi too. “I’m going to drive your father back to his house; I don’t trust in his skill to take the wheel right now”

Grisha’s shoulders sank with shame. “I’m sorry about the dinner” 

Eren sighed deeply. “Next time, dad. You can repay us next time” The teen was full with happiness, which Levi was responsible for, so he decided not to waste it by reproaching his father. Instead, he thought it would be better to let his father know he was letting the door open for they both could work on their father-son relationship.

The man looked genuinely touched by his son’s words. “Next time…” He repeated in a whisper,and then nodded firmly looking at Eren right in the eye.

“You both stay here and get dry and warm. Eren lend some clothes to Levi. I’ll be back in a minute, okay? Then we can have dinner together, the three of us” Carla decided for everyone what they were going to do, but Levi didn’t seem to agree.

“I'd better go back to my place. I did bring Eren back so there’s no need for me to stay here any longer” he said, avoiding making eye contact with Grisha.

“Dear, can you wait for me at the car?” Carla requested and her husband complied giving a lastand fast hug to his son, muttering a ‘thank you’ only Eren heard. 

Once Grisha was gone Carla moved closer to Levi. “Levi I told you before you’re welcome here, didn’t I?”

“I just don’t want to press it with your husband. He doesn’t want me near Eren and I kind ofunderstand it”

“Grisha doesn’t know what’s going on here, he never did”

Levi and Eren shared a confused look for a second before turning their attention to Carla again.

“Carla I…” Levi started but Carla cut him off shaking her head slowly, a soft smile was adorningher lips.

“I’ve known for a long time now that you are…” Carla raised a gentle hand that leaned to Levi’s face,cupping the man’s cheek. “That you have always been a Yeager”

Eren didn’t know what force stopped him from crying a river right there, what he couldn’t resist,though, was to rush to his mother and hug her with all he got. He was tempted to ask ‘You know?Do you really know what’s going on between Levi and me? Do you approve of it, mum?’ But hecouldn’t make his words to come out. He just hoped anything his mother had seen spoke for himuntil they had a better moment to speak out about his relationship with Levi. (Preferable withouthis half drunk and remorseful father waiting in the car for his mother)

Carla giggled. “Oh my God, Eren, enough; your watering my clothes, sunshine”

“Sorry, mum” The teen moved away.

“We will talk later when I’m back, you hear me? Now you two go and change, I don’t want my boys to catch a cold”

Eren’s heart was racing so fast at the promise of talk with his mother and the sureness of a positiveresponse from her that he could hear his beat in his eardrums.

“We won’t, Carla” Levi assured.

“Good” Carla looked for her purse. “See you in a moment, guys”

“Drive safe, mum” Eren said as a farewell to his mother before dragging Levi all the way upstairsto his room.

The teen’s heart was still hammering violently when he opened the closet wondering what hecould lend to Levi; everything he had should be big for the smaller man. He turned around to ask Levi in which clothes he would feel more comfortable, but Eren’s words got trapped inside his throat at the mesmerizing sight in front of him.

Levi had placed his drenched coat on the back of the chair he used when he was tutoring Eren. His hands were moving slowly to the buttons of his white shirt the rain had glued to his perfectbody. The first button came out, a second followed, a third more needed to be taken, revealing apale chest, to make Eren realize the reality of the scene he was contemplating with suchfascination.

Levi was undressing in his room!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language and is far from being 'perfect'. I know that, that’s why I will appreciate any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> History by Ashala  
> 1st edition by NDainty  
> Last revision by Ashala


	16. Scars from the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning for this chapter:** Self-harm subtly implied.
> 
> First of all, I’m sorry. Oh my God, I’m so sorry for disappearing that I don’t even know how to properly apologize. 
> 
> Please, forgive me.
> 
> At this point the terms “procrastination” and “hiatus” both reach new limits with me, right? 
> 
> I must say this fic isn’t dropped, though.
> 
> I’m aware I’ve been away for too long (personal life and “more stuff” so to speak), but I truly want to finish this story. I’ve revised and reedited all the chapters up until now (to immerse myself into the plot again—and most likely failing), also I’ve read all the notes I wrote back then and boy, the whole story was already planned at that time (even the ending). Therefore, I’ve promised myself to finish it and share it with you. (Although I don’t know how much time I will need to do this. I’m a slow writer and my inspiration comes and goes between so many stories that I don’t even know what I want to write anymore)
> 
> Anyways, back to business ^_^
> 
> This chapter continues where the later left, with a godly-wet-Levi undressing in Eren’s room. But first, a past scene as always. This one in particular follows after the opening scene from the chapter 13.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> PD: Remember English isn’t my native language. Any mistake you can spot, please tell me! I have no beta anymore. My ‘waifu’ (NDainty) is busy with college. I miss you, girl.

Carla arrived a quarter past eight to Yayo’s beach house. The old man greeted her with a big smile that turned into a cheerful shush behind his index finger when she entered the house. 

“What is it?” The woman whispered intrigued, for she was being told to be quiet.

“Come with me, Carla” Yayo spoke within whispers as well. “You have to see this”

The man was acting rather suspicious as he guided her happily to the back door that leaded to the porch. The door was opened slowly, revealing the source of the sudden happiness that had invaded Yayo.

Carla had to suppress her voice with the help of both her hands; mouth and eyes wide open with surprise like she was witnessing a miracle.

And it was indeed a miracle. 

Her little son was placidly sleeping, fact that by itself was ordinary in nature, until you realized he was lying on and being embraced by Levi. The teen was also sleeping with a serene expression on his young face and holding Eren close as if the kid was his most valued treasure.

“How?” Carla wanted to know.

“I don’t know” The man confessed in a low voice. “I went to buy some things I needed for dinner and when I was back I found them sleeping on the rope hammock like this”

Levi, the teen that refused to touch or to be touched, for he associated touching with pain. The adolescent doctors had given up on, labeled as a lost cause. That same lonely boy had allowed little Eren to bypass all his defenses.

“Thank you, Carla” Yayo said and Carla was about to ask why when the man continued. “Thank you for your son”

A single tear of joy travelled down Carla’s cheek.

The man’s whispered confession kept going on “I must admit I was worried for him, but for the first time I truly believe he has a chance.”

Carla smiled nodding in agreement. “Of course he has it” she said with conviction.“He is Levi, after all”

Both of them stared at each other with the knowledge of what those words really meant.

“Yes he is” the old man trailed off and sighed “It’s about damn time he lives up to that name”

[X]

A pale and inviting body was in display in front of him. Little by little the wet clothes were disappearing and with them Eren’s breathe was being taking away.

The teen couldn’t be sure if he had been staring for seconds, minutes or hours at the leisurely way in which Levi was removing his soaked clothes and placing them on the chair.

The man was literally a wet dream, too much for Eren to resist his desires or to think rationally when his brain was lacking both, oxygen and blood—not like he could have the first running normally without the second, in any case.

With a fast and abrupt movement of his body, which Eren would swear he didn’t command, his hands where suddenly holding Levi’s surprised face on place only to kiss him hard and unannounced not even a second later.

Levi responded eagerly, their lips colliding together; open mouths and playful tongues searching for each other with need. Eren’s body was all over the man’s petite and fitted shape, feeling every hard muscle and each sharp bone there. Until Levi, much for Eren’s displease, started to pull at his hair with one hand and to push him away with the other one he had on his chest. 

“Eren!” Levi breathed the name unevenly. “Eren stop!”

The teen grunted his disapproval before stopping his kisses. “Why?”

“I haven’t removed my soaked clothes so you could drop your drenched ones on me, you moron” the tone was serious, maybe a little irked, but no menace was hidden in it.

Eren hummed with a smug smile on his lips. “You haven’t removed all of your wet clothes, though” he said tugging at Levi’s briefs waistband.

A shudder travelled up and down Levi’s body. If it was because of Eren’s cocky move or due to the cold, the teen wasn’t sure. 

“You, cheeky brat, stop it right there” Levi slapped Eren’s hands away and said.

Feeling a sharp pain washing over his injured hand, the teen hissed quietly, so Levi wouldn’t notice. The only one to blame for his busted knuckles was Eren himself.

Levi made a face, maybe being aware of what Eren was trying to do or maybe not. But if he was, he said nothing about it. “I better go and take a hot shower before I freeze my ass here” the words finished with him pushing Eren away. “Bring me dry clothes when you’re done searching, kid” Levi added glancing at the mess of shirts and pants all over Eren’s bed and all over the closet’s open drawers too. Before leaving the room he stopped by the door frame and without looking back at Eren, he spoke again. “Oh, and do yourself a favor and get rid of everything you’re wearing if you don’t want to catch a cold”

And with those words full of subtext if you wanted to read between them, he left to the bathroom leaving a horny Eren behind.

A cold… that was unlikely. Eren’s blood was boiling and the teen was two hundred per cent sure that his body heat would have been enough to warm Levi up. But if the man wanted to play the stubborn part, that was okay with Eren. He could kiss Levi now and that was a big—BIG in capital letters—step in their relationship. That and the fact they had the house all for themselves. 

At least until Eren’s mother came back. 

Eren sneezed and a chill attacked him, thing that made him realize the window was half open and letting the cool air sneak into the room along with some rain droplets. The teen closed the window rapidly avoiding in time the creation of a pond inside his room and near Antonia’s cage that would have been a total pain to clean.

Inhaling deeply, he slapped his face with both palms encouraging himself to move and to do more productive things, rather than fall into temptation and fantasize with Levi. Not like dreaming about Levi was unproductive per se, but why dream when you had the desired man naked and having a nice shower just few meters away.

Priorities Eren, priorities. Get dry and warm first. Get intimate with Levi later.

“I so wanna see him naked” The teen groaned and then rubbed his face repeatedly. “Focus Eren!” The rub turned a slap as he finished his monologue aloud only to begin another one inwardly with ‘fucking Levi why is he so hot’ as the main topic.

Eren picked Levi’s drenched clothes up and ran downstairs to the kitchen, where the washing machine was inside a little room. The teen didn’t know if those fancy wears were suited to be thrown inside the drier or not, for all he knew they could become even littler. Therefore he decided it would be better just to leave them there—neatly placed—until his mother came back. He undressed himself and put everything he was wearing inside the hamper, removing his soaked and wasted bandage as well. 

His hand and part of his fingers were bright red and inflamed, whereas his knuckles were a Picasso of peeled skin and dry blood drops. Still, Eren was thankful he hadn’t broken them. He tried opening and closing his hand few times and yes, it hurt, but it was also bearable for Eren, who had seen worse than a bruised knuckle.

Before he could start pitying his hand any longer, he decided to go back to his room. He had yet to bring clothes to Levi and to dress himself too.

Walking his naked ass back to his room, he stopped by the restroom, next to the kitchen, and grabbed a towel so he could dry himself. 

Eren couldn’t shake off of his body neither of his mind everything occurred since his date with Levi had started earlier in the evening. Especially the kisses he had shared with him so far and those three words that came unexpectedly and yet were as true as real and certain is that the sun burns.

 _‘I love you’_ A tender smile accompanied the words that were echoing inside his mind. _‘I love you’_ God, he was so deep drowning in an ocean of feelings for Levi and he wasn’t even thinking in getting out ever.

Once in his room he was still choosing what to lend to Levi when the temptation to take a hot shower hit him and with it a really bold and appealing idea came as well. But first things first: the clothes. Deciding on a pair of large pajamas for the man, since he was really bad at bearing with the cold, and a simple T-shirt plus pajamas pants for himself, Eren put everything else back in its place. It was time to make his idea become a real thing, and so, with a mischievous grin full of teeth—and still naked—Eren went to the bathroom, clean changes hanging over his forearms.

He played in his dreaming mind the words he will say and the way he will move to join Levi inside the shower. He even pictured Levi’s astonished face, detail that made him smile like the hopeless idiot in love he was.

With his spared knuckles he knocked twice, the echo of it joining with the sound of the running water at the background. ‘Good, he’s still on it’ He thought and then opened the door. “Levi?” He asked poking his head inside “I brought you nighties. Ones that I’ve never used before” Eren explained. He had a lot of pairs of pajamas thanks to some German auntie that he had never met, and apparently, had a weird fixation with sending pajamas to Eren every Christmas. Those blue ones in particular were the last addition to the collection.

“Laid them on the counter; I’ll be done in a minute”

Eren cleared his throat and entered the bathroom closing the door behind him. “Actually” He started, placing the wears on the counter and peeping at Levi’s blurred frame through the shower’s fogged screens. “I want to take a shower too”

Levi made a sound, Eren wasn’t sure what it was “As I said, brat. I’ll be done in a minute. Then you shall have your shower”

Eren hummed thoughtfully. “But I was thinking” he trailed off moving his body nearer to the shower “that we could” this time he stopped his chanted words to put a hand on the screen and then, without time for seconds guesses, he slid it open. The last part of his sentence ‘have a shower together’, which he had intended to say after opening the screen, was left unspoken. 

In place of the wet and surprised Levi he had expected to find, he was welcomed with strong water splattering all over his face. His eyes closed by instinct as Eren’s hands adopted a shielding position in front of his bullied face.

“Levi!” the teen managed to complain without choking on the abusive water.

“I guessed that much” the man said and then the water stopped his assault on Eren’s head. “You really thought I wasn’t expecting that move, brat?”

“I…” Eren mumbled the pronoun, wiping his face with both hands. Opening his eyes before trying speaking again was proven to be a real mistake. All his words, no, his ability to form any word died at the marvelous sight in front of him.

A very naked and wet Levi—obviously—. A familiar face on an intrigued visage, which was zealously enfolded by black drenched hair. Grey eyes with dark sparks of curiosity looking at Eren. Mouth slightly open and guarded by alluring lips. Collarbones that were sharp and glistering with water, as an open invitation to being kissed and teased. A perfect built chest moving peacefully with the regular rhythm of the breathing. Narrow waist shaping the sides of a flawless and muscular abdomen full of water droplets that were sliding and following those lines carved into the skin and leading to …

An inhuman sound escaped Eren’s throat as he forced himself to stop his wandering eyes to look back at Levi’s face. If the gods living up there on the stars were making a bet about Eren’s control, some of them were clearly losing it.

“Cat got your tongue?” Came the sultry voice. 

Eren inhaled deeply and slowly breathed out. Having a heart attack at that very moment would be a real shame. Eren was sure Levi was going to be the end of him, someday. He could just hope not to look like an idiot when it came.

Levi stepped aside and spun to face the water stream. Clear drops were now traveling down his back, daring to touch his perfect pale ass. Another sound far from being labeled as human left Eren, who felt dizzy and hot when he entered the shower to join Levi inside. He slid the screens close out of habit, not because his foggy—foggier than the screens—mind actually remembered it.

“Levi…” was the first word Eren spoke, more like moaned. His hands found their place each side of Levi’s waist as his nose nuzzled the man’s nape and hair. Hot water poured on him as soon as he invaded Levi’s personal space.

“Eren” Levi warned.

“Not trying anything. I swear” Eren said, inhaling the man’s essence.

“Tell that to your friend down there” Levi tsked and said.

Eren felt a little self-conscious for the accusation. Call him dumb, but only at that moment he realized that he was naked as well and so there was a high chance that Levi had checked him out before turning around. He cleared his throat moving away his hips so he won’t be poking at Levi’s back with the evidence of his arousal and fighting a short battle with his embarrassment. Soon he left Levi’s presence to overcome everything else helping him to forget with success the awkwardness of the situation.

“You smell like blueberries” The teen breathed on Levi’s hair and then placed a kiss behind his ear.

“Well, forgive me for not bringing my toiletries with me. For all the things I had expected when I left home this evening, ending up in your shower with you wasn’t one of them” the man said irritated.

Only Levi would find insult in not smelling like he usually did. Eren smiled and gifted Levi’s skin with another tender kiss. “I wasn’t complaining. Now you smell like me”

Levi winced, possibly because of the hot breath bathing him. “What are you a dog trying to mark me?”

Eren hummed playfully at the idea. “Are you offering?”

The man snorted. “Absolutely not”

Captivated by the moment, the teen moved his hands to Levi’s head and massaged it with adoration. The undercut rasping his fingertips felt actually nice and Eren couldn’t help but smile. “You still have soap here” he said after noticing it.

“I’m aware. I was rinsing my hair when your pathetic attempt of invading the shower interrupted me”

Feeling somewhat shy Eren pressed his forehead atop of Levi’s head. Had his performance been really that bad? “I will fix it then” He assured referring to the soap on Levi’s hair; in regards of his pitiful performance he was almost certain there was no fix. Unless he could erase some else’s memories.

Guiding Levi’s head with caution under the water he started to rinse his hair, finding extra joy in the way Levi hummed under his touch; completely relaxed and trusting Eren. The teen’s injured hand itched and burned due to the water and the friction, but Eren didn’t mind it whatsoever. As he was working on Levi’s silky strands, the teen noticed Levi was wearing his leather bracelet around his wrist inside the shower. And that was oddly atypical for a neat freak like him. However, Eren said nothing. Maybe Levi had simply forgotten about it. In the teen’s eyes Levi was a perfect creature, but the man was still human, wasn’t he?

Even if they were naked Eren’s hormones were mysteriously in check and he was proud for it. Maybe he had more self-control that he had given himself credit for. His heart was another story, though. It was beating fast and hard making Eren a little dizzy with all the feelings each beat carried. “Done” He whispered after a while with a smile and kissed Levi’s temple. And right there, the man turned to place a chaste kiss on Eren’s surprised lips.

“I’ll be in your room” Levi said, as natural, as calm and unreadable that Eren wondered which was Levi’s secret to keep the composure in every imaginable situation.

The moment the man was out of the shower, Eren felt a cold the hot water couldn’t ease. A cold only Levi was able to match, for that coldness was inside Eren’s soul, in a place only Levi was allowed to.

A feeling that at that moment was completely overreacting and misplaced since the man was right beside him and he wasn’t going anywhere farther than few meters away.

Still and somehow, the feeling was there as a memento for Eren; a reminder of all the years they had spent separated and not knowing about each other.

He finished his shower briefly after Levi, drying fast and getting dress even faster. Every second counted for Eren and he wanted to spend the most of them with Levi as long as he could and in the best way possible.

As soon as he entered his room, he spotted the man sitting near Antonia’s cage and looking outside through the closed window. The sleeves from the blue clothes were a bit large for Levi, but it mainly fitted him perfectly, especially around the neck and shoulders. Eren supposed it was because Levi was unexpectedly well built for a man his height. He could be short and narrow around his waist and hips, something that made Eren drool like a dog in heat, but Levi had strong muscles that were more than enough to fill Eren’s clothes.

“It’s pouring hard” Levi put one of his hands inside the only pocket the pajamas' vest had and said.

Eren faked to pay attention outside; he even hummed thoughtfully when he stepped closer to the man, though in fact his eyes were on Levi. “I don’t think you should go anywhere tonight”

Levi made a non-committal sound. “And that’s why you decided to loan me sleep clothes. Making sure I won’t think about running away, kid?” Levi said and then looked at Eren with a contemplative expression. “You know, I wasn’t thinking about leaving anyways” he added and then he beckoned his visible hand to Eren, telling him without words to walk the rest of the steps that were separating them.

The teen complied fast and happy, like a puppy starving for attention and already thinking about hugging and kissing Levi as soon as he was on reach. Excited about Levi being the one asking him to move closer, he stood in front of his sitting form and raised his hands that were itching to cradle the man’s face. Alas, he couldn’t fulfill his desire right away; for once again Levi’s actions were leaving him speechless and frustrating his plans.

The young man grabbed Eren’s hurt hand and pulled out of his pocket a clean bandage, which used to cover Eren’s exposed injuries. Eren couldn’t help but laugh, feeling scammed and silly all at the same time after realizing why Levi had wanted him closer. 

Oh well, Eren could use it anyways.

He guided his free hand to comb Levi’s damp hair as the man worked on the bandage.

“Where are my clothes, Eren?” he asked suddenly.

“In the laundry room” The teen answered, thinking already in telling Levi about the clothes being perfectly placed and untouched because he hadn’t been sure about what to do with them. But as the silence kept growing stronger than the rain’s sound outside, Eren furrowed finding Levi’s lack of inquisitiveness about his own suit unusual. And that was the second atypical thing coming from him in less than five minutes.

But Eren was happy just having Levi with him, so he let it slide. Perhaps he was just reading too much into it.

“Thank you” Eren said when Levi finished the nursing job. His right hand that was finally free matched his left one, combing and stroking Levi’s hair. The man was looking at him, but he seemed distant. He was serious as always, yet Eren could feel that something was off. But what was it? What could have changed in the few minutes he needed to finish his shower and come back to Levi?

Levi’s apparently switched off OCD was one thing, but the feeling telling him something was going on inside the man’s pretty head, that, he couldn’t let it slide as easily.

“Levi” the name was said with sweet affection as Eren bowed his head down searching for Levi’s lips. The man moved his head down at the same time, burying it on Eren’s torso and thus avoiding being kissed.

“Are you truly sure about this?” Levi asked with his voice muffled.

Eren breathed out heavily realizing that his intuition had been right and deeply frustrated as he was asked again—albeit in a different way—about his feelings for Levi. How many times did he need to say it to the man until he finally got it? “Please tell me you are referring to kissing and not to how I feel about you, or I swear I’m gonna say I love you until you puke rainbows”

Levi cringed and Eren cradled his face trying to make him unburied it, yet he failed; the man was stubborn as hell.

“What is it, Levi? You don’t believe me? You said you will believe in anything I say” Eren reminded him.

“And I believe that you believe in your words”

Eren sighed. “Levi why are you trying to make this so complicated when is so simple?” the teen asked and then paused to see if Levi would say anything. As the man remained silent, Eren continued. “I love you and I know you have feelings for me, not even your grumpy face can hide it anymore, you know?” Eren smiled softly and said. “Also I’ll be totally legal in two weeks!” he added with a playful tone looking at Levi’s marvelous head—he had no other choice, though. Levi refused to move—. “Levi, what's the thing worrying you now? I thought we’ve made things clear at the park”

“Your mother” he confessed flatly.

“My mother?” Eren questioned rhetorically. For all the things he could be worried about, his mother wasn’t one of them, Eren was sure she will approve of their relationship.

“She thinks of me as your brother. How am I supposed to face her, Eren? She’s even called me Yeager” Levi spoke with his face still hidden.

 _Oh! So that was the thing bothering Levi?_ Eren thought already opening his mouth to clear the man’s doubts. “No, no, no, no. It’s not like that, Levi. I know why she thinks of you as my brother and if is not what you’re thinking.” Eren said stroking Levi’s hair. “Trust me Levi, she will support us”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I know my mother”

Eren waited patiently for Levi to say or to do something, but the only thing he was doing was using Eren’s chest as a place to rest his head—and hide his face—.  
The teen sighed with a tender smile on his face. “Alright then. I’ll prove it to you”

Suddenly, Eren walked backwards a few steps, leaving a confused Levi without his human pillow. He picked his phone up, which was on the desktop, and slid his finger over the screen with Levi’s eyes following each one of his movements with wonder. 

If Levi needed proof, he would give him some and more.

The phone buzzed playing a song before Eren had the chance to do what he was trying to do.

His mother sure was timely as ever. “Mum?” He answered his phone intrigued as he enabled the speakers. ”I was about to call you, everything alright?”

“Yes, my dear, but I’m afraid I won’t come back as soon as I promised you. The police are closing the bridge due to the hard rain” Carla’s voice spoke over the wind and traffic sounds at the background

“That sucks. What are you going to do?”

“I’m staying at your dad’s place. I don’t know how much time until I can go back home, Eren. They’re saying it would be between one and two hours” Carla stopped and sighed loudly. “I’m so sorry sunshine; I know I said we were going to have dinner together”

“It’s not your fault mum, you don’t have to apologize”

“I know but…” She trailed off as a thunder broke sharply up into the sky “ Is Levi still there?”

At the mention of his name Levi flinched on the place. Eren stared at him mischievously smiling. It was time to play and Eren was going to go with everything.“Yes, he is here and he isn’t going anywhere. You don’t mind, right?”

Carla chuckled. “Why would I?”

“That’s good because I need to tell you something, mum” He said with a serious tone, his gaze refusing to look at anything but Levi.

Even through the speaker Eren was able to tell his mother was tensing up. “What’s with that sudden stern voice? It doesn’t suit you, honey”

“I know, but this is important, please listen to me”

“I’m listening to you, Eren. What’s wrong, you’re scaring me”

“Nothing’s wrong, mum. And because it isn’t wrong I want to tell you, I have to” Eren’s voice was stiller than ever, maybe because the words were coming from his heart. Levi’s eyes suddenly opened with realization, with the knowledge of what Eren was about to say. Perhaps to stop him he even raised a hand at the same exact moment Eren did what he had to do, but it was too late to hold Eren back anymore. “I’m in love with Levi”

Time stopped. The whole world seemed to come to a halt. Levi’s hand falling on its place and his own steady heart beat were the only hints Eren had that the world was indeed still spinning around. 

His mother on the other hand, seemed to have her own time still frozen.

“Mum?” Eren asked tentatively since she had said nothing yet.

“Yes?”

“Have you heard what I’ve said?”

“I have, honey”

“And you’ve got nothing to say?”

If not for the rain and the far away traffic’s sounds, the teen would’ve sworn the line had gone dead.

Eren was unsure about what to make of silence. Was it a good signal or a bad omen instead? Has he been wrong about her mother? Maybe she was just thinking of an answer. But what was there to think? Eren wondered. Loving Levi couldn’t be wrong.

Finally, after what it felt an eternity, Carla spoke. “Make sure you eat something, last time Levi stayed you both skipped dinner”

Eren blinked and tilted his head in confusion. That wasn’t the answer he had expected. Honestly, he didn’t know what he had expected, but that thing there wasn’t it, he could at least say that much. “Mum, are you sure you understand what I’ve said? I’m in love with Levi. I want to kiss him, to hold him, to go on dates with him, to…”

“To have dinner with him too, I hope”

Eren puffed exasperated. “Really mum? I’m being serious here!”

Carla’s laugh filled the room through the speakers. “I know that, you silly. I’m your mother” she exclaimed. “I expected it would take you longer to realize, though” She confessed sighing afterwards. “I’ll be back in some hours; if you are still up we can talk. If not, we will talk tomorrow about it, okay? Does it sound good to you, sunshine?”

“Ahh…” was the only sound that managed to come out from Eren’s throat. He was astonished by his mother’s reaction. He had hoped and even dared to take as fact that she would be okay with the idea, but she was being too much for an okay. Actually, she was being perfect about it, with teasing and all. Eren looked at Levi trying to find something, anything, maybe even the answer to the universe’s greatest mysteries. Why not? But he found once again Levi’s marvelous head bowed down, black hair covering his face like a curtain.

Could it be Carla didn’t realize Eren wanted to do boyfriend things with—to—Levi? Or perhaps it was the teen the one missing something there?

“Eren” the name spoke by his mother’s voice brought him back from his thoughts. She rarely pronounced Eren’s name, since she had a legion of sweet appellatives she liked to use with him. That’s how the teen knew his mother calling his name meant business. 

“Yes, mum?”

“Be careful, yes? I know you care about Levi, I really know, just don’t push him too much, okay?”

It came to Eren in a second that his mother was talking about Levi’s triggers. He breathed relieved by his mother’s moment of seriousness and nodded “I know mum. Don’t worry, he’s told me about it”

Carla sighed “See you both in some hours, okay? Behave, Eren”

“Yes, mum”

“And eat your dinner!”

Eren chuckled. “Yes to that too, mum”

“Alright, I’m hanging now. Later, sunshine. Oh! And don’t get dirty!”

“Mum!” Eren cried out loud to the dead line.

Definitely his mother was acting weird. That or she trusted Eren too much to the point of teasing him believing he still had a pure and innocent mind.

_Oh… mum…_

Shaking slowly his head no he left the phone on the desk again, equally confused and amazed by his mother.“As if a clean freak like Levi would let me get dirty…with or without him…” He mussed under his breath, then, with an open smile he looked back at the man. He’d expected to see the relief on his face after the short talk with his mother, but he was welcomed yet again with Levi’s black crown.

The teen exhaled placing his hands on his hips. “At some point you will have to look at me, you know?” Eren said. “Or is there something more interesting than me on the floor?” He teased and took a step closer to Levi. Looking at him expecting some answer, Eren noticed the way Levi’s shoulders were shaking lightly.

The movement grew in intensity with a low huff accompanying it. “You…” Levi started with a low and unsteady voice. Eren was beginning to panic, thinking he had somehow triggered the man when Levi raised his head and said: “You’re truly an idiot” he stumbled with his words, but the message was delivered clearly.

Eren didn’t have the time to be offended by the insult as he saw Levi’s whole body trembling and his cheeks red with tears traveling down the most unseen expression Levi’s face had ever made. And right there and then, Eren felt he was witnessing one of those once in a life moments. A unique sight he would never be able to forget.

Levi’s eyes narrowed and his arms folded over his stomach trying—maybe—to stop the marvelous sound that was escaping his lips uncontrollably. A sound Eren wished it never stopped.

Levi’s laugh.

The action must’ve felt alien to Levi himself and almost miraculous for Eren, but there was no mistake. Levi was truly laughing.

It was a unique spell that left Eren’s mouth agape; observing with the caution of who fears to be watching a deceitful mirage.

‘Levi?’ Unsure, he said the name inside his head as if the idea of any sound disturbing the rich music that was Levi’s laugh was inconceivable. ‘Levi’ He repeated with more confidence as the mirage was being proven to be an honest reality.

“Levi!” Eren exclaimed finally accepting that Levi was laughing as the truth. “Levi you are…” the teen moved closer to the trembling man and said, falling down to his knees as soon as he reached him.

“Fuck, I know” Levi managed to say between laughs. “How do I stop this?”

Eren was laughing himself as his mind took in every detail of that magical moment. March 14th, it was March 14th, the very first time he listened to the sound of Levi’s laugh. The mild light of the night stand’s lamp was kissing him shyly and he was lovelier than ever with the jealous rain tapping his rhythm furiously but powerless against the man’s beautiful sounds.

“How do I stop this?!” Levi yelled his question again between huffs incapable of controlling his body.

Eren waved his head with a permanent smile plastered on his young face. His warm blood tickled him from the inside with joy as he cupped Levi’s beautiful face within his hands. The man was out of breath and reddish, looking for the answer to his question in Eren’s eyes. An answer than came in the form of a slow and tender kiss.

Eren inhaled every laugh, every sound as Levi clutched his hands over the teen’s shoulders without fighting back Eren’s kiss. He craved for it instead, holding onto the teen as if his life depended of it.

It was just one kiss, a lasting one which Eren used to take Levi’s breath away and with it the trembling caused for the uncontrollable laugh. His hands never stopped holding Levi’s face, until the tremor was replaced with shudders of pleasure as Levi let himself melt against Eren’s body. When the necessity of air was made vital, the man moved a little away from the kiss trying to breathe properly again with the faintly evidence of his light-headed state printed on his unfocused eyes.

After a while, the teen joined their foreheads together and moved his hands up to rub the soft skin of Levi’s cheeks. The man placed his own hands over the teen’s, feeling the warmness coming from them. “Sorry” Levi said out of breath, “I don’t know what’ve gotten into me”

Eren smiled still enchanted and rubbing Levi’s pinky face with his thumbs. “You were laughing, Levi” he whispered over that beautiful sight that was Levi.

The man snorted. “I know that I was laughing, you idiot. But I don’t know why or how… Don’t get used though!” He said closing his eyes and Eren didn’t waste a second in wiping the little tears hiding there. “I’ve always thought you were naive for having so much trust in yourself and in your beliefs. I was sure your mum was going to snap out right there at your stupidity, but kid you proved me wrong”

“Told you” Eren allowed himself to be smug and grinned proudly.

His eyes seemed tired when Levi opened them again. “Looks likeyou’re not only a dreamer, mon petite star. You make your dreams come true, don’t you?” Levi snugged up closer to Eren, allowing the teen to drag him easily from the window-sill to the floor where Eren had been kneeling for some minutes now.

Eren held him tightly, nuzzling Levi’s hair with his chin. “Seeing you happy has always been my dream” he confessed in a low voice and added. “Yes, I know, as cheesy as it sounds, but I can’t help it”

“You keep surprising me every day” Levi spoke with his face happily resting on Eren’s chest, his whole body humming content as the warmness coming from Eren surrounded him with zeal.

“… wha’ was that?” Eren crooned part of his words overjoyed with the feeling of Levi willingly accepting him inside his personal space. He even had one hand stroking Levi’s nape while the other traced circles on the small of his back.

“I can’t believe you said that to you mum over the phone”

“I had to, so you could stop worrying about it”

Levi hummed quietly and Eren lingered in the feeling of holding the man for a little while. There were a lot of things he wanted to ask, to confirm with Levi and at the same time there were thousands of reasons to simply stay embracing Levi until his body felt numb.

“Sometimes you are shy and another times you are a smug bastard” Levi said.

Eren just snorted.

“Sometimes you are a lost puppy starving for love and the next second you are a furious beast with nothing but anger”

At that, Eren tensed a bit, but said nothing, letting Levi speak.

“You are mostly kind with everyone, cheerful, smiling most of the time. A stubborn little shit that never gives up. Diligent and committed too, I’ll give you that. Capable of everything for the ones you care. And a dreamer, that somewhat has his feet on the ground” Levi stopped and took a deep breath, moving just the little needed to look at Eren. “You are a living contradiction. I can read you, but I can’t ever foretell what you will do. You are so random that drives me crazy. You are supposed to be a constant in my life and yet you are so variable I don’t know what to do or what to expect, every second with you is a mystery, Eren”

“You predicted just well my shower intrusion” Eren said with a grin.

Levi snorted. “Well, that wasn’t hard, your voice and words were being pretty obvious, kid”

The teen smiled openly and pecked Levi’s lips.

“I’m sorry for being so impetuous, always acting in a whim. I know it must be hard for you who like to have everything in control”

Levi shook his head slowly. “Strangely enough, I like that about you. Don’t know how to explain it, but waiting for your next move is… exciting” Levi confessed with a look on his face that showed he, himself, was surprised of feeling that way. “It should be scary, stressful for me, but… I crave for it, Eren. As long as you are the one turning my world upside down, I don’t mind it at all. I trust you…”

Eren was overwhelmed at that moment. Levi’s words seemed like a confession of some sorts and the memory of his laugh was still fresh and affecting the teen’s mind, heart and soul. His whole existence was experiencing something new for the first time, changing and expanding his still little inner world.

Not trusting his voice, Eren simply smiled, feeling his eyes itchy with uncried tears—of happiness.

Levi didn’t miss a beat in clearing those tears away with his thumbs. “I don’t know what happens next” Levi started talking again. “I don’t even know if we can be really together, the way you want us to be. The only thing I know is that I’m going to try. How far we will make it… that’s…” Levi trailed off, voice trembling.

“We will make it as far as we want” Finding anew his voice, Eren assured. Levi just chanted a question mark as if he was asking for a detailed elucidation, but Eren totally ignored him. He had no need for more complicated feelings that he didn’t know how to explain for that night; he just wanted to ask one simple and final question to end the day in the best way possible “Are we good now? I mean, are we dating for real?” That was the only thing he needed to clarify.

Some seconds passed where rain and heart beats accompanied the silence together, until Levi lifted his head up looking at Eren right in the eye for a brief moment. 

Two breaths became one as Levi joined their lips together. Was that his answer to Eren’s question?

“Say Eren” Levi whispered near Eren’s face after breaking the kiss. “How are you so sure we will make it as far as we want?”

Eren melted with a smile, apparently Levi still had place for more complex feelings that night. Eren didn’t have—or either wanted—to think too much to try to uncomplicated them. He went with the flow of emotions swirling inside of him to answer Levi. “Because being together with you is my dream too”

Levi’s eyes widened, countless sparks reflecting what he was unable to express and Eren captured Levi’s lips again hoping the answer had been enough for him and for now. It wasn’t like Eren didn’t want to speak or ease Levi’s doubts, that was very much not it. The simple truth was that he was so overwhelmed with everything that had happened in less than a day that he was afraid to overthink it too much and pass out. Literally pass out, he was beginning to feel very heavy and tired.

Thankfully, kissing and holding each other, Levi understood the time for words was over and allowed Eren’s kisses to tell him and to show him how he felt instead.

Eren broke the kiss first. "As much as I want to keep kissing you forever, I'm really worn out, I feel as if I'd ran a marathon or something today"

Levi's lips imitated something close to a smile. "We certainly had enough emotions for a lifetime"

Eren nodded lazily and giving Levi a final hug he stood up and dragged his tired body to the bed. "Hope you don't mind if I just go to sleep now"

"Not at all, kid"

Eren closed his eyes and some seconds later felt Levi's hand bruising his hair with tenderness.

Drowning more into the reign of Morpheus each passing second, his mind went over the events of the day, still refusing to surrender completely to sleep. Their first date had been certainly eventful. Some bad experiences, a good amount of good ones and their share of first experiences as well, all assorted together. Should Eren choose one memory to last for eternity, undeniably it would be Levi’s laugh. He would even give up remembering their first kiss at the park if that meant Levi would be able to laugh freely from then on. 

Eren understood there wasn’t one thing he won’t sacrifice to make Levi happy. The thought itself was scary inside his mind. However the same way Levi had said he trusted Eren, the teen trusted Levi back.

Putting your faith on someone was like gardening, Eren supposed. If you planted good seeds, sooner or later you will have a beautiful garden full of flowers growing without limits, or so he wanted to believe.

The last thing he felt before finally falling asleep, was Levi's warm body pressed against his own.

Eren guessed in his sleepy mind that at some point during the night or maybe earlier in the morning the rain stopped. The sun bathed his eyes and the typical bird’s morning sound drummed inside his ears as he woke up.

Humming lazily he shifted in the bed, stretching out his arm expecting to find Levi but touching only the tangled sheets instead.

Had it been all a dream? Had he dreamed about sharing his bed and his feelings with Levi last night?

A mix of contradictory feelings jolted him awake with adrenaline rushing through his body; the sudden awareness sharped his senses that soon were searching for Levi, although not for long. The boost up faded away as fast as it came when Eren spotted Levi’s clothes perfectly folded on the chair with what it seemed a paper note lying on them.

_“Levi, my dear, I swear you and my son are completely hopeless. How did you survive without me all these years?  
Here, you clothes washed, dried, ironed and smelling like oranges. (I think citric smell is the softener you use, right? I bought one just in case when you returned. A mother has to be a little seer sometimes—most of the times, actually. Hope you find my way to deal with laundry acceptable for your fancies) _

_Talk to you both in the morning._

_Carla (Who else could it be?) =)”_

Eren smiled feeling warm inside because he had the best mum ever, and a yawn and some stretches later, his mind was working at a regular pace again and wondering where Levi could be. Given his clothes were right there and knowing the man, Eren supposed he was either in the bathroom (showering once more) or in the kitchen preparing coffee or tea.

Lazy steps guided Eren to the bathroom to take care of his morning needs. He found the door closed and heard some noises coming through it.

“Levi, is that you?” he asked with a raspy voice. The noises stopped abruptly, but the person inside didn’t answer. Eren didn’t have to be brilliant to guess that indeed, it was Levi, since his mother would have answer fast and loud with her awesome morning mood. “I’m coming in, okay?” he informed, slowly turning the doorknob. “Don’t tell me you showered again”

The smile adorning Eren’s lips as he teasingly said those words died in a heartbeat as he entered the bathroom. 

With another painful heartbeat something clicked inside Eren as his eyes spotted silver in one of Levi’s hands and then followed the trail of red falling to the floor.

The images of Levi laughing the night before, Levi kissing him and talking to him, images about everything Eren recorded inside his mind from yesterday assaulted him with the speed of the lightings, until only one picture remained fresh in his mind: Levi’s leather bracelet.

 _Did you really not know?_ Came the taunting inner voice with only one question on repeat.

He had been wrong. Putting your trust on someone wasn’t like gardening at all. It was like walking on a treacherous dessert that will feed you nothing but sand as it tells you it's the water you desire. 

_Did you really not know?_

He wanted to say no, but the guilt he felt looking at the scarlet river bathing over pale shores said otherwise.

_Did you really not know?_

With his perfect reality shattering into pieces, Eren wasn’t so sure of anything anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language, thus I will appreciate—a lot—any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
>  **Next chapter >> Shattered world: **Cornered by his own hand, Levi will finally tell everything to Eren.


	17. Shattered world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole truth just as Levi knows it. That's it.  
> Antonia wants to share her own version of the truth :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning for this chapter:** I don’t know… At some points Levi’s thoughts are kind of depressing (?) I’m terrible at tagging this things. Help!
> 
> Also Levi talking about his past (again), this time with the whole truth and it isn’t pretty. Psychological and physical abuse, failed attempt of murder… that woman was a jewel (sarcasm).
> 
> If Eren’s chapters are full of color, even the sad ones, Levi’s are so gray in comparison that it pains me… *sighs* But I needed this chapter from Levi’s POV mainly for two reasons:  
> 1-Omitting Eren’s thoughts about everything he was seeing and listening, thus making his reactions unexpected and genuine not only for Levi but for the reader as well. (Or so I hope… LOL)  
> 2-Seeing Levi through his own eyes, not Eren tunneled—OMG this man is so perfect I love him so much I’m gonna help him yes or yes because “Love”—vision.
> 
> And a little tip before starting with this episode, reread the past scenes from chapters 6 and 12. Everything will make more sense if you do so.
> 
> Thank you for your time :)

_December 25th, twenty six years ago:_

Minutes and more minutes passed away with the same boring picture surrounding her. Grey curtains, distant echoes and the strong smell of nothing irked a sixteen years old Carla that couldn’t understand what was taking so long for the doctors to come back and check on her.

Carla’s fingers drummed over the clean sheets of the Hospital bed, tired of watching the same ceiling throughout the hours, sighing then and there each time her body decided to remind her in a painful way that she was getting ready to deliver.

For all the Christmas surprises she had expected her son was the best gift among them all. 

She loved her unborn son to the moon and back, she honestly did, but after the first contraction she had already gotten the message, the rest of them were totally unnecessary if you asked her. The one who decided delivery ought to be like that was a man, young Carla had no doubts about it. Just as she had no doubts of the necessity of having safe sex from then on. No more slips in the heat of the moment, no matter how hot her boyfriend Grisha was.

Next to her, on another bed and lying quietly, there was a beautiful woman that couldn’t be much older than her. Since the doctors had brought her in the woman had been calm and practically immobile, just like the insipid ceiling getting on Carla’s nerves.

She must have nerves of steel, not like me, I wonder if she even feels the pain? Carla thought trying to distract herself at expenses of her neighbor.

That was until she saw the silent tears falling and wetting the white sheets.

Carla felt a bit guilty for judging the woman, even if she had meant no harm with it. With a lot of effort and holding her pregnant tummy with one hand, the teenager stood on her feet. 

“Is it your first time?” she walked some cautious steps towards the woman’s bed and asked.

It took some seconds for the woman to understand that she was the one being asked. 

“What?”

“I’m a first time mother. My name is Carla” She said and offered her hand out to the woman.

She tilted her head and looked back at Carla’s hand with bewilderment. At that distance Carla could see properly the woman’s face and she was indeed beautiful, as she had thought in a beginning. It was a real shame she had a sad expression shadowing her features.

“Mari”

The voice was low and the handshake weak, but Carla accepted it triumphantly.

“A pleasure to meet you Mari” the teenager gave her best smile and said.

Mari opened her eyes looking dumbfounded.

“Something the matter?” Carla asked, confused by the woman’s reaction.

Mari shook her head. 

“Nothing. It’s just…” she trailed off and then added “Your smile is really bright”

“Thank you!” Carla exclaimed, feeling like she had conquered the world just by having that woman talking to her. “So it’s your first baby?” the teenager wanted to know and Mari nodded silently stroking her belly. “Name?”

The woman looked away in a rush. 

“I haven’t thought about it yet. I don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl”

Carla found that weird. She and Grisha had spent a lot of time thinking about possible names for their first child. Carla supposed it was part of the bliss of being parents.

“Mine’s a boy” She sat on Mari’s bed and informed. “Name’s Levi”

“It’s a beautiful name”

“I know right? We like the name a lot” Carla confessed overjoyed.

“We?” Mari asked.

“My fiancé and I” Carla explained. “My father won’t let us get married until I’m eighteen.This boy here came totally unannounced, you know?” she said, caressing her distended abdomen.

“I’m sure your child will have a beautiful smile, such as yours” she offered with a weak smile of her own. “I wish my baby can smile the way you do”

“Of course, why wouldn’t it be like that?” Carla didn’t understand.

“Why indeed…” Mari looked regretful. “You see…” She started to explain only to be cut off by an unknown source that Carla failed to recognize. “Carla?” 

Carla saw the desperation on those golden eyes that belonged to Mari, but she didn’t understand why. Why was Mari looking at her like that? And why was she feeling dizzy all of a sudden? Her hands moved on their own accord, first down and then up, showing red to her.

_I see…So there was color in this dull room after all…_

“Oh God, Carla!”

As she blacked out with the voice of Mari calling for a doctor echoing inside her eardrums, she couldn’t help but laugh inwardly as her eyes closed to the damn colorless ceiling looking back at her.

[X]

_Now:_

If Levi asked himself how he ended up in that situation, he wouldn’t be able to answer.

He woke up in high spirits, his whole being pleasantly assimilating the yesterday events. Everything was going well. And perhaps that was where the problem resided, since everything was too good to believe it was real and at the same time too real to be just an illusion he could cast off.

For a long period of time he had forgotten how it was to be haunted by her. Forgotten about his little ritual to appease her shadow. But he could only go so far before hearing her creeping inside his mind with her taunts.

_You really thought I was gone? You useless little child. You should be dead long ago. How dare you think you had found happiness in your miserable life? No one will ever accept you._

He wasn’t sure when exactly his morning shower had stopped. Or when he had sat on the toilet next to it. Or from where it came the edged razor. And much less when had everything become blurry and surreal.

_It’s just pity what they feel. No one really cares about your sorry soul. You should’ve let me end you that time. You can only bring misery to everyone._

Once more he saw red and no pain. Once again he tried to erase the only evidence of her existence, to silence the memories that were louder than ever.

_You ruin everything you touch_

“Levi” He heard the familiar voice calling for him, it was saying something else but Levi could only unravel his name. 

The door knob moved. Why did it move? Shouldn’t be that door locked? Why it wasn’t locked?

 _Because you are not supposed to do what you’re doing, you poor excuse of an adult._ That time was his own voice the one trying to force some sense inside his dazed mind. But it was too late. His sin was already exposed to those gorgeous teal eyes that he adored.

He saw the confusion, the frustration, and lastly the rage in them. Is over, he thought. There was no way Eren would forgive him for lying to him again and again.

It’s tendinitis. Lie.

My mother never left a mark on me. Lie again.

I came back to supervise a project. More lies.

His head slowly bowed down in defeat more than in shame. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe that careless mistake will finally make Eren realize the only time Levi hadn’t lie to him was when he told him he wasn’t good for anyone.

He heard the shower's water running and his arm being forced to move. Warm fingers guided the wound under the stream and tried to clean the trail of red from the skin. Those same fingers stopped the water soon after and wrapped a towel around his wrist, pressing over his wound.

He heard Eren letting out a breath as his body fell haphazardly on the floor, his hands still holding Levi’s arm.

“Why…?” The tormented man muttered. That wasn’t even the question he wanted to ask, but the words were stumbling against each other inside his mind. Eren’s actions were unexpected and bizarre. Why wasn’t he shouting him to get the hell out of there? Where was the accusatory finger pointing at him? Where were the words of reproach?

Maybe that was what people called the calm before the storm.

“Why are you still here?” no, that wasn’t the question either. Why are you holding my arm? Why do you care so much? What the hell do you think you’re doing, kid? And why the fuck can’t I express myself properly?

“I live here!” Eren tsked and burst out. His eyes were looking at nothing in particular, brow furrowed and mouth tightly closed. His nostrils were overworking as fast as he was breathing, trying to keep up with the frenetic rhythm of his chest.

The heavy breathing was soon followed by dry and direct questions, which felt really out of place being asked by the voice of Eren.

“I don’t see any other wound. Is this the only one?”

Levi just used his head to give a positive answer.

“There are old cuts in the same place” _Ah… he noticed it_ “You’ve being doing this for a while now” that wasn’t a question, but a correct assumption. “The day you played basketball with Mikasa…”

Levi nodded. There was no point in hiding it anymore. He had accepted his defeat the moment Eren had entered the bathroom.

“When I was a kid, I remember you were always wearing something around your wrist. That time… that time too?”

Levi nodded again and then there was a long pause. Here it comes; Levi supposed the storm was near. But yet again Eren surprised him, that time with tears rolling down his young face.

“I’m sorry” the teenager apologized. “I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it sooner” he said, holding Levi’s arm even tightly. “Why didn’t I see it?”

Why the kid wondered. And why Levi wondered as well. Why was the kid asking the wrong question? The man laughed inwardly at the irony Eren couldn't see.

“I’m just that good at hiding things” his voice came raspy and crude.

“That’s not…” a hiccup cut Eren’s off, tears overflowing from his eyes.

“That’s not what? True?” Levi snapped. “You really thought you would be able to see any flaw on me as you worshipped me on a pedestal? Stupid kid”

Eren’s eyes widened at the cruelty of Levi’s words. “Levi…”

Levi cliqued his tongue annoyed at himself. He hadn't intended for the words to come so harshly. Even if they were true.

The teen smiled weakly, guilt covering his beautiful features. 

“You’re right” he said. “And I’m sorry, so please, please forgive me”

Eren's honesty and naivety was dangerous and more painful than any word his mother could've imprinted. Why was he crying and blaming himself? Was that some sort of trick to fool him? Levi felt countless knots in his stomach at that brief thought. No. Eren wouldn't do that. He was definitely taking all the blame on himself with no ulterior motives.

But why?

_You ruin everything you touch._

Why did he look so miserable? Why… Levi's feelings and thoughts mixed all together hurriedly and confusedly. Anger and hostility were swapped away by uncertainty and a noisy inner alarm. Questions with why became how. Then how changed to When. And finally to who. Who was hurting Eren? Who was hurting his little star?

Overpowered with a sense of protection, Levi raised his right hand wanting to bring Eren closer, when a glimpse of silver cut through his puzzled thoughts, bringing the needed clarity to his mind.

_I see…So I’m the one…_

Discarding the razor as fast as he could, he kneeled on the floor and held Eren close. The teen broke down crying loudly and clutching at Levi’s naked body with desperation, repeating ‘I'm sorry’ again and again between sobs.

Levi shushed him, one hand petting his head, his toweled arm around Eren’s waist. “It’s okay, Eren. I’m the one who’s sorry. You did nothing wrong”

Eren’s tears seemed endless and Levi didn’t know what to do or what to say. He wasn’t accustomed to soothe others. Would be embracing him just enough?

What had he said? What had he just done? Eren didn't deserve any of that. One thing was being bitter and another using that bitterness to hurt Eren the way he did. And now he had the brat crying heartbrokenly.

_Unforgivable_

“Eren. My unpredictable brat, I know I’m not trustworthy but please, believe me when I say this is not your fault. Everything started before we even first met”

If his words were reaching Eren, he didn’t know. He could just but hope. Hope... What a strange and ethereal feeling. How did Eren mastered it?

“When?” Eren asked weakly, more like sobbed against Levi bare chest.

“You really want to know?”

Eren nodded and Levi did his best effort to hide a smile. He was glad for Eren's curiosity, which as always, got the best of him and served to calm him now. 

“You really want to know the whole truth?” Levi repeated the question and Eren nodded even more effusively. _Of course he wanted to know, what kind of question was that, Levi?_ “Then I need to ask something of you” Eren raised his head. A puzzled look owned his face and there was no spot free of tears, but at least they seemed to have stopped. Levi wiped off that reddish expression of Eren and smiled fondly. “I need you to come somewhere with me. There’s a place you need to see”

“What Place?”

“Is better if you see it for yourself. I promise you the truth when we get there. The whole truth as I know it”

Eren hesitated some seconds. Levi supposed the kid was contemplating if he should trust Levi again and follow him, but as it couldn’t be other way, Eren’s real actions caught him off guard once again.

“Then, you’re not mad at me?”

Levi’s mouth opened in surprise. That kid was a real oddball. “How could I? You should be the one angry with me; what’s wrong with you, brat?”

“But I’m not angry, I can’t be angry, not with you” he confessed in a low voice.

Levi sighed in defeat.

“So you’re coming with me then?”

Eren nodded with assertion. 

“Yes, of course”

Hearing Eren say 'of course' made Levi wonder why he had thought otherwise in the first place. Of course the kid will follow him to the end of the world and beyond.

_You ruin everything you touch._

_Yes mother…_ Perhaps it was time to test how real that accusation was.

So far the calm remained. The storm was yet to come.

[X]

Levi stopped midway from their destination to buy breakfast. Eren had left a note telling Carla that they will be back for lunch just to make sure the woman won’t freak out after waking up and finding the house lacked the presence of his two boys.

As far as they knew, they had wiped out any evidence of Levi's crime before leaving. Supposing Carla wasn't an actual detective or kept the count of the razors she had left, Levi's secret was safe with Eren.

Levi returned to the car and placed two coffees inside the drink holders, then handed to Eren a box full of doughnuts. The teen was oddly quiet, lost in thought and almost failed to catch the box.

“Eat something. You missed dinner last night” Levi tried, turning the ignition on.

“You missed it too” said Eren absently.

Levi sighed and grabbed a doughnut taking just one bite, his fingers got sticky with the sugar and he regretted it at once. Not in a million of years was he going to touch the wheel like that.

“Here” Feeling his pain, Eren came to the rescue and took the donna from Levi’s hand, wiping his fingers with a napkin. “Just drive, old man. I’ll handle the food”

“Who are you calling old, brat?” Levi retorted inspecting his hand. For a work with a sad napkin it wasn’t that bad.

Eren smiled weakly and sat back. He hadn’t said a word about Levi’s old scar after nursing the wound. The man felt like shit for making Eren go through that hell with him, but he owed him the truth leastwise. His truth. 

There was something mystical about the truth. It was always subjective, depending on who witnessed it, on who told it, on who listened to it. Today Levi had promised his version of it. A version he was certain it was different from his gramp's truth or even from Carla's one.

He wondered skeptically how it will morph once it became Eren's truth.

Around twenty five minutes and four doughnuts later, their destination came in sight. If Eren had looked dumfounded before that was nothing compared to the expression he wore as Levi parked the car and got out of it.

“The cemetery?” Eren asked as if he was hoping to be wrong.

Levi nodded silently. The Shiganshina Cemetery was a place he knew too well.

Eren looked like he didn’t understand a thing, whatever theories the kid had been plotting inside his mind were clearly far away from the reality.

“Come!” Levi accompanied the word motioning his hand. “You will understand everything soon enough”

For a place that honored death, it was paradoxically animated. No mattered what season or what time of the day it was, the trees' branches were always on the move, rocked by the never stopping wind. Happy and ignorant birds singing and filling the silence of the lack of humans—alive—.

Thankfully there was no one around. Levi didn't feel like sharing his life with any stranger. His words were only for Eren.

Methodically, he marched on the way his feet had already walked so many times before. Eren followed him in complete silence, stiff and... scared? Was he even breathing? When Levi’s steps came to a halt Eren bumped into his back and yelped in surprise.

Levi tilted his head frowning slightly at him and Eren offered an apologetic and shy smile.

“Eren” Levi started and he would swear the teen actually flinched. Fucking perfect, the kid was terrified; they sure were off to a good start. He thought sarcastically. The man stretched out his arm, presenting to Eren one of the stones on the ground. The gesture was overly dramatic and unnecessary but it served its purpose, to get Eren’s complete attention and draw him out of the pointless fear. “Eren, meet my father”

Eren’s eyes widened to impossible limits and Levi found himself nodding once, assuring him that it was real. After some seconds of just standing fixed on place completely immobile, Eren gathered the courage to move forward the grave.

The depressing stone was adorned only with a fake flower, a white orchid, but that wasn’t the detail Levi wanted Eren to notice. There was a reason he had brought him to the presence of his long gone father. Saying the truth wasn’t the same as witnessing. When Eren gasped and fell down on his knees in front of the grave, Levi knew he had finally realized the reason why they were there.

“Is this for real?” the teen stuttered the question.

“Absolutely”

“March 30th, 1998…” Eren read aloud the date of the decease. “That’s my…” he gulped, unable to finish. He Looked twice, thrice, four times, doubting of his own eyes.

“Yes”

“Where?”

“Trost”

Eren glared at Levi as if the man had just stabbed him. “That’s where I…”

“The place where you were born” Levi confirmed.

“And the same day your father…”

“Died” Levi finished the sentence for him.

“How is this even possible?” the teen wondered in utter bewilderment.

 _How indeed._ Levi breathed out. “Hell if I know Eren. But this, right there, is why I’ve never been to your birthday’s parties”

Eren shook his head slowly, looking at Levi and then looking back at the stone again. He repeated the process during a good minute until he seemed to realize something and stood up all of a sudden. “You told me once my birthday had a different meaning for you”

Levi bowed his chin as a yes. “Exactly. After I got freed from my mother, every year on March 30th I come here to visit my father”

Eren folded his arms over his middle in apparent discomfort. “Every year… even those when you were at Trost?” he asked bashfully.

“That’s it Eren” Levi responded sharply. “I came back every year on March 30th to see my father and not even once I thought about stopping by and pay you a visit”

Again, Levi saw the hurt inside the teen’s widened eyes. As it was expected when you played with the truth. Should Eren decide to stop seeing Levi, better if it was now than later. Later could be dangerous and too risky. Later Levi could be guilty of believing they had a future together, causing both of them a damage beyond repair.

But he was weak to Eren.

 _We will make it as far as we want._ Was what Eren had said. And Levi still wanted it, however Eren could be in the middle of changing his mind. Especially after hearing everything Levi had to say.

Eren fixed his eyes on the grassy ground, bending his head down and avoiding that way to look at Levi. 

“What has your father to do with… your wound?”

Levi smirked bitterly “Remember what I told you about my mother?” the question was somewhat stupid. It hadn’t been one day since he had told Eren part of his past, still, knowing the habit that kid had of twisting and changing his memories, Levi had to be sure. “What I told was true, but there is more to it”

“I’m listening...”

 _But not looking._ Levi sighed.

Casting those memories was hard and stressful for Levi, but having Eren—and his father—there, helped him immensely to not let himself in control of the past he wanted so much to escape. Breathing deeply he let the words to come out in one go before he could regret it.

“My mother did this the night she tried to kill me” he lifted his left hand up and said. “She was the first one marking this into my skin”

In his right hand he had a prosper business and a smashed car as his father’s legacy. On the other hand, his mother had left him with a scar and thousands of nightmares instead.

“The night she decided she was done with me, she opened my wrist. She wanted me to bleed slowly, to be conscious of my own imminent dead” Levi’s words stopped as he heard Eren gasping. The teen had clenched his fists at some point. “Are you sure you want to hear it? To hear every blighted word my mother said?”

The fucking kid was trembling, was he aware of it? Levi wondered. Should he stop there? He wasn’t trying to make Eren understand him that was very much impossible. He just wanted to show Eren how messed up he was. To show him the ugliness he had inside. To make him realize that part was going to be always there, to a greater or lesser extent. That he wasn’t the perfect creature he had thought, and much less a wounded little rabbit that only needed attention and love to be healed.

It was fine to dream. He certainly loved that side of Eren. 

But he wasn’t Eren.

“I said I was listening, didn’t I? So keep going. I want to hear the whole story” that Eren said, even though he wasn’t able to lift his gaze up from the ground. Yet.

Levi sighed. He hated to admit that recalling that night was over him, however he had to do it. Closing his eyes he held his left wrist in his hand. 

“She kept me immobilize until I became weak from the blood loss. You should’ve never existed. Why are you still alive? You ruined everything. What’s with those eyes? Are you trying to challenge me? As if I knew how the hell I was looking at you mad bitch” Levi clicked his tongue and snapped. “I might sound angry now, but at that time I only wanted everything to be over. After years bearing with the abuse I felt relieved believing it would be over soon. I didn’t care if the end came with my life as price”

His eyes were still closed, but he heard Eren’s footsteps over the grass. Levi raised his hand with the palm stretched out and the sound of steps stopped. Only the trees moving with the breeze and some far away chirping birds remained. He didn't need Eren closer at that moment or he wouldn't be able to finish the story.

Levi thought he could omit the fact that his mother tried to pluck his eyes off for being so similar to his father’s. That wasn’t relevant to the story and Eren sure didn’t need more horror mixed in all of that.

“As you can tell, my mother failed” Levi continued letting his arm fall back on its place. “She wasn’t near me in person anymore, but her shadow was” he opened his eyes and said. Eren was looking at him with a terrible dark expression on his face. “Every time I saw the scar her voice came back to life inside my head. Eventually, I didn’t even need to see it, her voice and memories haunted me everywhere. And that’s when…” Levi trailed off, fixing his gaze with Eren’s own. “That’s when I started to cut over the scar she had done. Don’t ask me why, but I feel like she can control me with this somehow. Like a curse, if that makes any sense. Every time I try to erase it the voice stops for a while”

_And that’s it. No big deal, kid. It’s not like I’m trying to kill myself or getting high on pain or anything. I don’t even feel it, anyway._

Eren was biting his bottom lip, barely keeping himself on his own skin. 

“So… that’s the reason why you cut yourself on the same spot over and over again?”

Levi simply nodded. Eren swallowed and nodded back. If was obvious he wanted to say something else, but maybe he didn’t know how.

"Five years ago, the night I left the town, it was my mother's fault too." Levi confessed, recalling in perfect detail even the tea he had been making that night he was alone. "She escaped the mental institution. Don't ask me how. There was an investigation afterwards and no one knows how she really did it or how she found out where I was living back then, but she found me and of course she tried to kill me again. She was fated to fail anyways. I wasn't the kid she knew anymore. She couldn’t kill me, but she destroyed the illusion of safety I had lived on for so many years. Thankfully that night you weren't with me, still the thought of how different could it have gone had you been there…"

"That's why you decided to leave?" Eren cut in and asked.

Levi hummed a positive answer while staring to nothing. “But, wait" He said blinking and focusing on Eren. "You haven’t heard everything yet” the young man informed and the teen paled, the shock in his eyes screaming: ‘there is more?’ “The project in the capital. That’s not the reason I came back. I’m certainly working on it though, but that's just an excuse. A smoke screen to cover my real intentions”

“I don’t understand” the teen confessed, fact that was clear even if he had said nothing.

“My mother is dying, Eren. Agonizingly, painfully and slowly” Levi's voice lowered considerably. “I came back to see her die. I want to be there the second she exhales her last breath”

_Maybe then, I would be able to get rid of this curse._

Cool wind raised noisily, dust and fallen leaves swirling in chaotic unison around them as Levi and Eren just stared to each other. With no defined expression or words, just two bright eyes piercing through him and carefully considering the next step best suited for the present moment.

After a while Eren nodded repeatedly to himself and turned around. Completely ignoring the man that had just bared his soul to him he walked to the grave of Levi’s father. The teenager kneeled and started to mutter something Levi didn’t care to understand. Whatever Eren was saying, he acknowledged it wasn’t directed to him.

He felt almost disappointed by Eren's quiet reaction. Where was the characteristic outburst of emotions?

Deep in awe and as he waited for Eren’s unusual behavior to come to a halt, Levi surveyed the white plastic orchid. The first time he visited his father he remembered he saw a cinnamon rose, made of plastic as well. He had thought for a long time the flowers were his grandfather’s work, but the old man denied again and again to have anything to do with those plastic flowers that changed every year. 

If the man hadn’t lied, that opened a question. Who was the one leaving those flowers?

“Done!” Eren exclaimed, louder than the restless wind. “There’s something else you want to tell me or show me, Levi?”

Levi shook his head no in a complete loss of words.

“Then, can I say something now?”

“Go ahead”

“Thank you very much for trusting me, Levi. I won’t fail you this time”

Levi averted his eyes, feeling that it was too much to look at that idiotic kid that could make his whole being to ache for feelings he didn't need to keep on living.

“You owe me nothing”

“It’s not that” Eren tried to explain. “I truly love you, that’s why…” he paused to breath in. “That’s why I won’t get my feelings to blind me again. Whatever you need, I’m here for you, Levi” as if it was to emphasize he hit once over his chest with his closed fist.

A lot of things were itching in Levi’s throat, urging him to be said, yet he decided to remain silent, not sure about what exactly was he trying to accomplish by speaking. A part of him wanted Eren to give up on him, where another wanted him forever by his side.

The man tsked defeated once again by Eren, that time he wasn't going to admit it though. The kid had enough motivation on his own.

"Can you give me a moment alone?" Levi asked beckoning to the grave.

"Sure"

Eren put some distance between them, stopping near a tree and thus giving Levi the space he required.

"Sorry for disturbing you today, dad" Levi whispered looking at the carved letters imitating the name of his father. "What do you think? He is a weird kid, right? What he was thinking talking to you? I bet he said something stupid like please let me take care of your son" He smiled painfully. "I don't really know what to do with him, dad. For the first time since you're gone I don't know what happens next" Levi rubbed his eyes before any wild tear could get out. "I guess expecting you will give me some sort of direction would be too much to ask... Anyhow. See you in two weeks, father. Thanks for helping me today"

Levi waved a good bye to the cold stone and joined Eren under the impressive shadow cast by an evergreen oak. But for the man more impressive was the vision of Eren's beautiful smile. He called him his little star, but if Eren were an actual star Levi was sure he would be able to eclipse the sun itself.

“You are smiling” Levi said, announcing his presence.

“Yes!” The teen exclaimed happily “I just saw this cocoon and remembered something my father told me once”

 _A cocoon?_ Seemed any little thing was enough to make that kid smile.

“Please do enlighten me” Levi requested.

Tilting his head to the right Eren turned his attention to Levi and smiled more openly. 

“I was a kid. My father and I were camping” he started. “I was looking for insects and had my father telling me the names when suddenly I saw a cocoon. That will be a butterfly someday, he said. Can we help it out to see it now? That was me, impatient as always. But then my dad told me butterflies had to get out of the cocoon by themselves. He said the process of getting out was what gave them the colors and the strength to face the world once they were free. Otherwise they would die after seconds of being at liberty. Of course I didn’t want the butterfly to die. But what happens then if it can’t escape from the cocoon? I wondered. My father smiled sadly and answered that if that happened they die alone, because they are too weak to face the world outside. I didn’t understand it back then, such a cruelty I thought. You know what I did then?” Eren paused for a second as asked rhetorically. “I got near the cocoon and whispered: I know you can do it, I'm here rooting for you lady butterfly, so come and show me your colors. My father laughed but he and I checked over the cocoon all weekend long. I don’t know if it got out or not, but I remember every time I saw a butterfly and my father was with me he said: Look Eren, that could be your lady butterfly” Eren finished the story shrugging with some shades of pink tinting his cheeks. “And that’s it!" he said dismissively "Silly right?”

“Not at all. I find it Interesting” Levi said and hummed appreciatively. Eren’s father might not be a lost cause after all.

“I wonder what would be the colors of this little one” Eren mussed under his breath looking back at the cocoon.

Concealing a genuine smile, Levi started to walk to the car. Eren followed him at once, leaving behind his father’s grave, the mystery of the plastic flowers and the little cocoon.

The rest of the way back to the car was made in silence. And that was the only similarity to the prior walk they did but in reverse. Eren didn’t seem stiff or scared anymore. He was relaxed, bright and with a thoughtful expression imprinted all over his face.

“You know Levi” Eren said the moment they got to the car, arms resting over the roof of the Lexus as he waited for Levi to unlock the doors. Bastard, he is doing it on purpose. Levi thought slightly amused. His height didn’t allow him to see the teen's face over the roof.

“What is it, kid?” he asked not even trying once to look over the roof and hopping inside the car to start the motor.

“I might not be the reason you came back, but…” Eren trailed off and poked his head inside the car, an assertive smile more like a smug grin brightly drawn on his lips. “I’m going be the reason you stay” the conceited bastard said and then accommodated his body on the seat.

Levi nodded once. Not in real agreement, just admitting he had heard that pretentious statement. “So that’s your final conclusion after hearing everything I told you?”

"Yup!" Eren swore, securing the belt. “I still want us together. Now even more than before”

“I swear someday everything you do and say will make any sense to me” Levi breathed out and said. “Ready to go home?” he asked, foot on the clutch and hand on the gearshift.

Eren laced his fingers with Levi over the gearshift and smiled. “Let’s go back home”

Gazing up at the sky through the window, Levi saw no signs of an upcoming storm. 

Maybe it was time to believe the calm had finally claimed its reign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Ashala speaking:** Please feel free to let me know any mistake, typo, nonsense, etc. English isn’t my 1st language, thusI will appreciate—a lot—any advice you can give me to help me improve. Thank you.
> 
> After reading Levi's explanation you may feel like something is missing and even smell plot holes and such, but is totally intended. There's a reason I said, myself, and had Levi saying this was his version of the truth as he knows it.
> 
> Next chapter should make the rating go up, BUT I won't know it for sure until I write it since the damn characters do whatever the hell they want and it may not fit in the end. Just so you know these two should have done something already, according to the original plan, yet they haven't gone beyond kisses, ne? U_U


End file.
